How to deal with our own inner inequacies, defects and shit?

[Davino]

The more I advance in personal development the more I see how much of a devil I am. It's really sickening and hard to stomach. We like to have this great image about ourselves, yet the truth is we are full of shortcomings and imperfections. It's pyschologically and emotionally challenging. 

In this way, how can I love my defects? How can I love everytime I wronged, a situation or another being due to acting unskilfully and uncalibratedly?

There is shit within me, I know, there is self-hatred, my mind attacks itself, I attack myself in destructive behaviours and have negative destroying patterns. You just see it when you see it and when you do, one has to deal with it.

Self-Love may be the answer. I'm really trying to change my mind's wiring to embody deeper self-love, to infuse those inferior tendencies with awareness, healing and raw love so that I can make surf this unstoppable process not from a place of lack or not feeling enough, but from an overflowing sense of love and gratitude for myself, others and reality.

[LifeEnjoyer]

Just now, Davino said:

I see how much of a devil I am.

Same. I like treating the thoughts of self-hate, disgust and self attacking as waves of an ocean, observing them as they come and go.

I forget this a lot, though. 

You got that.

[Davino]

15 minutes ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

Same. I like treating the thoughts of self-hate, disgust and self attacking as waves of an ocean, observing them as they come and go.

I see, it's easy to indulge and spin with them instead of making space and room for them to happen.

[Grateful Dead]

Forgiveness, brother. Let it wash over you like a wave and forget the past.

[Yimpa]

The boogeyman will try to keep you playing by its rules - stuck in old patterns and limiting beliefs. It's clever at twisting truths and making you doubt yourself. But here's the thing - what seems "wrong" or "broken" according to the boogeyman is exactly what you need for growth and to discover your authentic self. 

See through the BS of the BoogeyShit… not by playing its games, but by bending and breaking them over and over again.

[Schizophonia]

@Davino can you give a specific example ?

[LambdaDelta]

That is fine. I'm in a similar situation currently, all you can really do is commit to growth, no reverse gear. It's a massive struggle at first, but soon gets easier and even enjoyable. Key here is to think of yourself as a self-correcting system, which is really what you - God - is, there's this endless process of evolution, which despite all the deviations and plateaus converges to Unity and Love in the infinite term. So, when you notice some devilry or shortcoming, it's not judged, nor does it need to be loved in a hippie-like fashion. It is feedback, telling which area of embodying Love you ought to focus. Reflect deeply, commit to not doing it again, that's really the best you can do. Forgive backsliding, but not endlessly, some things require do or die situations to correct, which can even be self-induced, as I like to do, why wait for reality to come crashing down. "Awareness alone is curative" is a very helpful video here. Also put things in context, you're already doing far more than most people ever would attempt, that counts for something. Set proper expectations and pace yourself. Sometimes that'll mean blazing through, others a slow and agonizing process. 
Self-hatred can work in a very limited capacity, for example some months ago I was on a difficult hike after a long break, was out of breath and stumbling, which could get dangerous, so I powered through that by cursing at myself, and soon after I was back to normal. In that instance it functioned better than self-love would have, I basically exploited some masculine ego dynamics. The next day was full of self-love to counterbalance though. 
At this stage expect some uncharacteristic behavior, I find myself much less tolerant of people's BS than I used to be when life was very relaxed, now it seems I can't afford to spare my time or energy to entertain that anymore. But at the same time it gives me more understanding and compassion of why people are so selfish and blind, they're struggling to survive every day and have no resources to spare on higher awareness, as it is quite taxing too. This is basically a larger loop that will take some time to come full circle, at the other side I envision genuine and permanent compassion and love for others, in alignment with true theosis, but the road to that is necessarily full of suffering. I like to think of it as circles of Inferno, each progressively larger and deeper, yet bringing you closer to Purgatorio and ultimately Paradiso. 
You could also attempt some very advanced moves, like a full rewrite of your self kernel, or creating a powerful entity that will run your life, if you dare, and more importantly feel that it's time. I've had great success with that, but it's tantamount to death. 

[Princess Arabia]

Nothing new here. This is the me energy at its core. Can't be any other way. Every me goes through this, which is practically every human. It lives in its own world. Everything appearing is in contrast to it. All it sees are defects and it feels inadequate by default. No matter how many exercises you do, practices you engage in and no matter how hard it tries to overcome these things will fail at it miserably. Tensions may ease for a bit and it may feel less contracted at times, but, by nature, it will always return to its natural tendencies of feeling insecure, lacking, inadequate and defective. 

The solution to this is to see it for what it is and not judge it and recognize that this is freedom, which is already whole and complete, appearing as such. The more it tries to fix itself, the stronger these feelings linger because they are effects and not causes.

Edited yesterday at 08:06 PM by Princess Arabia

[LastThursday]

11 hours ago, Davino said:

how can I love my defects?

Evolution and growth starts with detachment. You have the ability to step outside yourself.

If you saw someone else being a devil, what would you do? Maybe shout at them and call them a devil! Later you might explain to them why they're a devil. You may then try and guide them and show them what they need to do not to be a devil. Maybe in the end you might just lead by example, by showing them what it's like not to be a devil - that's love.

[Davino]

7 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

can you give a specific example ?

It's mostly analyzing my decisions. I contemplate on many situations that happened in my life and rethink what was the perfect alien chess move. This process has lead me to a lot of self-improvement and outer calibration, yet there's some crude nastiness in the way I do this process that I want to reduce to the unavoidable minimum.

[Ishanga]

12 hours ago, Grateful Dead said:

Forgiveness, brother. Let it wash over you like a wave and forget the past.

First You self hate, then You self forgive then You self guilt, self shame and self self self.,.This is just more empowerment to the Ego.. as this is all self created things done unconsciously..

Why do You have to love or hate anything about yourself, why judge it? Just Observe it, and if it is not to your liking then change it...Once You go down this path of Self Love, then Ego gets super powered up and in charge totally, but Ego is not You, its a false mask, social construct...

[Elton]

@Davino only one thing can save us brother.

The missing piece in the puzzle.

@Leo Gura the greatest subconscious mind training course that will help us embody the missing piece of the puzzle deep in our minds.

[LifeEnjoyer]

@Elton leo should pay you. I'm hyped for this new course now

[Hojo]

Just hate everyone. The ego has to love something or it dies. After every conversation say in your mind I fking hate you. When walking around in reality focus on nothing, like put your finger in front of your face and take it away and look at that space as you navigate around people. When talking to people look at them as little as possible. Have conversations and focus on hands or whatever.Dont engage conversations. You will start to like not talking to people then you can love yourself. Then you can go back once you feel better. You can hang out with people and not really look at them you will be surprised at how in conversations people will just talk to themselves and then find you interesting.

Think of like Kong in the jungle he is the king he looks at no one he bows to no one people avert their eyes from him. Why? Because when you look at him you take his power and he will attack you. Constantly looking at people is like looking for attention you are God you dont need to look at people. Also this goes with mirrors. Dont look at yourself in the mirror.

Navigate reality Near sighted. If you do the finger technique and hold you gaze on nothing you can put things in front of your eye and take it further and closer and you can see your eyes zoom in real time. This shows the eyes are not crossing they are focusing on the empty space(GOD) between your eyes.

Edited 17 hours ago by Hojo

[aurum]

20 hours ago, Davino said:

In this way, how can I love my defects? How can I love everytime I wronged, a situation or another being due to acting unskilfully and uncalibratedly?

That's appropriate only at a certain stage in your healing.

When you're just becoming aware of some devilry for the first time, you don't try to love it. You let it crush you.

[Elton]

@LifeEnjoyer haha... yes I've been promoting his course way before its launch.

[Applegarden8]

Completion process / shadow work / Nirbaya dhyana / Samskara daghana kriya. Look into any of there. Journal your negative incidents, get to the root of feeling. Feel these emotions as you are in that incident, with that think at the time of incident. Feel those strong emotions until they start to untangle. Helps very much aginst society's conditioning as they will literally never let you feel not guilty for who you are.

[Grateful Dead]

13 hours ago, Ishanga said:

Just Observe it, and if it is not to your liking then change it...

That's what I actually mean by forgiveness. Observing as loving awareness until your worries disappear. And yes, after that you can still make some changes if you want to.

[Schizophonia]

16 hours ago, Davino said:

It's mostly analyzing my decisions. I contemplate on many situations that happened in my life and rethink what was the perfect alien chess move. This process has lead me to a lot of self-improvement and outer calibration, yet there's some crude nastiness in the way I do this process that I want to reduce to the unavoidable minimum.

It's still not a specific example. 😅

Nevermind, not a big deal.

[Sugarcoat]

Maybe trying to love your shortcomings is a bit too far, it’s not necessary, but rather you could strive for a neutrality about them. If you are genuinely interested in your own nature, then when judgements or other flaws arise you can view them with this interest and be interested in their nature. You’re observing them from a neutral view instead of being caught up in them. Know that the way the human mind functions is that it has to judge, it has to have flaws: you’d have to literally break yourself down to be able to be free from those flaws. It might or might not be possible for you, that’s something one could strive for. But as long as you’re not there, there will be flaws and I suggest you meet them with this self interest as if you’re a scientist studying your own nature. Interested in finding your “authentic” or perhaps ideal self

Edited 4 hours ago by Sugarcoat