Going Back To The Bottom

[electroBeam]

Do any of you sometimes experience situations where you mind somehow does a full circle, and falls all the way back into deep neurosis, the same level of neurosis that you were at, at the beginning of your actualization journey?

For the last week I've been feeling deeply, deeply anxious, somehow my low self esteem has come back and slapped me across the face, and its almost like I've time traveled back 6 months, to when I was crazy. 

I don't really know what to do about this, its has sort of struck me off guard, but one thing I can say for certain, is that I'm feeling pretty frustrated, because all of the issues I thought I solved ages ago, have somehow revived themselves. 

What would you do in this situation? 

[123456789]

I would get a little disheartened but I would keep going.

[Max_V]

@electroBeam

I have had this problem too. I worked very hard on working out my fears towards heart rate issues and my heart stopping. I thought I got over this but then suddenly it came back and I got frightened shitless. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, meditations were very scare because I got confronted with this 'self' that was fearful all the time.

Now that I am working on this issue once again I have found that it helped me grow almost more than the first time I thought I got over this fear.

What I have learned is that every problem or scary situation is an oppurtinity to grow. I can't always look at it this way but I try to. I would say try to look at it this way. Look at the judgements you make about yourself and observe what  happens. 

Everything keeps changing. Remind yourself that this phase too, will pass

[electroBeam]

@Dingus I find it difficult to guage whether or not im going in the right direction, because things chop and change so much. One day ill be in the present moment from dawn to dusk, other days my mind will be of that of a psychologically ill person.

Sometimes ill have realizations like free will doesnt exist and feel limitless, and not give a fuck about anything, and then other days its like im in a prison cell. 

Its so hard to manage, if you even can.

[Prabhaker]

3 hours ago, electroBeam said:

What would you do in this situation?

Learn yoga.

[electroBeam]

4 minutes ago, Prabhaker said:

Learn yoga.

Why so? And which yoga ma dude, im currently doing wim hof's method, which is basically Pranayama yoga + tummo (inner fire meditation) and i do nidra yoga every night to fall asleep because i sleep sitting down and its uncomfortable. But it doesnt seem to be making my life less chaotic.

@Dingus haha but it affects ya schoolwork. But yeah surrender is the most enjoyful way of dealing with it.

[Prabhaker]

2 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

But it doesnt seem to be making my life less chaotic.

The first part of yoga must be physiological because man lives on the circumference, in the body, so the work has to start there, only then can it reach the mind. And when one has gone beyond the body and beyond the mind, then the third, meditation, happens.

[Guest Annetta]

I relate, feel better dude 

[Martin123]

@electroBeam all belief systems are distributed into different layers.

Celebrate. You are now ready to face more of yourself. That is why they say we grow in spirals. As we spiral up we face same issues but in different layers.

 

Stay calm, or not. Get excited!

good shit, just relax and love yourself more, as always.

[Dodo]

8 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Do any of you sometimes experience situations where you mind somehow does a full circle, and falls all the way back into deep neurosis, the same level of neurosis that you were at, at the beginning of your actualization journey?

For the last week I've been feeling deeply, deeply anxious, somehow my low self esteem has come back and slapped me across the face, and its almost like I've time traveled back 6 months, to when I was crazy. 

I don't really know what to do about this, its has sort of struck me off guard, but one thing I can say for certain, is that I'm feeling pretty frustrated, because all of the issues I thought I solved ages ago, have somehow revived themselves. 

What would you do in this situation? 

I would drop the image of a person or even spirit that is on a journey of improvement and just fall into the deep oceanic hug of self inquiry!

[Shin]

That is to expect, but if you did consciousness work, it shouldn't bother you too much.
You would just watch yourself thinking and acting stupidly, but it would be funny to you at this point.

[Prabhaker]

11 hours ago, electroBeam said:

its almost like I've time traveled back 6 months

Whatsoever you do, do it with awareness; this is meditation. Walking, walk attentively, as if walking is everything; eating, eat with awareness, as if eating is everything; rising, rise with awareness; sitting, sit with awareness; all your actions become conscious, your mind does not travel beyond this moment, it remains in the moment, settles in the moment – this is meditation.

Meditation is not an hour-a-day affair where you sit for one hour and then it is over till tomorrow. No, if twenty-three hours are empty of meditation and only one hour is meditative, then it is certain that the twenty-three hours will defeat the single hour. Non-meditation will win, meditation will lose. If you are living twenty-three hours a day without awareness, and only one hour with awareness, then you will never attain to the state of meditation.

[WelcometoReality]

22 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Do any of you sometimes experience situations where you mind somehow does a full circle, and falls all the way back into deep neurosis, the same level of neurosis that you were at, at the beginning of your actualization journey?

For the last week I've been feeling deeply, deeply anxious, somehow my low self esteem has come back and slapped me across the face, and its almost like I've time traveled back 6 months, to when I was crazy. 

I don't really know what to do about this, its has sort of struck me off guard, but one thing I can say for certain, is that I'm feeling pretty frustrated, because all of the issues I thought I solved ages ago, have somehow revived themselves. 

What would you do in this situation? 

I've been experiencing the same thing recently. I've had social anxiety that I started dealing with 10 years ago and I assumed that it was a thing of the past. A couple of weeks ago it suddenly reappeared and it came back with full force. From 0-100 percent in an instance. Luckily I remebered this video clip that I saw a year ago about finding out your core belief.

So my core belief was that "I'm not good enough" and I can really see that it has been the main driving force in my life. Theres been many different faces of the ego with this same core belief.

There's been the "I'm not good enough, so I won't even try"-ego: So I won't study. I won't apply for a job. I'll just play video games.

The "I'm not good enough and I don't care what you think of me"-ego. The one being real a douche to everyone. Deeply down under it cares but that has been surpressed.

The "I'm not good enough, so I'll try real hard so you will like me"-ego. The good ego. Always positive. Surpressing it's owns needs for others needs.

Seeing through that core belief made the social anxiety dissappear as fast as it appeared (and other ego stuff). I basicly feel more genuine now then before.

So my advice to you is find that core belief. Maybe that is the root of the "problem".

 

[SBB4746]

@electroBeam that's perfectly normal and you may experience the same sort of thing for a long time (maybe forever). As time goes on you will probably accept these fluctuations more. The main issue your having is that you are desiring a particular state/outcome which is a illusion in your mind. Spiritual work is about being completely content with how you feel, regardless if it's bliss or aniexty.