AION

Do you pay for the first date?

131 posts in this topic

Do as you wish, paying or not paying doesn't really matter ultimately and it's up to you. So long as you understand that a woman is not capable of really loving you, then you should be golden

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26 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

If a guy is interested in me romantically and he wants to take me out on a date, why should I have to pay my share. Ridiculous.

A better mindset is to go there because you like the guy, want to connect and the goal of finding a healthy partner.

Ruling a guy out for not paying is cultural and attraction biological conditioning.

From the male perspective, he should always pay on the first date because the difference in gender attraction requires it. 

But a female should be wise enough not to care. Despite her cultural and attraction biological conditioning.


On top of this -> Progressive women have pushed culturally for equal rights and if I’m dating a woman who is at green or spiritually conscious, I expect her to want split the bill. In fact, I specifically received criticism when I tried to pay, she was offended.


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How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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31 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

It’s pleasant for a man to pay, if possible.

Exactly, some men just aren't that hard up about it, especially if he likes her. They really enjoy it, whether it leads to anything more or not. Some women will offer to pay because they don't want you to feel like now they owe you something.

Edited by Princess Arabia

What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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11 minutes ago, integral said:

A better mindset is to go there because you like the guy, want to connect and the goal of finding a healthy partner.

Ruling a guy out for not paying is cultural and attraction biological conditioning.

From the male perspective, he should always pay on the first date because the difference in gender attraction requires it. 

But a female should be wise enough not to care. Despite her cultural and attraction biological conditioning.


On top of this -> Progressive women have pushed culturally for equal rights and if I’m dating a woman who is at green or spiritually conscious, I expect her to want split the bill. In fact, I specifically received criticism when I tried to pay, she was offended.

Sorry, but that's just not my mindset. Has nothing to do with equal rights or not or spiral dynamics stages. A better mindset is what mindset the person has and is relative. There are no rules in this game other than what the person sets for themselves. If I ask a man out, I will pay the bill in total. I just don't ask men out. If I ask my gf to accompany me to dinner, I will also gladly pay her share if she doesn't suggests otherwise. If a gf asks me to go to dinner with her and she wants to pay my share, I'll suggest leaving the tip if she lets me and i will insist on it until she really insists back that it's all on her. 

I'm not referring to just casual platonic dating, I'm referring to a real date with a man that asked me out. It has nothing to do with me liking him for him and not because he paid. It's about etiquette and consideration. Don't ask me out and expect me to pay. Why put someone in a spot to say they can't afford it. Nothing wrong on saying that to a group of people or a gf, but it's very inappropriate to put a lady through that. Just pay up if you ask, it's that simple. Forget about all that women's right stuff and spiral dynamics. 

Edited by Princess Arabia

What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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48 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

If a guy is interested in me romantically and he wants to take me out on a date, why should I have to pay my share. Ridiculous

Lol, this honestly sounds so arrogant.

45 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Exactly, that's platonic and with casual friends. That's the way to go, but not on a romantic date where he asked me out. That's what I'm referring to.

I don't see why it should be different?

Also, I don't think you are considering this, but you basically filtering out all the guys who are actually genuine and authentic enough to actually have a position on this. Leaving yourself with the kind of guys you see in this thread "I will do whatever if it means I will get into her pants". But maybe that's who you are looking for, idk. 

Personally, I think that if a man is willing to give up sex and dating opportunities for the sake of his beliefs, that says a lot.


From beasts we scorn as soulless, in forest, field, and den,
the cry goes up to witness the soullessness of men.

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3 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Lol, this honestly sounds so arrogant.

56 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Or maybe bitter, idk


From beasts we scorn as soulless, in forest, field, and den,
the cry goes up to witness the soullessness of men.

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12 minutes ago, integral said:

Ruling a guy out for not paying is cultural and attraction biological conditioning.

I wouldn't be ruling a guy out for not paying, I would rule him out for expecting me to pay for a date he asked me out on. That's just bad, really bad. Really, really, really bad. That's enough for me to never want to take the date any further. That to me is equivalent to me approaching you, telling you how much I like you and want to spend time with you and then asking you to pay for the time together. If the woman wants to pay fine, but don't expect her to. 


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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7 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Lol, this honestly sounds so arrogant.

Is it arrogant to say I will pay for a guy I asked to go out on a date with. I doubt you'd say that's arrogant. Why is the opposite arrogant. 

I'm sorry, but please don't ask me to go out with you on a date and expect me to pay for it. That's just entitlement and being rude. Doesn't matter if I like you or not. Expecting him to pay doesn't equal to me not being attracted to him or liking him as a person. Nothing to do with that. It's etiquette I'm dealing with here. Not me feeling entitled. Don't ask for a date and expect me to pay and I won't ask you for a date and expect you to pay either.


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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Guys, if there's a store that requires  purchase just for entering the store (just for arguments sake), once you enter the store you're expected to purchase something - that's the rule of the store. Would you ask someone guy or girl to accompany you to that store just because you wanted company and didn't want to go alone. Would you expect them to purchase something out of their pocket just because you asked them to go with you. It's common decency to offer to purchase something for them in this instance because you asked for the companionship. 

It's the same thing. You guys are the ones reading into this too much. It's simple, ask someone to go on a date you pay. Don't ask if you aren't willing to pay. If the other party says they'll pay then so be it. I don't know how that's arrogance or entitlement. Far from it. It's called decency, maturity, good etiquette and being responsible. Period. End of story.


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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@Princess Arabia you are acting like he is a sex worker asking you to pay for your time with him. when in fact he is just asking you to contribute to the date fairly, 50/50


From beasts we scorn as soulless, in forest, field, and den,
the cry goes up to witness the soullessness of men.

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24 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Also, I don't think you are considering this, but you basically filtering out all the guys who are actually genuine and authentic enough to actually have a position on this.

I'm filtering out people who don't have manners, who feel entitled to people's time and energy, feel entitled to just ask to go out with you on a romantic date and doesn't know how to show their appreciation for you saying yes. Reverse and I'll gladly pay for showing how I appreciate your saying yes. I can show my appreciation on the date for you asking me out as a woman in many ways. Opening your side of the car door for you after you've let me in, showing respect to you throughout the date, giving you my undivided attention and sharing with you a lovely experience. 

Genuine and authentically cheap is all the guy will be showing me if he expects me to pay my half.


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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@Princess Arabia 

21 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I'm sorry, but please don't ask me to go out with you on a date and expect me to pay for it. That's just entitlement and being rude. Doesn't matter if I like you or not.

How are you using the word entitlement here? Like the man is saying he is entitled to your time without paying for it?  Are you saying he has to pay for your time and if he dosent he is entitled? That sounds like projection.

You  are saying you cant take me on a date unless you pay for me and if you dont think thats okay you are entitled?

Edited by Hojo

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1 minute ago, Princess Arabia said:

feel entitled to just ask to go out with you on a romantic date and doesn't know how to show their appreciation for you saying yes.

Asking a person out IS THE HARD PART. You should be the one showing appreciation for being approached. 

You are feeling entitled, to be approached, asked out, taken out on a pre-planned adventure, and also be paid for, lol. 

But somehow, in your mind the guy is the one who is entitled.

3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Opening your side of the car door for you after you've let me in, showing respect to you throughout the date, giving you my undivided attention and sharing with you a lovely experience. 

This is expected of both parties. And so should be paying your half. It's a shared experience that both people are benefiting from and they should mutually contribute to it.

4 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Genuine and authentically cheap is all the guy will be showing me if he expects me to pay my half.

It's not about being cheap, it's about being fair. But I guess if all you see are dollar signs than yeah, very cheap.


From beasts we scorn as soulless, in forest, field, and den,
the cry goes up to witness the soullessness of men.

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@Something Funny Yes, literally if a man dosent ask a woman out the human race would implode. Men have to do EVERYTHING! Waste of fking time bro.

Edited by Hojo

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3 minutes ago, Hojo said:

How are you using the word entitlement here? Like the man is saying he is entitled to your time without paying for it?  Are you saying he has to pay for your time and if he dosent he is entitled? That sounds like projection.

Like really, as if he is not also giving her his time.

If she thought that their time is of equal value, then they would cancel each other out. Instead, she feel like her time is more valuable so she wants to be paid for on top of him putting all his time and effort in.


From beasts we scorn as soulless, in forest, field, and den,
the cry goes up to witness the soullessness of men.

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@Something Funny What a man has to do for the woman

Ask out

possibly get humiliated mulitple times over years

pay for date

ask out for relationship

Act like a pussy to her family

She will tell you to change you will deny your own identity

You will get married

Have to beg for sex

You will have to fundamentally live as a different person

Give all your money

She will stop liking you cause you changed your identity and are a shell slave of a man

The woman will leave

You will be a empty shell alone

Great deal

This is not how God made it. Woman should be begging for men.

 

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5 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Princess Arabia you are acting like he is a sex worker asking you to pay for your time with him. when in fact he is just asking you to contribute to the date fairly, 50/50

Sex worker? How dies that even fit into the picture. No one is speaking about that kind of dynamic. There's no mixing the two with me and one doesn't have anything to do with the other. Are you going to turn away your party guests because they didn't bring anything to the party. If you're having a party and you invite me, it's up to me to bring a drink or anything, it shouldn't be expected because you invited me. Idk, maybe it's a generation thing and I'm from a different generation. Plenty of both men and women agree with my stance in this matter and it has nothing to do with treating some one like a sex worker. Those things don't enter my mind when I'm discussing normal things. 


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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Just now, Hojo said:

@Something Funny What a man has to do for the woman

Ask out

possibly get humiliated mulitple times over years

pay for date

ask out for relationship

Act like a pussy to her family

She will tell you to change you will deny your own identity

You will get married

Have to beg for sex

You will have to fundamentally live as a different person

Give all your money

She will stop liking you cause you changed your identity and are a shell slave of a man

The woman will leave

You will be a empty shell alone

Great deal

This is not how God made it. Woman should be begging for men.

 

this is going too far


From beasts we scorn as soulless, in forest, field, and den,
the cry goes up to witness the soullessness of men.

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1 minute ago, Hojo said:

@Something Funny What a man has to do for the woman

Ask out

possibly get humiliated mulitple times over years

pay for date

ask out for relationship

Act like a pussy to her family

She will tell you to change you will deny your own identity

You will get married

Have to beg for sex

You will have to fundamentally live as a different person

Give all your money

She will stop liking you cause you changed your identity and are a shell slave of a man

The woman will leave

You will be a empty shell alone

Great deal

This is not how God made it. Woman should be begging for men.

 

OMG, perfect recipe for suffering, anxiety and depression. What a story. 


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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1 minute ago, Something Funny said:

this is going too far

Lol, that's what I said. Atleast we agree on something. Lol


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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