How to deal with conflict

[Letho]

Just now, Letho said:

@Ima Freeman two-fold.

1. Focus on your cognitive empathy - directed simultaneously for both yourself and others:

Cognitive empathy for others is obviously lacking in some areas / shuts down in the presence of conflict, perhaps because you feel you're not being empathized with. This is a normal occurrence and is one of the cores of most lapses in human connection. 

Truth Pill = Most people suck at empathy in the modern techno-addicted age where you're not having to expend energy to train it naturally through the environments feedback loops as much as the past so you'll need to get used to not being empathized with. That being said, have preferential treatment for those relationships where it has consistency and transparency in communication when there's difficulties.

2. Have unbounded compassion for self and other while operating purely strategically in number 1.

We're all dealing with a population of people that mostly do not learn to operate strategically because we're implicitly conditioned to adopt the status quo of societies equilibrium, aka analogous to what's often referred to as 'regression to the mean'. This is because our consciousness is dragged in an 'attracted/magnetized' sense to what is more likely to bring it balance relative to its unique operations, and its biased towards the social norms even if they're imbalanced. Sometimes in particular if you're a naturally empathic person with an unhealthy childhood because you've spent most of your younger life finding yourself in reaction to the emotional environment, which makes them a good case study to compare with someone with very low affective empathy. Because they're not having to experience the emotions of others, their nervous system just has their internal inputs to feedback loop from and therefore the maturity of their sense of self is easier relative to this extent while having shortcomings in recognising the emotional boundaries of others whereas the more empathic (affective) person used in the example will naturally have more issues instead with respect to identifying their own emotional boundaries in the prevention of being taken advantage of in this regard by the person with lower empathy. 

This creates the context for interpreting the population and the boundaried vs unboundaried communications we have with them across an "Empathy Self vs Other Recognition" spectrum with affective and cognitive empathy being the major mediators concerning the maturity of the sense of self vs other overtime. This spectrum can help us paint a more nuanced perspective on conflict vs agreement and its absolute terms concerning felt and thought resonance vs its more relative nature that opens us up to appreciating a greater sense of complexity imbedded underneath each interaction we have. By approaching interactions, especially those conflict based, with this awareness, the elevation of that will measure the outcomes of intelligence that were meant to result, inclusive of healthy boundaried disagreement that can expand rather than contract a relationship when people are able to "meet in the middle" of their maturity on this spectrum. The compassion for self, directly reduces your anxiety in conflict situations while giving you an opportuntiy to leverage an expansion on the strength of your sense of self in a healthy rather than ego fuelled way and in return, giving you the space to do this for another rather than being compounded to the opposite end when the ego shuts down these higher social abilities and its subsequent stable context for continued mutual growth with another. 

3. You're creating your own balance with another while at the same time, there's always the ever-presence of societies balance unknowingly being leveraged

Drawing on paragraph 1 of point 2, number 3 is the essence for what creates the meaning and the future value adding of our relationships as we move down a path of discovery with others the more we explore empathy, self and boundaries in the context of one another in them. However, if you can remember that with every person, there's "Their Society" breathing down their neck in the form of prior psychological conditioning and just the presence of the impact of sensing larger social dynamics at play in the moment that etches in implicit conformity on both boundary and agreement points, then this unique balance you're creating with someone can be given the intelligent artistic contrast it deserves to define agreement/disagreement points which create the parameters of that exploration. This boundary of society is always in relationship with the boundary of self and it finds its point uniquely for every individual relative to their niche developmental paths. This is why you can have an extremely kinky nurse, doctor, police officer and nun in their own varied form and a very 'standard' sexual opposite with a woman that's going to find herself behind bars in the next 12 months, just for example. The self is regardless always finding itself in reaction to the friction of society pressing against the skin of this internal sensory awareness, and where there is the less development in self-computation of empathy across this mediation the more there will be this reactionary sexual opposite presence as its balancing point, relative to unique personality inclinations. 

4. Create and Identify Context: then refine, refine, refine. The more defined you make your drawings on these lines, the more obvious the picture becomes and your identification of its attraction vs retractive points

As you've now experienced from 1 to 3, the more "aha" experiences you have on the human condition all the way to individual examples you can paint with your life, this greater nuance translates into a solidarity that spells out fluid action with ease because now the world of another is much more cleverly defined in context with the world of self. Naturally, this not only translates into comprehension that enhances intellectual navigation but its going to completely change your energy as well that will make you not only less conflict prone but conflict susceptible which alters in advance the way people react to you and the likelihood that they even choose responses that are akin to 'conflict prone territory', in essence you've not only internally changed the future but now you're literally giving off a new vibration that alters the chemical energetic makeup of another and vice versa that establishes new grounding points that redefine the context by which conflict occurs, likely towards more progressive healthy ends where there is the maturity to facilitate. 

5. You are your energy far before you are the mind of your thoughts that are the makeup of that ancillary, and they are too

Definitions create the spaces of our energy and energy creates the spaces of our energies. Focus on altering the energy within and the energy without will naturally change, vice versa. You can practice moving your energy in various ways for example and notice via self experimentation how a change on the lines of energy here are a training of the maturity of those lines that makeup the self, its world and the complementary other and its world along with the boundaries that define the governance of our (conflict) mediation to mutual evolution. 

Oh @Ima Freeman. It turned out to be 5-fold heh!

[Natasha Tori Maru]

7 hours ago, Ima Freeman said:

Very helpful. Thank you.
The eMotion tries to push me to a fight or flight reaction

Hello Ima - my advice relating to the above: if you do not trust your ability to calmly & rationally respond in the moment, please do give yourself grace to take leave of the person and reassess when calm.

I often have to simply state 'I am too emotionally charged to think correctly and respond, can I have 20 or so minutes to get back to you?' or just simply 'I need 20 minutes to assess this & respond'

You will find most situations are rarely so urgent as to need an instantaneous response.

I understand your feelings regarding being disrespected. In the past, I would instantly become enraged as I find disrespect abhorrent. I still do feel a negative feeling, but I am able to realise the issue is coming from the other person. I can only control my reaction. That person has bad morals, and it has nothing to do with me (in this example).

 

[hyruga]

Just go to YouTube, Google and AI and type 'How to deal with conflict?"

[Human Mint]

@Ima Freeman Try not to take it personally. Often times I see a "lack of respect" directed towards me, but obviously that's my own perspective. Then I clearly see that it was not personal and in fact those people are struggling a lot themselves. They might not like themselves or they're in toxic relationships. They just don't know how to communicate love. Of course you'll feel that and get triggered, but understanding and bursting your own bubble is way more powerful.

[Human Mint]

This is real conflict:

 

[Ima Freeman]

On 24.2.2025 at 3:20 AM, Letho said:

@Ima Freeman two-fold.

1. Focus on your cognitive empathy - directed simultaneously for both yourself and others:

Cognitive empathy for others is obviously lacking in some areas / shuts down in the presence of conflict, perhaps because you feel you're not being empathized with. This is a normal occurrence and is one of the cores of most lapses in human connection. 

Truth Pill = Most people suck at empathy in the modern techno-addicted age where you're not having to expend energy to train it naturally through the environments feedback loops as much as the past so you'll need to get used to not being empathized with. That being said, have preferential treatment for those relationships where it has consistency and transparency in communication when there's difficulties.

2. Have unbounded compassion for self and other while operating purely strategically in number 1.

We're all dealing with a population of people that mostly do not learn to operate strategically because we're implicitly conditioned to adopt the status quo of societies equilibrium, aka analogous to what's often referred to as 'regression to the mean'. This is because our consciousness is dragged in an 'attracted/magnetized' sense to what is more likely to bring it balance relative to its unique operations, and its biased towards the social norms even if they're imbalanced. Sometimes in particular if you're a naturally empathic person with an unhealthy childhood because you've spent most of your younger life finding yourself in reaction to the emotional environment, which makes them a good case study to compare with someone with very low affective empathy. Because they're not having to experience the emotions of others, their nervous system just has their internal inputs to feedback loop from and therefore the maturity of their sense of self is easier relative to this extent while having shortcomings in recognising the emotional boundaries of others whereas the more empathic (affective) person used in the example will naturally have more issues instead with respect to identifying their own emotional boundaries in the prevention of being taken advantage of in this regard by the person with lower empathy. 

This creates the context for interpreting the population and the boundaried vs unboundaried communications we have with them across an "Empathy Self vs Other Recognition" spectrum with affective and cognitive empathy being the major mediators concerning the maturity of the sense of self vs other overtime. This spectrum can help us paint a more nuanced perspective on conflict vs agreement and its absolute terms concerning felt and thought resonance vs its more relative nature that opens us up to appreciating a greater sense of complexity imbedded underneath each interaction we have. By approaching interactions, especially those conflict based, with this awareness, the elevation of that will measure the outcomes of intelligence that were meant to result, inclusive of healthy boundaried disagreement that can expand rather than contract a relationship when people are able to "meet in the middle" of their maturity on this spectrum. The compassion for self, directly reduces your anxiety in conflict situations while giving you an opportuntiy to leverage an expansion on the strength of your sense of self in a healthy rather than ego fuelled way and in return, giving you the space to do this for another rather than being compounded to the opposite end when the ego shuts down these higher social abilities and its subsequent stable context for continued mutual growth with another. 

3. You're creating your own balance with another while at the same time, there's always the ever-presence of societies balance unknowingly being leveraged

Drawing on paragraph 1 of point 2, number 3 is the essence for what creates the meaning and the future value adding of our relationships as we move down a path of discovery with others the more we explore empathy, self and boundaries in the context of one another in them. However, if you can remember that with every person, there's "Their Society" breathing down their neck in the form of prior psychological conditioning and just the presence of the impact of sensing larger social dynamics at play in the moment that etches in implicit conformity on both boundary and agreement points, then this unique balance you're creating with someone can be given the intelligent artistic contrast it deserves to define agreement/disagreement points which create the parameters of that exploration. This boundary of society is always in relationship with the boundary of self and it finds its point uniquely for every individual relative to their niche developmental paths. This is why you can have an extremely kinky nurse, doctor, police officer and nun in their own varied form and a very 'standard' sexual opposite with a woman that's going to find herself behind bars in the next 12 months, just for example. The self is regardless always finding itself in reaction to the friction of society pressing against the skin of this internal sensory awareness, and where there is the less development in self-computation of empathy across this mediation the more there will be this reactionary sexual opposite presence as its balancing point, relative to unique personality inclinations. 

4. Create and Identify Context: then refine, refine, refine. The more defined you make your drawings on these lines, the more obvious the picture becomes and your identification of its attraction vs retractive points

As you've now experienced from 1 to 3, the more "aha" experiences you have on the human condition all the way to individual examples you can paint with your life, this greater nuance translates into a solidarity that spells out fluid action with ease because now the world of another is much more cleverly defined in context with the world of self. Naturally, this not only translates into comprehension that enhances intellectual navigation but its going to completely change your energy as well that will make you not only less conflict prone but conflict susceptible which alters in advance the way people react to you and the likelihood that they even choose responses that are akin to 'conflict prone territory', in essence you've not only internally changed the future but now you're literally giving off a new vibration that alters the chemical energetic makeup of another and vice versa that establishes new grounding points that redefine the context by which conflict occurs, likely towards more progressive healthy ends where there is the maturity to facilitate. 

5. You are your energy far before you are the mind of your thoughts that are the makeup of that ancillary, and they are too

Definitions create the spaces of our energy and energy creates the spaces of our energies. Focus on altering the energy within and the energy without will naturally change, vice versa. You can practice moving your energy in various ways for example and notice via self experimentation how a change on the lines of energy here are a training of the maturity of those lines that makeup the self, its world and the complementary other and its world along with the boundaries that define the governance of our (conflict) mediation to mutual evolution. 

Thanks a lot for your scientific treatise
Have to read it a couple of times to decode it 

[Ima Freeman]

1 hour ago, Human Mint said:

@Ima Freeman Try not to take it personally. Often times I see a "lack of respect" directed towards me, but obviously that's my own perspective. Then I clearly see that it was not personal and in fact those people are struggling a lot themselves. They might not like themselves or they're in toxic relationships. They just don't know how to communicate love. Of course you'll feel that and get triggered, but understanding and bursting your own bubble is way more powerful.

Good point
What do you mean with bursting your own bubble?

[Ima Freeman]

55 minutes ago, Human Mint said:

This is real conflict:

 

This is the aftermath of conflict

[Ima Freeman]

@Human Mint This is conflict

 

[Ulax]

@Ima Freeman I find restating their arguments to them is very effective.

[Human Mint]

On 25/02/2025 at 0:27 PM, Ima Freeman said:

Good point
What do you mean with bursting your own bubble?

It's easy, you have two options when conflict is thrown at you: either you engage in the conflict and perpetuate it or you choose to totally disengage. True for any situation. Just leave your ego aside

 

On 25/02/2025 at 0:28 PM, Ima Freeman said:

This is the aftermath of conflict

Right