Goal tracking

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

You're all so fucking smart aren't you. Like you lived a thousand lives or some shit. Gonna lecture me about something

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Will return once I have something positive to report about. I promise. Pinky swear

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I feel like... I should start developing some hobbies in my free time. Maybe then, after some time I wouldn't feel as lost as I've always felt/am always feeling. The problem with that, of course, is that I don't really enjoy anything. Or, to be precise I haven't discovered anything I would enjoy at all. And I feel like... all hobbies are really just a means to the end, like, people use them to get friends, to fuck and to get money. Or they're trying to/would like that to be the case. Always felt kind of fake to me, in that way. But it's also completely logical and understandable, ofc

However, idk, like... I wish I had something I could do that would fill up my days. Maybe I would start enjoying anything if I'd just keep putting in some effort, or maybe not. Either way, I'm feeling pretty neutral and apathetic about everything and really, always have felt like that, about most things

Maybe I'll try some programming again, but this time on my terms, without pressure. See if I like it. If for nothing else, at least I can make my computer and other devices run more efficiently. Don't have to have some ambitious goals in that regard, yet. Ofc I can start going to the gym again as well. And idk what else. I can't really think of anything I can do that's not done in solitude that I could enjoy as well (gym is in that category as well), except going to the clubs or some shit, but that's always been a challenging enviroment for me. Like, I don't really fuck with the music, dancing, drinking or any other shit people be doing there. So like, I don't know what the fuck to do there. It always feelt awkward

I don't even think it is possible for me to have some grandiose life purpose, like this site keeps advertising and gloryfying, not gonna lie. Just seems unrealistic at this point. But just hobbies which I would enjoy doing in solitude, that could be adverised to other people if need be, that would also enrich my life. Make it not empty. But they gotta be advertisable, that's the thing, both in the social and job market sense

Not gonna lie, the only reason why I'm still here is that I more or less agree with the spiritual shit, with some caveats ofc. As there is really no way to not agree with it

Edited Friday at 07:05 PM by NewKidOnTheBlock

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I will find hobbies that I may enjoy, start doing them for a period of a few months and once I estimate that they are truly enjoyable, even in solitude, I shall hide this journal and make another one, for a purpose of transparance, coherence. And beaty as well, seeing as I made this journal kinda messy and ugly

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Or perhaps I won't hide it and keep it as it is. Can't pretend uglyness, messiness and negative emotions aren't part of reality

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

There's a lot of mental growth ahead of me needed, but hopefully with time, I'll mature more and more. I'm getting somewhere, albeit by the pace of a snail

Edited Saturday at 06:03 PM by NewKidOnTheBlock

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

This guy's self awareness and honesty are on another level, given his self admitted narcisistic mental condition. As is his inteligence. I enjoy watching all of his videos

 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-04-25 at 9:04 PM, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

The problem with that, of course, is that I don't really enjoy anything.

Lmao same

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-04-25 at 9:04 PM, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

Like, I don't really fuck with the music, dancing, drinking or any other shit people be doing there. So like, I don't know what the fuck to do there. It always feelt awkward

Once again same haha. I struggle with “getting into the flow” at clubs, like I usually feel like an outside observer of the atmosphere, and I usually feel slightly awkward if I get talked to or approached, because I don’t feel my vibe matches them

Edited Saturday at 08:54 PM by Sugarcoat

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Lmao same

I was sometimes wondering if there was a female equivalent of me somewhere in the world, and how she would perceive reality LOL not that you'd necessarilly fit that bill, of course, you have a different set of challenges, it's more like... if she was like me, just sort of derping throught life, going with the flow type shit, just letting the time pass doing very leisurely activities, sometimes feeling like I'm going on an autopilot as I'm talking with blank mind etc. LEL

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Once again same haha. I struggle with “getting into the flow” at clubs, like I usually feel like an outside observer of the atmosphere, and I usually feel slightly awkward if I get talked to or approached, because I don’t feel my vibe matches them

Well I don't know if I'm able to think in terms of vibe like that, but I definitely feel like an alien in there. Or as if I don't belong in there. Alcohol doesn't really help with that either, and the couple of times I was attempting to dance, the thoughts like "Why am I doing this, why are other people doing this, it's so weird" can't leave my head. Admittedly, it is pretty strange that we are doing it to be honest, especially in ugly places such as these. Just guaranteed there'll be at least couple of conficts per night, abysmal hygienic state of the toilets and the ear popping music with constant flashing of light LEL

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I don't understand how we made it as a species up until this point, seriously. I can observe the inter gender alienation and contempt even amongst the people I know. How to even cope with this shit

[Yimpa]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I struggle with “getting into the flow” at clubs, like I usually feel like an outside observer of the atmosphere, and I usually feel slightly awkward if I get talked to or approached, because I don’t feel my vibe matches them

Same, I just observe in aww.

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Same, I just observe in aww.

People seem to be in the flow at the club vibing and I’m just outside it

[Sugarcoat]

25 minutes ago, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

I was sometimes wondering if there was a female equivalent of me somewhere in the world, and how she would perceive reality LOL not that you'd necessarilly fit that bill, of course, you have a different set of challenges, it's more like... if she was like me, just sort of derping throught life, going with the flow type shit, just letting the time pass doing very leisurely activities, sometimes feeling like I'm going on an autopilot as I'm talking with blank mind etc. LEL

 

I have wondered that too
Im weirder than you I swear😝

But we do have a few similarities 

My mind can be very blank

I actually live a very simple life. I just work, exercise, look at my phone, try to eat healthy, get 15 k steps in a day. Idk if that’s “leisurely” but I just described pretty much all my life to you. I don’t force myself to do things I don’t like. That’s one of the reason I don’t do hardcore practices like meditation, I could and I have done but I don’t feel a strong desire for it, but I’d like to try more psychedelics. 
 

29 minutes ago, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

 

Well I don't know if I'm able to think in terms of vibe like that, but I definitely feel like an alien in there. Or as if I don't belong in there. Alcohol doesn't really help with that either, and the couple of times I was attempting to dance, the thoughts like "Why am I doing this, why are other people doing this, it's so weird" can't leave my head. Admittedly, it is pretty strange that we are doing it to be honest, especially in ugly places such as these. Just guaranteed there'll be at least couple of conficts per night, abysmal hygienic state of the toilets and the ear popping music with constant flashing of light LEL

I feel alien there too

alcohol doesn’t change me it just kinda makes everything different in my perception but I can’t explain it

i don’t think those thoughts because I like to dance! But yea humanity is strange!

Its not very healthy and fresh no😆

 

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Ability to be satisfied with being alone is the real strength and superpower. It's about time I start to cultivate it

It's not nearly as bad as other people are making it out to be. The supposed negatives of it is mostly just societal brainwashing

Edited 15 hours ago by NewKidOnTheBlock

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Perhaps I'm just full of shit and basic, like any other man. Well... better to embrace it than deny it

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I'm going to master my own psychology and spirituality, so that I can be as internally joyfull being alone, as I would be in a good company

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

In my sizeable and comfy bed, enjoying the warm embrace of the blanket and pillow, living in a cute air conditioned appartment, life is not that bad. And with this thought, I shall make a visit to the dream world