Problems with my family

[Unlimited]

I just had a huge argument with my family on a video phone call.

The more I do this work, the more I see how selfish they are and what their beliefs are. Especially now with the elections we had in Germany and them being right-wing it was hard for me to just speak normally to them. I admit that the way I talked was not the best but it's really hard if your family thinks that you're regressing as a person. My mother literally said she thinks I'm in puberty again.

I wonder what is the best I can do in this case. Should I just do as if I agree with all their views and kind of live a double life or what would be a better way to avoid problems with my family?

Edited Thursday at 10:09 PM by Unlimited

[Carl-Richard]

If you're the grown-up, act like one. Literally treat them like kids who don't know any better.

Edited Thursday at 10:37 PM by Carl-Richard

[Unlimited]

10 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

If you're the grown-up, act like one. Literally treat them like kids who don't know any better.

But should I just accept what they say or how can I treat them like kids?

It surely doesn't work to call them out.

[Hojo]

The double puberty is a projection by laws of God. Our parents have lost it.

[Letho]

@Unlimited This is one of the catches of having children. Being able to look to us as their gods for so many years can backfire, because eventually, they see through us, at least, in as much as we let them into our little secret, that the diamonds of truth to reality, were not beholden to us as their parents. We should never let them know, we should exert all possible energies in the preservation of this power that we cannot let them know we even have, even if we're wrong we must pretend we're right and when they're wrong, we must pretend that we can teach and guide them, and that only we can while pretending that we're okay with them listening to others. Or their teachers, yes their teachers that work for the government to help indoctrinate them into cultural normalizatio-ill-stupido's, yes, their teachers are the only one's we can trust outside ourselves unless... Unless they say, try to turn our children against us. For that I have my shotgun, "Another Brick in the Wall" by Pink Floyd, my hunting dog and my dog training techniques to get my boy fetch me some sheep and milk a me my cows. "Mom an't gonna be able to make her pastries without her dairy! We go stave for a whole week! Now geee---t to it b---oy!"

 

I think this is the era for me to invite the making of music that at least runs along these veins. We miss you Pink; double tap there on the gender.  We don't yet have a transgender on either side to tap it 3 or 4.

 

Edited yesterday at 01:36 AM by Letho

[Unlimited]

After thinking about it a bit, I think it's the best to just say sorry and do as I was wrong. Otherwise there will just be a conflict which distracts me from working on myself.

Thanks for all the replies.

[Letho]

@Unlimited we all have implicit contracts with our parents. It is up to each individual child's will to understand that as maturely as possible, so the fineprints there can be read and intelligently responded to. Contracts are a good thing, they can be negotiated by law and agreed upon by two or more responsible parties, and done otherwise where there is the responsible cause to that. Contracts are the balance of responsibility weighed against expectations and boundaries. 

This was all done by video call. Give the weight of that its responsible context. 

Growing up, past a certain period my knowledge, theorisation and brain plasticity surpassed that of my parents, and what comes with that is my own moral responsibility towards a thinning of their behavioral impact with a consolidation of the love. A preservation of the permanance that binds us while a letting go of the contractural obligations the more both parties can see we've got our shit handled by ourselves, but they have to see that, again and again sometimes, and us too, when its our parents turn to show us that they're doing okay and don't need our extra help. 

There is no perfect relationship, but the best limits are crafted by an understanding of how to nurture and handle intentions with wisdom.

[ExploringReality]

@Unlimited

Wow! That's an incredible sense of clarity to see how ones actions and input can contribute to the conflict between our families bro. In my experiences with arguing and fighting with my brother, a situation escalated in our late teens that led to him throwing a glass ceramic coffee mug at my arm, resulting in a permanent laceration that is a life long healing and recovery process. As it happened and blood was dripping,  I immediately went to the bathroom tub, I looked at my brother in that moment of panic, pain and shocking reaction to what happened, I told him that I am sorry baby brother, I love you and I forgive you for everything, including my arm. I cried with him and took a bus to the hospital with my dad. That really opened me up on my journey in a direction of compassion, forgiveness, letting go, surrender, introspection, reflection, I also experimented with psychedelics during the first phase of this injury and that really led me to tripping so hard that I found @Leo Gura because I was researching the effects of psychedelics and wanted to see who else on YouTube I can find that explain the phenomenological nature of altered States of Consciousness under the influence of hallucinogens.

Also what helps me on my journey are books on emotional intelligence. Loving kindness taught at a high perspective by sages and masters. The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Also higher consciousness books that blend grounding compassion with all beings, tranquil, peaceful living around turmoil and chaos.

Keep forgiving your family over time and it will deepen your love with them even if you guys depart in separate directions later in life, you can still agree to disagree, you set boundaries of respect and still appreciate them. 🩷

Edited yesterday at 02:58 AM by ExploringReality

[Unlimited]

@Letho that makes sense. It's really about becoming more independent of my parents while maintaining kind of the same love for each other at the same time.

[Carl-Richard]

4 hours ago, Unlimited said:

But should I just accept what they say or how can I treat them like kids?

It surely doesn't work to call them out.

If a kid is being stupid, do you call them out on it, or do you laugh with your belly and say "oh you"?

[Unlimited]

@ExploringReality thanks for sharing your story with your brother, I appreciate it. Forgiving is not always easy, but I will have to work on it.

[Unlimited]

2 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

If a kid is being stupid, do you call them out on it, or do you laugh with your belly and say "oh you"?

The second if it's a random kid but I wouldn't know what would be the best if it would be my own kid.

[Carl-Richard]

5 hours ago, Unlimited said:

The second if it's a random kid but I wouldn't know what would be the best if it would be my own kid.

Sure, but the point is to see people as being in different stages of growth or development and that pushing standards on them that they might not be ready for can be counterproductive. When you see that somebody isn't being "stupid" but just need to grow, then that puts a lot of pressure off trying to change them or convert them to your point of view. Let people grow at their own pace. But of course, it's up to you how much you want to surround yourself with kids.

Edited 20 hours ago by Carl-Richard

[Unlimited]

5 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Sure, but the point is to see people as being in different stages of growth or development and that pushing standards on them that they might not be ready for can be counterproductive. When you see that somebody isn't being "stupid" but just need to grow, then that puts a lot of pressure off trying to change them. Let people grow at their own pace.

I see.

7 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

But of course, it's up to you how much you want to surround yourself with kids.

I wouldn't surround myself much with them if it wasn't my family but I get your point.

[gettoefl]

If I'm paying your bills and you're under my roof, what I say goes. My house my rules. Like it or lump it or leave it.

There is a season of life where you keep your mouth buttoned.

[meta_male]

14 hours ago, Unlimited said:

My mother literally said she thinks I'm in puberty again.

Classic. You gotta speak up for yourself and get more comfortable with conflict.

[Unlimited]

3 hours ago, gettoefl said:

If I'm paying your bills and you're under my roof, what I say goes. My house my rules. Like it or lump it or leave it.

There is a season of life where you keep your mouth buttoned.

Yes of course but I don't live with them anymore.

[Unlimited]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

Classic. You gotta speak up for yourself and get more comfortable with conflict.

Getting more comfortable with conflict is probably not a bad thing but in this case I think it's better to avoid conflict because in the end it just distracts me from doing more important stuff.

[enchanted]

Is caring what others think an inadvertent admission that they are superior to you? 

If you have an argument with a child you quickly forget about it because in your mind it's obvious you're superior to a child and what a child thinks doesn't matter. But when you have an argument that is upsetting for even days after, are you not admitting that that person is superior to you and that it matters what they think? 

Edited 13 hours ago by enchanted