Effective ways to develope social skills?

[ryanajay]

So to keep this simple after highschool i went straight into my self developement journey and this has led to long periods of me being by myself. Stayin inside and working, not talking to alot of people ect... to the point of if i am in a social situation my brain stops working and i never know what to say.

As a beginner can someone recommend some effctive ways to start socializing that aren't to crazy that i can get into? Because for a long while i figured that i would never be able to get better but then i realized that i was never really trying and i now understand how important socialization really is. I'm willing to do what ever it takes.

I want to be the type of person who can lead a converstion with a stranger vs someone thats afraid of talking to people. So if there's any tips on how to start plz lmk  cause i'm tired of this effecting my life.

So where do you think someone who's been isolated for 3-5 years and not socializing and afraid of talking to people should start?

Edited February 4 by ryanajay

[LifeEnjoyer]

10 minutes ago, ryanajay said:

So to keep this simple after highschool i went straight into my self developement journey and this has led to long periods of me being by myself. Stayin inside and working, not talking to alot of people ect... to the point of if i am in a social situation my brain stops working and i never know what to say.

As a beginner can someone recommend some effctive ways to start socializing that aren't to crazy that i can get into? Because for a long while i figured that i would never be able to get better but then i realized that i was never really trying and i now understand how important socialization really is. I'm willing to do what ever it takes.

I want to be the type of person who can lead a converstion with a stranger vs someone thats afraid of talking to people. So if there's any tips on how to start plz lmk  cause i'm tired of this effecting my life.

So where do you think someone who's been isolated for 3-5 years and not socializing and afraid of talking to people should start?

 

574981302-Connor-Murphy-Overcome-Social-Anxiety-And-Loneliness-With-V-E-M.pdf

[ryanajay]

4 minutes ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

 

574981302-Connor-Murphy-Overcome-Social-Anxiety-And-Loneliness-With-V-E-M.pdf

Thank you will check it out!!!

[LambdaDelta]

If you're as bad as I was, you don't even have to start in-person. Call businesses and such, ask about whatever - opening hours, pricing, stock, how to get there... That's a bit less taxing, you can always hang up and go to the next, going through dozens of calls in a day.
Say hello to bus drivers, make some small talk with cashiers, at the bank, etc.
Then approach random strangers on the street, nothing emotionally charged yet, just asking directions or something. 
After you get very comfortable in that (it's like a snowball effect, starts slow and then one day you suddenly break through to zero anxiety), maybe join a club/group of some hobby, like chess or hiking, there you can get to know people and already have some common ground, from which you can move on to talking about other things. 
Speak up at family gatherings, in class, whatever situation you're in. 
Lastly if you care to take it further, do pickup or talk up people out of the blue. But just doing all of the above en masse for 7-8 years has taken me from crippling social anxiety to being able to talk to anyone with complete confidence. Can be done much faster too, depends on your current level and the time you can commit.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DzVGXzfvkM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFcJJHsaiFU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGYy_QKRS4c

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-started-when-you-re-socially-hopeless  

https://www.girlschase.com/article/social-life/social-skills-101-approaching-unfamiliar-people

Edited February 4 by Raze

[Jacob Morres]

@LambdaDelta yeah and adding onto this i found that using mindfulness and cbt techniques very valuable. they help ease the mind in social situations. i've also noticed though that there are many modalities that can help, so doesn't necessarily need to be mindfulness/cbt

on top of this also i noticed that self-esteem work can be important too, as sometimes we may have some negative inner beliefs that affect our social competence. so those definitely need to be challenged and replaced. having good self-esteem can actually aid in your comfort in social situations 

also consider the ethics and "goodness" aspect of socializing. like having integrity, being good, having EQ and empathy. 

social skills is actually a huge topic. i find it very interesting how large it is 

 

Edited February 4 by Jacob Morres

[1337]

2 hours ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

 

574981302-Connor-Murphy-Overcome-Social-Anxiety-And-Loneliness-With-V-E-M.pdf

@LifeEnjoyer

This pdf was really helpful. Thank you

[Aaron p]

The way I do it is just be detached. Not to say that you don't care about anything...but that is ultimately the best way to go about it in a way.

You could also then do some social freedom exercises which start easy and work up to more challenging. For starters you could walk up to random people in a part of town you never go to and just ask people for the time or directions. Then after a lot of that you can start to actively embrace the awkward and socially alien: you can ask people "what time is it in Roman numerals" or after they give you directions just walk the opposite direction lol. 

Then slowly ramp it up to where you just walk up to a random girl and propose to her with a jelly ring on the spot. Gradually your social >freedom< will become better. Also generally becoming a badass is a good tool, but don't go towards Tate style badassery, you can be a calibrated badass.

You could even start with wearing pink and walk down the street or whatever is mildly uncomfortable 4u

[Letho]

@ryanajay

 

Empathy 

 

 

 

 

[hyruga]

There is a book called Improve your social skills by Daniel Wendler. It's a recommended read on Amazon.

Edited February 21 by hyruga

[Carl-Richard]

On 4.2.2025 at 6:21 PM, ryanajay said:

So where do you think someone who's been isolated for 3-5 years and not socializing and afraid of talking to people should start?

Go to high school.

That's of course partially a joke, but find something that follows the same patterns: a place where you go to almost every day where people meet people and make friends, not because that is the main goal, but simply because it's bound to happen.

Team sports, hobby groups (e.g. I was invited to join a local Facebook group that hosts small events and discussions on psychedelics), even Discord groups are other good alternatives. Notice again that the goal with these groups is not as much to socialize for its own sake but to share something you have in common, something you like, and creating an environment for each other where you fit to and amplify each other. Socializing comes naturally in those environments; it's not something you have to think about.

To separate "socializing" from building actual long-term relationships, engaging with a community and congregating around shared values, is to put it mildly, really such an ugly part of American culture especially but also just modern Western culture in general (nightlife, pickup, hookup culture, party culture). Socializing is about connecting your soul to another, and not just many souls, but a larger soul created by those souls.

Edited Sunday at 05:55 AM by Carl-Richard

[Elliott]

The library, just be around people as a first step.