Always set boundaries

[integral]

One of the biggest mistakes I made in relationships and even a mistake I recently made was to allow red flags to continue because they don’t really affect me.

There are a lot of things in relationships that because I’m so relaxed and don’t really take anything personally that I allow it to slide.

This is healthy overall, but if your partner is continuously taking more and more ground to dump their emotions onto you and use you as a target, then they will slowly overtime continue to escalate until they essentially criticizing you over every little detail. People will continue to take more ground if you let them..

Even if you’re unaffected by many things thats occurring in a relationship, you always have to set boundaries so that things don’t escalate. It’s healthy for everyone.

A boundary is one where when they cross that boundary, you have to enforce it.

example: you did the laundry and then the buzzer goes off and now you need to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and in less than 10 minutes, your partner is criticizing you for being lazy for not immediately getting up from whatever you were doing to handle the laundry. They then repeat this type of criticism for every detail. Continuously accusing you of irresponsibility whenever they see the chance. Throughout the day, they find anything in your behaviour to criticize and tear you down. Every day.

This is a very common pattern but it doesn’t happen overnight. It normally escalate slowly as your partner continues to take more ground.

I don’t know the best way to enforce a boundary, but you should know what your boundaries are and when they’re crossed and not to take it lightly. Because it will escalate and ruin the relationship if you let it. Once things escalate it is very hard to go back.

if you guys have suggestions on how to enforce a boundary a healthy way, please give suggestion! 😅

 

[Whitney Edwards]

Just say "hey I love you but there are certain things I won't be able to do." 

I had no boundaries in my past relationships. It was hard. I didn't know how to place them. 

It's especially harder if they argue about it further. 

Sometimes it takes patience. It's not so much about the words you use but the right timing and having patience with it. They will slowly change and adapt to your needs. Don't be extremely defensive. Just say once and sometimes repeat. Until they drop the habit. 

 

[integral]

@Whitney Edwards what do you do when they disagree and think criticizing you is always justified?

”if you weren’t irresponsible, then I wouldn’t have to say it.”

[Sugarcoat]

I can’t speak for your situation because I can’t know based on one post but I’ve heard quite a few stories from the female perspective how the man isn’t taking responsibility around the household and how small things can build up for the woman so she feels the need to tell him off which can come of as nagging but she is just wanting him to be equally responsible around the house as her. There’s an account I follow that is dedicated to this type of content. So it really depends on the situation wether complaining is justified or not 

In general I think that kind of detached attitude and unbothered one is one of the best to have I’m also like that naturally and there’s a lot of peace that comes with that, of not being emotionally involved in petty human endeavors. But we shouldn’t tolerate disrespect still, sometimes simply being unbothered is enough for someone to stop because they’re not getting a reaction out of you and their disrespect isn’t having an effect. But if they keep complaining they might have a valid reason like I said before then it can be time to be considerate of another’s perspective and feelings, if not then we need to assert our boundaries 

Edited Monday at 03:29 PM by Sugarcoat

[Rishabh R]

@integral Best thing is to walk away from those who don't respect you.

[Whitney Edwards]

30 minutes ago, integral said:

@Whitney Edwards what do you do when they disagree and think criticizing you is always justified?

”if you weren’t irresponsible, then I wouldn’t have to say it.”

Thats them being controlling. You have to put your foot down and tell them that you are responsible and you are an adult, that you don't need them telling you what to do and what not to do.

I'm getting controlling vibes from your relationship. Seems like she wants things her way. Also seems like a nagging person. 

You can tolerate it for a while but sometimes just tell them that it's too much. 

If you are deeply invested  in your relationship, I can't tell you to leave the person as that would be slightly unfair. Everyone has flaws. You might have some behaviors that they don't like and they might have some behaviors that you don't appreciate. 

Try to enforce your boundaries a couple of times. Relationships are often not complete or perfect but we have to strive for mutual peace and comfort. 

And I know that you have the maturity for that. You are insanely mature. 

Hope everything works out fine for you both. 

Edited Monday at 03:29 PM by Whitney Edwards
ChatGPT was not used