Escaping a Rut : 1 quote is all it takes

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

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Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

I've just realized 1 simple reason why I fucked up and it's so simple and obvious and frustrating that I feel another knife just twist deep into my gut, the fact I didn't realize this years ago either. 

THe pain is now back and I don't even know what to say 

It's just beyond annoying and frustrating 

I'm just suffering at how annoying my life is now looking at it this way

I am actually beyond pissed i just cant

Would be fine if I was 16 or 19 at this point 

But it has taking me so fucking long to just understand certain things 

U dont ever get the wasted time and oppurtunities back, never 

Life is just brutal like this 

 

Edited 19 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

1 hour ago, Optimized Life said:

Life is just brutal like this 

I can't hit a deeper low than this. 

U it's deep when u just cant articulate, i cant verbalize i cant go into detail its beyond 

I have not hit a deeper pain point than this 

Because its not just the present temporary pain, its that in combination with all other accumulated pains and regrets put into context, + a yearning that I just acknowledged this 10 years ago, and how different my life would've been, anbd would be now. 

I dont want to numb the pain 

I dont want alcohol 

I dont want to stop feelng this way 

Because I get how counterintuitive life is now 

I don't want any mercy nor will i get any 

For me at least only once I've reached the deepest pain & karma on the brink of a suicidal rage can I snap into greatness 

Peace doesn't work for me 

There is no peace anymore, there is no innocence 

But there is no fear anymore either, there is no hesitation 

Because I have gone full circle now 

There is no moderation or in between now 

I cannot do normal things now 

I have only 1 choice now 

I'm either on the brink of suicide or greatness .. and madness 

I feel like the joker minus the sadism 

Edited 18 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

7 hours ago, Optimized Life said:

I have only 1 choice now 

I'm either on the brink of suicide or greatness .. and madness 

I'm on the brink of madness now, my prime truly begins from here. 

Accumulation of pain made me superhuman 

And i'm riding out until I'm at least 50, if not longer 

The deep accumulation of pain is still there but it's fuel. Napoleon hill thing 

No more posts, prime fuckng starts now