Remaining deeply connected to pickup or porn,

[Princess Arabia]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You'll be surprised how quickly sex gets boring with the same girl.

That only happens when you're just having sex with a body and not with the person. When you see them just as an object. Nothing wrong with that, but that's why that happens quickly and especially if there were no emotional reason that caused the disinterest as in a fight or disagreement where one may lose interest in their partner over time if those feelings linger and go unchecked.

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

That only happens when you're just having sex with a body and not with the person. When you see them just as an object.

It's a much deeper problem than that.

Your brain is designed to lose interest in the same thing. The romance fades and turns to drudgery.

This isn't due to porn nor treating women like objects, though those things make it worse.

Edited March 13 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

It's a much deeper problem than that.

Your brain is designed to lose interest in the same thing. The romance fades and turns to drudgery.

Why aren't people losing interest in their addictions quickly.

Romance fades and can turn to a more deep connection if that was one's intention in the first place. Not if it was just sex they were seeking. Not in all cases, but some and if that's who you are energetically. 

Your brain hasn't lost it's interest in the pursuit of truth, so your reasoning doesn't stand and that's only one example.

[Peo]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

Why aren't people losing interest in their addictions quickly.

I do. For other people, i don't know. 

[gambler]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

It's a much deeper problem than that.

Your brain is designed to lose interest in the same thing. The romance fades and turns to drudgery.

This isn't due to porn nor treating women like objects, though those things make it worse.

Serial monogamy is an alternative. And without being deeply attached to lust, your chances of remaining loyal during the relationship, as well as the duration of the relationship, is better. So there's still something to gain.

Edited March 14 by gambler

[Quader]

@Princess Arabia He said the brain was designed that way, he didnt say it had to he used that way. I imagine it's difficult to pursue mastery in life partially because of staleness. 

When you walk around an area for the first time you might be extremely aware. As you path by daily you may be thinking about other things with your eyes to the sky. Have you ever noticed that? Newness implies interest? 

You keep framing your questions as arguments that are designed to poke holes in someone. Of course there are exceptions but the exceptions you're using are strawman. You could have framed your position better and not claim someone else hasn't used sufficient enough merit/logic to grant their reason. If the reasons you used I agreed with I wouldnt complain but it just feels like if I say yes you say no type of reaction. 

As for addiction, that's a good question. But we're implying addiction actually gets better or stays the same. The results of addiction get worse over time but they are repeated because of habit. Habit is not something to equivocate with interest or passion or quality. We are "addicted" to setting alarms, eating, sleeping, taking our meds, going to pee or whatever. We can do these things with or without interest but they are recurring because we are habitual by nature, not aware.

[Princess Arabia]

29 minutes ago, Peo said:

I do. For other people, i don't know. 

Well, that's not an addiction, now is it.

[Princess Arabia]

12 minutes ago, Quader said:

 He said the brain was designed that way, he didnt say it had to he used that way.

This makes no sense. The brain is doing you, you're not doing it. When one acts it's because of the brain's wiring. If they act differently from before, it's the brain's rewiring, practically speaking. 

 

16 minutes ago, Quader said:

When you walk around an area for the first time you might be extremely aware. As you path by daily you may be thinking about other things with your eyes to the sky. Have you ever noticed that? Newness implies interest? 

My comment still implied newness. Newness of the circumstances and situations and how you see the same person. Same person can still mean seeing them in a new light. If one keeps applying their same old habit of seeing sex as boring after a few tines, that's not seeing sex in a new perspective or light, now is it. "Newness implies interest", can be extrapolated to a new point of view with the same object.

 

20 minutes ago, Quader said:

You keep framing your questions as arguments that are designed to poke holes in someone. Of course there are exceptions but the exceptions you're using are strawman. You could have framed your position better and not claim someone else hasn't used sufficient enough merit/logic to grant their reason. If the reasons you used I agreed with I wouldnt complain but it just feels like if I say yes you say no type of reaction. 

I won't bother to comment on this because it's a personal attack and assumptions that you've made about my way of communication. Telling me how I should make my points is the sane thing you're doing here. Saying "if I had said so and so, you wouldn't have complained" is of no concern to me, as you have demonstrated some kind of power trip over me as to why you're complaining about what I said instead of just stating an opposition. 

 

26 minutes ago, Quader said:

As for addiction, that's a good question. But we're implying addiction actually gets better or stays the same. The results of addiction get worse over time but they are repeated because of habit. Habit is not something to equivocate with interest or passion or quality. We are "addicted" to setting alarms, eating, sleeping, taking our meds, going to pee or whatever. We can do these things with or without interest but they are recurring because we are habitual by nature, not aware.

Again, this makes no sense in relation to my argument. If you equate setting an alarm and taking meds and peeing, I have no further arguments with you speaking about what addictions are.

[Jayson G]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's a much deeper problem than that.

Your brain is designed to lose interest in the same thing. The romance fades and turns to drudgery.

This isn't due to porn nor treating women like objects, though those things make it worse.

@Leo Gura well thats pretty demotivating as I'll want to get married at some point. 

But also is that completely true? Romance -> Drudgery? I understand romance fading, but I can imagine intimacy, depth, love can be increased. 

Is it possible that as you mentioned in the past that you're not interested in "human games", that you haven't invested deeply into aspects like intimacy, depth, love and romance. But I can imagine if a couple is constantly going on adventures, inventing newness now and then, applying requisite variety and proactively works on their relationship, they can achieve mastery in relationship, depth and love? 

Also I believe you are still in the pickup phase mostly in your life, even if you've been in relationships, as I am as well. But at some point if true relationship was a very high priority to you, wouldn't your whole attitude, mindsets, etc. shift?

Also what about people who reach old age and are still intrinsically doing romantic things for each other and stuff? I'm sure many even get it on lol. I guess I'm asking isn't it too simplistic of a notion to say that romance turns into drudgery without taking into account many other factors? 

@Princess Arabia also brought up a good point that your pursuit of truth hasn't faded, so doesn't that invalidate your claim that the brain is designed to lose interest in the same thing? 

In my own life I also know my dad has really loved me lol for 29 years, and sometimes it surprises me how much he does,  and he hasn't even applied any form of mastery to our relationship .. so I don't know I find it confusing and hard to believe that romance can turn to drudgery if one achieves mastery in these areas of life. Some of us care a lot about these things and truly value these aspects of life, and I feel like if its a value to someone their experience in that area has a different way of thinking about all this?

Edited March 14 by Jayson G

[Quader]

@Princess Arabia 

I was providing unsolicited feedback to you and I'll refrain from doing so again, I apologize for being presumptuous and personal. 

It triggered me to see something I generally in general agreed with be countered so heavily so I was hoping to clarify because that's a huge blindspot on my end. I appreciate the feedback though and I'll change my tone when it comes to reacting to the behavior of forum members in general. 

Edited March 14 by Quader

[integral]

you’ll have to find someone at your level of development who wants to grow with you.

99.99% of the time you’re gonna be The only one growing.

[LordFall]

7 minutes ago, integral said:

you’ll have to find someone at your level of development who wants to grow with you.

99.99% of the time you’re gonna be The only one growing.

Which is why I like the idea of bdsm and a woman who will enthusiastically let me lead her towards greater treasures without us being stuck bickering about control and whatever other nonsense most couples fight about. 

I don't believe in settling or almost even in compromise in relationships. 4 billion people of the other sex, go find someone more compatible. When you have great communication skills it's not too hard. 

[Princess Arabia]

Love and sex is like a preferred taste. We're all different when it comes to how we see these things in respect to mates/partners/relationships. This is why it can be a complicated matter to take these kinds of advice from others to heart without also keeping in mind our own character traits and personalities. Professional coaches usually come from a place, if they're any good, of non-bias and will give general advice that works for most on a general scale. People will attach their own styles to their advice to you and probably taint your own way of seeing these things thinking its the best approach when it might not be for you. Take everybody's views on relationships and sex with a grain of salt and see it as just another perspective. If you look around you and observe, you'll always see contradictions to any belief.

Edited March 14 by Princess Arabia

[Wilhelm44]

7 hours ago, Davino said:

There's a way where sex with the same woman follows an upward trend of enjoyment and quality.

 

Yes, and this mainly stems from having a very strong soul connection. As well as gradually healing wounds which stood in the way of new levels of intimacy.

Edited March 14 by Wilhelm44

[Davino]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Your brain is designed to lose interest in the same thing. The romance fades and turns to drudgery.

Of course, that's just initial level of what you'll have to evolve through in bed with your partner.

Any 5year+ mature relationship will have worked through that actively and started tackling more subtle challenges as well, like emotional blocks, insecurities, unsatisfied desires,  sexual exploration... 

If we're talking about initial primal attraction your points hold but you could be more nuanced.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Davino said:

If we're talking about initial primal attraction your points hold but you could be more nuanced.

No!

My point is deeper.

Eventually you will get fed up with the whole person.

I'm talking about serious stuff here, not your fantasies.

Edited March 14 by Leo Gura

[RendHeaven]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

No!

My point is deeper.

Eventually you will get fed up with the whole person.

I'm talking about serious stuff here, not your fantasies.

@aurum how do we feel about this?

[Davino]

35 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Eventually you will get fed up with the whole person.

Of course you'll both have to deal with that as well. The fact you lost the battle against that dragon doesn't mean it's the endgame or that there aren't higher dragons down the line. It's just a matter of how far you wanna play the game, which differs from player to player.

[Leo Gura]

I'm not saying it's inevitable. Just a problem worth respecting.

[Davino]

Indeed it is. One of the hardest.

I deal with it in relationship cycles. I feel it's important for the relationship to die at some point and then for it to be reborn.

There must be a dance between communion and independence. Sometimes if you're getting feed up it's because there is too much communion and you're losing your individuality and freedom. Getting distance, missing each other and having time for yourself may oscillate the pendulum back to unite again; or it may be the end.