Confused, With What Do I Start?

[Ziggy]

First of all a little introduction. I'm a 25 years old man-child, and about 8-9 months ago I've had this super bad experience with a co-worker which made me realize for the first time how ignorant I had become towards myself and others. It was a super awful period and not just for me, but I started to the believe that it was a necessary evil in order to make a change for myself. For about 2-3 months I had a lot of issues with anger, resentment, rage, frustration, obsessions, panic attacks, mood swings, you name it I probably had it, done it, felt it and it was awful. In the morning of 1st of January I woke up having the worst panic attack I could remember, it felt like I had this huge hole in my chest itching, hurting and burning and I think it took me about an hour or two just to calm down. After that I've decided to stop speaking with that co-worker and the next couple of weeks I felt light as a feather, quit my position as a team leader (which I didn't really wanted and had no clue what I was doing) to escape the unnecessary stress and in order to have more time for me to figure things out.

 

So I started to search the world wide web for answers and came across one of Leo's videos which lead me to another and another, and so on. I've seen a lot of his videos and even referred some of them, unfortunately not a lot of his teaching stuck with me and I still need to keep learning and watching them. During this period I've found out things about me, not a lot and mostly bad, but enough to start somewhere. I found out that I have a low self-esteem, that I'm looking for external validation and approval of others, and I'm afraid of being rejected by the people that I respect and want to know better. I found out that I'm impatient with certain things, and can't bring myself to have the same level of patience that I display when doing other things. I don't take responsibility for the things I do well, I don't know why, but I'm feeling uncomfortable when someone says that I did a thing well or pays me a compliment it just feels weird. I procrastinate a lot when it comes to taking important actions. I kinda suck at conversations as in I can speak with someone to deliver a message and just that. Too rarely it happens for me to strike an interesting conversation or to have a real connection with the other interlocutor, and yet customers from my work almost always seem to have a connection with me (I work as a customer support). I know that I lack coherence, mostly because I'm afraid of not being understood or being afraid of how the other might react. I also pay too little attention to my interlocutor level of interest for a subject or listening to him/her. And the list will go on and on.

I've started this topic because I can't bring myself to start making the changes and also because I'm confused at where to start. I'm scared as fuck when I start thinking of taking action, I've came to the point where I just know that my little "research" is almost over and taking action is the next step I need to take.

So my questions are:

1. Should I start working on all the things that I want to change?

2. How do I prioritize what needs to be worked on first?

3. How do I keep track of my progress, as in how do I know I'm moving forward?

4. How long to try a certain technique before trying another one?

5. How do I know that I cannot change a certain issue and I should start to accept it?

[Christian]

@Ziggy

Answers to your questions:

1) Yes and no. No in the sense that you should not work on all the things you want to change at once. If you want to build new habits, start with 1 habit for 3 months and build on that.

2) Depends on what you want. What you want the most needs to be #1 priority.

3) Use an app or a journal. I use momentum to keep track of my progress. Feel free to use whatever works for you!

4) 1-2 months should be good.

5) If you have worked on something for multiple years and have made no progress, it is best to accept it. A person who is highly dyslexic should accept that he might never become a writer. If something in your life is a dead end, make peace with it. Leverage your strengths instead of focusing too much on your weaknesses.

 

 

 

[Ziggy]

@Christian

Thank you very much for the taking your time and answer my questions