How to deal with conflict

[Ima Freeman]

Experience shows me that I'm bad at handling conflict with others. Be it coworkers, family or friends. 
If someone is opposed to something I did or there are arguments I can't really handle it emotionally.
My first instinct is to not give anyone any surface, to be somewhat ignorant.
Even if I stood up for myself, I have strong emotions that run my mind afterwards.
My knees get shaky and I feel resentment.

Are there techniques to get better with handling confrontations and be calm during it?
 

[DianaFr]

My personal favorite in instances like these are CBT techniques, STAR method in particular. It stands for Situation, Thoughts & feelings, Actions, Results. It makes you examine what exactly takes place in each situation and what's your reaction to it, which in turn allows you to notice patterns. Once you've done looking at the present situation, you can create the alternative STAR - how would you LIKE to take hold of the situation, what thoughts you ought to be thinking to act in your preferred way etc. Than it's a matter of bridging the gap with practice and rewriting your normal behavioral pattern with a new one. 

[Ima Freeman]

@DianaFr Thanks for sharing

The thing is that I always react calm and try to minimize damage.
But I can get very resentful, can hardly shake that feeling and want to ban people from my life.
My ego is hurt very easily, and I don't want that. I wan't to be at ease and not so vulnerable.

[shree]

@Ima FreemanYou could try inner child dialoguing to explore the root cause. It’s likely tied to a deeper fear you may not be fully aware of.

[gettoefl]

Conflict is always how you see things and nothing to do with what others do. The key to dealing with conflict is having solid boundaries and being hyper selective who you allow access to you. If you have no say in the matter then label others as friend or foe and proceed accordingly. Friends get the authentic you and foes get bare presence and, as soon as business is conducted, polite withdrawal. Many people are not helpful for you and need to be kept away. Let others seek conflict but play no part in it. In this way, every day can be conflict free. This all reminds me of a quote: Before you think your life is a complete disaster, make sure you're not surrounded by assholes.

Edited yesterday at 01:25 PM by gettoefl

[Human Mint]

Avoiding it. That's the only way you'll end up meeting people that won't create conflict mindlessly. It is like a virus and you'll quickly adopt a conflictive attitude. It is easy when you have nothing to lose, but often times you'll have to sacrifice a paid position or friends.