I am experiencing depersonalization

[Misato Katsuragi]

@Infinite Tsukuyomi I thank you for the kind words and if I do want to bounce ideas off more I shall come here to talk. and yeah I have high hopes that ill restablize ive noticed the more fear I have towards it and the more deeply I think about it like the worst it gets. like I need to just stop temporarily the hyper analysis of my own consciousness and reality, so I can integrate it properly.

[emil1234]

@Misato Katsuragi yes i remember i thought i had seen something i wasnt supposed to as well haha, i thought i had glitched the matrix or something. definetely the most scary period of my entire life

[Nivsch]

Did shift like this in your mental state happen to you in other topics in the past?

Do you have a tendency to go into abrupt cycles of anxiety from time to time?

If I were you I would take the following month to rest and stabilize. Eat healthy as much as possible, sleep well and in similar hours, be with family and friends and go for walks every day. After that return to this issue but in much slower phase.

[TruthFreedom]

I'm schizophrenic 

 

Edited yesterday at 05:53 AM by TruthFreedom

[Misato Katsuragi]

@Nivsch not really this if you mean like deep existential topics. is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me before, and thats why I was so reckless inquisting about the nature of reality when Leo talks about getting to alternate states of consciousness i've always assumed for your reality to break you or have a radical shift in consciousness you had to do some crazy intense meditating or do psychedelics. and I was just woefully unprepared for something to happen, but I guess it makes sense i've been a listener of his content by a decade this point, so all these ideas have really been digested by me and I think it all just clicked one day.

But I did struggle with anxiety in the past though but over dumb shit, like worrying about catching diseases, or being afraid of having a heart attack despite me fine. this was a few years ago, and I don't worry about that stuff now. So I have had horrible anxiety tendencies before as I was diagnosed with OCD when I was a child.

and I will after this whole experience I got a way better understanding how a person could get lost with this sort of stuff, i'm in no rush to gain enlightenment if i'm destabilized, honestly at this point I may want to close pandoras box permanently as it was so traumatic and i'm not sure if my mind is really suited for it with how anxiety prone It is. but yeah regardless of my decision ill venture with caution I appreciate the advice

 

 

[Misato Katsuragi]

@TruthFreedom what do you mean by this? 

[TruthFreedom]

@Misato Katsuragi Last night I made a long post basically saying I was jesus. Then I read it back, and realised it was just my schizophrenia talking. So I edited it.

[cetus]

@Misato Katsuragi You saw through the illusion of the ego, and the ego didn't like it.

But in that moment, you were more awake, more alive than you have ever been.

For the first time you weren't sleepwalking through life behind the eyes of the ego. 

“I cannot be awake, for nothing looks to me as it did before, or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been sleep.”

        ― Walt Whitman

 

[PurpleTree]

What i feel recently often is quite disorientated and a bit if a wobbly sense of time and space. Which is something between enjoyable and scary.

And also often dizzy which stems partly from the disorientation and also wrong breathing i think.

I think it’s the ego or sense of self attempting to kind of  trying to stabilise in nothing. Which seems futile.

And dizziness is also just a symptom of anxiety. I’ve had it for a long time from social anxiety.

 

 

Edited yesterday at 02:09 PM by PurpleTree