My name is Whitney and I'm from North Carolina

[Buck Edwards]

 

My name is Whitney. 

         

 

Edited Thursday at 04:42 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

On 18/01/2025 at 9:17 PM, Buck Edwards said:

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

Evening 

 

I had breathing issues a few days ago because I slept on a hard cold floor to keep my back straight. 

My back has been bent or somewhat not completely straight especially because of sleeping on a soft bed. My old bed was very fluffy and huge. And my back lost shape because of that. 

Nowadays I sleep on the floor to keep my back straight. 

 

On 18/01/2025 at 10:43 PM, Buck Edwards said:

January 18, Saturday, 2025 

 

Time for me to go to bed. 

Today was an eventful day. I ate a lot today. And I slept a bit. I need to use ChatGPT. And see what I can find. 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 0:17 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I should order a mouthwash. 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 6:34 AM, Buck Edwards said:

January 19, Sunday, 2025 

 

I just woke up. I need to order a mouthwash. I had no nightmares. I saw my mom in my dreams preaching me and helping me about something. 

What will I do? Sunday is a lazy day. 

I had a great conversation with my sister last night. 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 9:44 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Good news - TikTok banned in the US

 

On 19/01/2025 at 10:39 AM, Buck Edwards said:

January 19, Sunday, 2025 

Goes for morning walk. It's quite sunny outside. 

 

Came back home from morning walk. 

Feels good. 

 

 

Spent some time with my family. Ordered the mouthwash. 

I paid all the bills for this month yesterday. 

 

 

I just ordered some cosmetic stuff. 

 

My mom just had a fight with me and I feel quite anxious and stressed. I don't like her angry temper. 

 

 

 

Hopefully my mom doesn't start some drama with my sister. 

 

 

 

I want peace. I want comfort. I want distraction. I want joy. 

 

I had applied for a passport on January 13th this month. 2025. 

 

 

 

Thank God my sister didn't call me. I didn't want to feel stressed. I just want some much needed peace. 

I have to take my meds in another 30 minutes. 

I want to sleep early today. I have Zumba tomorrow. 

 

 

 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 8:21 PM, Buck Edwards said:

A great talk on emotional intelligence. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 19/01/2025 at 9:44 PM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 9:54 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Remember God. God will always fail plans. 

My new powerful motto. 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 9:56 PM, Buck Edwards said:

I have to be incredibly courageous in this moment. Incredibly fearless. This is a test of my strength. 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 9:57 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Have trust in Leo. It will be alright. 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 10:00 PM, Buck Edwards said:

This song is incredibly powerful and inspiring. I feel so weak today. Better days are coming. 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 10:09 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Mollyna speaking to Whitney - 

 

There is supreme intelligence in the universe. When you know you are in deep trouble, you just raise your voice to the universe, and the supreme powerful intelligence of the universe will distort things in such a way and collude together to protect you from blemish and sin. Your innocent heart will win. God and the universe will take over. Nothing will hurt you my child. 

Stay strong girl. 

Hey Whitney, you did a great job. You overcame your struggles today and did what was necessary for your health. Good job girl. A baby step in the positive direction. 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 10:15 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Think about those who are extremely unfortunate. You aren't one of those. You still have your stars to thank. I forgot my favorite necklace. 

 

I want to think of all the poor children out there who sleep alone. 

 

Remember the devil will always feed on your weaknesses.. 

 

Christianity is the biggest gift to mankind.. At least in my experience. 

 

 

 

 

 

On 19/01/2025 at 11:10 PM, Buck Edwards said:

My ultimate victory lies in doing what I want to do. And may God give me the strength to achieve it this year. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 19/01/2025 at 11:33 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Scary times. 

27.42.. This message came at the right time. That's how Christ works. 

Go to bed. Hope for the best. Wake up in the morning and start the day and keep going. 

Victory lies in freedom from all sabotages. 

Pray to God for freedom from sabotages.

I know that during my deepest Trouble, Christ had come to help me in miraculous ways. That's the power of religion. It doesn't exist for no reason. 

Christ will take care of the devils. 

I call upon Christ again because my heart feels heavy. And I'm suffering deeply and Christ knows it. Also I can't talk about my troubles to anyone. I don't wish to burden anyone. 

I don't want to waste this year with the devil. 

Remember for so long you have stayed strong. Remember everything went away. The biggest hurdles are gone. Remember how days were. Versus how it's now. 

Everything begins with peace and love. Also everything begins with God. 

This is probably an indicator that I should focus more on God this year. 

There was this wave of confidence despite the hurdles.

Trust victory. This was my mistake in the past. I defeated myself. I didn't trust victory. I gave up my own power. Trust victory. Don't do actions that come from a feeling of defeat or perceived defeat. That's where the trap to defeat begins, a self fulfilling prophecy. The path to victory begins by trusting victory itself. I accutely remember the day I gave into defeat and how everything spiraled out of control. 

Now I'll trust victory. Alpha mindset. Remember Christ. And remember Alpha mindset. Remember David Goggins. Trust victory over defeat. Silently keep working towards your victory. You'll win. You Got This. Keep going. Don't give into defeat. Imagine you are already winning no matter what. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 19/01/2025 at 11:48 PM, Buck Edwards said:

And I forgot another thing - having empathy for yourself. Always loving myself back whenever I feel wounded/troubled. 

• Trust God 
• Trust victory 
• Alpha mindset 
• Destroy sabotages 
• Empathy for myself 
• Hope for the best instead of figuring out the best - this is powerful 
• Ultimate fearlessness 
• You'll win 
• Clutch your necklace 
• David Goggins 
• Focus on peace and victory
• Focus on freedom 
• See the illusion 
• Focus on happiness 
• Focus on Leo 
• You're one inch closer to victory 
• God will always fail plans
• God and the universe will take over
• Surrender to victory. Surrender to God. 
• Let God work instead of you working. 
• Karma is a b*tch
• Your intuition is the strongest. God bless. 

I gave too much into defeat. Now I want to give too much into God. This life is a blessing despite all the pain and roughness. God is by my side. If God took me out of the darkest times, God can take me out of anything. This is nothing. See I'm building resilience. This is real growth. Maybe I was tested for this. If God could take me out it, why can't God take me out of this. My Haunting past is over long ago. Those demons will never come back again. God gave me a blessing in the end because I'm a positive spirit. I hung on. That's the beauty of this place that I never realized but I realize now. There's god within me. God can change anything. God give strength to the weak and struggling. And destroy the plans of the sickened. 

Gonna read this post everyday. 

Also keep a light hearted approach. Don't be a militant. Everything is won by politeness and softness and introversion. That's the power of introverts. 

The biggest mistake of the devil is hubris. The devil will always make mistakes and get caught up in those mistakes.. 

This time my approach will be different. Instead of focusing on the Devil I will focus on God. The devil will sink in his own mistakes and hubris. I'll give the devil some space and time. And in this miraculous space and time, the devil will craft their recipes for destruction, and their plans will be foiled by God's grace without them realizing in the most fascinating spectacular catastrophic way completely insulting their intelligence and plans and sowing the seeds of ultimate triumph time and time and time again.. 

We rewrite our own history. 

 

Don't waste your time. Biggest lesson. 

 

Also think how dark is it gonna get. When it's getting darker, pray and keep praying for liberation and the darkness will be gone. 

The sickened exist. Nothing can be done about that. But God is most powerful. God will foil the bid of the sickened. 

 

What defeats the devil 

• Their cowardice 
• Their immaturity 
• Their lack of foresight
• Their un-awareness of supreme intelligence 
• Their mistakes and mishaps and accidents 
• Their poor intent and lack of empathy 
• Their Web of deception and manipulation 
• Their disillusionment 
• Their inherent lack of prowess
• Their lack of patience and poor timing 
• Their arrogance and hubris 
• Their lack of connection to the divine 
• Their inability of self reflection 
• Their stupid lack of grace
• Their lack of politeness 
• Their complete and shameless lack of integrity and character in a wrongful pursuit 
• Their bungling up their own mess they create leading to nothing but a pile of dust and ash and scattered webs. 
• Because they can never destroy a heart, they will never win 
• Biggest bungle. 

 

 

On 20/01/2025 at 1:00 AM, Buck Edwards said:

What's my closure? 

That I don't get any bad messages... Imagine how horrible that would be. 

As long as that doesn't happen. Everything is okay. 

 

 

On 20/01/2025 at 6:20 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

January 20, Monday, 2025 

I woke up early but I don't think I'll be able to attend Zumba. Health issues.

Also I slept a bit late. I was watching YouTube. I don't know what to do about my health issues regarding this. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 20/01/2025 at 6:49 AM, Buck Edwards said:

This is how a cat should be 

 

 

On 20/01/2025 at 7:45 AM, Buck Edwards said:

January 20, Monday, 2025 

Ordered breakfast. Not feeling great. 

 

 

On 20/01/2025 at 11:40 AM, Buck Edwards said:

January 20, Monday, 2025. 

 

Ordered bread because I couldn't leave my house due to health issues. 

I don't feel hungry right now. Too moody. Especially after yesterday's fight with my mom. Good news is my husband gifted me stickers to make me feel better. Thank you @Marcel

 

 

On 20/01/2025 at 2:02 PM, Buck Edwards said:

You just have to rely on technology. 

 

On 20/01/2025 at 6:48 PM, Buck Edwards said:

@Lucasxp64 thanks for explaining pickup. I abandoned that journal. 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 6:42 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Woke up just now. Wasn't feeling that great. I didn't have nightmares which is a great thing. Last night I cried and vented my frustrations and spoke to myself in the bathroom. My trauma was overwhelming. In the end I decided to use technology to block things so I don't have to read stuff. 

 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 6:54 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I'll not participate in the forum anymore. 

Firm decision. 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 6:58 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I'll not talk to anyone on the forum except my husband. I'm too frustrated by the turn of events. I didn't deserve it. 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 7:07 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I don't want to deal with the forum anymore. I just want to keep to my journals and my husband. Peace. 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 7:51 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Morning has started good. 

 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 7:53 AM, Buck Edwards said:

https://www.actualized.org/forum/profile/31225-buck-edwards/content/

M

 

 

A

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 21/01/2025 at 10:30 AM, Buck Edwards said:

https://openart.ai/community/9JzWJ4q1nEuRYjstHjZA

 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 10:49 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I finally found a perfect profile image which reminds me of my childhood in the summer rain. 

https://openart.ai/community/2HD5kHMvWQ8QPfNbpIis

 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 6:42 PM, Buck Edwards said:

January 21, Tuesday, 2025. 

I rested well. 

 

 

 

On 21/01/2025 at 7:47 PM, Buck Edwards said:

January 21, Tuesday, 2025. 

 

 

My husband did a lot of workout today and I will log off and sleep now. Feeling weak and tired. 

 

 

 

15 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

January 22, Wednesday, 2025 

Woke up early morning. 

I'm feeling great thanks to my husband. He put me to sleep and told me to relax. 

 

 

10 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

January 22, Wednesday, 2025 

I tried to brighten up my mood. Bought some lipsticks and splurged a bit on shopping.

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

8 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

 

      

 

     

 

    

 

 

7 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

January 22, Wednesday, 2025 

 

Feeling tired. Today is a lazy day. I just want to rest. I ate a lot. I ate eggs. 

 

 

 

 

3 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

January 22, Wednesday, 2025 

I felt cold. It's really cold outside. It's chilly. 

And I'm trying to wrap myself in blankets. 

I slept a lot today. I was feeling sick. 

I just wanted time to myself. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

In my dreams I kept dreaming about lipsticks. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

My lips almost tore off because of the winter and still hurting. But I got my favorite lipstick today. 

 

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

I cannot even. 

 

 

57 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Experience is King. Always. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 23, Thursday, 2025. 

Just woke up. Feels rested. My husband is cute as a butterfly. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

So much snow. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

There will be snow near my family. 

[Buck Edwards]

January 23, Thursday, 2025. 

I  got my passport right now. Finally. Yay. Now I can travel to Honduras. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 23, Thursday, 2025. 

Who cares if Trump became president. I can enjoy my life. I don't have to be bothered by it. 

Late night comedians help me deal with the Trump trauma lol.

 

[Buck Edwards]

I want to buy a sexy blue dress. 

[Buck Edwards]

January 23, Thursday, 2025.

I'm feeling better (slightly) 

I wish I could just cry. I had some ice cream today. I wanna sleep so bad. My health is recovering. 

I just want to sit in the back of a car and relax looking outside at city lights and people whispering. 

I was a bit worried about my passport and that worry has gone away for good. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 23, Thursday, 2025.

I told my sister that I got my passport. 

Today I felt protected by my husband. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 24, Friday , 2025.

Woke up early. Feels a bit refreshed. No nightmares last night. 

[Buck Edwards]

My husband deleted the game. I wish it wasn't that bad for him. But wishes him well on his journey. He is doing great God bless. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I felt shy and sexually deeply repressed when I joined this forum in March 2023. I felt awkward almost scared to enter a male dominated forum like this. I remember having a formidable presence. How could a shy girl like me exist on here? It was merely impossible in my mind. I decided to take up a male username of Buck Edwards and somehow survive on this forum as a man and pretend to be a man. I thought this would be a safer Idea. I wouldn't get much attention or lousy messages from men leering at me. Neither would I have to constantly defend my position as a woman. It felt freeing. It felt I could do this. I did well and thrived for over a year. It felt non threatening. Over time I got tired of role playing as a man and it didn't suit me. I was fed up. I couldn't keep up the facade anymore. I just love being a woman and wouldn't want otherwise. My deepest feelings couldn't have been expressed role playing as a man. So I gave up. My husband was by my side. I felt hopeful and confident. That day I stopped that facade and came to my normal self. Yes it was an identity crisis I was battling with.. It was hard on me. I had my insecurities as a woman. I felt like I would get a torrent of messages from men. I have felt shy all my life. Even boarding a bus full of men frightens me. I can feel awkward around men. It's just how I feel and have been raised. I mostly grew up around females. My dad was the only male member in my family. My dad was a sturdy figure for me. Finally in July I felt liberated. My male pseudo name I adopted for this forum is stuck and that's alright. My name is Whitney.