Do you pay for the first date?

[Schizophonia]

Women want a powerful/available libidinal force. This can be translated in many ways, money, physical confidence, humor, anchoring, intelligence, availability, etc. A woman's needs will then vary depending on the overall context (are you in a poor country? for example) and especially their personality, and therefore their need (hole) when it comes to their personality.

[AION]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

The regular nice guy with no social life isn't getting any.

Most of the 'regular nice guys' I've met who have an active social life are getting laid at least sometimes.

The idea that 'the regular nice guy is getting nothing' comes from incel subcultures that are composed of guys who are chronically online and rarely leave their house. They conclude that women must not like them because they are 'regular nice guys' but it isn't that. It's because they have no social skills.

There are more sexless and single men than ever according to statistics. Just throwing everything on the fault of men is kind of sad and demeaning. 
 

I know a lot of good guys with friends and shit and can’t get a gf to save their life. 
 

They do have good communication skills and they would good fathers too. They are just a little insecure and don’t know what they are doing. 
 

There are a lot of complex explanations for the current phenomenon of modern day dating problems but it is not that easy as you make it out to be. 

Edited January 29 by AION

[AION]

18 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Women want a powerful/available libidinal force. This can be translated in many ways, money, physical confidence, humor, anchoring, intelligence, availability, etc. A woman's needs will then vary depending on the overall context (are you in a poor country? for example) and especially their personality, and therefore their need (hole) when it comes to their personality.

I never thought of a need as a hole. 🕳️ 

But it kind of makes sense and now I’m disturbed for having needs. 😭

[Schizophonia]

15 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Exactly, some men just aren't that hard up about it, especially if he likes her. They really enjoy it, whether it leads to anything more or not. Some women will offer to pay because they don't want you to feel like now they owe you something.

It can also be the need to fill a hole  as a demonstration of having the phallic position (power).

 

 

[something_else]

1 hour ago, AION said:

There are more sexless and single men than ever according to statistics.
 

What statistics? Any I can find show an increase in lack of sex among both genders since covid. With younger men being hit maybe 5-15% harder depending on the source. And that imbalance evens out as you look at older age ranges too, which makes sense.

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I know a lot of good guys with friends and shit and can’t get a gf to save their life. 
 

They do have good communication skills and they would good fathers too. They are just a little insecure and don’t know what they are doing. 

There's a difference between having a few friends and having an active social life. Smoking weed in your mates flat with a few friends every weekend doesn't count. Not suggesting that applies to the people you're talking about here, but in general when I've had these discussions with dudes before and they tell me they have an active social life but still can't get laid, that's what it ends up looking like. 

If you're doing activities where you're in busy mixed gender groups and meeting lots of new people every week, you're going to have opportunities to get laid at least occasionally.

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There are a lot of complex explanations for the current phenomenon of modern day dating problems but it is not that easy as you make it out to be. 

Well the cause is kind of simple. It's mainly the fact that we are much less sociable than we used to be overall, especially since covid. Men get hit harder by that than women because the barrier to entry for building a social life from scratch for guys is a bit higher than it is for women.

But the solution from the POV of a guy who can't get laid is pretty much the same, you need to become a lot more sociable.

 

[AION]

@something_else They are not smoking weed man. I have seen your pictures and I guess you belong to certain groups and it is easy for you to meet new people but not everybody has access to these hippy groups. They just have their friends and acquaintances and do some sports. It has hard to find belonging for them especially for guys who grew up behind an ipad. If you weren't socialized at the right age it becomes harder later in life. Not everybody has the auto-didactic skills to do it. How would you turn out if your parents didn't socialize you in your teens and you had to learn these skills in your late 20'ies? Have you ever thought about that before judging them?

Edited January 29 by AION

[something_else]

3 minutes ago, AION said:

@something_else How would you turn out if your parents didn't socialize you in your teens and you had to learn these skills in your late 20'ies? Have you ever thought about that before judging them?

I was bullied relentlessly in school and had essentially zero friends, zero social life and crippling social anxiety until I was 22. I got sick of it, so for around 2 years from 22 to 24 I committed to doing something sociable every single weeknight and pushing myself to go out and partying at weekends. At first solo (which was tough) and then eventually I made a group of friends to go out with and I started to really love it.

I'm not judging guys like that at all because I basically was one. But I feel compelled to push other people to take action and become properly sociable because I did and it made my life so much better. 

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They are not smoking weed man. I have seen your pictures and I guess you belong to certain groups and it is easy for you to meet new people but not everybody has access to these hippy groups.

I'm not part of any hippy groups at all really, I went to a chess club, a jiu jitsu gym, and some hiking groups and then had some friends who I partied with at weekends.

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 They just have their friends and acquaintances and do some sports. It has hard to find belonging for them especially for guys who grew up behind an ipad. If you weren't socialized at the right age it becomes harder later in life. Not everybody has the auto-didactic skills to do it.

I spent the vast majority of my free time from aged 5 to 21 playing video games. It's probably one of my biggest regrets because it's socially fucked me for the rest of my life. But like I said I've done a good amount of work to try and undo all of that shitty social conditioning as much as possible.

[Hojo]

What men dont understand is you dont need a woman. Its a trick, God made men solo then made woman to give the man something to do.  Getting in a relationship requires you to give yourself to a woman. You dont need to do this and the chances that you get screwed is very high. If you happen to get together with a beautiful woman you will be haunted by years of Karma. You will remeber the hot sex you had for decades! You dont want to remeber thats spirituality. Sex and dating is like any other drug you will always want more. You can have sex 5000 times and still want it as much as the 1st time. This whole societal sex and woman obsession is a karma trap.

Edited January 29 by Hojo

[AION]

I made her pay half and she got so mad 😂

It was the second date by the way. Our first date was ok and the vibe was on. On the second date I didn’t feel the vibe and it was like she wasn’t appreciating me.  

My car broke down and I had to come with public transportation. She could have brought me home with her car. It was like 15 minute detour for her. 

So afterwards I just send her a payment request and she got mad and called me that I’m no gentleman. And I took it as a compliment as a former nice guy. Respecting yourself is so important as a guy because if you don’t respect yourself women will walk all over you. 

I traveled 2 hours in total to see her. I went with my heart in my sleeve. And I paid everything. Her showing more appreciation during our interactions and/or bringing me home would have made worth my while.  Especially since with the public transportation it is 1 hour and with her car it is only 20 minute drive to my place. 

Edited January 30 by AION

[Adi996]

I would pay for the first, second, and any number of dates. If she insists on splitting the bill, or picking up the bill from time to time, I wouldn't mind.

I'm financially alright and if I want to date someone, presumably her ability or desire to pay would not come into it. Her other attributes which made me date her in the first place take priority.

In the end, money is just another form of energy exchange, and I'm not presuming it has to look a certain way.

[AION]

24 minutes ago, Adi996 said:

I would pay for the first, second, and any number of dates. If she insists on splitting the bill, or picking up the bill from time to time, I wouldn't mind.

I'm financially alright and if I want to date someone, presumably her ability or desire to pay would not come into it. Her other attributes which made me date her in the first place take priority.

In the end, money is just another form of energy exchange, and I'm not presuming it has to look a certain way.

Yea, it is also about the gesture. Like does she offer to pay? Or show appreciation? Or make your worth your while in another way like offering a ride? She didn't do any of these which is a show of character. And I don't agree that men should stay gentlemen unconditionally when they get trampled over. Those times of unconditional chivalry should be over.