Some fear doesn't have end.

[jacknine119]

For example car driving. I am experienced driver but i am still always scared. Time can't solve it. I have some painful experience maybe this is reason. 

And honestly, i don't care about car driving but i care for example to approaching women. What if i would still scared after so many experience and how can i overcome such fears?

[Sugarcoat]

I found for myself with social anxiety that its about more than only exposure. You have to be very mindful while you do it,  incredibly present with the fear to dissolve it. Basically great self awareness. Notice all the subtle ways you try to avoid facing the fear, such as looking away, being fake in how you talk, tensing up in the body, talking just to talk, basically all your avoidance mechanisms and go against them, by for example forcing yourself to talk when you feel held back,  you can even be a bit fake to gain some momentum, holding eye contact even if it feels uncomfortable, relaxing your body, breathing deeper and focusing on breath, actively focusing on the other person. Basically learn all the ways your fear expresses itself in your behavior and actively, mindfully go against it in the moment of it. Sometimes counterintuively though making effort might not be the best thing (depends on the moment) because it can cause additional psychological strain that just adds more overthinking to it all, so there can be times when its more appropriate to not try at all, but just doing what comes naturally (even if its being more quiet) and still observing the fear to help it dissolve, and hopefully you can find that natural flow. 

Also this is a bit odd but it requires a bit of self dissolution to completely transcend some psychological fears, because youre dealing with a negative idenfication that needs to be dissolved for the fear tied to it to dissolve. To do this requires self attention which is synonymous with self awareness. In my experience

Edited 19 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Princess Arabia]

No need to try and overcome fear. Leave fear alone and it will go back where it came. Gosh, everyone is trying to control life. YOU WILL ALWAYS LOSE. Fear is fear. If you felt love you wouldn't try to do anything about it. You were conditioned into believing certain emotions are better than some. Life doesn't see it that way. This is why when we feel pleasure, we shouldn't attach either.

When I speak like this, it's not just parroting, it's from a lived experience. The thing i was afraid of last week is still there but only with something else. It's just fear. It will come. Leave it alone and don't try to overcome it. It will come with something else if you overcome the fear of approaching. You will be living in fear for the rest of your life. If you just see it for what it is, then it won't make you suffer.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4pyzTVb-U4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31wjVhCcI5Y

https://substack.com/home/post/p-143105777

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzgZfFbkUYo

 

Edited 19 hours ago by Raze

[Princess Arabia]

27 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I found for myself with social anxiety that its about more than only exposure. You have to be very mindful while you do it,  incredibly present with the fear to dissolve it. Basically great self awareness. Notice all the subtle ways you try to avoid facing the fear, such as looking away, being fake in how you talk, tensing up in the body, talking just to talk, basically all your avoidance mechanisms and go against them, by for example forcing yourself to talk when you feel held back,  you can even be a bit fake to gain some momentum, holding eye contact even if it feels uncomfortable, relaxing your body, breathing deeper and focusing on breath, actively focusing on the other person. Basically learn all the ways your fear expresses itself in your behavior and actively, mindfully go against it in the moment of it. Sometimes counterintuively though making effort might not be the best thing (depends on the moment) because it can cause additional psychological strain that just adds more overthinking to it all, so there can be times when its more appropriate to not try at all, but just doing what comes naturally (even if its being more quiet) and still observing the fear to help it dissolve, and hopefully you can find that natural flow. 

Also this is a bit odd but it requires a bit of self dissolution to completely transcend some psychological fears, because youre dealing with a negative idenfication that needs to be dissolved for the fear tied to it to dissolve. To do this requires self attention which is synonymous with self awareness. In my experience

You mentioned the word "self" many times here. Self awareness, self dissolution, self attention. This is what's prolonging the feelings. It's counterintuitive. Recognize that these things come and go on their own without self involved. Self isn't doing anything only identifying with these things and making them stick even more. There's nothing to do, just be.

[Hojo]

@jacknine119 one is mental. One is scared of being physically hurt the other is scared of mentally hurt. Being mentally hurt is made up.

Edited 19 hours ago by Hojo

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You mentioned the word "self" many times here. Self awareness, self dissolution, self attention. This is what's prolonging the feelings. It's counterintuitive. Recognize that these things come and go on their own without self involved. Self isn't doing anything only identifying with these things and making them stick even more. There's nothing to do, just be.

It can make you overly aware of the feelings making them seem greater but I found it key in overcoming the sticky feelings and identifications and stories associated with them. Sometimes we need methods more than “just be” when we’re so entangled in something “just be” can seem like it just leaves us at the same spot not doing anything. 

Edited 19 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

It can make you overly aware of the feelings making them seem greater but I found it key in overcoming the sticky feelings and identifications and stories associated with them. Sometimes we need methods more than “just be” when we’re so entangled in something “just be” can seem like it just leaves us at the same spot not doing anything. 

I know. When I said just be I knew it sounded kind of cliche and woo woo. All we're doing is just being anyway, so it doesn't need to be said. What I meant was let not the mind worry us into needing to always be doing something about every sticky emotion can comes up. The only method I have now is really the "no method" method. Tired of always trying to fix something all my life. Then I keep seeing people go through this never-ending battle. My thing is I don't mind whichever state, feeling or emotion comes up. Don't like them all, but so what.

Edited 17 hours ago by Princess Arabia

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I know. When I said just be I knew it sounded kind of cliche and woo woo. All we're doing is just being anyway, so it doesn't need to be said. What I meant was let not the mind worry us into needing to always be doing something about every sticky emotion can comes up. The only method I have now is really the "no method" method. Tired of always trying to fix something all my life. Then I keep seeing people go through this never-ending battle. My thing is I don't mind whichever state, feeling or emotion comes up. Don't like them all, but so what.

That’s why I included in my reply that sometimes the best thing to do is to not try at all because trying to overcome emotions can sometimes cause unnecessary turmoil. I did this myself in the past when dealing with social anxiety. 

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

That’s why I included in my reply that sometimes the best thing to do is to not try at all

Yes, I saw that and liked that.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Princess Arabia said:

Yes, I saw that and liked that.

👍🏻