Self Harm

[ajasatya]

@Ryan_047 you need to find grace inside of you. apply for yoga classes. try biodance.

do something to teach you ways to love yourself. dive into your body and let yourself cry until all the pain have been dried out.

Edited May 9, 2017 by ajasatya

[SFRL]

Yes start with everyday taking a jog around the neighborhood. Then increase it to twice a day. And notice how it makes you feel. 

And do it right this moment. 

[electroBeam]

@Ryan_047 I understand your pain. Its feels so much easier to just commit suicide then and there. 

You really need a distraction. Otherwise your mind will trick you into thinking that death and self harm are the only valuable things to do in your life. 

Give the wim hof method a go. Its a beautiful piece of art, that will help you massively.

Edited May 9, 2017 by electroBeam

[Prabhaker]

10 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Maybe I will start with jogging. I am not sure if I can do those cardio workouts.

You can start with walking, walk meditatively in morning and evening. After few months you can start jogging.

[Loreena]

Just now, Prabhaker said:

You can start with walking, walk meditatively in morning and evening. After few months you can start jogging.

Thank You. I will do it.

[SFRL]

17 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Thank You. I will do it.

Report back

[Loreena]

Just now, SFRL said:

Report back

Ok..

[Ryan_047]

@SFRL What am I supposed to do about my sexual urges?I am really confused.I heard about that NoFap community and they say you should not masturbate anymore,and there are a lot of people claiming that that challenge has massively helped them.Is it unhealthy to abstain masturbating?Should I masturbate at all?And no,I don't want to have sex(I'm 17).I understand that I should get a girlfriend,but not have sex..there are many risks involved..like the girl getting pregnant even though measures were taken(I know and heard many cases).

@electroBeam You described how I feel.I also feel some kind of despair when the night is coming (don't know why).I just start to get really negative and frustrated..and there is a low-medium sensation that peers with despair in the back if my stomach.

What does that method imply?How can we know it will work for me?

[SFRL]

@Ryan_047 you are 17 years old. You are supposed to be horny all the time. 

If you jerk off a few times a week it's really no big deal. Just don't do it all day everyday where it gets on the way with other things. 

If you workout it's gives structure to your day. Like I said you can't do any form of sexual activity before you workout because it will weaken you. 

And dude you want to have sex. You got it this whole thing twisted and mixed up. 

[eskwire]

@Loreena Why do you say you have no emotional support?

@SFRL has a point about your looks and I see it as a matter of gratitude. You are so pretty and have a sweetness about you that brings you a lot of attention regardless of the content of what you say. Many people, such as myself, are not quite as pretty and come across in a way that makes some people disinterested. Regardless of the content of my speech, it will likely go more ignored than not. You have gifts. And that is a gift that some people would kill for. I think you are blind to it because you have it. 

Use the attention you get so easily for good and, yes, take care of your body. It is amazing how big of a difference exercise makes in your mental health.

You don't feel motivated now, but try a gratitude practice. Be grateful to be so pretty and popular, as well as to have veins! And tissues! A heart! Eyes!!! We can heal ourselves and transformm! Our bodies are amazing.

We take our gifts for granted then call it depression. 

[Loreena]

15 minutes ago, eskwire said:

@Loreena Why do you say you have no emotional support?

@SFRL has a point about your looks and I see it as a matter of gratitude. You are so pretty and have a sweetness about you that brings you a lot of attention regardless of the content of what you say. Many people, such as myself, are not quite as pretty and come across in a way that makes some people disinterested. Regardless of the content of my speech, it will likely go more ignored than not. You have gifts. And that is a gift that some people would kill for. I think you are blind to it because you have it. 

Use the attention you get so easily for good and, yes, take care of your body. It is amazing how big of a difference exercise makes in your mental health.

You don't feel motivated now, but try a gratitude practice. Be grateful to be so pretty and popular, as well as to have veins! And tissues! A heart! Eyes!!! We can heal ourselves and transformm! Our bodies are amazing.

We take our gifts for granted then call it depression. 

Well thank you for your kind words. I feel good. I have neglected myself for very long, not because of lack of gratitude though, but because of an extreme lack of self-love which led me to search for love in others. And in that process, I was always abused, used, cheated on and mistreated and taken for granted. I am completely blind to the attention I get  even if a lot of people tell me so because I was always told at a very young age that I was not good enough and that I would always be a problem to everyone. I guess it got stuck into my subconscious so bad that I never believe if someone says I am good. In fact I had many instances in my life where I was praised by my teachers and people for my performance and I remained completely unaffected by people showering me with praise. I remember one such incident where I had done my hair in a different way and I was sitting with my friends and people were looking at me and I was getting a lot of attention and my friends told me that I need to be so happy about it, but I felt nothing because I guess in my mind I don't value myself as much as people do. I guess I am just not capable of loving myself anymore although I always advice others to do it. Maybe there is a deep void in me filled with extreme self-pity and that could be because of negligence by parents in childhood. I never received the love of my parents. I was raised like an orphan. I don't have a memory of family gatherings or a moment I spent with my parents loving me or hugging me. I never knew affection. And that probably left me scarred and craving for too much affection outside my family. This is also the reason I always have trouble opening up. I just swallowed my emotions because I could never trust anyone. I learned to swallow my emotions at an early age because that was the only way to deal when something bad happened.. I know I should have gratitude for whatever I have but the lack of self love beats it down. I don't even know how to begin with self-love and sometimes I write "I love myself," on a piece of paper but saying those things doesn't make any difference at all.  I feel funny when I do it.

I guess in my case, the self-pity (due to feeling worthless as a child, I was raised by my aunt for some years and she used to constantly hammer me with words like - "I shouldn't have been born" almost everyday for years. Maybe I was left broken and abandoned by it) is so strong that I find it impossible to see any good in me. And this self-pity has turned into a subconscious conflict manifestating itself as self-sabotage  that never allows me to take care of myself.  

I always see people taking good care of themselves and I never find myself doing it and I have always wondered why I don't behave like other normal people. Why I never drink enough water. I never take care of my body like others do. I abandon myself. The self-pity has turned into self-destructive behavior. And I have begun to recognize this only recently. I am glad that I have begun to face the inner shadows in me, those that are holding me back. I have realized that I neglect myself because I don't like myself even if others like me. I don't take myself for granted though, or maybe I do, it's so psychologically complex, it's hard to figure out. 

But at least I have realized that I am messed up in my head and my emotions are messed up. That itself is the first stage in solving problems. I need to start from this awareness that my thinking is wrong. I need to undo those unconscious patterns. 

Thank You for helping me

[SFRL]

@Ryan_047 @Loreena also when you are young your brain is still growing. A man's brain is not fully grown until mid-twenties. A woman's brain not until early-twenties. 

A lot of chaos in your head may be just because your brain is still growing. 

Also during this being growing a lit of neurological working in your brain and the the rest of your body takes place. All the things you do now habits, diet, daily practices, moods etc. Your brain and body get wired up for that stuff. And it creates a default state for you. 

You can rewire during your lifetime, but it's easier when you just get wired up right straight away. 

Therefore maintaining good habits right now help a lot. 

Exercise is one of those. 

[SFRL]

1 hour ago, Loreena said:

Well thank you for your kind words. I feel good. I have neglected myself for very long, not because of lack of gratitude though, but because of an extreme lack of self-love which led me to search for love in others. And in that process, I was always abused, used, cheated on and mistreated and taken for granted. I am completely blind to the attention I get  even if a lot of people tell me so because I was always told at a very young age that I was not good enough and that I would always be a problem to everyone. I guess it got stuck into my subconscious so bad that I never believe if someone says I am good. In fact I had many instances in my life where I was praised by my teachers and people for my performance and I remained completely unaffected by people showering me with praise. I remember one such incident where I had done my hair in a different way and I was sitting with my friends and people were looking at me and I was getting a lot of attention and my friends told me that I need to be so happy about it, but I felt nothing because I guess in my mind I don't value myself as much as people do. I guess I am just not capable of loving myself anymore although I always advice others to do it. Maybe there is a deep void in me filled with extreme self-pity and that could be because of negligence by parents in childhood. I never received the love of my parents. I was raised like an orphan. I don't have a memory of family gatherings or a moment I spent with my parents loving me or hugging me. I never knew affection. And that probably left me scarred and craving for too much affection outside my family. This is also the reason I always have trouble opening up. I just swallowed my emotions because I could never trust anyone. I learned to swallow my emotions at an early age because that was the only way to deal when something bad happened.. I know I should have gratitude for whatever I have but the lack of self love beats it down. I don't even know how to begin with self-love and sometimes I write "I love myself," on a piece of paper but saying those things doesn't make any difference at all.  I feel funny when I do it.

I guess in my case, the self-pity (due to feeling worthless as a child, I was raised by my aunt for some years and she used to constantly hammer me with words like - "I shouldn't have been born" almost everyday for years. Maybe I was left broken and abandoned by it) is so strong that I find it impossible to see any good in me. And this self-pity has turned into a subconscious conflict manifestating itself as self-sabotage  that never allows me to take care of myself.  

I always see people taking good care of themselves and I never find myself doing it and I have always wondered why I don't behave like other normal people. Why I never drink enough water. I never take care of my body like others do. I abandon myself. The self-pity has turned into self-destructive behavior. And I have begun to recognize this only recently. I am glad that I have begun to face the inner shadows in me, those that are holding me back. I have realized that I neglect myself because I don't like myself even if others like me. I don't take myself for granted though, or maybe I do, it's so psychologically complex, it's hard to figure out. 

But at least I have realized that I am messed up in my head and my emotions are messed up. That itself is the first stage in solving problems. I need to start from this awareness that my thinking is wrong. I need to undo those unconscious patterns. 

Thank You for helping me

You are in a bad default state. What you want to do is take action on good habits. 

Like exercise. You may not feeling it right now, and it may be counterintuitive, but that's because you are not 'wired up' correctly right now. It may feel counterintuitive. But you just got to go trough the motions and keep doing it, and down the line it will pay off for you and you will start enjoying it. 

With this you will have to trust rationality over your emotions. 

Edited May 9, 2017 by SFRL

[Ryan_047]

@SFRL Sounds logically,but I don't think that high anxiety or even depression is because of that mess..

[eskwire]

2 hours ago, Loreena said:

Well thank you for your kind words. I feel good. I have neglected myself for very long, not because of lack of gratitude though, but because of an extreme lack of self-love which led me to search for love in others. And in that process, I was always abused, used, cheated on and mistreated and taken for granted. I am completely blind to the attention I get  even if a lot of people tell me so because I was always told at a very young age that I was not good enough and that I would always be a problem to everyone. I guess it got stuck into my subconscious so bad that I never believe if someone says I am good. In fact I had many instances in my life where I was praised by my teachers and people for my performance and I remained completely unaffected by people showering me with praise. I remember one such incident where I had done my hair in a different way and I was sitting with my friends and people were looking at me and I was getting a lot of attention and my friends told me that I need to be so happy about it, but I felt nothing because I guess in my mind I don't value myself as much as people do. I guess I am just not capable of loving myself anymore although I always advice others to do it. Maybe there is a deep void in me filled with extreme self-pity and that could be because of negligence by parents in childhood. I never received the love of my parents. I was raised like an orphan. I don't have a memory of family gatherings or a moment I spent with my parents loving me or hugging me. I never knew affection. And that probably left me scarred and craving for too much affection outside my family. This is also the reason I always have trouble opening up. I just swallowed my emotions because I could never trust anyone. I learned to swallow my emotions at an early age because that was the only way to deal when something bad happened.. I know I should have gratitude for whatever I have but the lack of self love beats it down. I don't even know how to begin with self-love and sometimes I write "I love myself," on a piece of paper but saying those things doesn't make any difference at all.  I feel funny when I do it.

I guess in my case, the self-pity (due to feeling worthless as a child, I was raised by my aunt for some years and she used to constantly hammer me with words like - "I shouldn't have been born" almost everyday for years. Maybe I was left broken and abandoned by it) is so strong that I find it impossible to see any good in me. And this self-pity has turned into a subconscious conflict manifestating itself as self-sabotage  that never allows me to take care of myself.  

I always see people taking good care of themselves and I never find myself doing it and I have always wondered why I don't behave like other normal people. Why I never drink enough water. I never take care of my body like others do. I abandon myself. The self-pity has turned into self-destructive behavior. And I have begun to recognize this only recently. I am glad that I have begun to face the inner shadows in me, those that are holding me back. I have realized that I neglect myself because I don't like myself even if others like me. I don't take myself for granted though, or maybe I do, it's so psychologically complex, it's hard to figure out. 

But at least I have realized that I am messed up in my head and my emotions are messed up. That itself is the first stage in solving problems. I need to start from this awareness that my thinking is wrong. I need to undo those unconscious patterns. 

Thank You for helping me

First, I want to begin by saying that all of this has also happened in my lifetime "to me" and it was deeply painful. So, I am sorry for your pain. My family situation was bad and, due to that, I sought bad relationships with men that always seemed to leave me uncared for, judged, abandoned, wasted. To acknowledge that you feel this way may be self-pitying. But what is it to pity someone? It is to not hold them in dignity. You do not hold yourself in dignity and, therefore, you throw a pity party. Of course you do. It's more Loreena mistreating Loreena.

Now, I will let you in on a secret. 

You ready?

Like really ready?

You better be sitting down.

Just kidding.

But really.

*There is no such thing as self-love.* Think of how meaningless it is to "love" someone. That could mean many different things but, whatever it is, it is temporary.

Oh sure, you love your spouse, when you don't hate his guts. And you love your mom, when you think about her -but not really while you're playing tennis. 

This is a useless concept and that's why you have no traction with it. Byron Katie says that if you think you don't love yourself, you do not know what love is.

Now, your little human organism was not nurtured properly and this takes some mending so that different behaviors, thoughts, and emotions happen in Loreena world.

This is one way to start. Then, of course, take meditation and enlightenment very seriously. 

PS As to attention...acknowledge the attention as a tool you can use to do whatever you'd like that requires attention (liiiiike starting a business or charity). You don't have to go ga-ga over how great you are, but see your talents as you would see the talents in any other human being. You are too attached to being separate.

Please for god's sake don't waste the attention you get on dudes who want to hit and quit a pretty girl, or show her off to his friends. When I was my hottest, my time was the most wasted by dudes. They also lied to me - because they just wanted to sleep with me at any cost. That can be a major source of confusion and sadness in your life. Be careful about having an addiction to male attention. Plenty of guys will happily fill the needle up for you and not care how it hurts you. 

Edited May 9, 2017 by eskwire

[Loreena]

3 minutes ago, eskwire said:

First, I want to begin by saying that all of this has also happened in my lifetime "to me" and it was deeply painful. So, I am sorry for your pain. My family situation was bad and, due to that, I sought bad relationships with men that always seemed to leave me uncared for, judged, abandoned, wasted. To acknowledge that you feel this way may be self-pitying. But what is it to pity someone? It is to not hold them in dignity. You do not hold yourself in dignity and, therefore, you throw a pity party. Of course you do. It's more Lorena mistreating Loreena.

Now, I will let you in on a secret. 

You ready?

Like really ready?

You better be sitting down.

Just kidding.

But really.

*There is no such thing as self-love.* Think of how meaningless it is to "fall in love" with someone. That could mean many different things but, whatever it is, it is temporary.

Oh sure, you love your spouse, when you don't hate his guts. And you love your mom, when you think about her -but not really while you're playing tennis. 

This is a useless concept and that's why you have no traction with it. Byron Katie says that if you think you don't love yourself, you do not know what love is.

Now, your little human organism was not nurtured properly and this takes some mending so that different behaviors, thoughts, and emotions happen in Loreena world.

This is one way to start. Then, of course, take meditation and enlightenment very seriously. 

PS As to attention...acknowledge the attention as a tool you can use to do whatever you'd like that requires attention (liiiiike starting a business or charity). You don't have to go ga-ga over how great you are, but see your talents as you would see the talents in any other human being. You are too attached to being separate.

Please for god's sake don't waste the attention you get on dudes who want to hit and quit a pretty girl, or show her off to his friends. When I was my hottest, my time was the most wasted by dudes. They also lied to me - because they just wanted to sleep with me at any cost. That can be a major source of confusion and sadness in your life. Be careful about having an addiction to male attention. Plenty of guys will happily fill the needle up for you and not care how it hurts you. 

You're right. Thank You so much. I always took meditation for granted. Now I need to take it seriously. Thank you so much. Your wisdom is so  powerful. It helps a lot. Thank you.

[SFRL]

9 minutes ago, Ryan_047 said:

@SFRL Sounds logically,but I don't think that high anxiety or even depression is because of that mess..

I think you wrong. 

I have almost twice as much time at this earth as you. I am sharing with what I know and how to turn things around. 

But you are throwing up a defense mechanism, because listing to me means you actually need to take action. 

And it's easier just to stay the way you are. Not better. But easier. 

[Ryan_047]

@SFRL Please don't take this personal,but you are frustrating me.

I don't have any fucking clue of what I am supposed to do.I have falled of track A FUCKING LOT of times and got back up..but I am spinning in a circle,nothing gets better....so please don't tell me that I am constructing some sort of defense mechanism -_-.I can list many things I have fucking tried over the years..Yes,fucking years.But guess what..it either didn't work or I couldn't go on..the only habit that I managed to install is meditation..helped,but not that much.Things are getting worser by fucking day and the only thing that is awaiting me in the future is only pain..more pain.And btw I wanted to start doing some kind of sport,but my parents are labaling sport as waste of time..and they would let me practice only in summer(and fuck yes,I am going to the gym this summer)..try talking to my parents?Hell no!!!!!I can also list many reasons why not to do that..

I am becoming more and more depressed by day..I used to be an extremely good student,now I am an average one and slowly becoming below average...the relationship with my parents is becoming more and more cordial because of that,I am losing trust in myself,I develop social anxiety..yeah,I am pretty fucked up....AND DONT TELL ME THAT ALL OF THIS IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF MY BRAIN'S DEVELOPMENT..hell fucking no...if that would have been true,than explain why the actual shit the other teenagers are well and develop themselves....One thing that I absolutely hate on this forum is that people (some)are VERY ABSTRACT and might have no idea what they are taking about..once I asked if meditation could cure for past trauma.. somebody literally said:Maybe,maybe not...-_-.I know what lead me to my depression,so don't tell me that depression is because of my brain..

Sorry for what I wrote above..I am really frustrated and I have suicidal thoughts..again:).As you may know,this is not a reaction to you.

[Ryan_047]

@Dead_Mouse And how am I supposed to force myself when I feel like I would rather kill myself?I have already tried to force myself..it worked for 2 months,then I falled completely of track because I was way too tired.

[Ryan_047]

@Dead_Mouse I guess not disappoint my family..this is what kept me away from commiting suicide.