Why is major city required for game and is my city big enough?

[CARDOZZO]

Colombia, Brazil, Taiwan.

[EternalForest]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Very false.

Then how are there married couples in every city in the world?

[Vynce]

5 hours ago, EternalForest said:

Then how are there married couples in every city in the world?

Your line of reasoning causes my brain to produce pain..

Edited Wednesday at 08:50 AM by Vynce

[How to be wise]

8 hours ago, Vynce said:

Your line of reasoning causes my brain to produce pain..

Please enlighten us. 

[Leo Gura]

16 hours ago, EternalForest said:

Then how are there married couples in every city in the world?

There are also millions of guys struggling to learn how to date.

Learning the skill requires a training ground.

If you are extroverted and good-looking, dating is super easy. And if you aren't, it's hell.

[Basman]

Suzie from work is just office hot. You can do better.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Basman said:

Suzie from work is just office hot. You can do better.

Suzie from work will report you for sexual harassment. Don't shit where you eat.

Edited Wednesday at 11:29 PM by Leo Gura

[LifeEnjoyer]

29 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Suzie from work will report you for sexual harassment. Don't shit where you eat.

The girls number I got from class today was shitting where I was eating?

[nerdspeak]

School isn’t same as work. It’s expected and tolerated at school much more.

But you can also date people you work with if they don’t report to you, the paranoia about it is exaggerated if you know how to read people.
 

I guess if you’re super uncalibrated it’s a problem. 

[Vynce]

15 hours ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

The girls number I got from class today was shitting where I was eating?

The bottom line is:

Don't shit on Suzie, if you want to eat her.

[LifeEnjoyer]

4 hours ago, Vynce said:

The bottom line is:

Don't shit on Suzie, if you want to eat her.

How do you know what Suzie is into?

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

How do you know what Suzie is into?

Suzie is into the boss.

Or, more to the point, the boss is in to Suzie.

[gengar]

On 3/5/2025 at 8:30 PM, Leo Gura said:

If you are extroverted and good-looking, dating is super easy. And if you aren't, it's hell.

That's it, I'm killing myself.

[Leo Gura]

23 minutes ago, gengar said:

That's it, I'm killing myself.

Why?

How silly.

[gengar]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Why?

How silly.

Because you've yet again perfectly articulated the harsh reality of the world that the rest of the world hides from you and themselves.

I've been coping by saying to myself that it'll all be good in the end and I will find someone, but through your words I now realize I will most likely never. Even if I get through the bottleneck of healing my brain fog, libido-surpressing panic and anxiety, dysarhtria/apraxia of speech, inflammation and extreme stiffness of neck and mouth, which is a far fucking stretch to begin with, I will still be in a situation where dating is hell simply because I'm not chad, although I'm not ugly either.

Since even those starting conditions will probably never be met it's time I face reality like you do, cutting all the fantasies and seeing my situation as it is: I'll be forever alone. Hell, even maintaining a job and communication on the job will be of the utmost difficulty. Even though I have a relatively high IQ and am learning CS and other subjects while at home, and becoming quite advanced at it, in my mind preparing for a life in the future, I've come to the realization that none of those skills matter if you can't communicate and socialize with actual people to work on a job, let alone find a girlfriend or wife.

The loneliness, sexlessness, and the physical and mental disability are just becoming too much to bear after 25 years. I've always had hope but now I realize it's just a fantasy I've been holding on to to cope. I'm getting tears in my eyes writing this, since women are truly the most beautiful thing in the world, not only physically but also mentally, and the one time I kissed a girl in high school was literally the best moment of my life. After hs it all fell apart.

The only hope I have left is that my symptoms are psychosomatic or somehow caused by spirits or something. Over the last two years, when my symptoms have worsened to the degree I couldn't keep my job and studies, I have had like 10 days where somehow all my energy returned and I could talk normally again, and somehow all my symptoms dissipated, felt great in my body and mind, and I called my friends and had a great time. But the next day that would be all over again, to my disappointment and despair.  Since doctors have not been able to find anything it's my only hope to go to some Teal Swan method or some cooky spirit healers. I have suffered sexual abuse in my youth, but it wasn't that bad (not rape) , and in the years after it I didn't have the symptoms I have now that have developed over the last years, so I doubt my symptoms are psychosomatic because of the abuse trauma. Although I don't have much faith in it, I'm still going to try my best. But if everything fails I don't see what I should do in my life. A part of me just wants to murder me for having dissapointed the young buck in me, never having had sex except with a prostitute and now not even be able to do so, and not have related to women and falling behind in life, not having had relationships and real conversations with women. I'm horny all the time which makes it absolutely unbearable to an almost spiritual degree, like rattling a cage from the inside. I've turned to religious ideas to try to find a raison d'etre in some ascetic manner but I don't really see it happening if all that buddhism and sufism stuff is fake anyway and i'm just imagining reality and thats it. Thinking about starving kids etc makes it easier to still feel thankful for my life. But it's just the lovelessness and sexlessness, and absolute lack of female company that just strains me so much, to the point I often don't feel human anymore.

Maybe what I will do in the end, is just living ascetically, wandering the world for Truth and taking in the beauty of Gods creation. But I'm afraid I will always feel unworthy in the darwinistic sense, unworthy of human love and far removed from it. and that fear and hate makes me want to kill myself. I no longer really fear hell, although that fear kept me from pursuing suicide in the last few years, I realize it's all based on imagined dogma and dharma by prophets and yogis, who built a moral system for society, but I have absolutely no reason to believe them about the afterlife whatsoever. Although I have an intuition suicide will lead to hell, it's probably just human survival bullshit concocted by the mind. All I really know is that consciousness is immortal, for that is something I have witnessed myself.

I'm just going to go on and try everything till I absolutely can't bear it anymore, but I won't delude myself with fantasies anymore, even when those fantasies kept me from ending it all.

Thanks for everything Leo.

Edited yesterday at 04:14 AM by gengar

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, gengar said:

it's time I face reality like you do, cutting all the fantasies and seeing my situation as it is: I'll be forever alone.

Be very careful here. 

What you consider "cutting all fantasies" could itself be the fantasy. Don't overlook that negativity and doomerism is a kind of fantasy.

Just because dating is difficult does not mean you shouldn't do it, can't be successful at it, or that it's not worthwhile.

The most difficult aspects of life can also be the most rewarding. Building a business is also hell. So what? Do it anyway. That's life. Don't expect everything to be easy. People who have it easy with dating will have it hard in other areas. No one has an easy life.

I am not good-looking, I am super introverted, so dating was very challenging for me. And yet I still had some success and it was very worthwhile.

Really facing reality means going out there and dating. Not telling yourself why you'll fail.

Edited yesterday at 04:23 AM by Leo Gura

[Applegarden8]

On 3/4/2025 at 0:09 PM, mmKay said:

No matter what city you live in, there is always Suzie from work

There is, but she is also dating while time is passing. You might not be her first choice.

[AION]

Getting out of your head is major even more major than a major city. If you are in your head and you are a good looking guy you can coast by but if you are not picture perfect, you need to get out of your head so you can make connections with people or in this thread  with girls. That is the whole nasty side of introverts: being stuck in our head.

How to get out of your head? Well, well philosophy won't work.  You need to be more in your body and visceral. It is matter of conditioning your body and mind to be grounded. It can be through meditation but a meditation that grounds one in the body. Or through winner effect by achieving success in the physical world. That will ground you in the physical world and that will create success. And personal and social success will attract people.

Being stuck in the head is usually because people getting bullied or childhood trauma. It is a defensive mechanism because introverts think they are safe in their head. One can look into that. 

If you are out of your head you can get laid every where even in a small city.....and when you are stuck in your head you can be in a nightclub filled with horny girls and you are still not getting any.

Edited yesterday at 12:31 PM by AION

[EternalForest]

@gengar It's been a couple days, are you okay man?