Struggling Through Immense Pain

[SQAAD]

For the past three months, life has been teaching me some very hard lessons. I've been able to break free from old habits, especially my addiction to weed, which has caused me a lot of pain.

Even though I’ve been meditating seriously for nearly seven years, I found myself slipping into super negative, miserable mental states—almost like my progress had been erased. That realization pushed me to take action. I started attending NA meetings, stayed sober, faced my fears, and deepened my meditation practice. I learned the satisfaction of being present instead of chasing temporary highs.

But yesterday, under a lot of stress, I gave in and smoked a joint. The experience was different—I didn’t feel the same "high" I used to crave. Instead, I just felt toxic sensations in my body. 

Still, the hardest part isn’t just quitting. It’s the psychological toll—the fear that my body is damaged, the anxiety that everything I’ve worked for might collapse, and the intrusive thoughts that bring me down, into the depths of hell.

I know I’m not alone in this. We all face struggles—living in fragile bodies, dealing with pain, and navigating life’s challenges. But I’ve realized that isolation makes it worse. Connection, support, and sharing our experiences can make all the difference.

How do you handle life’s hardest moments? What keeps you going when everything feels like it’s falling apart?

 

Edited March 14 by SQAAD

[The Renaissance Man]

12 hours ago, SQAAD said:

I just felt toxic sensations in my body.

Great! Would've been much worse if it was pleasant, don't you think? That's progress!

12 hours ago, SQAAD said:

How do you handle life’s hardest moments? What keeps you going when everything feels like it’s falling apart

I'm no expert, what I found is that it's better if I just accept I may feel shitty for a couple days, and then it passes and I re-align myself with my goals and so on. See, when you're in it it feels like the end of the world, but after a while you are able to spot the pattern. If you're able to not feel bad about feeling shitty, that's already quite helpful. @SQAAD

At least, for non-serious situations that works. For hard long-lasting depression you probably need a more sophisticated approach.

Edited March 13 by The Renaissance Man

[SQAAD]

@The Renaissance Man What a more sophisticated approach would look like?

[The Renaissance Man]

@SQAAD I don't have enough experience with depression to know for sure

[SQAAD]

@The Renaissance Man My problem is not depression but addiction. Yesterday i went to another meeting and it made a huge difference.

[Wilhelm44]

Coming off weed is a great opportunity to look at what has been suppressed. And to see through the unreality of those intrusive thoughts. Exercise also helps alot. ps having that smoke again, was not a failure, because it cemented the realization that it's not really doing it for you anymore. You doing well bro.

@SQAAD

 

Edited March 15 by Wilhelm44

[Ulax]

@SQAAD You probs need to work on your self talk imo bro.

From what you say, imo you are clearly someone committed to bettering themselves and have a level of discipline, which is commendable and a positive sign.

Things like IFS therapy and cbt cognitive restructuring are things that can help imo.

Also body based things could be something to look into ie somatic experiencing and yoga.

I believe good things are coming your way mate. And I wish you all the best ❤️

[Raze]

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwxvUofenC4

https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carr-Cannabis-Happiness-Easyway-ebook/dp/B09JSWLVYC