Do you pay for the first date?

[Hojo]

@Princess Arabia Thats why Sadhguru says dont hate a person for breaking your heart thank them waking you up.

Edited January 28 by Hojo

[Something Funny]

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Sex worker? How dies that even fit into the picture.

Okay, maybe not the best example. But your party example is also bad.

4 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Idk, maybe it's a generation thing and I'm from a different generation. Plenty of both men and women agree with my stance in this matter and it has nothing to do with treating some one like a sex worker

Why make appeals to culture or majority opinion if we are trying to use reason?

[Something Funny]

I guess girls not willing to pay for themselves is also a good filter. Since I don't want to be with a person like that anyway. I want to have a strong and independent partner who respects me and herself.

[Princess Arabia]

Why are you guys bringing in paying for someone's time. He's not paying for my time, he's being appreciative. Likewise I'm being appreciative for showing up. You guys are totally ignoring the part where I said, and I'll put it in caps this time, I WILL GLADLY PAY FOR A DATE THAT I ASKED SOMEONE TO GO ON.

[Hojo]

@Princess Arabia Have you ever asked someone on a date and payed? Whats the ratio of paid dates to you paying? Its never happened to me in my entire life. Except when I had a gf.

If men didnt ask women out we would die as a species, because women feel entitled to be asked out and entitled to have their dates paid for, which  means men have to pay to spend time with women.

Edited January 28 by Hojo

[Something Funny]

3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Why are you guys bringing in paying for someone's time. He's not paying for my time, he's being appreciative. Likewise I'm being appreciative for showing up. You guys are totally ignoring the part where I said, and I'll put it in caps this time, I WILL GLADLY PAY FOR A DATE THAT I ASKED SOMEONE TO GO ON.

I get your point, It's just that it sounds a bit hypocritical since you have admitted yourself that you never ask anyone out. It's easy to hold that position when you are not actually being put in it.

I wonder how you would feel about either being expected to pay for everything or being considered cheap if the only way you could ever get a partner would be by asking them first. I bet you wouldn't be so black and white then.

Edited January 28 by Something Funny

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Something Funny said:

I guess girls not willing to pay for themselves is also a good filter. Since I don't want to be with a person like that anyway. I want to have a strong and independent partner who respects me and herself.

Nothing to do with all that. No one should be expected to pay for themselves when asked out. This is not paying for themselves. This is paying and coming out of pocket for a date you asked for whether she agrees to go should not entitle her to pay for your suggestion. If he respected her, he would acknowledge that he needs to pay because he asked. I'm respecting myself by not coming out of pocket for a date that was proposed to me. It's disrespect to propose a date and expecting them to pay.

[Hojo]

If a woman asked a man out and offered to split the bill he would double WOW on the spot. And he would be very attracted. That's dream girl material. He would say wow a real feminist.

Edited January 28 by Hojo

[AION]

@Princess Arabia is the type of woman that you should go 50/50 on. Especially on the first date after you know you are not going to see her again. One shouldn’t encourage this kind of behavior. 
 

 

Edited January 28 by AION

[Something Funny]

1 minute ago, Princess Arabia said:

No one should be expected to pay for themselves when asked out. This is not paying for themselves. This is paying and coming out of pocket for a date you asked for whether she agrees to go should not entitle her to pay for your suggestion

Quote

It's disrespect to propose a date and expecting them to pay.

I honestly don't see any logic behind this. Like why? What makes you say that? 

This is honestly such a privileged position. Only a person who has never had to go through a labour of asking someone out can hold.

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Nothing to do with all that.

In practice, it has everything to do with that. Girls who make it a principle to always pay for themselves are usually the more strong willed and independent ones. There is just something inherently submissive about expecting another person to pay for you.

I once went on a date with a power lifter girl (I approached her), guess what - she paid for both of us, lol. 

[Something Funny]

2 minutes ago, AION said:

@Princess Arabia is the type of woman that you should go 50/50 on. Especially on the first date after you know you are not going to see her again. One shouldn’t encourage this kind of behavior. 
 

 

You just can't not be mean to people, huh?

[Princess Arabia]

5 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

that you never ask anyone out

I never said that. I said I don't ask men out. I'm not the kind of girl to approach men for dinner dates or any kind of dates, not even when I'm working (but that's not the discussion here). Sorry, if that's a bad thing for a woman. I might give signals that i like you etc, but I'm not asking for a date unless we're already in a discussion and talking and you kind of hint it and I'm agreeing something like that, but I don't come outright to ask men for dates. Of course, if I already know you and we've been out before or we're dating or married I might say let's go to so and so, that's different.

[Something Funny]

Just now, Princess Arabia said:

I never said that. I said I don't ask men out. I'm not the kind of girl to approach men for dinner dates or any kind of dates, not even when I'm working (but that's not the discussion here). Sorry, if that's a bad thing for a woman. I might give signals that i like you etc, but I'm not asking for a date unless we're already in a discussion and talking and you kind of hint it and I'm agreeing something like that, but I don't come outright to ask men for dates. Of course, if I already know you and we've been out before or we're dating or married I might say let's go to so and so, that's different.

I didn't say that it's a bad thing. I just said that you have no idea how it feels for the male perspective and that you wouldn't be able to hold the same opinion about it if you were put in an average man's position.

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, AION said:

@Princess Arabia is the type of woman that you should go 50/50 on. Especially on the first date after you know you are not going to see her again. One shouldn’t encourage this kind of behavior. 
 

 

That's OK. This is how I weed out the weeds from the shaft. I'm not the type of girl that you will be able to play those games on where you pay for the date just to get in her pants and then after you've got a nut off on her behalf, now you're different towards her. You shouldn't be talking about someone's behavior with that kind of mentality. Shame on you. Poor unsuspecting women who gets into your devious path. All men have to worry about with me is to pay for a date they've asked me out on or not ask at all. Simple and genuine behavior. Not sure what kind of behavior you're referring to. 

[Hojo]

Since beauty is my main egoic force I will refuse to ask a man on a date. If he rejects me I will be to upset to date again. Instead I speak in code languages with my eyes to signal that I am asking him. If he asks me however I will not go unless he pays for everything because he should value my time. If he dosent do this he is entitled because my time is valuable.

Edited January 28 by Hojo

[AION]

9 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

You just can't not be mean to people, huh?

Mean? I didn’t meant it mean. 

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

I didn't say that it's a bad thing. I just said that you have no idea how it feels for the male perspective and that you wouldn't be able to hold the same opinion about it if you were put in an average man's position.

That's not true. You are reading into more than what's being said. You're taking it personally and concocting up stories in your head from what's being said. Probably things like, what if I can't afford a date then I'm dateless, she doesn't like me as much she expects me to pay for her food, I have to limit my dates with women if I have to keep paying for them all. 

It's obvious from what you're saying that these are the kinds of things going through your head and what has nothing to do with my pov on this.

Saying "put in a man's position", " have no idea how it feels from a male's perspective", reveals the mindset you have on this and the kinds of projected stories that is feeding this mentality. It's obvious to me and is only my opinion. 

[Hojo]

What @Something Funny is saying is true and you are exposing it @Princess Arabia. You are scared to ask a man on a date and you expect all men to not be scared. Because women value beauty more. Men value beauty too even as much as women. And when they got down they get hurt just as much as women do and it hurts their ego just as much. No one cares about mens egos tho. So the man is expected to ask pay and entertain on the date and the woman is just expected to be there because you cant dare hurt a womans feelings. But the mens is not cared for at all.

Society has raised a bunch of feminine men and we are very sensitive.

Edited January 28 by Hojo

[Something Funny]

@Princess Arabia I think I've finally realised what actually bothers me about that attitude.

3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

All men have to worry about with me is to pay for a date they've asked me out on or not ask at all. Simple and genuine behavior.

I can kind of respect this position, because yeah, at least you are being honest about it.

And all that stuff about strong and independent women is nice but you can't judge a person's whole character on just this one thing. And that's not relly even what bothers me.

I understand now that I would just be really hurt by my potential girlfriend's inability to see things from my perspective and emphasize with my position enough to be at least open to paying for herself. Like, I would honestly be upset about it to a point where I wouldn't want to be with her because it just feels so unloving and unappreciative to me.

This is what would make it a dealbreaker for me.

[Something Funny]

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Probably things like, what if I can't afford a date then I'm dateless

No

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

she doesn't like me as much she expects me to pay for her food

Kind of, yes.

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I have to limit my dates with women if I have to keep paying for them all

No

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Saying "put in a man's position", " have no idea how it feels from a male's perspective", reveals the mindset you have on this and the kinds of projected stories that is feeding this mentality. It's obvious to me and is only my opinion. 

Yes, and I think it's a fair issue to have. What's wrong with expecting your partner to be able to relate to you and meet you halfway?