Schizophonia’s Journal

[Schizophonia]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You’re strong

I know honey 😎

 

More seriously, I just think that I have a way of taking refuge in mental loops, my imagination in general, and this seems to protect me from depressive episodes, I assume.

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-02-09 at 8:39 PM, Schizophonia said:

Day 16

I've been very interested in nutrition since my sophomore year of high school; At the time I was quite orthorexic and afraid of gaining weight, so I wanted a diet, or a way of eating that would guarantee that this wouldn't happen. I was actually a little overweight in middle school, it wasn't too bad and it quickly went away with growth, but because of some bad experiences and my tendency to obsess (which has dulled a lot in recent years for some reason, to the point where I now consider myself more detached than the normal person on any subject), it was enough to twist my relationship with food and the body for a while. So I peeled what was available on the internet, to the point where today I must know basically all the diets and their gurus lol:

-NPC balanced plant based diet (dr greger)
-The more orthorexic version of the precious one (Fuhrman)
-Plant based HCLF starchivore diet (McDougall)
-Plant based HCLF both high sugar high starch diet (Durian Rider/Freelee banana girl)
-Plant based HCLF fruiratian (Doug Graham, Robert Morse, John Rose...)
-Plant based HFLC (Markus Rothkranz, Lou Corona)
-HCLF omnivore/Vertical diet (Stan Efferding)
-Keto (Eric berg, Sten ekberg)
-Meat based Keto (Shawn Baker, Chaffee, Bart Kay, Robert Klitz...)
-Meat based with carbs, primal style (Aaujus Vonderplanitz, Sv3rige, Tufano...)
-Meat based with carbs including starch (Paul Saladino).
-Paleo Diet (Julien Venesson).
-FODMAPs free diet.

-Ray Peat Diet
-Doing anything (Vegetable police 😅)

Obviously I haven't tried them all, I'm not that mentally ill 👺, but I've experimented with some of them over time.

The worst experience was a diet high in starch and low in animal products, especially with lots of beans and grains (or pseudo grains) competes; Made me basically stupid, lots of brain fog to the point where I couldn't pass my driving test as was planned at the time, and turned me into a human jet pack so much that I could get gas, you wouldn't have wanted to be my girlfriend at that time👺 ; It's not very sexy but it's the truth.
In fact it was so bad, that I sometimes had attacks of colitis here and there in the evening, I sometimes finished my philosophy class in the last year of high school (it was the class of the week I finished the latest) by bending over because of abdominal pain.
All these different problems resolved themselves when I completely stopped these foods, no matter how I tried to prepare them.

The second serious experiment was a "meat based with starch" diet, a bit like Paul Saladino does today; It was already much easier, no abdominal problems and a great calm, whereas during my vegan experience I was regularly angry and disdainful.
I finally stopped because of the cost and the food diversity, I like cooking, and I don't want to stress too much about food anymore, and in fact even if I let people do what they want, even if I leave them royal peace, well in fact I find it ridiculous to lower oneself to that; I don't want my life, my nervous system, my limits to revolve around something as anecdotal as food, especially when like me you come from a country where food is greatly associated with a moment of pleasure, sharing, even art and a country where more or less everyone knows how to cook.
All I have been able to observe concretely is that consuming too many legumes or dairy products (especially from cows) caused significant intestinal and cognitive problems, as well as eating a diet that is not "nutritious" enough in general.
Eating too much saturated fat seems to cause headaches, but this is a correlation that I observed without paying too much attention to it at a time when I was interested in Ray Peat, so it may just be bullshit.

But it's not only with food that I played, but also with medications: Obviously psychedelics, eheh, but especially sedatives in the context of my severe insomnia.
Benzodiazepines, "light" gabaergics (Aswhagandha...), trycyclics (Mirtazapines), atypical antidepressants (Trazodone), antihistamines (Cyproheptadine, Doxylamine...), taking gelatin to "suppress serotonin" (which makes no sense, a ray peat bullshit), magnesium, zinc, taurine, or even high doses of metalonin....
These are all traps, immediately; From the first dose they will screw up your ability to fall asleep the following night by rebound effect, regardless of tolerance, and will re-enrich sleep anxiety ("what will happen if I don't take the medication tonight?").

So I no longer take any supplements or even less medication, for all the reasons I have given or tacitly suggested previously.
The only two supplements I take today (I lied🫨) are a multivitamin and mineral ("All-in-one" from PureEncapsulation) and omega 3 EPA/DHA/DPA supplements based on algae.

The only health-oriented angle of view that interests me at the moment, by extension of my interest in Neville Goddard and the law of attraction, in solipsism, is the work of Joe Dispenza.
I love Joe, uncle Joe is basically an athlete who during a cycling event (probably triathlon, from memory) fractured his vertebrae and became basically disabled.
He was supposed to have an operation that was essentially just to reduce his pain, but motivated by his readings on esotericism, in particular the famous book "Autobiography of a Yogi" of Paramahansa Yogananda he decided not to do this medical intervention and to try to repair his spinal column himself via visualization and meditation exercises, by "calling on the source at the origin of everything" to paraphrase him.
It was successful, now it's not so much that it works but he is at the head of a company that allows thousands of people around the world each year to reverse extremely serious and often supposedly irreversible pathologies through the same teachings, such as autoimmune diseases, terminal cancer, disabilities, invertility, a stroke that has exploded part of the brain, etc. etc.
Joe Dispenza has the most rational approach possible to try, by his own admissions, to seduce the most skeptical people; so he will generally rationalize his results via work on brain waves and epigenetics, but he is actually fundamentally a non-dual thinker perfectly in agreement with the statements of monist people like Leo Gura.
Joe has tons of testimonies on his youtube channel, it's incredible, probably in the top 3 of my influences in recent years.

 

That’s cool you’ve been able to identify what diets work better or worse for you. I haven’t noticed much in myself, I seem to tolerate most food very well. Experimentation is so important to find out what works for you, rather than just going with the science, although the science is still very valuable. 
Joe dispenza seems cool, he seems to have done incredible work. I’m open to those things

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I’m fine

how are you?

Quite good, I slept very well these days and I am well surrounded.

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I’ll tell you how it goes

👍

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

Quite good, I slept very well these days and I am well surrounded.

👍

that’s great. Maybe you write in your journal and I can’t remember but what helped you sleep would you say?

and what do you mean by “well surrounded”

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

That’s cool you’ve been able to identify what diets work better or worse for you. I haven’t noticed much in myself

Yea it was essentially autism lol.

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

, I seem to tolerate most food very well. Experimentation is so important to find out what works for you, rather than just going with the science, although the science is still very valuable. 

Science is reliable but biased and does not have the answer to everything in general.

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Joe dispenza seems cool, he seems to have done incredible work. I’m open to those things

Yes, he is amazing. He presents his work in a somewhat sensationalist, American way, but he has tons of results.

If you are still looking to "spice up your life" he has exercises to obtain spiritual experiences, like the breathing exercise for the activation of the pineal gland.
Among others.

[Schizophonia]

4 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

that’s great. Maybe you write in your journal and I can’t remember but what helped you sleep would you say?

Completely accept explicitly all the possible consequences of lack of sleep.
Like accepting to end up homeless and without friendly or romantic relationships because of fatigue, or developing cancer and brain damage because of lack of recovery.
Then the sleep anxiety disappears and paradoxically you can sleep and recover again.
Sleep doctors generally just ask "to accept not to sleep" but that is not enough, you have to target morbid thoughts directly.

Then it is not only sleep anxiety, it is also hypervigilance; So you have to learn to spot when the thought loop switches to subjects that require too high a degree of involvement and have better sleep hygiene so as not to go to bed too excited. Watching certain types of videos helps to soothe.

4 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

and what do you mean by “well surrounded”

Familly and friends.

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

No I get weird unpleasant simptoms from doing breathing exercises so I shy away from them. But Joe Dispenza is an interesting one. 

I felt pressure in my face, my skull in general.

[Sugarcoat]

59 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Yea it was essentially autism lol

how?

Quote

59 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Science is reliable but biased and does not have the answer to everything in general.

 

True thats why I combine it with intuition and personal experience

Quote

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

Yes, he is amazing. He presents his work in a somewhat sensationalist, American way, but he has tons of results.

If you are still looking to "spice up your life" he has exercises to obtain spiritual experiences, like the breathing exercise for the activation of the pineal gland.
Among others.

 

Thats cool

Breathing exercises seem very powerful ive thought about doing it

[Sugarcoat]

55 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Completely accept explicitly all the possible consequences of lack of sleep.
Like accepting to end up homeless and without friendly or romantic relationships because of fatigue, or developing cancer and brain damage because of lack of recovery.
Then the sleep anxiety disappears and paradoxically you can sleep and recover again.
Sleep doctors generally just ask "to accept not to sleep" but that is not enough, you have to target morbid thoughts directly.

Then it is not only sleep anxiety, it is also hypervigilance; So you have to learn to spot when the thought loop switches to subjects that require too high a degree of involvement and have better sleep hygiene so as not to go to bed too excited. Watching certain types of videos helps to soothe.

 

Acceptance seems important to me yes, its. twisted how it works.

57 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

 

Familly and friends.

Understood

[Schizophonia]

11 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

how?

I joked. 

11 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

True thats why I combine it with intuition and personal experience

spot on

11 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Thats cool

Breathing exercises seem very powerful ive thought about doing it

I recommand his book. 

 

[Sugarcoat]

@Schizophonia Ok 

[Schizophonia]

Day 20

I went to a restaurant with my father unexpectedly. I want to go to bed early so I'm not going to make a real post for today.

Let's say it was a good day, classic.

The best was ordering Neville Goddard books eheh, 3 in total, I just finished the two books I had to read so it's perfect timing.

The worst was sleeping, I slept properly but in several times and having quite a few nightmares, not horrible things but still quite annoying.
I dreamed that I was in what was supposed to be a big high school organized like an airport, I had to choose a destination that was supposed to be a "life path", in an archetypal Jung style form; The atmosphere was heavy, everyone was quite stressed and/or euphoric and even disguised themselves, depending on the chosen path, to the professions they were supposed to be trained for.
I had chosen something quite simple and easy by default and pressure from my mother, but especially by default by "cowardice", it was a training like to plant flowers lol, I don't remember but it was something stupid like that. But at the same time I was bored and even if it was intimidating, I had a strong desire to join another course which this time was supposed to transform me into a soldier, I had passed in the alley to register for this course and I recognized old acquaintances who were rather friendly to me among other students then dressed in military uniform. As I said before it was intimidating, and at the same time exciting; I felt it as being the real "deal".

 

Edited February 13 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

Day 21

I am more and more construct aware, to the point where I regularly do not know how to react in social contexts.

It is not just that I can contemplate how I force myself to be goofy when my "higher self" would actually like to be serious and vice versa, how I force myself to say "lol" instead of "ahah" instead of an emoji or instead of nothing at all; I can see how I embody a character, a persona with its own frequency, with its own emotional and logical patterns and I am not even really sure of the existence of this "higher self" anymore.

Franck Lopvet, one of my main "gurus" if we can say it like that lol, thinks that it is basically an infinite succession of masks, but always masks, with their negative and polarization.

Anyway I try to play a fairly balanced character, I tried a little to put myself in a persona close to that of Leo Gura, like very serious who reproaches everyone for not "being mature" but strangely this frequency makes me rather lethargic and solitary, not very creative or enterprising.
I feel better by injecting a little impulsiveness into my persona; It's a bit like the aromatization of testosterone into estrogen in men (🤓), if testosterone is high but aromatization too you will have a manic and potentially antisocial behavior, too little and you will seem dry and weak.

 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-02-12 at 9:48 PM, Schizophonia said:

I know honey 😎

 

More seriously, I just think that I have a way of taking refuge in mental loops, my imagination in general, and this seems to protect me from depressive episodes, I assume.

I missed this reply

 

i feel I used to be like that. I used to have a rich imagination that would give me a lot of pleasure

thats good you don’t go into depressive episodes

[Schizophonia]

17 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I missed this reply

No pb.

Quote

 

i feel I used to be like that. I used to have a rich imagination that would give me a lot of pleasure

That's true, but it's not meant to be fun, in fact most of my delusions/obsessions tended to generate negative effects, such as being interested and getting upset about political news.

Quote

thats good you don’t go into depressive episodes

I also have my little secret 

 

...

 

 

👀

 

 

...

 

Turns his head to the right, towards his phone.* 🤏🤏

-"Thanks Sora AI, now make me a hot video with this girl " puts the photo of his pocket suedo-croatian hottie*

-"This content has been filtered. Please make sure your chats comply with our Terms and Community Guideslines"

-"☹️..."

 

Eats his peanut butter sandwich disappointed*

Edited February 15 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

10 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I also have my little secret 

 

...

 

 

👀

 

 

...

 

Turns his head to the right, towards his phone.* 🤏🤏

-"Thanks Sora AI, now make me a hot video with this girl " puts the photo of his pocket suedo-croatian hottie*

-"This content has been filtered. Please make sure your chats comply with our Terms and Community Guideslines"

-"☹️..."

 

Eats his peanut butter sandwich disappointed*

That’s very creative of you

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

That’s very creative of you

Btw I must have already said it but I can delete if I say stuff that is too embarrassing, I don't care.
It just makes me laugh.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

Btw I must have already said it but I can delete if I say stuff that is too embarrassing, I don't care.
It just makes me laugh.

It’s okay here in your journal it won’t derail threads 

[Schizophonia]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

l it won’t derail threads 

I'm not talking about what is allowed or not, I'm talking about your desires.

[Sugarcoat]

15 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I'm not talking about what is allowed or not, I'm talking about your desires.

I don’t mind at all. I like having you as a contact in general.  I don’t really react to it much (I’m very neutral ) I’m very stone face lol 

Edited February 15 by Sugarcoat