No bullshit guide for asking out people from a social circle?

[Something Funny]

I need some simple advise on how to ask people out at work, at a book club, at your workout group, etc., that is low key and is not going to get you embarassed, kicked out, or make being there uncomfortable

[Schizophonia]

@Something Funny You sound a little paranoid; If you politely ask a girl out, nothing bad will happen if she says no.

 

 

[Nilsi]

Don’t rush it. Instead of going straight for “asking them out,” just focus on building a solid connection first. Get comfortable with each other, build trust, and let things develop organically. Once there’s a good vibe and mutual rapport, you can start dropping in some light flirting when it feels natural - nothing forced, just testing the waters. Maybe suggest hanging out in a casual, no-pressure way and let things unfold from there.

Oh, and just to state the obvious: don’t date people you work with. That’s a mess waiting to happen.

[Schizophonia]

14 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Oh, and just to state the obvious: don’t date people you work with. That’s a mess waiting to happen.

Are you going to deny yourself the chance to date a girl from work even if the relationship is good?

Most of the girls I've had opportunities with were in college.

[aurum]

@Something Funny I'd stay away from co-workers unless you are sure it won't blow up on you. Find out what your workplace policy is on people dating. Some places are okay with it, others are not.

If it's something like a workout group, you'll probably naturally start to form a bond with one of the girls more than the others. If you're not sure how she feels and want a safer choice, you can just stick with group activities in the beginning. It's more indirect but it gives you a chance to build rapport with her with less risk of making her uncomfortable.

She'll give you hints and green lights if she's also interested. Which you need to pick up on and then follow up with by finding ways for just you and her to be alone.

Sometimes it can be as simple as "hey, come take a walk with me". Or maybe you want to invite her to do something more formal. It really depends on the situation and group dynamics.

[Something Funny]

@aurum @Nilsi thanks

[Nilsi]

3 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Are you going to deny yourself the chance to date a girl from work even if the relationship is good?

Absolutely. 100%. No doubt.

Don't shit where you eat!

[Something Funny]

@Nilsi I don't see dating as shitting.

[Nilsi]

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

@Nilsi I don't see dating as shitting.

Then you’ve clearly never dated a coworker.

[Lyubov]

First off, I would be careful asking a girl out at your work. If you're asking this question I'm assuming there is some apprehension and lack of clarity in your current abilities to interact with women in this way, so just to avoid any misunderstanding it's better you just avoid work situations because making a social mistake there carries the possibility of some issue unfolding, not so much in other situations.

Second I would examine your beliefs about yourself. If you have any sort of self doubt or confusion, definitely start there and figure out the beliefs behind everything. I would try to get a really clear on any beliefs you have about yourself socializing or your self value or image. This is where the real work takes place and it spreads out into your actions. 

Lastly, when it comes to asking a girl out, you just ask, but what's on display isn't just this question but what I mentioned prior. A girl can sense if you believe in yourself when you're asking from a place of wholeness and your intrinsic value vs lack or any fear based belief running the show. So Really all your actions have to culminate in is taking the lead in a balanced way and asking when you see it as appropriate and learning from any mistakes as they arise. It's impossible not to learn from mistakes. You had to fall over many times before you could walk. The same concept applies here more or less. Don't think too much, just ask when you can. If you are choosing to be in your head wondering if it's right or not, then it's going to make things unclear and confusing, stay present and just ask when you believe it's appropriate and then reflect on it after.

[integral]

100% of the problem is what state of mind you’re going to be in when you start talking to her

If you’re feeling yourself, confident, in a good mood, relaxed, feeling no pressure, Vibing, everything will go your way

It doesn’t even matter what you’re gonna say. Everything will just play out correctly because the way you say it will make her feel comfortable and enjoying the interaction.

if you reach God level, you can make her laugh, and that is one of the highest types of attraction you could do

Edited March 18 by integral

[Staples]

There no rulebook. Just be smart about it.

But if you want a guideline; treat her the way you would want your sister's future husband to act.

[eliasvelez]

Easy. Honestly, everywhere you are and no matter if its about dating or making friends. Just be present and do what you anyways would do. If you feel attached to the person or worry about that you could make a mistake, its okay, but dont take it to seriously and dont involve with that or try to push it away. Be just normal yourself, you dont need to proof someting to no one.  From there you will see if you two vibe, if not, its okay, have the standards for yourself that you only want closer contact to people whit the same wavelength because thats the only thing that is sustainable… if yes and you two have a good vibe, great, just ask her if she would like to do something togheter sometime or suggest something. Thats it, relax.. most importantly enjoy yourself..really! Dont overcomplicate it.

Edited March 18 by eliasvelez

[Letho]

You don’t ‘ask people out’ in a social circle. Anyone who says that doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about. They may as well go back to kindergarten and wait for their parents to give them the birds and the bees talk. ‘Asking people out’ is what guys do when they don’t realize the moment already happened. You’re like a company in planned obsolescence, the way people panic over AI taking jobs, that very fear makes the downfall inevitable.

See.... by the time you say something, it should already be obvious and... Not just to you, but to her as well. Because she’s felt it. The way you look at her. The way your presence shifts the room. The way her body reacts before her mind even catches up. The way her subconscious has already started painting the picture, filling in the blank spaces between what’s said and what’s felt. If that hasn’t happened? It means it was never going to.

You ever notice how some people become the center of gravity without effort? That’s not about being loud. That’s about being felt. We live in a world of sensory perception at the multidimensional level, where attraction isn’t a choice, it’s a pull. And anyone who doesn’t understand this moves like a ghost, there, but unseen, unheard, unfelt. If she’s into you, it’s easy. If she’s unsure, it means she’s waiting for the moment to tip over. If she’s not? It was never there. No ‘perfect words’ will change that. None. See, this is where guys get lost. They spend too much time trapped in their own head, spinning fantasies of how she fits into their life while completely ignoring how she experiences them in hers. And that disconnect? That’s why they hesitate. That’s why they overthink. That’s why they end up as background noise.

So don’t ask. Just move into the empty spaces of feeling. If you’re moving right, it happens on its own. And when the moment arrives, you don’t ask, you let it land exactly how it was supposed to, like say you go to a friends place during the day, just say something like “We’re doing something after this.” If she hesitates? It’s already too late man.

You sound too preoccupied though man, as its never just solely about the woman. Not really, because what's the greater, bigger life she's stepping into after you're done with your preoccupation? I'll convert her to a Universalist haha , I've originated this terminology before. 

The moment you stop treating attraction like a single interaction and start moving like a man who’s already in motion, everything shifts. There’s no rush. No eagerness. Just a quiet sense that if something happens, it was always going to. Just sounds like you're putting way too much emphasis on the 'asking' as I said, it really is absurd after you're down with a gal already having fun together in a social circle, especially if its regularly.

[Raze]

https://www.girlschase.com/article/how-escalate-girls-social-circle

[enchanted]

Find common interests/topics/movies to talk about and then jokingly say "let's go do that this weekend!"

[Emerald]

On 3/17/2025 at 0:36 PM, Something Funny said:

I need some simple advise on how to ask people out at work, at a book club, at your workout group, etc., that is low key and is not going to get you embarassed, kicked out, or make being there uncomfortable

What I would say is to just focus on socializing in a more friendly way, and don't jump to asking anyone out straight away before a more flirtatious connection is established organically with one particular woman.

Social circle works the opposite of pick-up in the sense that, it's important to come at it from a neutral platonic friendly place and to just be yourself. Otherwise, your interest will seem disingenuous or socially un-calibrated.

So, just have fun and make friends... and if some organic feelings start to arise, don't jump into it too quickly. Let the feelings develop.

[Emerald]

On 3/21/2025 at 10:56 PM, enchanted said:

Find common interests/topics/movies to talk about and then jokingly say "let's go do that this weekend!"

That's a good one.

[AION]

You are making it a big deal. Just ask what they are doing this weekend and you will know if they want to fuck with you or not. It is all about feelings, chemistry and sub communication, and not about thinking.

Edited yesterday at 07:02 AM by AION