Schizophonia’s Journal

[Schizophonia]

Reality 

Edited February 20 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 27

I noticed that my mother was nicer around me when I was in a frequency close to her exes, without giving details.

Love manifests the possibility of delivering this love, but it will also manifest, depending on the belief system, people hostile to this love; Hate will also eventually manifest a person's love in this way, oddly enough; Everything is possible.

I have at least partially grasped, in broad outline, notably thanks to Neville Goddard (it was his birthday yesterday, peace be upon him), the functioning of the process of manifestation, of creation; The conscious/unconscious echo chamber, the ouroboros.

But it is a devilishly refined process, it is like an outrageously delicate psychic Swiss automatic watch to master, and yet completely simple in its operation; It requires the hands of a pianist.

I should almost make a diary where I write down every 3/4 hours, something like that, as precisely as possible both what is happening in my conscious (emotional world and mental discourse, everything I am "conscious" of and control more or less directly) and what manifests in the inconscious, on what i don't have a direct influence and which I experience empirically.

Abstractions and materiality as Berkeley would say.

The easiest manifestations are in fact, in my case, those that I seek the least because they do not encounter an inverse process; A bit like if my psyche were a big sea with a big mess in the middle; Send even a big boat to go straight and it risks strongly being sent back to the starting point because of the tumult of the waves, but send even a small boat to a rather inconsiderate place, where there are few waves, and it will surprisingly risk arriving there more than most of the other boats that pass through this "Bermuda triangle" of my mental mush of neurotic mad human.

I noticed that my mother was nicer around me when I was in a frequency close to her exes, without giving details.

Love manifests the possibility of delivering this love, but it will also manifest, depending on the belief system, people hostile to this love; Hate will also eventually manifest a person's love in this way, oddly enough; Everything is possible.

I have at least partially grasped, in broad outline, notably thanks to Neville Goddard (it was his birthday yesterday, peace be upon him), the functioning of the process of manifestation, of creation; The conscious/unconscious echo chamber, the ouroboros.

But it is a devilishly refined process, it is like an outrageously delicate psychic Swiss automatic watch to master, and yet completely simple in its operation; It requires the hands of a pianist.

I should almost make a diary where I note every 3/4 hours, something like that, as precisely as possible both what is happening in my conscious (emotional world and mental discourse, everything I am "conscious" of and control more or less directly) and what manifests in the maya.

The easiest manifestations are in fact, in my case, those that I seek the least because they do not encounter an inverse process; A bit like if my psyche were a big sea with a big mess in the middle; Send even a big boat to go straight and it risks strongly being sent back to the starting point because of the tumult of the waves, but send even a small boat to a rather inconsiderate place, where there are few waves, and it will surprisingly risk arriving there more than most of the other boats that pass through this "Bermuda triangle" of my mental mush of neurotic mad human.

I should also take an interest in Berkeley, it seems terribly based; He could be considered the father of idealist monism; a godsend if you are on the line of Leo Gura, Peter Raltson, Ken Wilber, Neville Goddard, Joe Dispenza, etc.

Edited February 20 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 28

I came home late, no post for today. 

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

no post for today. 

Liar 

[Schizophonia]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

Liar 

lol

[Schizophonia]

Day 29

Same as yesterday.

Tomorrow I will be free, I will make a nice post, I already have the idea.

[Schizophonia]

Day 30

People develop neurotic tendencies to protect themselves from castration (i.e. to avoid being physically hurt, physically, or even humiliated) by transferring the libido from one object to another.
What is a normal libidinal object and what is an abnormal one on which the libido would be transferred is individual, but some objects will be clearly recognized as neurotic by most humans; Nazism, to give an extreme example, is clearly neurotic: Wanting to have military parades, putting eagles and swastikas everywhere, and wanting to massively put populations in ovens are behaviors, delusions, wacky "libidinal wells".
Most of the most dysfunctional people are not psychotics/schizophrenics; They invent objects but they are relatively normal objects most of the time, they are indeed most extremely neurotic people.

Politics and spirituality are probably the areas that feed the most on neurosis; As the neurotic is too afraid of dying, that is to say symbolizing castration, that he prefers to libidinally outbid stupid objects over which he has control rather than being constructive.
This gives this tendency to "live in loops", in a way that is ultimately particularly vain.

We are all more or less neurotic, but especially today because of modern living conditions that are both negative (solitude, family structures, societal structure in general, wealth inequalities) and positive (comfort).

Carl Jung's shadow work is about getting out of your comfort zone (neurotic loop) to confront what motivated its implementation, that is to say strong emotions, sometimes traumatic depending on the degree of dysfunction, which were repressed to guarantee the survival of the system (blocking the symbolization of castration).
Here we find a crossroads between Freudo-Lacanian, Jungian and Arthur Janov philosophy; It's super interesting.

There is no need to do "psychedelic trips", assuming that it worked for a significant number of people lol, it can be simply watching movies, changing sports practice or many other things as long as it allows you to get out of your comfort zone and therefore meet new mirrors; It is precisely in these new mirrors that this shadow sits.
Any situation perceived by the self-concept (the ego) complains a priori about the persona, it will remain paradoxically difficult to change at first because it remains polarized into negative and positive consequences, even if this is denied (and projected onto others in passing).

Example:
"He's an asshole! He's mean to me!" -> Usually I kiss other people's ass to pretend that I'm something other than an obsessive hysteric to whom nothing can be said, but now that I have a mirror in my hand (an asshole) I can be an asshole and call him an asshole.

In this case, to be able to possibly change, I will have to accept that I am an asshole and that I enjoy it, otherwise if I don't recognize it I will automatically not be able to change it (how to change something that I don't recognize).

By changing therefore, we must understand castrating ourselves from the positive effects of this functioning; This can eventually generate physical decompensation, depressive episodes, and learned helplessness in general; especially if you undergo the castration of your neurotic imaginary phallus in a violent and unexpected manner.

Example:
"Everyone is an idiot" -> As everyone turns their back on you since you take everyone for an idiot (which is true, but what individual is the common point between all these idiots?) -> You are angry, ruminate (neurotic response) then, faced with the evidence of castration, its symbolization, you end up recognizing that you are alone and that you suffer from it.

[Schizophonia]

 

Wonderful.

Edited February 23 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 31

Already a month eheh.

I plan to do a 4 HO MET trip this week,
I will try to orient the trip towards awareness of the creative process, and other personal interests (psychoanalysis?); Easier said than done however, when you are high it is a whole different story, that said 4 HO MET has a weak head scape, so it is easier to work and have concrete ideas on it, it does not get you high like LSD for example.

I also bought some kratom 
I see topics talking about MDMA here, but it has never attracted me; It seems to be a bit of a "gay" vibe lol, like hypomanic and in love.
If I have to take something recreational I prefer to do downner, I like the feeling of being "cottony", feeling a warmth in my body, like after sports or a hot shower.
Kratom is supposed to be a mix between an opiate and a stimulant, and at the same time be much milder (depending on the dose to some extent, obviously) and therefore have less side effects and risk of abuse than other opiates, which is cool.

 

Edited February 24 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 32

Tomorrow I'm going shopping and buying a "creation" notebook as I talked about in a previous post.

It will be about making a debrief of the day as honest and precise as possible which will correlate the different conscious/personal data ("more or less controllable", in the Neville Goddard paradigm), and unconscious/impersonal.

The most conscious data is the mental discourse and the imaginative process in general, what is not conscious is what is projected into the maya.
Of course here we are still in duality, theoretically (idealist monism, philosophy of Neville Goddard, Berkeley, Maharshi...) and experimentally (Psychedelics in particular 5 MeO DMT, Awakening during meditation or yogic practices in general...) we can go beyond duality, but with our current level of consciousness we must always play with it and the simplest is to represent reality as such a duality, conscious/unconscious echo chamber.

Neville Goddard wrote "emotion is the secret"; I see what is perceived as an emotion as a crossroads between the conscious and the unconscious.

I have the belief that I can move my arm by thought, and this belief is justified in a whole bunch of ways; I do not however have the belief that I can fly and access to this frequency will therefore be automatically blocked as I seek it and therefore confront myself with the limiting belief.

Have you heard about the paradox of the soccer ball that will never reach the goal? Because before crossing the 10 meters that separate it, it will have to cross 9.9m, then 9.99m, then 9.99999999999m and this to infinity.
The objects of the maya, as limits, function in such an asymptotic way: The more you imagine it, the more you fix it.
Even if I want to do something as simple as drinking water, if I overinvest impulsively (consciousness) in the image of drinking water, it will not trigger the motor part to experience bringing my bottle of water to my mouth and consuming it; It is the absolute persuasion that it happens, absolute if not just enough for it to take "time" rather than seeing the water directly teleport into my mouth, that allows the experience, otherwise I would be stuck like the ball 0.0000001 meters from the goal.

That is why those who talk about manifestation insist on starting from the principle that it happened/is happening, especially not that it "should" happen.

Feeling (once again the personal/impersonal dichotomy is an illusion of duality, in absolute terms everything is consciousness and there is no difference between "I" and "it", neo advaita 101 lol, which is conscious/unconscious, always in the sense used by Neville Goddard) is like a "back door" in the sense that it is an experience that is quite easy to induce by the human imagination, and at the same time quite tengible, objective to influence the conscious and therefore ultimately the whole echo chamber, the belief system at the origin of creation.

This is the greyhound.

Edited February 25 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 33

Short post for today. 

I like to dress well  both glorifying for oneself and for others.
My style essentially consists of a short, slightly curly haircut, a clean shave of the beard, and an open or not shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
If it is closed I tuck it into my pants and tighten with a belt.
Otherwise a hoodie or a Nike or Adidas sweater, always with the sleeves rolled up. I also have some stainless steel jewelry.
I like everything that is made of steel or gold, I find that it gives a slightly more virile vibe; It's stylish.

 

[Yimpa]

35 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

a clean shave of the beard

Have you ever consisdered growing it out?

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

Have you ever consisdered growing it out?

Yo.
 

I don't have a full beard at the moment, so I prefer to shave; it makes it look « clean ».

[Schizophonia]

Day 34

As planned I bought my report notebook
I will write down what I had planned but I should also make comments on my individualization process; It is a process proposed by Carl Jung who suggests, to summarize very roughly, to produce a work of conscience to realize the behaviors that are part of a "false self": A persona, masks that have become useless inherited from the collective unconscious and which could give way to a sense of self more in agreement with our true drives or failing that a principle of tangible reality (the law, understanding in society, politeness) rather than alienations due to traumas or exceptional circumstances; False beliefs in general.

Even if I am quite dry, not the most sociable guy in the world, well ultimately I am like everyone else and I am afraid of being abandoned; This is the biggest obstacle to shadow work, it involves taking steps into the void (like the invisible bridge in Indiana Jones) by abandoning, whether directly in your relationships with others (especially the opposite sex, automatically) or in other contexts (creative, professional...), all the little unconscious strategies that you have absorbed from the collective unconscious (especially family, automatically) or from your own experiences, to make yourself loved; Hoping for approval.

Except that, what we do not see in such a disposition is that the seduction process becomes extremely energy-consuming; It is only when you fully accept who you are and what you really love that you can finally receive abundance.
I am not just saying this from a perched point of view like Neville Goddard (which is valid), no need to go that far in this context; In a purely physicalist point of view, you will never produce enough love (money, attraction of friends, of a partner, hobbies, sports...) except when you deposit your libido on the objects that your energetic system is actually made to process; It is simply the flow.

I am never as abundant as when I drop the masks, even if I have a reflex, an alienation, become so Pavlovian that I regularly find myself today here and there pulling myself on the syntax of my sentences; Do I even have a smiley? What smiley? Do I have to make a joke? What joke? Do I have to be dry? Do I have to make a block of text? Do I only have to comment or respond?

Do I have to write everything "in one block" in a melodic way, do I have to rework my sentences so that they sound better? Why do I only think about that. At such a level lol, it is not obvious to determine which inclination comes from which instance of my persona; That is the whole difficulty of the shadow.

I know that the other is a mirror, the whole world down to the quark is my perfect mirror, the reflection of what I am in denial, what I do not yet know that I am; There are people who see assholes everywhere, others who see hypocrites, others who see fascists, others who see leftists; I see people who have a tendency to hide who they are; Who hide when they are pissed off, or when they are angry, or when they are unhappy.
It is my shadow, essentially; My parents are very kind but they are not very emotionally mature and, I was able to observe how part of my inhibition in certain contexts came fom the fear of "crushing" them.
When you interact with strong and stable individuals, as their energetic structure does not live in threat then there is no reason to send you threatening energy in return, the relationship can therefore be fluid and trusting; My parents have conflicting psyches and it is difficult not to "feel", on an instinctive level, that something is wrong with them even if it is hidden.
And at the same time if I perceive it so well it is because, it is also and above all about me that I am talking; I am certainly resentful without this being particularly conscious.

Nevermind.

 

Edited February 27 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

 

[Schizophonia]

Day 35

For me, intelligence is a frequency; The stupid ego is essentially about pretending not to understand, not to let yourself go to the quantum shift towards a more holistic paradigm.

I regularly have the choice to become someone more stupid or more intelligent, the choice of dumbing down is the choice of attachment.

No need to go on the internet to ask ChapGPT which drug increases neurogenicity and/or neuroplasticity, it's cumbersome, ineffective, and a blow to get lost in the maya to end up panicking and ruminating on the prison of existence lol; No, you just have to contemplate towards which frequency an action makes my ego slide.

Joe dispenza (I don't only have him in mind, but he's my biggest reference in the field of health) has managed to regrow the brains of people with advanced neurodegenerative diseases, or even strokes; Literally people with holes in their brains plugged out of nowhere.
It wasn't from a drug, in fact it seems there is no drug that can do a 10th of that, all he does is violently make his clients change their self-concepts.

Edited March 1 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 36

Last night I slept little, my sleep is good now eheh but it always happens because I can wake up during the night and struggle to fall back asleep.
I noticed that if I fell asleep after 6am, I had a strong tendency to turn to sleep paralysis, I suppose it is the state of my neuro-endocrine balance around these times (richer in noradrenaline? I read somewhere that kratom which increases it significantly was likely to induce strange dreams and possibly sleep paralysis and lucid dreams).
This takes the form of a sensation of "vibration" at the back of the skull and the formation of hallucinations, the sensation of turning towards "another world". It's scary because you don't know where you're going and usually I just want to fall asleep, not bother with such a phenomenon, but the few times I've accepted or even simply managed to enter these dreams (which actually require some effort, it's not easy to master), it usually turns into something very strange ; Quite psychedelic in general.

 

Edited March 1 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 37

My father asked me again why I still don't have a girlfriend even though "I'm good looking".
I answered that it was because I don't have a social circle, that it's hard to find a job to settle down in a big city (especially when you're a student), and that insomnia prevented me from being proactive for almost 3 years.
You also have to find someone good; I had a lot of opportunities even with very beautiful and very sweet girls, like 8/10 without exaggeration but I declined because of insomnia (I wonder how they could have been interested in a zombie lol 😂) or because I had nothing in common with them.
I tried to flirt with girls who really interested me but it didn't work out for some reason; Girls would rather take giant pliers than admit that they are not really interested in you so I wasted a lot of time and money, it is quite frustrating, but well.
What happens now is that even if it is frustrating I no longer try to "force", I am content to be there and act like an "inflexible love algorithm"; Then well, whether it pleases or not is not a good deal, it is an emotional matter of women.

Edited March 2 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 38

I will receive my kratom soon.

Yumm ()

 

More seriously, to return to Neville, I can more and more directly contemplate how materialism and duality are illusions and how everything ultimately in reality began with "me".

I can blame others, in particular for example, typically, my parents, for being corrupt and for having corrupted me in turn; Because I imitated them "because that's normally what children do", or for people other than my parents, because they hurt me, etc.

But once again it's an illusion, it's me who since the beginning manifests this foundation by projecting my identity, my frequency, my karma; And my parents are indeed part of this projection.

The day I fully accept being this karma, being this jerk; Well it will automatically no longer be a subject, and therefore this projection will be replaced by another; Karma will burn.

 

 

[Schizophonia]

Day 39

I was wondering if somehow it was not excessive to claim to be able to be so powerful that you can manifest basically anything, but I realized in fact that we are already, relatively infinitely powerful.
There are incarnations where I am a single-cell entity, producing conscious efforts to survive by avoiding being consumed and by working in the Krebs cycle.
In my current incarnation, I am not comparatively a millionaire, nor even a billionaire, nor even a trillionaire; I eventually went from an incarnation where I work, sometimes heavily, as a cell, to a human; Human so rich comparatively that he, without even thinking about it, exploits and lives on tens of thousands of billions of these same cells; And, most certainly, that in a next incarnation I will still be an entity energetically equivalent to tens of thousands of billions of human beings.
I have already had an experience of this kind; It happened to me, during a trip of LSD of about 300/350ug, to experience being a planet agent of a galaxy whose center was felt as a divine tsar bomba.
I was led by its cosmic rays and, while I was only in the distant periphery, the experience was already at least thousands of times more intense and inexplicable than the field of experiences, of energies usually experienceable as a human.