SDS30

[caspex]

Strong Determination Sitting: 30 Days

I believe this will help me in every aspect of my life. As per my observations of my efforts and failures, my mind is fickle and admittedly weak. It didn't start out strong but I see the potential. I know that I am the one who sabotages myself and there's very little external cause for my failures. A major part of my internal struggle is my mind. It's not still nor is it tough. This is a feature not a bug, as due to this nature there are many other perks.

Its deeply sensitive and easily transformed nature gives me an edge in understanding abstract concepts and even progress on the spiritual path. For that I am ever grateful, but to achieve more Orange goals and grow in that aspect of my life, I need to develop a rock solid mind capable of zeroing into tasks and ignore pain. One can find something to complain about in any setting and there are a million reasons to not do any particular thing, in such a world swarming with the bees of excuses constantly stinging you to get up and run away from the things you want to do, it becomes ever more important to have a tough mind that can push through.

In this light, SDS seems like the perfect practice. I am aware it's not the ultimate solution but it seems like a very powerful practice in my particular case. I don't have the type of mind that can withstand temptations for very long. I am mentally stable and am not diagnosed with any conditions, but I always feel I am on the very edge of crossing over. With this in mind, the qualities that SDS develops in one is of utmost importance to me, but might not be for you.

[caspex]

Day 1

In the evening I completed 30 Minutes of SDS without moving intentionally.

I sat down cross legged on the cemented floor of my building's rooftop. The rooftop is personally owned and quite tranquil with a variety of plants and flowers decorating it.

I thought I sat down comfortably but it was quite evident after only a few minutes that my spine, while straight, was bent a bit forward and my head was ever so slightly tilted to the right. The pain made it clear and the back only slanted more as it hurt and my head grew more tilted as time went on. I did not want to intentionally move back to a more comfortable or stable position as that would defeat the purpose of the sit. The only intentional act I performed was to swallow my saliva, even which I did very sparingly.

It was difficult and by the end I was second guessing my memory of even having set the 30 minute alarm.

 

Admittedly this is the first time in 4 years that I am starting a meditation practice. I used to do a different sort of meditation for 2 hours each day during lockdown, but became increasingly less spiritual as time went on from there.

I see the benefits almost immediately, I feel clear and very still but am reluctant to share other details until these benefits prove continuous.

[caspex]

Day 2

31 Minutes.

Even though I get proper sleep at proper times I fell into a hypnagogic haze, where my thoughts made very little sense. I was sitting upright and cross legged, so it was not like I had any support to my back that made me sleepy. I think I caught myself from falling back about 3 times.

Honestly I am having no problems with pain at all. It's not pleasant but it's alright. I understand that half an hour is not a long time and it is probably why I am having an easier time. I am planning on 40 minutes tomorrow. 30 minutes is like the very edge of when the real pain starts. By the last few minutes I always feel like giving up, so I am expecting tomorrow to be hard.

One thing's clear now, my mind is so overstimulated it keeps me entertained through random thoughts even in SDS. I try not to engage in these thoughts and just observe them, being a rock myself, but that's probably why I fell asleep. I didn't want to stop my mind from running amok as that counts as doing something. I get the impression that my focus should also remain inwards.

It's honestly kind of disgusting, it's like my mind has eaten too much and is shitting itself all the time. Most of the thoughts make no sense unless I intentionally engage with me. This is classic monkey mind and there are a lot of resources for dealing with this.

I know what I have to do, which is to cut off a lot of the source of stimulation to make these SDS higher in quality. Without acting on these realizations there's no point in continuing the sits or increasing their time.

From now on I'll keep my phone in a drawer till 6PM, which is when I am done studying, only using it for stuff like picking up calls. I don't want to go cold turkey on it.

[Carl-Richard]

Cool initiative. I have some thoughts if you don't mind:

Sitting in a position that is highly uncomfortable and that might even impede your meditation, trains willpower but not necessarily awareness (at least not optimally). Awareness is trained the best when you create the perfect balance between relaxed and alert, comfortable and uncomfortable. And awareness is arguably a more refined and fundamental way of addressing the issue of an unruly mind.

You can train your willpower by hitting yourself with a hammer and trying not to flinch, but of course that's a bit crude and might actually hurt you in other ways. Besides, if you sit long enough in a meditation where you allow yourself to be comfortable and relaxed, you will eventually start to feel aches and pains in your legs anyway. That then turns into a training of willpower to keep sitting, but you're also in an elevated state of awareness.

That said, do whatever you feel is best for you  Maybe do the 30 days and then do another 30 days where you allow some relaxation and comfort and see how they compare.

Edited yesterday at 12:33 AM by Carl-Richard