Hell always ends

[Santiago Ram]

This too shall pass.

 

I was witnessing the anniversary of a AA godfather when it all began. The hypocrisy of his speech was evident and a wave of anxiety began to rise in my arms. I’m going to lose control, I thought. I better call an Uber to take me to the hospital.

 

Anxiety rose more and more. I’m going to lose my mind.

 

 I started to freak out in the Uber. My hands were wet from excessive sweat and I started to move front and back, front and back. God, God, God, God. I repeated. The Uber driver freaked out as well and called a cop to guard us to the hospital entrance. When the car moved to the entrance of the Urgencies section, I opened the door while it was still moving and tumbled into the floor. I arrived, better run.

 

I ran into the entrance and pleaded to be taken care of. They assigned me a bed called my parents. TIE ME. I yelled. TIE ME OR I WILL BLASPHEME. It was a scary moment. A metaphysical terror began.

 

My parents arrived and saw me in the hospital bed. Every possible medicine and injection was applied. I DO NOT WANT TO BLASPHEME, I yelled. Then I said some terrible words. What will people think? I asked my Dad. What will God think? They will laugh, he said in a serious tone. They will all laugh. None of the medical staff laughed.

 

After 4 hours in the Hospital and many medications with no effect, my dad almost lost his patience. I will leave you on the streets, he threatened. I yelled once again and woke up all the patients.

 

My dad took care of me that night. He drove me to the other side of town while I was still in psychosis. We were searching for a rare medication. TIE ME PLEASE to the car seat, I screeched, or else I might become violent. He complied, careful not to be seen by police who might misinterpret the situation.

 

When we arrived at his apartment, I was delirious and horrified. Please, I don’t want to blaspheme. He tied me to the bed and I started to say horrible things. Sexual things. Offensive things. About my family.

 

But I didn’t want to speak bad about my dad. What if I say something awful and he leaves me on the streets? I yelled with all my might. I pulled all the bondages that tied me to his bed and I broke free. Then I ran towards the pit. 5 floors of precipice. I almost made it. But my father caught me and threw me to the ground. He slapped me twice.

 

After that they called an ambulance and headed me towards a (thank God) nice psychiatric clinic were they stabilized me for two weeks. But in the ambulance I remembered hallucinating monsters and crying in pain:

 

“Will this pass? Please tell me this will come to an end.”

 

The driver, a bit annoyed, replied:

“Yes, this will pass”

 

I would only come to know later that this has been the wisest thing anyone has ever said. After that, I arrived at another Rehab clinic where I later helped and had visions of God and Love. My life is much better now and I can enjoy having sporadic awakenings without losing control.

 

Always one day at a time. But in knowledge that just waiting, this too shall pass.