Overwhelm, anxiety & not knowing next step.

[freddyteisen]

I can get overwhelmed when I feel I have 1000s of things I ‘should’ do and focus on. And then I tend to distract myself & feel anxiety.
I’m curious if you guys have sort of a “reset ritual” when you have overwhelm?

Note: I’m a ‘high achiever’, I play tennis, do gymnastics, skiing, and my family is economists, lawyers & business people and they have expectations, and I have expectations for myself.
My purpose though is elevating the health and consciousness of mankind.

These are things I try to tell myself:

“There’s no one to show, impress or get validation from.” 

“There is no amount of money you must make, gold medals you must win, places you must travel to, girls you must chase or success in career or life you must obtain.”

“There’s no need to rush to anywhere.”

“Everything’s ok”, “Life’s a game”, “There’s nowhere to go & nothing to accomplish”.

“Life is perfect now, has always been & will always be.” 

Take 5 deep breaths.

Take a step back. Get rid of noise & distraction.

Notice signal. Write reflections, write your story of what happens this moment.

Slowly recalibrate, and love existence now.

 

What are you guys’ ways to deal with overwhelm, anxiety and distraction? Especially when you build on Life Purpose, Actualize and Grow.

[Hojo]

 As has been said many times there are no shoulds. Thats a fantasy you are making up in your head and getting upset its not there.

The second you say I should do something you are initiating an anxiety response in your brain, stop doing it and it will stop. This is an important word game to learn. Just think about yourself doing it no I should do it. You are probably getting FOMO from a made up delusion.

Edited February 10 by Hojo

[freddyteisen]

@Hojo but you can’t just be happy RIGHT NOW AND HERE? 

You can’t just do NOTHING and be happy? 

I mean you have to build on your life purpose, relationships, learning, understanding and accomplishing something.

You have to reach goals and get far in life, whether you’re a teenager, adult or an elderly—you gotta accomplish something right?

Yes I get FOMO because I need to make something out of my life! I can’t just sit around and meditate, That’s a waste of time, right?

[Hojo]

Sadhguru says the reason anyone wants to do anything is cause heaven has collapsed in your mind and you feel like you have to do everything now.

I have happily been an underachiever. You are just making up goals to not feel the fear that you are nothing. It will hit you eventually when you are done you can deal with it now or later. Later you wont have an option and you might not want to or be able to do it, in the same way you dont or cant do it now because you are to scared to be nothing.

Before all this technology no one wanted to do big things they just eat work and sit there. That was the purpose of life. Now we have all these distractions that mean nothing spiritually unless you make them spiritual.

It isnt the FOMO of real things you are suffering from  you are getting FOMO of fictional scenarios that dont exist in your mind. Its like reading a book and getting FOMO you arent hanging out with the characters in the book.

Every human has a void in the center of them that causes them to keep moving. Its a primal fear of not being anything that makes you want to keep moving. You can deal with the void inside you now or later but it will not go away and thats where all fear or fomo and death and rejection and everything else comes from. You can be 80, completed all your goals and dreams an ambitions and you will finally sit down and that void will come rushing back and fomo will come back and fear of death will come back and you will be like fk I am too close to the finish line to deal with this as its too fking real that I am going to die!

You dont have to accomplish anything. It dosent matter its just made up goals your mind is making up to not feel like you are literally a ghost making stuff up.

Edited February 10 by Hojo

[Paradoxed]

Sorry mate. It sounds like you've been conditioned to be an overachiever. You realize this doesn't align with you, bring yourself away from it, then fall back into your conditioning again. I am the same way, and it's hard in a society that promotes productivity over mental health. You need to let go of the narratives you drive yourself crazy with.

Do the things you do not because you are supposed to do them, but because they intuitively align with you and you genuinely want to do them. Act on your highest interests. Listen to your body. This could mean a completely different life than what you are narrating. You might have to let go of some silly unnecessary standards. Everyone is unique, so don't compare yourself with others. Sure, some can be happy sitting and meditating 24/7, and some can't. Some could be happy as a lawyer, and some can't. Nobody can tell you the perfect solution, only you will know. I believe you will figure it out my friend.

Edited February 10 by Paradoxed

[Paradoxed]

5 hours ago, Hojo said:

Every human has a void in the center of them that causes them to keep moving. Its a primal fear of not being anything that makes you want to keep moving. You can deal with the void inside you now or later but it will not go away and thats where all fear or fomo and death and rejection and everything else comes from.

That's a good point. It does feel like 99 percent of people's actions are based around fear, and their actions/thoughts are a distraction from what would silence and peace could bring.

[freddyteisen]

@Paradoxed

@Hojo noooooo my mind can’t comprehend that

I want to reach goals, I want to achieve, I want to contribute, I want a big career but

My sister is a lawyer, she hates her job (In Boston Consulting Group) she always talks about how horrible the work environment is.

My brother is a consultant, (in Deloitte) he constantly talks about how little he looks forward to Mondays and feels it is mostly a drag to work, only at times he likes it, but he feels like a cog in a machine.

My dad is an investor—he invests in companies, and he is busy working, and he don’t admit it but he’s a workoholic.

It’s tough to have a family of high achievers, yes we’re wealthy, but there are high expectations. I want to live through something that I’m truly passionate about though.

I love health, I love the mind, I love writing, I love sharing and helping people improve their health and mind. I don’t wanna climb the corporate ladder like my family. I want freedom and sovereignty.

The path I see is being an authentic creator sharing wisdom about health and the mind.

[Paradoxed]

16 minutes ago, freddyteisen said:

I love health, I love the mind, I love writing, I love sharing and helping people improve their health and mind. I don’t wanna climb the corporate ladder like my family. I want freedom and sovereignty.

The path I see is being an authentic creator sharing wisdom about health and the mind.

There are plenty of opportunities here, but you have to let go of your family's expectations. Everyone here at actualized understands. Just continue exploring your possibilities. If you aren't the type to follow some corporate path and be happy, that's okay. It doesn't even make your own family happy, yet you feel pressure to do that.

If you like writing, explore that. If you like health, there are many careers there. You gotta follow what feels authentic. Let go of family and societal pressure.

You can still have a "big career" while doing what aligns with you. It will still take work. Look at Leo for example. He explored many possibilities before arriving at where he is, and he still works hard. Be deliberate and mindful in your action instead of stressing and racing to some destination. You will waste time and energy in a pursuit that doesn't align with you. Allow yourself some space to not know what you want to do, then it could come to you.

[leebus99]

What exactly are you thinking when you feel the anxiety? Perhaps try writing down as many thoughts/inferences as you can, like:

I need to get all these tasks done.
I need to get a well paid career.
I have to maintain my sporting prowess in XYZ.

Think in terms of facts, true/false, as 'concrete' as you can. Try to work out causality, do you feel anxious then seek to find a cause, or do the thoughts themselves lead to anxiety? Once you've got a good handle on some of those, try to explore the evaluations behind them:

If I don't get all my tasks done I've had a 'bad' day.
Not having a well paid job like my family means I have a low(er) worth.
Performing poorly at sports is not an acceptable option for me.

Here, try to focus on good/bad evaluations, what are the underlying beliefs driving your behaviours. Ultimately underneath your cognitive nature are some drives, to get a certain feeling, or avoid a certain feeling. You could also flip the script and explore things like how you think and feel when considering a future "being an authentic creator sharing wisdom about health and the mind." I would also suggest you think very deeply about your parental expectations from this point of view. If you know what you want to do, and what you don't want to do, then what is holding you back?

Also, if you haven't learnt about Spiral Dynamics, definitely do that. It sounds like your family is heavily rooted in Orange (that's not a judgement by the way), whereas you are starting to transcend that stage and exploring Green/Yellow values.