Schizophonia’s Journal

[Sugarcoat]

31 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Rather 30.
There too we will see

Ok I see

[Schizophonia]

Day 44

I'm back from the restaurant(not planned), no post for today.

Edited March 9 by Schizophonia

[RendHeaven]

On 3/7/2025 at 7:43 AM, Schizophonia said:

turbo estrogenic

you're the best

[The Crocodile]

2 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

you're the best

Quiet SpendHell

I got a nice 3-day ban for that. I would've thought this thread would be a no-mod zone, the Schizophonia Journal Autonomous Zone: SJAZ.

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, The Crocodile said:

Quiet SpendHell

I got a nice 3-day ban for that.

 

1 hour ago, The Crocodile said:

I would've thought this thread would be a no-mod zone, the Schizophonia Journal Autonomous Zone: SJAZ.

You can interact with me as much as you want as long as you are polite, don't spam me etc.

[The Crocodile]

20 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

 

You can interact with me as much as you want as long as you are polite, don't spam me etc.

No, I meant this journal could be a libertarian experiment where mods are not allowed.

[Schizophonia]

11 hours ago, Moon said:

One issue was hatred and rage received from a parental figure growing up.

I'm sorry for you, hope your relation got better.

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Releasing what felt like one of the final attachments I had to this story, allowed further for love to come to me in this present moment. 

Well you can spend your life hanging on to some stupid karma, and it will always form your personality to some extent; But at some point you still want to be fulfilled; Enriching activities, a good mood, friends, a companion who pampers you etc. 🙂

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Fair enough 😂 but flow state is simply a smaller picture of this that athletes, creatives and others tap into

Yea i see what you mean.

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Whippin what- driving?

Actually I play a "know-it-all" character, it's one of my ways of showing off and harvesting energy between knowing how to cook well, or making lame jokes; Since I have to know everything, I have to have a varied vocabulary in all circumstances, so I end up using words/expressions that I don't master.😂

I wanted to say that I also mix musical styles

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Tout va bien? 🤣

Eheh.

You learn french maybe ? or it's just a wink.

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Nicee. Yeah he’s a basic guy tbf, any recent music you’ve enjoyed you wanna share 👀(even if you’re you’re boycotting music now 😂) 

Ahah, then I'm not an ascetic either, I'm capable of giving nutritional advice while smoking cigarettes😂

The last 3 songs I listened to, in my history :

 

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Wow love the dedication to actualizing 😉

Thanks ahah, you're sweet; But it's also a lot of random post, to waste time.
I am a distance student and I was handicapped for a long time by very very severe insomnia (which I no longer have! Thank God), so I had a lot of time.

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Tbf I see a lot of you posting on journals a lot so maybe a huge part of is that- lowkey therapy? Being social? Mix of both maybe

I do this to push myself to put my thoughts into shape, even if they are fleeting.

I saw you have a journal too.

11 hours ago, Moon said:

I had different relationships to each one

Instagram used to bring up insecurities but now it kinda has the opposite effect

Why if you don't mind ? 

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Twitter was the one I was reallyyy hooked on and always doomscrolling and engaging in think pieces (not necessarily negative but too much mental masturbation at the time). Elon being more active on it helped me delete my account 😂😂

Lol i see really well. 

Did you get upset about politics? Stuff like that?

11 hours ago, Moon said:

Wbu? Which ones were you always on outside this forum

At one time I hung out a bit on a big French forum, but the level is quite low and there are a lot of unpleasant people, so I stopped.
I have Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp etc; I can use them to communicate with people if necessary, but otherwise I'm never active on these things.

[Schizophonia]

25 minutes ago, The Crocodile said:

No, I meant this journal could be a libertarian experiment where mods are not allowed.

No, my newspaper is a fascist dictatorship ; You could send me a picture of your breasts, a check for 10,000 euros and a big piece of cake, I would still report you to the moderators. 🫨

 

Hop

[Schizophonia]

4 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

you're the best

Thank for restoring the test/e2 ratio of my topic comrade.

Japanese soybean oil didn't get you.

[Schizophonia]

Day 45

Recently the election in Romania was arbitrarily cancelled because the candidate who came first, Eurosceptic and supposedly pro-Russian, was allegedly pushed by Russian propaganda on media such as Tik Tok; In the end, it was Georgescu's candidacy that was ineligible.
There are big demonstrations at the moment in Romania in reaction to this, which is rational because it is a anti-democratic decision and justified by supposed ridiculousness (Russian propaganda on Tik Tok lol), whether one is "pro-Russian" or not.

The problem, as Thomas Ferrier points out in this video, is that this event was taken over by Romanian Eurosceptics; However, it was not the European Union that decided to cancel the election, it was indeed a national decision.

As a general rule, Eurosceptics often lie by stating that certain policies deemed undesirable are pushed by the European Union, sometimes under penalty of so-called sanctions, when in fact they are mainly carried out on a national scale.

This is what happened in Great Britain, many English people were disappointed by Brexit because they thought that the immigrationist, climate, pro-Atlanticist policy or whatever is the order of the European Union.
Regardless of my political views/what I think of this character, maybe if Farage had taken power in the UK after Brexit politics would have been different, in its own way, but most likely Brexit would have been simply optional in that case (because the EU is not a far-left tyranny lol), and in the meantime now UK politics is still as before and ironically modelled on the politics of other European countries, or even "worse" (from a classic brexiter, rather conservative even nationalistic point of view).

I don't see any particular rational reason to be anti-EU, if it were up to me I would be for a federal European Union that also includes Russia; From Lisbon to Vladivostok.
Russia should not be pushed towards China or the BRICS in general, it makes no sense and it's a low consciousness thing, the BRICS are just a sulky response to NATO; Russia is a European power and should be part of Europe.

Edited March 10 by Schizophonia

[Salvijus]

20 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

You could send me a picture of your breasts

Somebody finally realized she's a female. 😄

[Schizophonia]

8 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Somebody finally realized she's a female. 😄

Lol 

[Schizophonia]

I slept very badly and was quite busy this week, so I'm taking a few days off; I don't really feel like exerting myself intellectually. 

[Schizophonia]

I have a big surprise on April 16th 

Automatically it will be on my journal.

[Schizophonia]

Day 51

I sleep well, but I have a lot of bad dreams where my shadow hits me in the face, waking me up during the night and disrupting my overall sleep quality.

Last night, I had, the least important thing I'd think, first dreamed of "waking up" (in the spiritual sense of the word) while I was lying in bed.
It was a very anxiety-provoking experience, and at the same time, I had Trump (who knows why lol, I'm not that opposed to this character in the first place, less than most people on this forum) making random statements in my imagination, which added to the anxiety.

The second part of the dream involved me being in the presence of a girl I'd flirted with and visited in reality, who lives in another country. But the happiest thing about this encounter was actually our respective parents. My parents weren't directly present, but I knew they would have a positive outlook on it, and the parents of the person in question seemed to see me as a potential ideal gender.
But for both of us, the relationship was actually experienced as an unpleasant expression of the shadow.
For me, it was about confronting fear, hatred, being humiliated, especially here in front of my parents, for not having succeeded in "winning the ideal object."

On the other hand, I believe the shadow was actually something like, "I have to think about dating someone like that because she looks like the ideal son-in-law for my parents."

Even if the object is objectively good, it's the shadow of a pathetic and forced vision of relationships, full of learned helplessness, that is expressed, that is in control.

The strange thing is that since this dream, as well as other reflections I've had about my libido and the rest, I've had new "love" fantasies appearing; new types of images.
I realize that for a long time, I couldn't say whether it was learned helplessness, insomnia, steroids, etc., I basically forgot how to see others, especially women, as human beings.
I didn't see women as human beings to be loved as human beings; My vision of others from a sexual and romantic point of view had a "partial," "fuzzy," "regressive" character; Basically neurotic.

There is still a lot of introspection to be done.

Edited March 16 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

48 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Day 51

I sleep well, but I have a lot of bad dreams where my shadow hits me in the face, waking me up during the night and disrupting my overall sleep quality.

Last night, I had, the least important thing I'd think, first dreamed of "waking up" (in the spiritual sense of the word) while I was lying in bed.
It was a very anxiety-provoking experience, and at the same time, I had Trump (who knows why lol, I'm not that opposed to this character in the first place, less than most people on this forum) making random statements in my imagination, which added to the anxiety.

The second part of the dream involved me being in the presence of a girl I'd flirted with and visited in reality, who lives in another country. But the happiest thing about this encounter was actually our respective parents. My parents weren't directly present, but I knew they would have a positive outlook on it, and the parents of the person in question seemed to see me as a potential ideal gender.
But for both of us, the relationship was actually experienced as an unpleasant expression of the shadow.
For me, it was about confronting fear, hatred, being humiliated, especially here in front of my parents, for not having succeeded in "winning the ideal object."

On the other hand, I believe the shadow was actually something like, "I have to think about dating someone like that because she looks like the ideal son-in-law for my parents."

Even if the object is objectively good, it's the shadow of a pathetic and forced vision of relationships, full of learned helplessness, that is expressed, that is in control.

The strange thing is that since this dream, as well as other reflections I've had about my libido and the rest, I've had new "love" fantasies appearing; new types of images.
I realize that for a long time, I couldn't say whether it was learned helplessness, insomnia, steroids, etc., I basically forgot how to see others, especially women, as human beings.
I didn't see women as human beings to be loved as human beings; My vision of others from a sexual and romantic point of view had a "partial," "fuzzy," "regressive" character; Basically neurotic.

There is still a lot of introspection to be done.

 

[Schizophonia]

Day 52

Do you really know yourself? Because I don't, lol.
Like many in a comfort-oriented society, my attention has been so consumed by easily consumed nonsense and energy drains of neurotic preoccupations that my individuation process hasn't been particularly developed.
So I indulged in a little imagination exercise on what really makes me happy and what would make me happy, i though to 5 points (non-exhaustive of course):

1) Food.

I eat compulsively most of the time "because I have to eat." For some reason, I also compulsively cook dishes with lots of spices and chili peppers.
If I really allowed myself to eat what I like and how I like, I would be content with two good meals with simple foods. In fact, I don't like spices; they're crap for hypothyroid Hindus, lol. I prefer simple dishes made with wheat, dairy products, beef or pork, some green vegetables, and salt and pepper.
The perfect meal is a steak with pepper or Bernaise sauce, air-fried fries, a small salad with nuts and walnut oil, toast with goat cheese, Coca-Cola/Pepsi, and for dessert, nut cake or iced mochi.
I could drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes; I don't like to restrict myself "for health"; most of the time, hygiene concerns are neurotic; I don't want to be like that. After all, good people do what they want, it's not my problem.
A good way to recognize a mentally ill person is aggression. Not attacking you would be to consider your common behavior as good, and that would cancel out their twisted power process. If it's a vegan, he'll attack you because you ate "corpse," if he's anti-alcohol, he'll attack you because you drank "poison," etc.

 

2) I'm politically right-wing.

Before even talking about the ideas themselves, I've never been able to stand most of the leftists I've encountered.
Most of the time, I don't have to do anything, just say something non-aggressive but stiff, and a leftist will decide to throw a fit of hysteria out of nowhere or simply declare you an enemy to satisfy his ego. It's a bit like women in men's bodies, lol.
Of course, everyone is different, but it seems to be routine; Once in high school, at the very beginning, a guy had me summoned by the administration because I had physically "pressured" him because he spread i was a fascist, without going into details. Even here, without saying they're leftists, I have absolutely no idea, some guys found a way to get angry at me, again, not because I attacked anyone, but simply for speaking in a brutal manner.
Well, I come from the French provinces, always surrounded by very stoic people; normal men in fact.
And I'm a pretty "nice" ectomorph, what will it be like when these people, with this kind of persona, have problems with even more brutal people? Like real intimidating assholes ?

You have to be careful. 

To return to the question of ideas, well, I'm not a sociologist, and on the paper I've agreed with many Marxist deductions; I want to be someone with nuance.
But in reality, every time I process what I see in the news, or when I talk about work with my father, I come to the conclusion that it's too much government that's the problem.
And then there's the problem of immigration, insecurity...
As I said in another post, I'm not against the European Union. I've never seen a convincing argument against the EU; I could debate that; Nevermind.

 

3) My character in general.

Following on from the previous point  I think I'm a pretty "stiff" person; at the same time less twisted/perverse than average, I never wish anyone harm, and at the same time I'm quite "dry", not very empathetic..

Overall, more indifferent than average, and a stiffer reaction.

A bit like a bull or an owl.

 

4)I'm quite a stickler

I wash myself every day, soaping myself from head to toe, I shave clean every day, my bed is tidy, I vacuum regularly, etc.

It's also a gift for others; it's cool to be around someone who's clean.

 

5)Occupations

I like cooking, reading books to teach me how to manifest 1 million euros and a harem, watching videos to teach me how to manifest 1 million euros and a harem, watching videos about history, working out, walking in nature, philosophizing for several hours a day, and going out with friends or talking with them on Discord.
I still lack socializing for my taste, so I should include social activities in the future, when I'm settled in a big city. I was in Toulouse last week and did a boxing session, I surprisingly had more energy than I expected so it was cool but I want to try something else.
Why not also get a dog, or even btw a cat? Cats offer a bit of companionship and are also independent, while a dog requires a lot of attention, depending on the breed.

 

 

Edited March 17 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

 

[Schizophonia]

Day 53

I'm starting to push myself. I have some ideas for posts, but they require more work.
So what we're going to do is tp pass my post count to one big post per week (every Sunday) which seems pretty good to me.

The next post will be about the structure of reality and the creative process. I still need to think, read, and write about it; It's not easy.

On 16/03/2025 at 1:07 PM, Schizophonia said:

I have a big surprise on April 16th 

Automatically it will be on my journal.

It will be a video, it was planned for a long time but between sleep problems, lack of equipment, and a certain dilettantism I must admit I did not have the means to produce anything other than absolute cringe shit.

But now it's different.

Edited March 18 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

That said, "feeding on prana" = Yet another rationalization (relative construction, and dual, in the divine imagination) which in fact replaces and therefore suppresses another (the need for food, oxidative metabolism...); It is still not awakening, even if I imagine that this kind of individuals are most of the time or at least a little aware of neo advaita spirituality.

With enough faith, anything is possible.

 

𝙅𝙚𝙨𝙪𝙨 𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙖𝙞𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙨:
"𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙣 𝙂𝙤𝙙.
𝙏𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮, 𝙄 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙬𝙝𝙤𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣, '𝘽𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙪𝙥 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙖,' 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣, 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙢.
𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙄 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙨𝙠 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙥𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙚𝙧, 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙩, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙥𝙧𝙖𝙮, 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚, 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢, 𝙨𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙁𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙡𝙨𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨."

𝙂𝙤𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙡 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠, 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝟭𝟭, 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝟮𝟮-𝟮𝟱