Wealth-Induced Anxiety

[Carbon]

I recently found out that I have a very high probability of being worth a ridiculous amount of money. I am in my early 20s and have been building a start-up company for the last year or so. It is showing incredible signs of success, and if the current trajectory continues I will see more money than most of my ancestors (As far as I know) have ever seen. 

I am not sharing this to flex, but because the thought is giving me immense anxiety. I get upset to my stomach as I think about it. The other people I am working with have no problem with this. They can speak of high dollar amounts with ease, while I am unable to be calm. 

Of course it makes me happy. I will have freedom to create what I want to create. But despite all of that, I am absolutely terrified of the responsibility. I feel like an imposter, like I don't deserve being in this position when much more competent people before me have never had the chance. That imposter feeling has been with me a long time, yet somehow the universe keeps pushing me into higher and higher places. No matter how high I go though, I have this looming sense I am not supposed to be there. 

I also just see through so many promises money supposedly gives. My girlfriend, who I loved very deeply, recently broke up with me. It doesn't matter how rich I get, I know I can't have her. I can't purchase being the kind of person that could love her properly. I can't purchase love in general, and I also cannot purchase development (at least past a certain point, Maslow's needs and all that). 

I can tell that the money isn't actually going to make my life any "better" in a sense. My situation will change, but I can tell I am not going to be more content with myself. This pill is very tough to swallow right now. 

I want to understand how I might can reframe this to be more calm and utilize it to the highest degree. 

[aurum]

@CarbonI recommend instead of trying to get rid of your anxiety, consciously leverage it into becoming more responsible.

You are recognizing the seriousness your situation demands. This not a mistake.

Alternatively, you could also decide the stress is too much, leave your business and find some lower-stress, lower responsibility position. But keep in mind you will probably be poor and not be contributing much to society.

Edited Monday at 07:14 PM by aurum

[Carbon]

18 minutes ago, aurum said:

 

Alternatively, you could also decide the stress is too much, leave your business and find some lower-stress, lower responsibility position. But keep in mind you will probably be poor and not be contributing much to society.

Not a chance. I am committed to seeing it through, at least for a while. I have deeper yearnings for what I want to do with my life, but I am saving them for after I learn the lessons here. I am just currently struggling with how rapidly I am having to learn them lol.

[Princess Arabia]

This post wreaks of high anxiety. You had it before, you have it now and will after. All wealth does is magnifies who one has always been inside. Right now you are living in the future and you are predicting what you think is going to happen before it even happens. Your mind is used to creating problems to fix and you're anxious now because you foresee most of your perceived problems being fixed already and you won't know what to do with yourself. You foresee a death coming. One of created identities. Identities that won't be there once your wealth takes place and has taken care of all the problems you've identified with in the past and now you see new births on the rise. New problems. Money problems. Mo money, mo problems, different identities, different strategies, different belief systems, different constructs, different survival mechanisms, different everything. 

Fear is driving you now and the mind doesn't want to change it's structure. You see, it doesn't matter what transpires in life and all the problems we have, it must never ends. The material world will always drive us crazy if we let it. If we take it for who we are and can't see it for what it is. 

I suggest you allow for what's taking place and try not to identify with those thoughts that creep in telling you how life is going to be from now on. They are fear-based and will only bring on more anxiety. You don't know what will appear and you're just bringing on more stress to yourself by trying to predict the outcome. Respond to life as it comes and realize the unpredictability of things and go with the flow. You might be happily surprised as to what might be in-store for you if you let go of how you think life should be and how you want it to turn out. 

[Leo Gura]

The reframe is that handling this much money responsibly is just the next step of your development. Handling money and big deals is a skill. So developing that skill is the real gold here. Money is just a resource and you will train yourself how to manage resources effecticvely to do good in the world. Doing good in the world requires good resource management. You will put these resources toward actualizing yourself and improving the world.

Visualize all this in your mind every day until you are clear that this is just what your path needs.

If that fails, I am happy to hold on to your money

Edited Monday at 07:29 PM by Leo Gura

[Xonas Pitfall]

Hey, amazing! Congratulations! 

In terms of money, no one inherently "deserves" it more or less. If you look around, you'll see that a lot of resources don’t necessarily go to the most intelligent, kind, or conscious people, but rather to those who have the resources, network, grit, and perseverance to chase it. While this isn’t always the case, many people acquire wealth this way.

From your perspective, you didn’t scheme, cheat, or scam - you provided something of value to society. That money is 100% deserved. In fact, there’s no one better to have it because now you’re in the best position to use it however you want and truly reflect on what will make you most fulfilled and happiest.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, "Money won’t make things better" - of course, it will. With money, you have SO many more options: the ability to create the changes you want to see in the world, help your loved ones, push human development and research, go to therapy, and heal the parts of yourself that struggle with self-love and relationships, etc.

I think this is the perfect time to reflect and ask yourself:

• What do you really want out of life?
• How much money do you need to achieve it?
• Looking back, what made you the happiest?
• What change do you wish to see in the world?
• What business, product, content, or creation do you want to bring into existence?
• What makes you enjoy your days and love your life?
• What inspires you?
• What would you need to buy or acquire to create your ideal environment?
• What kind of space or setting makes you feel the most inspired and at peace?
• What does your perfect day look like from morning to night?
• Who are the people you are actively engaging with daily?
• Who do you have around you that brings you joy, growth, and fulfillment? If you don't, where would you need to be to find such people?
• What kind of conversations do you want to be having regularly?
• What activities or work make you lose track of time?
• What hobbies or passions do you want to explore more deeply?
• How do you want to feel every day when you wake up?
• What kind of physical and mental routines would make you feel your best?
• Where do you want to spend most of your time - city, nature, by the water, in a cozy home?
• How much structure vs. spontaneity do you want in your days?
• What habits or distractions do you want to remove from your life?
• What experiences or adventures do you want to prioritize in your life?
• What is missing right now that, if added, would bring you more happiness and fulfillment?

Money is an amazing tool because it gives you the freedom to pursue so much more. Not having to stress about bills or financial struggles is huge. Many people live their whole lives and die before ever having the opportunity to truly think about what they want to do in this world. Don’t feel anxious - this is an incredible moment! Your life will only get better from here.

Also, what happened with your relationship, if I may ask? Is there a chance for reconciliation? If you have more time now to invest in relationships and less work stress, you could have a meaningful conversation with her about why things ended and show a real commitment to fixing things. If she was a good partner and you’re serious about making it work, I see a lot of potential there.

That said, even if this relationship doesn’t work out, dating with financial stability is so much better than dating without it. In any case, it will help you find and filter out the right people - those you truly resonate with and want to spend your time with. Good luck, and once again - congratulations on your financial freedom! 

Edited Monday at 07:58 PM by Xonas Pitfall

[Carbon]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

You foresee a death coming. One of created identities. Identities that won't be there once your wealth takes place and has taken care of all the problems you've identified with in the past and now you see new births on the rise. New problems. Money problems. Mo money, mo problems, different identities, different strategies, different belief systems, different constructs, different survival mechanisms, different everything. 

Great point. Metamorphosis time!
 

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You will put these resources toward actualizing yourself and improving the world.

Visualize all this in your mind every day until you are clear that this is just what your path needs.

If that fails, I am happy to hold on to your money

Thank you Leo!


 

[Carbon]

1 hour ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Don’t feel anxious - this is an incredible moment! Your life will only get better from here.

This post actually made my day. Thank you so much, truly. I put all of your contemplation questions into my notes for later usage.
 

1 hour ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Also, what happened with your relationship, if I may ask? Is there a chance for reconciliation? If you have more time now to invest in relationships and less work stress, you could have a meaningful conversation with her about why things ended and show a real commitment to fixing things. If she was a good partner and you’re serious about making it work, I see a lot of potential there.

As for the relationship, there is a lot to say as the wounds are fresh. I will keep it brief. She was one of my best friends for almost 2 years. I moved away from the city, thinking I'd never see her again. I ended up moving back 9 months later, and after enough time we started hanging out again and got curious what it would be like to date.

In short, it was a bit of a disaster. We only dated for 3 months. Neither of us felt like the other was giving the love we needed, despite our intentions to keep trying. I also built the relationship on a poor foundation by placing a lot of my sense of self-worth in her approval of me. She broke up with me, telling me that it was hard to love me because I didn't love myself enough, didn't respect myself enough. Coming from someone so close those words have really hit my core.

She is a beautiful, brilliant, witty and conscious person. I know her trajectory is only upwards. I am disappointed we aren't going to grow with each other anymore. Perhaps one day we do again, I am open but not clinging. I do have some crazy part of me that does believe we could make it work, that she is right for me. I kept her around in my life for a reason. For now though, I will focus on myself. Plus, I am moving out of the city she lives in 3 months.



 

[Xonas Pitfall]

@Carbon 

19 minutes ago, Carbon said:

This post actually made my day. Thank you so much, truly. I put all of your contemplation questions into my notes for later usage.

Aww, super glad it helped you!  This made me smile a lot <3 I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need help answering the questions or reflecting on them deeper, feel free to write here or DM me for support!

18 minutes ago, Carbon said:

As for the relationship, there is a lot to say as the wounds are fresh.

Sorry about that. Yeah, self-esteem and confidence are probably the next areas to focus on, to be honest. If you can, investing in some sort of coaching or just putting yourself out there conversationally - or in whatever area you feel "unworthy" - is the best approach. Confidence is just massive experience. The more experience you gain in the areas where you feel insecure, the more competent you'll become, and the more self-esteem you'll rebuild.

I'm sure if I asked you about your startup and had you explain it to a newbie, you'd feel plenty of assurance and confidence. To be honest, even outside of relationships, this is probably one of the most invaluable skills you can invest in. Massive opportunities open up for people just by developing more self-belief.

You’re clearly a highly skilled and intelligent person - there’s no reason this has to be a lifelong struggle - I have high hopes for you, Carbon :) Good Luck!

[Carl-Richard]

If the White House tells us any thing, you shouldn't worry about being an impostor the least bit.

[gettoefl]

I posted my 10 commandments of money a while back. Here's number 1. Never tell a soul you have money. In fact tell them you don't have it. Because yes you don't have it for their world. So you didn't even lie.

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Bro, and here I am, fantasizing about how I would only need a 100k for me to invest properly in a way in which it would easilly sustain me for a lifetime. We trully are living in different realities