The Game Of Life - Life Purpose, Spiritual Purification, Self-actualization & Enlightenment

[JKG]

I want to start this new journal. I feel like I am at a point in my life where something new starts. I am almost done with high school and will have a lot of free time in the next 4 to 5 months. I want to use this time well. I want to start working on my life purpose - finally. I want to spiritually purify myself. I want to generally self-actualize. And I want to work slowly toward enlightenment. These are my main objectives for the next years.

It is hard to set priorities. I would like to just work on enlightenment but I feel like its not the right time for that. There are too many distractions for me at the moment. I will firstly work towards fulfilling all the other aspects of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Then I can work much more efficiently towards enlightenment. I'll elaborate on these points in the near future.

Why do I call this journal "The Game Of Life?" This title came to my mind a few days ago. And its probably true. When i have reached enlightenment all the stuff that I have been doing in the past will seem like a game. Life is an illusion. But still I will play that game for a while, to eventually realize that its actually a game. At least right now the game feels pretty real.

[JKG]

Financial Independence

What annoys me the most of my current situation is that I am not free. I am dependent on my parents. Although I am 18 I still cannot do everything that I want to do. In theory I can, but in praxis not really. They could make me move out. It is not realistic that this could happen, but if they knew what is going on in my mind, they would. The main problem here is that they don't like what I am doing. They don't like that I meditate, that I eat mostly vegan, that I don't confirm to their social norm, the list goes on. Their view of me is in contrast what I want to aim at with life purpose and enlightenment.

This is a big victim mindset I have. "I cannot do x because my parents think I am crazy." I can understand them. If I would be in their position and have a child at my age, I would act the same way. I would be so worried about this child because it could get itself into trouble. My father even tells me that he is scared of what I could be doing.

Ever since I have started this journey I was looking forward to get independent. I just wanted to move out and earn my own money. So they couldn't judge me about what I am doing all day, what I was buying... I could do my own thing. I could travel wherever I want, I could meditate whenever and however long I want, I could buy supplements, I could buy books, I could do fasting periods...

I want to let the victim mindset go. I am 18, live in Europe, in the 21st century!!! These are like the best living conditions one could have. I want to become independent from my parents. I want to move out and earn my own money. Then I will be able to self-actualize much more efficiently. So my main goal for the next few years will be reaching financial independence.

Having a job for a few years would be okay so that I can gain some experience on my field. But after some years I want to work for myself. I want to have my own business. I want to be able to spend my days the way I want.

It would be nice if I can earn a living with my life purpose. And because I will start studying computer science soon it is pretty easy to earn a living in this domain. I like computer science but not all aspects of it. My life purpose is something like a connection between computer science and conceptual-social-psychological stuff. I don't know how to connect this yet. This will come with the time.

I want to start learning how do develop android apps soon. I am pretty excited. My father told me that it is possible to earn there some money as a free lancer in this software development scene. This could be a possibility to earn my own money at some point. Better than nothing.

[JKG]

The Work

I feel good right now after talking so much. I am not used to this. Maybe my throat chakra opened a little bit and energy got released

[JKG]

Computer stuff

I have started to work with Android Studio to program apps with it in the future. But firstly I have to learn all of this stuff. It took hours to get Android Studio downloaded and installed. And this program is so complicated. I tried to follow two tutorials but it just didn't work. This program has bugs and I just cannot fix them. I could ask my father. The could explain me everything. But I want to be able to get this handled on my own.

Another thing that annoys me is the operating system. I tried out something new and it doesn't work the way that I want it to. I would have to install the whole operating system and all the software again.
I also changed some passwords and sort some stuff out. But then the next thing annoyed be, namely that gmail wanted me to verify my account with a phone number. I don't want to pay money to get a gmail account.

Without my father I wouldn't be able to get all this stuff running. Sometimes I think "how will I be ever able to do this all on my own??"

Sometimes I doubt whether I really want to study computer science. Some aspects I love, others I hate. I hate all this technical stuff at the beginning. When I understand a program and am able to use it properly I like it. But all the stuff one has to do until it works is so tedious. Stuff just doesn't work and on forums I find no way to fix it.

At some point I got so annoyed. Then I just went outside into nature for a few minutes. It was kind of sad that the sun was shining outside and I was the whole time inside in front of computer screens. I remembered that "everything that is should be." Maybe the universe is telling me something with that.

I guess this is the path of figuring out ones life purpose exactly. These are the little and bigger challenges at the beginning of this path. The most important thing is that I need to follow my intuition or that what the universe wants me to do.

I fear that at some point in my degree I just want to quit. What the fuck should I tell my parents. I fear that I will just continue it and lose track of intuition and just become like the ordinary passionless person. I fear that this computer science degree is not the right thing for me.

Maybe I just exaggerate a little bit now. It might be that tomorrow everything works out and I love it all again.

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 5/11/2017 at 3:15 AM, JKG said:

"I cannot do x because my parents think I am crazy."

I feel you. 

On 5/11/2017 at 1:38 PM, JKG said:

throat chakra opened

feels good, doesn't it? 

On 5/11/2017 at 3:06 AM, JKG said:

its actually a game

thanks for the reminder

 

[JKG]

Spiritual Purification

A few days ago I have been searching for some information about spiritual purification on google. This side came up to me: lightomega.org

I have been reading a little bit. Here is some stuff that I learned and still remember:

• light: unification with the divine / truth
• darkness: energy that separates us from the divine, duality
• purification: embodying the light while acknowledging the darkness
• alignment: "letting the light of the universe work though me," becoming an instrument of divine will and intention

I remembered that I have looked at this website about a year ago. I thought it was very esoteric and strange at that time. But now it rather resonates with me. It feels right. It is strange to read stuff about God and actually considering it to be true.

It reminded me of a video from Matt Kahn: The Most Important Spiritual Decision. Also Leos video about intuition seems to be connected to this stuff. It makes so much sense and feels so right.

To me this stuff basically means that there the universe has already set an intention for my life. I am here for something. And it is in my nature to align myself to that. But it is not easy because society wants us to do other stuff than realizing our true potential. Our intuition guides us towards it, but that is so freaking hard. If we ignore our intuitions we will feel miserable like all the ordinary people. If we surrender to Gods will we will have a great time here on earth.

In the last weeks in the morning I was outside in the garden and said something like "Thank you God, for this beautiful nature. Thank you for giving me the consciousness to experience this gift of life... Please give me the power to realize my dreams. Give me the strength to go against the grain of society..." It feels good. I feel grateful and a bit empowered.

A year ago I wouldn't do something like this. It was too strange for me at that time - to esoteric. I rather wanted to stay rational and do rather self-inquiry. Now I am more open-minded, follow my intuition and to what feels right.

[JKG]

"I should waste time"

Yesterday I have been reading a few pages in "Loving what is" about underlying beliefs. I identified the belief "I should not waste time" in myself. So I did some inquiry on that:

I cannot now whether I should or should not waste time. How could I? Maybe being super productive isn't the thing that will grow me the most. I cannot know that at the moment.

How do I feel when I think the through that I shouldn't waste time? I feel kind of stressed. It is not really stressed, but rather a slight stress or discomfort deeper inside my experience. Sometimes I think a lot about what I should do next or how I could manage my time the next day.

So is there any stress-free reason to keep that thought? No, just stress-full ones. I could get more done in the moment, but in the long run it will not contribute to my overall happiness.

Can I see a reason to drop the thought? Yes.

Who would I be without the thought? I would be more in the present moment. I would be more spontaneous. And I would take more opportunities to grow like actually doing comfort zone challenges, doing something new, or socializing more.

The turnaround: I should waste time. Normally I have the excuse that these things would take too much time, so I do productive stuff inside of my comfort zone. But when I am open to eventually "waste" a bit of time I will grow more. I would also be more happy and spend for example more time outside.

Today I tried to apply this mindset a little bit. After lunch I went outside into the hammock and visualized. And I was grateful for nature.

[Sevi]

25 minutes ago, JKG said:

"I should waste time"

Yesterday I have been reading a few pages in "Loving what is" about underlying beliefs. I identified the belief "I should not waste time" in myself. So I did some inquiry on that:

I cannot now whether I should or should not waste time. How could I? Maybe being super productive isn't the thing that will grow me the most. I cannot know that at the moment.

How do I feel when I think the through that I shouldn't waste time? I feel kind of stressed. It is not really stressed, but rather a slight stress or discomfort deeper inside my experience. Sometimes I think a lot about what I should do next or how I could manage my time the next day.

So is there any stress-free reason to keep that thought? No, just stress-full ones. I could get more done in the moment, but in the long run it will not contribute to my overall happiness.

Can I see a reason to drop the thought? Yes.

Who would I be without the thought? I would be more in the present moment. I would be more spontaneous. And I would take more opportunities to grow like actually doing comfort zone challenges, doing something new, or socializing more.

The turnaround: I should waste time. Normally I have the excuse that these things would take too much time, so I do productive stuff inside of my comfort zone. But when I am open to eventually "waste" a bit of time I will grow more. I would also be more happy and spend for example more time outside.

Today I tried to apply this mindset a little bit. After lunch I went outside into the hammock and visualized. And I was grateful for nature.

Wow. Thanks a lot for the insight! This really touched me too.

[Mango1998]

On 13.5.2017 at 8:09 PM, JKG said:

Computer stuff

I have started to work with Android Studio to program apps with it in the future. But firstly I have to learn all of this stuff. It took hours to get Android Studio downloaded and installed. And this program is so complicated. I tried to follow two tutorials but it just didn't work. This program has bugs and I just cannot fix them. I could ask my father. The could explain me everything. But I want to be able to get this handled on my own.

Another thing that annoys me is the operating system. I tried out something new and it doesn't work the way that I want it to. I would have to install the whole operating system and all the software again.
I also changed some passwords and sort some stuff out. But then the next thing annoyed be, namely that gmail wanted me to verify my account with a phone number. I don't want to pay money to get a gmail account.

Without my father I wouldn't be able to get all this stuff running. Sometimes I think "how will I be ever able to do this all on my own??"

Sometimes I doubt whether I really want to study computer science. Some aspects I love, others I hate. I hate all this technical stuff at the beginning. When I understand a program and am able to use it properly I like it. But all the stuff one has to do until it works is so tedious. Stuff just doesn't work and on forums I find no way to fix it.

At some point I got so annoyed. Then I just went outside into nature for a few minutes. It was kind of sad that the sun was shining outside and I was the whole time inside in front of computer screens. I remembered that "everything that is should be." Maybe the universe is telling me something with that.

I guess this is the path of figuring out ones life purpose exactly. These are the little and bigger challenges at the beginning of this path. The most important thing is that I need to follow my intuition or that what the universe wants me to do.

I fear that at some point in my degree I just want to quit. What the fuck should I tell my parents. I fear that I will just continue it and lose track of intuition and just become like the ordinary passionless person. I fear that this computer science degree is not the right thing for me.

Maybe I just exaggerate a little bit now. It might be that tomorrow everything works out and I love it all again.

 

Stay patient and everything will turn out the way it should be

[Mango1998]

2 hours ago, JKG said:

"I should waste time"

Yesterday I have been reading a few pages in "Loving what is" about underlying beliefs. I identified the belief "I should not waste time" in myself. So I did some inquiry on that:

I cannot now whether I should or should not waste time. How could I? Maybe being super productive isn't the thing that will grow me the most. I cannot know that at the moment.

How do I feel when I think the through that I shouldn't waste time? I feel kind of stressed. It is not really stressed, but rather a slight stress or discomfort deeper inside my experience. Sometimes I think a lot about what I should do next or how I could manage my time the next day.

So is there any stress-free reason to keep that thought? No, just stress-full ones. I could get more done in the moment, but in the long run it will not contribute to my overall happiness.

Can I see a reason to drop the thought? Yes.

Who would I be without the thought? I would be more in the present moment. I would be more spontaneous. And I would take more opportunities to grow like actually doing comfort zone challenges, doing something new, or socializing more.

The turnaround: I should waste time. Normally I have the excuse that these things would take too much time, so I do productive stuff inside of my comfort zone. But when I am open to eventually "waste" a bit of time I will grow more. I would also be more happy and spend for example more time outside.

Today I tried to apply this mindset a little bit. After lunch I went outside into the hammock and visualized. And I was grateful for nature.

 

And I should do the opposite

[JKG]

Programming

For a few days now I have been starting to learn how to develop Android apps. After the first steps it became fun. I now understand the software Android Studio and the basic structure of an app. I have learned about Activities, Fragments, ConstraintLayout, LinearLayout, RelativeLayout, TextViews, EditTexts, Buttons and so on. I roughly know how they work together and how they can communicate with each other.

I firstly tried to build a "MathsTool." Just as a test I made an activity (a screen) where the user could enter values to calculate sinus, cosine, and tangent.

Today I started with a new bigger project. I want an app where you can learn vocabulary with - the "VocabTrainer". It could be useful for my sister.
I learned XML a bit, and now I have realized that I will need a database for the vocabulary. Therefore I need to learn SQL too.

It is fun. I would like to program all day, but there is also other stuff to do.

 

School

Next Wednesday is my oral exam in English. Today I started studying a little bit. I noticed that I would much rather want to continue programming. I love to program and want to learn much more about it. I don't want to study stuff like the American Dream, Globalization, India, Shakespeare... Its a contrast.

I am very happy now that school is almost over. I can study freely that what I want. I am (soon) not forced anymore to study stuff that I am not so interested in. I will become a true live long learner and an autodidact.

I am not sad about the end of school anymore - at all. I am much happier. I can structure my day the way I want to. I can go outside into the sun and don't have to sit in sticky classrooms.

[Mango1998]

2 hours ago, JKG said:

I don't want to study stuff like the American Dream, Globalization, India, Shakespeare... Its a contrast.

That can also be fun, you just need the interest for that. If you take Shakespeare and his chain of beings as an example and you really want to understand that shit, it can be very deep. He was a visionary person. You will know what I mean very soon  

[JKG]

Mission Statements

Zone of Genius: finding and implementing solution processes

Impact Statement: creating technology that advances the consciousness of humanity

Life Purpose Statement: I find and implement solution processes to create technology that advances the consciousness of humanity

Domain of Mastery: Computer Science

Ideal Medium: Programming

High-Consciousness Virtue: Consciousness

Top 10 Values:

1. Tranquility
2. Intuition
3. Growth
4. Nature
5. Honesty
6. Connection
7. Understanding
8. Health
9. Clarity/Vision
10. Freedom

Top 5 Strengths:

1. Curiosity and Interest in the world / Love of Learning
2. Hope, Optimism, and future-mindedness
3. Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence
4. Perspective Wisdom
5. Spirituality, Sense of Purpose, Faith

Top 5 Feelings:

1. tranquil
2. energetic
3. light
4. understanding
5. passionate

Edited May 19, 2017 by JKG

[JKG]

Tics

I that I work on mastering computer science, I inevitably spend more time on my computer.

Spending more time on my computer or other electronic devices had no good effects on my mental health(?). Everytime that I played too much Nintendo in my childhood my tics became worse. Everytime that I programmed more the tics became worse. Thats also a reason why I was not so consistent with programming in the last years.

The tics feel like a tension inside my head. And now they become more again. I need to find a method to deal with that.

It will probably be mindfulness throughout the day - not just in meditation. I need to relax while being on the computer, while walking around in the house, while studying, while doing anything. Today I spend less time in nature and didn't work out, so that is a factor too. Maybe a walk outside or a 5 minute meditation once in a while will help. I will also try out other relaxation techniques.

But maybe this tension (or stress?) might come from an uninvestigated belief that I haven't discovered yet.

Or it has nothing to do with programming, but with the upcoming oral exam, and the fact that I haven't studied enough yet.

[Gabriel Antonio]

Tranquil, energetic, and light. Loved it :)

4 hours ago, JKG said:

The tics feel like a tension inside my head.

sending good vibes to you

thank you for being awesome <3

[JKG]

Skills

I have been thinking about skills that I need for my life purpose. Here they are:

• Programming
• Maths
• other Computer Science stuff
• Knowledge
  • Artificial Intelligence
  • Epistemology
  • Spirituality
  • Psychology
• Social Skills
  • Communication
  • Leadership
  • Charisma
• Business Skills
• Contemplation

The business skills I will need only in the far future, I shouldn't work on that now. The social skills will come mainly from socializing and improving little areas.

I will hopefully take mathematics as a minor in university, so I will learn that there. The other computer science stuff probably too, like in practical training with hardware. Programming will be in university too, but this is the main think that I can do now. This means doing a lot of programming projects, and if possible also in other languages. Until now I only am good in JAVA and this will probably be the main language in university too. So another language would be nice.

The knowledge part about epistemology, spirituality and psychology will come with the time when I read books or do research.

For the knowledge about artificial intelligence I need to do more research. But I think I need to have all the basic skills first until I can do programs with AI.

I guess contemplation will be a big thing. I need to contemplate consciousness, open-mindedness and this sort of stuff. Otherwise I don't know what technology I could create.

So what should I work on now? A lot of programming. Contemplation. And slowly building my social skills. Maybe also a little big of basic knowledge about computer science, so that I am not a total noob when I go to university.

[Mango1998]

3 hours ago, JKG said:

Charisma

How do you want to get charisma??

[JKG]

The Morning

I don‘t like one thing about my mornings. And this is the very first moment after turning off my alarm. It means that I have to get out of my comfortable bed in a few minutes because otherwise I would fail with my habit or eventually fall back asleep. And then I think of what I would have to do in the next hour. I would have to get outside and jog around in the garden. I would have to do x, y, and z. As soon as I get into the flow of the morning I feel great. But I feel kind of bad in the first 10 to 20 minutes of my day.

I want to change that. Maybe staying in bed for 5 more minutes and thinking about the upcoming day or the visions for my future would help. Practicing some gratitude, or self-love in bed, or praying. I just need to make sure that I don't fall back asleep again.

[JKG]

@Mango1998 I don't know that yet.

[JKG]

Top Goals

until the end of May 2018

1. developing 3 usable programs/apps
2. reaching advanced Java skills
   -> working through a Java book
   -> working through an intermediate and advanced Java online course
   and I will also learn it in university
3. basic knowledge about artificial intelligence and cognitive science
   -> going through 3 online courses
4. contemplation habit
   -> contemplating each day for at least 15 minutes with concentration
5. 50 social comfort zone challenges
6. strong concentration ability
   -> 20 minutes concentration without drifting apart

there are also some other goals, but I don't have to work on those throughout my average days

• deciding to take maths as a minor subject in university and not electrical engineering
  (the main problem will be that my father prefers electrical engineering)
• having one magic mushroom trip
• doing 2 meditation retreats

the list goes on but these are the most important ones

Edited May 21, 2017 by JKG