Bullying?

[The Monk]

Hey guys, I have read most of Leo's books on emotional mastery and on how to avoid criticism. Also I've watched his videos which help sometimes. However being a high school student discussing meditation and having high aspirations people criticise or make fun of me or take advantage of my kindness.  Some say I'm weird and even today I was eating lunch with some friends, then although I got the last seat at the table and a random guy knowing my friends came by and took the chair, without my consent. And he also was asked who would you kill if you had to kill someone on the table? And he pointed towards me and said it was because I was weird. Which had really being troubling me lately, because although I use the techniques I've learnt I still am confused and angry that this happened. 

I'd love some help.

 

[Socrates]

Be more assertive. Kids in highschool are unstable/undeveloped psychologically because of social condtiioning and insecurities. You are in a really good position as a high school student reading high quality books and doing the self development work. I don't say be an asshole, i say be assertive, confident and hold your ground. If you lean too much on the kindness side, tweak it a bit towards the assertive/confident side. I actually believe you can get away with anything in high school if you own your confidence and do you unapologetically.

[alyra]

ignore them, wait for new opportunities for better friends. IDK really how to say. 

 

I was bullied heavily in grade school, but that was ages ago. I barely feel as if it was much of a big deal at all. 

 

generally speaking what I try to do towards negativity, is just to idk. be thankful of the advice in a way? it's rude of course, the way they deliver it, and loaded in judgment that hazes whether or not what they believe is at all accurate to the reality of our social scenario. idk. 

 

Often I notice that my believe that I am being verbally assaulted so to speak, is significantly influenced by my own assumptions. the most obvious examples are when someone says something and I get defensive, then they look startled and taken aback because they didn't mean any offense at all! and the other examples are much harder to see through the illusion. often there is negativity intended, but not the sort that I imagine, if that makes sense - that a person for example might be grumpy and frustrated, but not thinking judgments my way because of it.

 

One thing that I noticed and so always look to advise when someone askes is - the biggest bully has always been me. The thoughts I have are way worse (directed at me I mean) than anything anyone else has said. and I spent some good effort making sure to be able to live with myself - it startles me how much harder it is to do the same with others, however, because their words are less harsh, and I've already pretty much surpassed the threat of my own self-bullying. its an ongoing journy, but I've at this point learned enough patience for it that I feel hopeful I'll grow past it

[Markus]

Could be two things here, probably both: lack of confidence and/or lack of social skills. For confidence it's important to be invested in your opinion of yourself more than that of other people. And in order to do that you need to uncover why you give a shit about what others think of you in the first place, and let it go. Shadow work or bottom-line contemplation is good for that. Also, immerse yourself in the sensory world. In social situations, focus on the sights and sounds of other people rather than your self-talk. It's a great tool that will instantly make you somewhat less needy.

For social skills, there's several things. Eye contact, body language, storytelling, etc - some basic social habits. If you have those wrong, it can definitely increase the perception of you as weird. Personal development is generally considered weird as well, sure, but combine that with neediness and pure social skills and the weirdness grows exponentially. Poor social skills and lack of confidence can creep people out and disgust them. That's just a simple reality. I recommend reading "Models" by Mark Manson. It is a book on dealing with women but it does gloss over all the social stuff and basic social skills. It puts social confidence in perspective really nicely, I find. I imagine it would be a good blueprint for becoming more confident around people & developing social skills. You can delve more into the different topics covered in other materials.

[alyra]

oh also, you can be assertvie AND kind

[Visitor]

Bullies do what they do to get recognition from others. However, it takes those others to reject the bully's behaviour before the bully stops being a bully. In the meantime, as others have already said, stand your ground, but not in retaliation but in indifference. Say to yourself, "It is mind over matter, I don't mind and he doesn't matter". However, be prepared to be firmer if need to.

The school counsellor should have all there is to now about dealing with bullies, because it is a big problem in schools everywhere.