I know my purpose but I'm floating

[OrganicACV]

I know my purpose: Environmental Protection. But I’m 26, floating.

Took the life purpose course aged 18, chose psychedelics/ethnobotany, then matured into environmental protection. I aced Environmental Biology (top grades in undergrad + master’s at 22), worked in coral reef research, AI agriculture, ran a charity, and travelled the world on savings. I avoided the PhD route to stay independent, hoping to carve my own path.

Now, I’m living cheaply, bouncing between countries and my parents' place, tinkering with projects but not shipping anything. No income, no real-world impact—just existing. It's fun but going nowhere.

My dilemma:

Go full academia (PhD) – Stable, respected, impactful… but feels rigid and soul-crushing. I already had a PhD and career in a top world university lined up, but I hit the pause button.

Forge my own path – Ultimate freedom, but no clear way to make it sustainable or impactful.

In this unrestricted travel period I've been working on some advanced environmental science education projects, but success feels so far away, and I'm alienated from a community of like-minded peers/colleagues.

I resist structure, fear criticism, and struggle to commit. I'm a good worker but don't like working in things that feel meaningless. I want make a difference without sacrificing my freedom to travel—but is that even possible? I wondered about finding a remote, part-time PhD, just to keep things ticking over.

I also felt that being in a modern science environment is full of delusion and groupthink. I've followed actualized content for a long time, and I remember a long time back that Leo warned against staying in university for too long to avoid academia's influence on your epistemology. But I feel lonely and unproductive now that I've extracted myself.

Anyone been in a similar spot? How did you break through?

[Michael569]

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

. I aced Environmental Biology (top grades in undergrad + master’s at 22), worked in coral reef research, AI agriculture, ran a charity, and travelled the world on savings

Sounds like it would be shame to let all of this great work be unused. That is , unless you feel that it no longer calls you. 

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

I resist structure, fear criticism, and struggle to commit.

Don't assume that carving your own path will mean being free from all this. If anything, going solo requires even more structure and even more commitment because you no longer have a boss to check up on your progress. The criticism bit you may be more protected from but there is value in exposing yourself to a massive amount of feedback such as through mentoring or some sort of training. 

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

I want make a difference without sacrificing my freedom to travel—but is that even possible?

Definitely possible. In your industry you can probably choose to work in the field rather than in the office. I can't really say what that means but I imagine in sustainability there is quite a bit of ground work that needs to be done. Meeting farmers, the growers, ensuring standards are being met, doing routine inspections, taking to stakeholders involved in whatever the supply chain consists of etc etc. 

But also important to distinguish between the escapist type of travelling and productive travelling. 

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

I also felt that being in a modern science environment is full of delusion and groupthink.

Yeah, it can. But getting an accreditation from an established organisation can strenghten your value on the market. 

 

I think you're asking difficult questions that none of us can give you. Almost as if you are avoiding the work it takes to figure this out yourself. It may need months of self reflection but important that you don't outsource this process or you'll end up in a place that you don't want. 

Alternative to that is to take a small bet, embark on an experimental project and see how you like it. That's how I started my business. I went through a few smaller projects before finding the path I resonated with the most. 

Over time your path may morph and change but if you don't give yourself the opportunity to go with the flow, you'll end  up with "what if" which is one of the worst regrets of an aging person who no longer has the energy and capacity to do what a younger version of him/her could have (should have) done. 

Edited March 11 by Michael569

[OrganicACV]

Thanks @Michael569, really appreciate your perspective.

I guess it comes down to whether I fully commit to academia or back myself in a self-directed path. What I really didn't like about working in a university was being at the mercy of the expectations of my professors/supervisors. But maybe I'm just spoiled - it was a dream career in many ways. Nobody micro-managing me, very liberal work environment, full trust from my bosses to do what I was good at in my own way and in my own time, full experimental freedom to try and work out new things.

Like you said, it seems a shame to waste the momentum I built. I even turned down a prestigious position abroad. The unrestrained travel I've done since has been a mix of productive discovery and, surprisingly, was more affordable than simply living in my home country (thanks South-East Asia).

One thing I’ve been reflecting on is how I originally resisted academia partly because of the whole "don’t get corrupted by institutional thinking" idea. But the more I compare that to how master thinkers engage with complex topics (like politics), the more I wonder - how do you balance deep, private philosophy with actually learning from the best knowledge society has produced? You can't become an expert in politics just by philosophising in your bedroom, and I feel like the same applies to environmental science, perhaps to a greater extent. You need to absorb a huge quantity of real-life case studies and technical information. Maybe isolating yourself in a room trying to figure stuff out is not that useful, in the context of a young environmental scientist.

I’ve done a lot of hands-on environmental work and biological research, and honestly, the science we have is the best tool we’ve got for protecting the astoundingly complex planetary systems that we all depend on. It produces real, demonstrable results and a level of understanding that most people couldn’t even begin to wrap their heads around. Makes me wonder if I’ve been avoiding academia for the wrong reasons.

A possible middle ground I've been considering: a part-time, remote PhD to stay in the game while focusing on my own practical projects. But that almost feels like avoiding real commitment. Still figuring it out. Thanks again.

[The Renaissance Man]

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

being at the mercy of the expectations of my professors/supervisors. But maybe I'm just spoiled

@OrganicACV I don't believe you are spoiled. That's hell for many people, it's very common and you're not alone.

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

a prestigious position abroad

It seems like there's the third option of finding a job, not just academia or entrepreneurship.

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

Makes me wonder if I’ve been avoiding academia for the wrong reasons.

Very possible. It's great that you're integrating the pros and cons of each option more objectively. While Leo might have told you about academia's effect on epistemology, an even more important thing he told you is to think with your own mind!

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

A possible middle ground I've been considering: a part-time, remote PhD to stay in the game while focusing on my own practical projects. But that almost feels like avoiding real commitment.

Are you clear on what your own projects would be? If not, you need to get that clarity. I feel that otherwise you're not going to go anywhere in that direction for a while, and remain stuck.

Also, with 10-15 hours a week of work on an independent project you can go quite far.

Finally, consider temporary solutions too. It doesn't need to be 0% or 100%. There are phases where you can do sacrifices like travel less, in order to structure a better life for yourself. But only you can find the balance. I may be able to live 5 years without vacations, you may be able to live 5 weeks.

The fact that you have find your overall branch of work is already great by the way.

[Michael569]

20 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

I guess it comes down to whether I fully commit to academia or back myself in a self-directed path.

you know, academia is not the only way. Why not try a private sector? What exactly is the area of work you're looking in? Like ESG? Or is it more a conservation work? 

20 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

Nobody micro-managing me, very liberal work environment, full trust from my bosses to do what I was good at in my own way and in my own time, full experimental freedom to try and work out new things.

Yeah I can understand how this environment would be appealing. The standard of 9-5s has shifted over last decade and many jobs are now like this, that the managers allow more freedom to their direct reports. I think you'd be able to find such a job again

20 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

You can't become an expert in politics just by philosophising in your bedroom, and I feel like the same applies to environmental science, perhaps to a greater extent. You need to absorb a huge quantity of real-life case studies and technical information.

you've hit the nail on the head. Frankly its a common topic I see on this forum. Trying to armchair-philosophise one's way out of existential issues like unemployment and being a mess. And it doesn't work. Sometimes a massive action is needed and we seem to be trying to somehow bypass that. And I am with you, you can totally get corrupted by those institutions but just being aware of that and how that can affect you, gives you a great immunity. So you can be employed by an institution, do the work they tell you, get the money from them, yet become completely resilient to the internal corruption, backstabbing and the shenanigans. And you can still use this time to try to figure things out for yourself. 

20 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

Maybe isolating yourself in a room trying to figure stuff out is not that useful, in the context of a young environmental scientist.

Not just "not that useful", it is extremely counterproductive. 

20 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

A possible middle ground I've been considering: a part-time, remote PhD to stay in the game while focusing on my own practical projects

You'll have to be judge of that. PhD requires needing to teach, research and write but in exchange you get better pay, safe spot at the university, access to excellent resources and once you have the title in an industry that values academic prowess, your career will greatly benefit from it. 

Edited March 12 by Michael569

[Human Mint]

Something I see academia will always fail at is in helping you building your own brand. That is, creating your own business scheme which is something crucial to navigate through. You need to be thinking in ways you can exploit what you know and apply as many ideas of marketing as you can