Halting all dating, relationships, sexual activity

[LambdaDelta]

Doing this for 3 years, until I'm 27. 

Nothing will change per se, I wasn't doing any of that to begin with, except masturbation, which I'm attempting to eliminate. However this decision brings the needed clarity. I'm blessed with a much lower sex drive than most men, honestly I don't even know how guys with regular libido manage to do any serious spiritual work, that's such a major distraction. Even greatly toned down, it's an immensely powerful force, which occasionally serves to annoy me, like a pebble in my shoe. I'm stuck between wanting some action, but not enough to actually commit any resources or time to pursuing it. Maybe once a month or so I'll have thoughts about how it would be nice to get a girlfriend, fantasize a little, but that's a highly idealized version, the real relationship would be quite different, if it's anything like the ones I see around I'm not interested.
Now I'm making things very simple. I'll focus on material success, sports, academics, and spirituality, and in 3 years revisit the matter. Depending on my situation and level of desire then, I can consider actually investing the time in dating and such. If not, postpone again. This is one of the things I feel like I'd be comfortable to have regrets about missing out on. Life is so vast you can't realistically do everything you want, so there's a need to prioritize. If I don't achieve certain mystical milestones or travel across multiple countries on my list, those will be far more significant than not having sex or relationships.

I guess the key takeaway here is that there's a sneaky difference between keeping your options open and indecision. In some situations it's actually better to be close-minded if done consciously.

[Majed]

@LambdaDelta Yeah that would be wise. What Leo doesn't tell you is that pick up requires decent health, and financial situation. 

Edited February 1 by Majed

[Applegarden8]

  On 2/1/2025 at 3:13 PM, Majed said:

@LambdaDelta Yeah that would be wise. What Leo doesn't tell you is that pick up requires decent health, and financial situation. 

what Leo could do, most of the people couldn't do, which is why he got so good results. He took some time from working, as I underestood. If I could take time off from working and could practice my instrument daily, granted that I live a healthy lifestyle I would be at least 10x the musician I am now. So it goes for his ability to pick up.

Edited February 1 by Applegarden8

[Sandhu]

@LambdaDelta It is highly unlikely that you'd be able to do it in this simplistic fashion.  

Edited February 1 by Sandhu

[Eskilon]

  On 2/1/2025 at 2:51 PM, LambdaDelta said:

I don't even know how guys with regular libido manage to do any serious spiritual work, that's such a major distraction. Even greatly toned down, it's an immensely powerful force

Yes, I struggle with this, having a regular or high libido and pursuing spiritual work requires insane levels of awareness and letting go when the urge comes. It is an insanely all-consuming force, it must be, cause it is god 

Edited February 1 by Eskilon

[Sandhu]

My culture and people are sexually very conservative. It's a stage red/blue Muslim society. People usually only get sex and romance after marriage. A lot of suppression of sexual desires. 

So the situation is that It's very very easy for me to attract girls (I'm tall, Handsome). And competition is non existent and I try to apply all the game theory I get to learn from you guys, so my game is relatively very good than competition (because they arent even aware of it). But problem for me is that it's usually a risky business. Because girl's family wil kick my ass very hard if they catch us.

 Also girls are not sexually open, it will take months to get laid with her. Then she will fall in love and insist on getting married. 

Edited February 1 by Sandhu

[LambdaDelta]

  On 2/1/2025 at 4:06 PM, Sandhu said:

@LambdaDelta It is highly unlikely that you'd be able to do it in this simplistic fashion.  

I wouldn't be so sure. The most simple solution can be the best one. The core of the issue has been indecisiveness, the rest should fall into place as I go along. But I'm open to being wrong, it's an experiment. 
 

  On 2/1/2025 at 4:12 PM, Eskilon said:

Yes, I struggle with this, having a regular or high libido and pursuing spiritual work requires insane levels of awareness and letting go when the urge comes. It is an insanely all-consuming force, it must be, cause it is god 

For sure. Some people don't fit into that system, but God has larger concerns. I've even found some ways this force gets co-opted by the ego for its avoidance mechanisms. Tricky stuff. 

[Human Mint]

The Maslow Hierarchy of Needs can shine some insight:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This image is from the Wikipedia page. Is a big picture of what you're gonna need if you're gonna pursue intimate relationships or beyond. Often overlooked or misinterpreted. You may think is bs, but then you proceed to build a house of cards and when it falls you realize what is actually important.

As a simple example, if you don't eat properly and don't exercise regularly, then you won't have the drive to be present when socializing. If you're not present when socializing then how are you gonna attract women? It would be pointless to focus on how you dress and memorize some lines in that case.

But, there are no rules written, so you do you.

 

Edited February 2 by Human Mint

[Medhansh]

Exactly. Although Leo has indirectly hinted at it, he has never directly underlined that as men, we need to build up our career first and only then we can pursue dating and pickup in a reasonably serious manner. Anyone who tries to do it before getting stability is either a natural, or got lucky with one girl, is from a priveliged background, or he's sacrificing his future career prospects while doing so.

I am also entrapped with my master's education right now and am unable to devote the time and mental effort required to get good at pickup. I tried sarging but it wasn;t sustainable. Now I am postponing pickup till I get a job. 

Also, not to mention that dating becomes much more easier when you have good finances, physique, fashion, etc. And all this takes years to develop.