Ending Validation Seeking!

[Revolutionary Think]

Wow my life has been a journey. When I was young I felt ignored and unheard in my family. This has lead me to seek validation from strangers. I've ended seeking validation and agreement from life in general and especially online my life has never been better and it's the ULTIMATE LIBERATION! It started after COVID most jobs that I applied to I was landing. Before in my life I had trouble with my job search so this lead to a lot of frustration and hate at the world and in life in general. I went online trying to spread my ideas, philosophies, and life stories everywhere. It didn't end well. I got disappointed, frustrated, angry at so many people and systems. Until the day it finally happened for me. As a young kid I always loved being around airplanes. I applied to this job at LAX with and got an airport job. I was so happy with seeing the planes take off and land and just living in the moment and enjoying my job and my sorroundings. This lead me to slowly wean off of external validation. 

I already had facebook deleted a long time ago. Then I got rid of Instagram, Twitter and all the other ones I can't even remember anymore. The only one I kept was YouTube and I go on there in moderation. When I finally hit a goal of having a job that was worth it and I didn't hate. Then I started realizing how much seeking validation, agreement, and want to be known online harms you and destroys your mental health. I keep certain people at an arms distance. Unfortunately I no longer have the job at the airport anymore for reasons I don't want to discuss.

The old me would've probably gone into a rant of why I didn't deserve to lose it, life is unfair, screw those people etc. but, the new me knows it's a waste of time and that something better will eventually come along the way. I am so happy now that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ANYMORE! I know that people all look through life through their lense and their opinion of me is none of my business. When I talk to myself I get expert advice. I know it's not enlightenment but, it sure as hell fees like it. I trust a very discerning analytical voice in my mind and now that's good enough for me and I don't take a ton of things that I used to take personally, personally. 

[Letho]

@Revolutionary Think Wow, what a journey mate seriously reading this I can feel the weight of everything you went through, reaching that clarity is a great milestone from chasing validation to trusting your own voice. Not everyone gets there and you got there young. That's huge. Think of all the kids, teenagers, young adults and even the middle aged+ right now presently totally addicted to the next like, dopamine hit from the next video, picture and 'triggertainment'. You're out of it, its not a small feat when we compare it with the amount of people stuck in it.

What really stood out to me is how your airport job became this turning point for you, not just because it was a job but because it connected to something that you found genuinely real because you loved it, almost as if you find yourself in those takeoffs and landings and figuratively, in the movement and freedom of that. Many people can find resolve in your words here, a navigation point for getting out of their own Plato's Cave in this respect, solid post.

All that said. Here’s what I’m wondering, if you had never gotten that job at LAX, do you think you still would’ve reached this place of self-trust? Or was that experience the thing that made everything finally click? 

And now that you are here, what’s the next step? Not just in work, but in life? You talk about trusting that analytical, discerning voice in your head, what’s it telling you about where to go from here? What are your new experiences of consciousness now that you think others may benefit from in their reading?

It sounds like you’re no longer just reacting to life, you're in that proactive point which is the consciousness elevation point we all need to find in our own way, so what are you engineering next?

Edited Saturday at 12:40 AM by Letho

[Revolutionary Think]

@Letho Thanks I really appreciate the reply. Well the old me was full of rage anger and hatred after my parents divorce. I also hated school as well. All I can remember when I was young when I genuinely felt happy is when me and my parents went on a trip. I remember my first time having a window seat and being happy when I looked at the ground at an altitude I thought it was so cool. I also really enjoyed the hotel and having a taxi driver come pick us up and take us to interesting places. I knew at that moment I didn't need people to judge me, evaluate me, tell me where I am in life. It was just enjoying the moment I was in. 

After my parents divorced for 3 years we didn't go anywhere. I was so frustrated about that. I saw my cousins and their parents that were married take them to Europe and I never got a chance to go. So this demon was created in my mind. I started getting jealous and envious and talking about how certain people did or didn't deserve certain things. Everytime I saw a rich celebrity on TV I got mad that they had so much at their disposal and I felt stuck and trapped. I wanted to become famous because I thought that I deserved it more than them. Long story short it wasn't good and I wanted poeple to "know my pain" and "help me out". 

I started job hunting in the recession and had trouble getting something entry level and that infuriated me. Here I was thought I deserved fame, fortune, and an audience then the reality was a place like Walgreens wasn't even hiring me. The opposite of the things I wanted for my life were happening in my life.

UNTIL! Post Covid the power in the job market was shifting from the employer to the worker. I worked at this electronic store a block away from my house and this dumb interim manager made a holocaust joke in front of my face. I reported him to the owner who was Jewish from Iran and my parents are Also Iranian Jews and I'm a 1st generation Iranian Jew in the US. The owner was so pathetic that he didn't get involved. Then I quit the job and the person who hired me called and said you can always come back if you want and I said no. That was one of the best moments in my life because I was finally the one doing the rejecting (for good reason mind you) instead of being rejected. Then I told myself that I spent so much time trying to prove myself to others instead of actually listening to what I want in my own life. I literally started by cleaning up my room throwing out everything that I wasn't using, then cleaning up my digital life like deleting all the extra junk on my PC. 

After that I told myself if it weren't for my parents, my family, my school, my teachers, and my location what do I like. I said planes. So for no reason I went to 3 airports in my area and I just walked around I had no reason to be there other than just kind of stroll. I don't know if it was before or after I did those walks but, I booked a cruise to Alaska because I've never been on a cruise before. I had a blast. I came back and just typed LAX jobs in my computer and lo and behold a company CLEAR came up. I applied, I got the job and did really good at it.

Then the revelation hit me like a ton of bricks! I saw other employees that were lazy and unreliable. That means the entire time I was having trouble landing a job in my youth had nothing to do with me and it was all just a numbers game out of my control and so much of how we talk about a meritocracy is a myth. It's very hard to say that if I didn't land this job I'd have the same outlook because maybe I'd still feel like "I never got what I deserved" and I'd still be unhappy with life. 

I'm still human so losing the job stung a lot I'm not going to lie about that. The thing is though in the past I'd be all mopey and angry. This time it's different because I know I can replicate what I did to get that opportunity and get another opportunity. The BEST thing that's happened to me that that I evicted this super moralizing voice in my mind that keeps comparing myself to others and talks about how they don't deserve and I deserve. Sometimes I lay in bed for hours on end but, in the past it would make me depressed becaue I thought that I was failing and I wasn't getting the life I desired. Now that I finally got to see the working world and if I'm being honest how dirty, low, and full of crap it actually is when I'm laying in bed with nothing to do I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about bills because I'm living with my mom and a voice doesn't come in that wants success fame fortune etc. 

I planned a trip to Singapore for March. I am going to use it as a mental reset point. Also now that I feel so free and liberated I tend to observe life and behavoirs more and it's fascinating. I also drive on a lot of side streets just because I can. I love being curious and spontaneous JUST BECAUSE. When I was younger I said I'll to all the fun interesting spontaneous things when I finally get "there" not realizing I was there the entire time and didn't need this arbritary BS. I've unplugged from all these idiotic societal and familial expectations and I want to live the most creative spontaneous life possible even if I'm my own audience member. 

I hope that helps if you have any other questions please feel free to ask.

[Letho]

 

@Revolutionary Think Damn. You didn’t just change jobs you flipped the whole script on life going from "I deserve this" to "fuck screw it, I’m gonna do what actually feels real" is solid evo.  

And I love how the LAX job wasn’t even about the job it was about seeing proof that all those years of rejection weren’t about you. 

You’re out of the matrix, so yeah, what’s next?

Like, you’re clearly in explorer mode, a lot of folk on the forum can learn from that.... Singapore, driving random streets just because, unplugging from all the BS. But is there something pulling you now? Not in a “chase success” way, but in a "I actually want to build this thing just for me" way?

Detaching from society’s expectations is step one. Step two is figuring out what you actually want to create now that you’re free.

A lot of people die mad at the world because they never get this kind of clarity man. You did. Keep building.

[Revolutionary Think]

I liked that response for so much. That I don't even want to give it some kind of lengthy reply. I'm just so honored that you GET IT! Usually when I'm online I find myself disagreeing with people and getting frustrated at how they just "don't get it" that's not the case with you. You actually summed it up pretty decently. 

What's next? Your guess is as good as mine 

I do have an idea though. I want to create a family of choice instead of a family of blood. Like making friends with people who share my vision and doing creative spontaneous things with them. It's like my life is a video game. When you beat a video game the replay value exists in doing the side missions and exploring the things you ignored because you were way to focused on beating it. Having that job at CLEAR was like beating the video game because I always wanted to save up a ton of money and do something I love. Now I finally have the time to think about how to create this family of choice that shares my ideas for living a free life of spontaneity and creativity. I may not get it right at first but, a lot of things are fun because when you mess up you learn along the way. 

I was actually a bit hesitant about putting up this post because I thought I'd come across jerks telling me that if you're so fulfilled why are you back online, no you need to do XYZ, or saying something equally as pathetic. I'm glad though that you found it and responded the way you did. It gives me hope that not everyone out there is a mindless zombie NPC with no critical thinking skill and/or a sense of nuance and I can and will run into people who I don't look down on or dissapoint me. So thanks for that my friend.