How do deal with anger?

[manuel bon]

3 minutes ago, Ero said:

Go hit the gym.

I have a lot of aggression and have found weightlifting and powerlifting especially good for this.

It is a physical emotion after all.

 

uf I get so bored at the gym... I've been going for years, but maybe I should start again, do more cardio, make my heart run a bit haha

[LifeEnjoyer]

Just now, manuel bon said:

uf I get so bored at the gym... I've been going for years, but maybe I should start again, do more cardio, make my heart run a bit haha

Bro same. Rock climbing is way more fun and people are more open to socializing there which is why I love it.

[Ero]

@manuel bon Cardio is of course amazing but I have found it is not as good as powerlifting for dealing with anger because you are still in your head. Nothing shakes you out of like 405 lbs on your back.

[manuel bon]

1 minute ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

Bro same. Rock climbing is way more fun and people are more open to socializing there which is why I love it.

I like bouldering, but I'm a guitarist and I need nails to play. with that, I ruin them or even break them

[LastThursday]

25 minutes ago, manuel bon said:

The problem is not anger, as I said before, but how I act because of it.

The only way to change how you act is through introspection and self awareness - which is what you're doing. When your anger is triggered by whomever, it triggers a programme of set behaviour (i.e. a habit) within yourself. That happens because nearly 99% of the way we act is automatic.  So you have options: cut the link between the trigger and response (behaviour), or change the behaviour itself, or just avoid the trigger.

Since you learnt the behaviour over time, it can be unlearnt. One way to unlearn a habit is by pure repetition: every time you find yourself overacting angrily, you force yourself to calm down or behave differently in the moment - this is doable but takes time and patience and good self-awareness. 

Another way to unlearn behaviour is by interrupting the automatic programme. You can do this by doing something completely different in the middle of the behaviour: hug your father for example or walk out of the room, start dancing, go for a run, the choices are endless. The point is to interrupt the pattern every time it happens. Over time the behaviour will be weakened or "unlearnt" - and as a bonus you will find other ways to cope with your  angry emotion.

I'm not pulling this out of nowhere, this is what NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is all about.

Edited Tuesday at 05:52 PM by LastThursday

[manuel bon]

@Ero I might start going again, thank you for the idea... I don't do any sport so that's a problem for sure

[LifeEnjoyer]

Just now, manuel bon said:

I like bouldering, but I'm a guitarist and I need nails to play. with that, I ruin them or even break them

That sucks.

[Applegarden8]

Samsara daghana kriya, nirbhaya dhyaana, completion process, shadow work.

[manuel bon]

@LastThursday thank you for the great advice, ill look into NLP for sure. Yes, I do want to unlearn this behavior. In the toxic ways of my family, I learned to scream, fight, offend, and more. I detached from them and I'm becoming different in many aspects, but I'm still trying to work on this one. 

It's very difficult because I don't get angry very often, and when I do I have to be 10x mindful (with daily things it's easier to unlearn or change things, but if it happens once a month is tougher)

[manuel bon]

33 minutes ago, Applegarden8 said:

Samsara daghana kriya, nirbhaya dhyaana

what are these practices?

[Applegarden8]

1 hour ago, manuel bon said:

what are these practices?

Here is one for example. I would love to write more as I have done this and I am biased for this. But I am ill right now so it hurts to look at the screen. This is like bottom top meditation where you gain lasting bliss and relief from the emotional intensity rather than doing top, bottom meditation like mindfulness or do nothing etc. They serve different purposes, but do overlap in some manner practically and from my experience.

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 08:00 PM by Applegarden8

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, manuel bon said:

@Princess Arabia I totally agree with you with most of what you say.

Yes, those are stories, but they do happen in the now, and it's a very unpleasant now. I am doing strong mindfulness work, and I can say that I live in the now most of the time, me making this post is about reflection and growth, not about blaming or criticizing.

The problem is not anger, as I said before, but how I act because of it. I can move on, and I do, but the people that I hurt don't. And apart from this, I simply don't want to hurt the people around me (this is what the whole post is about, but maybe I was not clear enough), and if I learn what anger is, and how to deal with it, I can be a healthier person with myself and others. Hence this post.

I hear you and understand where you're at with this. Very thoughtful of you to consider the feelings of others and how you're impacting them. 

Sometimes we just need to reflect on our own state of being and try to see what it is inside of us that's making us so angry. 

I've learnt to stop putting the blame on the circumstance and the people involved and to recognize its something deeper than that that's troubling. It's usually fear of something. Once I recognize the root cause of the fear, I try to resolve that or come to grips with it. There's usually a deeper issue at hand like fear of abandonment, the loss of something, feelings of lack, self-love etc. Try to identify the root cause and not pay so much attention to the contents and maybe that will loosen up the contracted energy a bit. I know it helped me, even though I never really had that much of an anger issue. My main issue was needing to be understood, bur I've overcame that by understanding everyone is where they're at and are seeing the world through different lenses and not everyone needs to understand you as long as I'm being respectful and giving people their space to be themselves and trying not to compare. 

Edited Tuesday at 07:41 PM by Princess Arabia

[Sugarcoat]

3 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

I have no reason to be angry, I don't need medication to make my private parts bigger 😘

#roasted

Haha

[manuel bon]

@Applegarden8 thank you, have a fast recovery!!

[Applegarden8]

1 minute ago, manuel bon said:

@Applegarden8 thank you, have a fast recovery!!

No problems! It's just a viral infection. Thank you aswell, I really wish you to experience what I experienced from these techniques and more, because who knows with this work, you know.

[cjoseph90]

4 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Would you make a post asking how to deal with happiness. Why single out anger. Stop picking on anger and it won't bother you. Do you see how we create our own dilemmas. Let life flow through you. It's only a problem because of your stories surrounding anger, like the ones you're giving in this thread. They're just stories. Life is present, why bring up the past. You will be 80yrs old asking how to deal with anger. 

What I do is, I get angry....I notice it and I move on. No issues. I don't chastise myself or blame myself or judge myself or criticize myself for it. In two minutes I'm fine again.

Keep doing this with every emotion and you'll notice how they pass like the clouds. Happiness, sadness, joy, anger, doesn't matter. Stop making a big deal about them. This is why the search for happiness is a curse. Can't have one without the other. Bliss my ass.

Good answer, I like it. Very true.

[manuel bon]

@Princess Arabia thank you for the insight❤️

[gettoefl]

a.n.g.e.r. is anytime not getting expected result

drop your expectations about how people should live their lives

you are not right and they are not wrong

anger makes you miserable and has no impact on others

[manuel bon]

16 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

anger makes you miserable and has no impact on others

But the actions you do because of anger do impact others

[Yimpa]

Trying to control anger backfires. We suppress because we believe anger is bad, then mistake that for being bad ourselves.

That becomes a cycle. But let’s help break it by having a clearer understanding of what’s going on. The anger is likely a response to something wrong or unjust, and it doesn’t have to make sense. Like, how we can feel angry watching our favorite character suffer in a movie even if it takes place in a fictional world.

So let’s start by acknowledging anger without shame or judgment. And let’s allow ourselves to be angry if we do that, too.