Do you pay for the first date?

[Hojo]

@Something Funny Can you provide the simpler solution?

[Hojo]

@Princess Arabia I think we need to redefine date. Because people use it all the time for different interactions. If I ask a woman if she wants to go and eat thats not a date. If I ask a woman if we can get to know eachother that's not a date. If I specifically say you want to go on a date then that's a date. If we fuck and then go get food that's not a date. Anything thats not a date I'm not paying for.

[Davino]

Not always but it's hard to know when to do it and when not.

I once lost an amazing girl for not buying her a drink. Like I hit on the nail on all her shit tests, she was opening and flowing and then I just didn't want to buy her a drink even though I had 2 for free. It felt awkward, why should I? But it was a stupid decision, who cares for the drink as the experience and shared moments are worth the money. That is indeed the power of money and you should leverage it wisely.

[AION]

8 minutes ago, Davino said:

Not always but it's hard to know when to do it and when not.

I once lost an amazing girl for not buying her a drink. Like I hit on the nail on all her shit tests, she was opening and flowing and then I just didn't want to buy her a drink even though I had 2 for free. It felt awkward, why should I? But it was a stupid decision, who cares for the drink as the experience and shared moments are worth the money. That is indeed the power of money and you should leverage it wisely.

That is what I was saying but people weren't getting it.

No need to rock the boat if it is worth your while.

It shouldn't be a big deal but for some girls it is a big deal.

Edited January 28 by AION

[Something Funny]

24 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Something Funny Can you provide the simpler solution?

Once again, you are overcomplicating an already simple thing. There is no a simpler solution.

Just see if the person is paying and act accordingly.

[AION]

2 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Once again, you are overcomplicating an already simple thing. There is no a simpler solution.

Just see if the person is paying and act accordingly.

[Something Funny]

 

[something_else]

42 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Something Funny Can you provide the simpler solution?

Look at Leo's post from the start. That covers it pretty well.

In the early stages you just want to avoid any awkward discussions over who pays because they kill the mood. So if it's cheap (like a coffee or drinks) then just offer to pay. It's nice and the girl will appreciate it. If she really insists on paying her share (which in my experience a lot of girls do nowadays) then split it. It's really not that hard.

IMO going for big expensive meals with girls before you actually know them properly is kind of silly. It can create a lot of tension, expectation and awkwardness. You want first dates to be casual, playful, and cheap to the point where you can just pay without really thinking much of it.

Edited January 28 by something_else

[Hojo]

@Something Funny Thats just asking to get taken advantage of. You are saying the solution is to do whatever they want you to do. Im saying the opposite a simpler solution do what you want to.

The discussion is how to act accordingly and your solution is to just act accordingly.

Edited January 28 by Hojo

[Something Funny]

@Hojo first of all, this "asking to get taken advantage of" is a weak mindset. The worst thing that will happen is that you will pay for some random person's coffee, is it so horrible? You don't have to see them again if you didn't like their attitude.

Secondly, I didn't say how you need to act. I didn't say that you always need to act in a way to please them. What "act accordingly" means depends on you and the situation. Maybe for you that means get up and leave.

[Thought Art]

I've gotten laid plenty on first date splitting the bill. But, also rejected for not paying the bill so it's like anything and depends.

[Something Funny]

@Thought Art do you stick to splitting as a matter of principle?

[Jacob Morres]

I don't pay.  And if I do it's very cheap like a coffee or something. I'm not a fan of traditional gender norms really so if a girl didn't get that i don't think we'd be a fit

Never ran into an issue yet

Most girls do expect guys to fulfill the role though so there's that. But if you set the vibe early, and explain it casually beforehand most girls are chill about it 

Edited January 28 by Jacob Morres

[Something Funny]

16 minutes ago, Jacob Morres said:

But if you set the vibe early, and explain it casually beforehand most girls are chill about it 

I think this is a very important part.

[Moon]

If a guy ever asked to split I would assume we were just friends. Never had this experience and I’m used to guys laughing/being insulted at the idea of the woman paying 🤣

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Princess Arabia what's your reasoning behind the idea that whoever asks another person out on a date should be expected to pay?

It sounds very entitled to me, like you are coming down from heaven and doing them a favor

If a guy is interested in me romantically and he wants to take me out on a date, why should I have to pay my share. Ridiculous. That's the only time I'm speaking of. If you read my other comments you'll see my stance on who asked who out. To briefly explain, if it's platonic then it all depends on the circumstances and if someone volunteers or offers to pick up the tab.

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, Something Funny said:

A few times I didn't have the money so I would just say that straight away: "sorry, I can't come, I don't have the money right now".

Exactly, that's platonic and with casual friends. That's the way to go, but not on a romantic date where he asked me out. That's what I'm referring to.

[Princess Arabia]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

IMO going for big expensive meals with girls before you actually know them properly is kind of silly. It can create a lot of tension, expectation and awkwardness. You want first dates to be casual, playful, and cheap to the point where you can just pay without really thinking much of it.

I agree with what you're saying and is the best way to go about it. However, there are men who don't mind the opposite (expensive dinner) and even not getting anything in return. Just going out with a woman and spending time that way is enough for some on some occasions if they can afford it. No strings attached. Those men are usually older and have been there done that and usually are already established.

[Schizophonia]

It’s pleasant for a man to pay, if possible.

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, AION said:

@Princess Arabia Those unwritten dating rules are from the 90'ies. The unwritten dating rules of 2025 are very different. If you are young hot girl and you are riding the magic bus getting free stuff left and right - for just existing - you can make those demands but as you get older the story is different...

This is just not true. I see older ordinary looking women getting stuff paid for but usually by men they know or are dating. One doesn't always have to be hot, average looking women are also getting women privileges. Maybe just not as much. And stop saying just for existing. If they weren't in demand or being looked at and gawked at and admired and whatever else, it wouldn't be a thing. I love my cat just for existing. If I was attracted to handsome men I wouldn't say just for existing because there's a reason, I love handsome men. The beautiful women are serving a purpose to those who love them and it's more than just them existing. If you love a beautiful woman just for the way she looks why say she's just existing. If you love a particular shoes or car or clothing, it's the same thing. They all serve a purpose and the beautiful woman to certain people also does - and it could also be just for existing as a beautiful woman. That's not the woman's fault. 

Edited January 28 by Princess Arabia