Should Love Be Reciprocal?

[NoSelfSelf]

3 minutes ago, Blood is Life said:

Being logical doesn’t mean you can’t feel deeply. Emotions and clear thinking can coexist, it’s all about balance.

 

So you can get rid of a woman you fell in love with? If answer is yes then you are 100% right.

[Blood is Life]

23 minutes ago, puporing said:

That's awfully imbalanced.. things don't have to be 50/50 exactly, but if the gap is too great, you will eventually feel tired out or taken advantage of, or you feel like some kind of "parent". It could also be something you have to grow in yourself too.. eg, what is the point of being in close quarters with someone like that? 

Yeah, I agree. It’s exhausting when the balance feels off for too long. If it’s too one-sided, you start questioning the whole thing. It’s important to understand why you’re staying in that situation, too. Sometimes it’s not just about the other person, but also about what you’re willing to accept and how much you’re growing from it.

 

[Blood is Life]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

So you can get rid of a woman you fell in love with? If answer is yes then you are 100% right.

It’s not about getting rid of someone, it’s about recognizing when things aren’t right for you anymore. Love isn’t just about feelings, it’s also about whether the relationship is healthy and fulfilling for both people. Sometimes, even when you care deeply, walking away is the best choice for both sides.

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

3 minutes ago, Blood is Life said:

It’s not about getting rid of someone, it’s about recognizing when things aren’t right for you anymore. Love isn’t just about feelings, it’s also about whether the relationship is healthy and fulfilling for both people. Sometimes, even when you care deeply, walking away is the best choice for both sides.

 

 

You are mixing situations topics i like to stay in one lane to finish...

[Blood is Life]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Okay

 

[Schizophonia]

I don't understand the topic.

You love a girl because she is kind, willing, intelligent, that you share things, that it is nice to make love to her, that she sucks well, that she cooks well etcetc; In all cases you receive, you like what you receive.

[Blood is Life]

3 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I don't understand the topic.

You love a girl because she is kind, willing, intelligent, that you share things, that it is nice to make love to her, that she sucks well, that she cooks well etcetc; In all cases you receive, you like what you receive.

For me, love goes beyond just what you get. It’s about connection, growth, and the deeper bond you share. It’s not just about enjoying the good things, but building something lasting together.

 

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I don't understand the topic.

You love a girl because she is kind, willing, intelligent, that you share things, that it is nice to make love to her, that she sucks well, that she cooks well etcetc; In all cases you receive, you like what you receive.

He can have all that but if he doesn’t feel that love from her it can still be unsatisfying 

[Schizophonia]

14 minutes ago, Blood is Life said:

For me, love goes beyond just what you get. It’s about connection, growth, and the deeper bond you share. It’s not just about enjoying the good things, but building something lasting together.

 

No, not at all, you say that because you are insecure and try to use relationships as social proof, so you satisfy the social demonstration that you can have a girlfriend, form a couple etc but it is not love especially since by using a woman as social proof, you are actually trying to masculinize her.

Women want to surrender to masculine energy, they want to be vulnerable; not "improve" themselves lol, on the contrary let themselves go: let themselves "dictate life" even to the political ideologies of their man, have cuddles, be fucked, be devout by going to the gym/cooking yourself/doing fitness/sucking yourself, be flirtatious etc.
Then everyone is different, but overall it goes in that direction.

Women are very powerful mirrors, which easily turn into synchronicity, of your unconscious: Men are surprised to be left because men identify more with their conscious, unless they have worked strongly on their intuition.

Obviously you weren't compatible.

[Schizophonia]

11 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

He can have all that but if he doesn’t feel that love from her it can still be unsatisfying 

No, it doesn't work like that, pleasure comes from enjoying your partner like an object of satisfaction ; The energy is not fundamentally different from that which hides behind the love of cars or video games; Love is love, libido is libido.

In his case they were together because they liked to see themselves as a couple; There is no imbalance it is an illusion.

If a woman doesn't actually love you, and isn't going to be particularly nice or sexual, she's just going to respond to her function, to what they're mirroring and the reason for their relationship, again seeing herself as a factor for whatever reason, probably their social conditioning.

[Blood is Life]

4 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

No, not at all, you say that because you are insecure and try to use relationships as social proof, so you satisfy the social demonstration that you can have a girlfriend, form a couple etc but it is not love especially since by using a woman as social proof, you are actually trying to masculinize her.

Women want to surrender to masculine energy, they want to be vulnerable; not "improve" themselves lol, on the contrary let themselves go: let themselves "dictate life" even to the political ideologies of their man, have cuddles, be fucked, be devout by going to the gym/cooking yourself/doing fitness/sucking yourself, be flirtatious etc.
Then everyone is different, but overall it goes in that direction.

Women are very powerful mirrors, which easily turn into synchronicity, of your unconscious: Men are surprised to be left because men identify more with their conscious, unless they have worked strongly on their intuition.

Obviously you weren't compatible.

Relationships are not about using someone as social proof or trying to fit them into specific roles. For me, love is about mutual respect, growth, and sharing experiences. It’s not about “masculinizing” anyone or having them fulfill a certain expectation. People want different things in relationships, and it’s important to find a connection that’s authentic and based on what both partners need. Compatibility is key, and sometimes, even if there’s love, things just don’t align.

 

 

[Schizophonia]

5 minutes ago, Blood is Life said:

Relationships are not about using someone as social proof or trying to fit them into specific roles. For me, love is about mutual respect, growth, and sharing experiences. It’s not about “masculinizing” anyone or having them fulfill a certain expectation. People want different things in relationships, and it’s important to find a connection that’s authentic and based on what both partners need. Compatibility is key, and sometimes, even if there’s love, things just don’t align.

 

 

No, that's not love, that's being colleagues.

It's good to be good colleagues lol, but in fine the goal of a relation is to have fun.

Lots of cuddles, sex, food, going out etc etc.

If she didn't meet these criteria you should have left her yourself and gone elsewhere if you really wanted a girlfriend.

 

Edited Sunday at 07:19 PM by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

11 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

No, it doesn't work like that, pleasure comes from enjoying your partner like an object of satisfaction ; The energy is not fundamentally different from that which hides behind the love of cars or video games; Love is love, libido is libido.

In his case they were together because they liked to see themselves as a couple; There is no imbalance it is an illusion.

If a woman doesn't actually love you, and isn't going to be particularly nice or sexual, she's just going to respond to her function, to what they're mirroring and the reason for their relationship, again seeing herself as a factor for whatever reason, probably their social conditioning.

Obv it can work like that because op wrote about it. You also wanna enjoy your partner as a human being that gives their love to you, not just their qualities as objects. From his pov there was an imbalance and since she broke up she must have agreed. Or he was expecting too much of her, I can’t know enough to say which one it is. I don’t get your last paragraph 

[Blood is Life]

13 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

No, that's not love, that's being colleagues.

It's good to be good colleagues lol, but in fine the goal of a relation is to have fun.

Lots of cuddles, sex, food, going out etc etc.

If she didn't meet these criteria you should have left her yourself and gone elsewhere if you really wanted a girlfriend.

 

I hear you, but for me, love is more than just about having fun or meeting certain “checklist” expectations. It’s about building a deeper connection where both people feel supported and valued. Of course, enjoying each other’s company is part of it, but there’s also growth and understanding. Relationships are messy sometimes, and it’s not just about the good times, but whether there’s something real and meaningful beneath it all.

 

[Schizophonia]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

also wanna enjoy your partner as a human being that gives their love to you, not just their qualities as objects.

What does that means ?

Why don't you date a fat, ugly and stupid guy ? Because you want to enjoy his beauty, among other things.

What he really means is that he spent a lot of time with her because he needed her as a social demonstration, but as a result he didn't receive that much proof of female love (not enough of everything i listed) since it's not the tacit contract of their couple. However, since it's not natural, it sounds like work, something exhausting, hence the feeling of "not getting enough in return".

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

From his pov there was an imbalance

 

and since she broke up she must have agreed. Or he was expecting too much of her,

No, he got what he wanted: A demonstration of his social power.

Otherwise he would have said to himself "Oh, damn, I'm not enjoying myself" and would have left her himself.

[Hojo]

@Blood is Life This entire post is a contradiction

'An important aspect is that one should give without expecting anything in return.'

'I enjoyed giving to her, as I should, without expecting anything in return.'

'after a few months I found myself expecting at least a thank you ,which I did get most of the time.'

'The issue was that I felt like I was giving far more than I was receiving, perhaps 80/20 with me doing the majority.'

'I wasn’t getting much back.'

'I began resenting her'

What did you want her to give you? Money or sex? What wasnt she giving you that you wanted?

Was the relationship 2 months long? If so this is a wild variety of emotions to have a 2 month period of meeting someone.

My initial analysis of what was written is you tried to pay a woman to have sex with you and you got frustrated and left when it didnt happen.

Edited Sunday at 08:04 PM by Hojo

[Blood is Life]

2 hours ago, Hojo said:

@Blood is Life This entire post is a contradiction

'An important aspect is that one should give without expecting anything in return.'

'I enjoyed giving to her, as I should, without expecting anything in return.'

'after a few months I found myself expecting at least a thank you ,which I did get most of the time.'

'The issue was that I felt like I was giving far more than I was receiving, perhaps 80/20 with me doing the majority.'

'I wasn’t getting much back.'

'I began resenting her'

What did you want her to give you? Money or sex? What wasnt she giving you that you wanted?

Was the relationship 2 months long? If so this is a wild variety of emotions to have a 2 month period of meeting someone.

My initial analysis of what was written is you tried to pay a woman to have sex with you and you got frustrated and left when it didnt happen.

The post isn’t about money or sex at all, and your interpretation misses the point entirely. It’s about reflecting on the balance of giving and receiving in a relationship and questioning what it means to give without expecting anything in return. Initially, I enjoyed giving without expectations, but over time I started to feel that the emotional effort I was putting in wasn’t being matched. It wasn’t about material things or physical intimacy, it was about a sense of emotional imbalance and lack of reciprocity. The length of the relationship doesn’t define the depth of reflection, it’s about realizing when something isn’t working and trying to understand why. This post is about questioning if it’s wrong to expect some level of mutual effort in a relationship or if it simply means the other person wasn’t the right match.

 

[Hojo]

@Blood is Life No one can answer because you are keeping key information away from what you are asking.

How long was the relationship?

Define how the person wasn't reciprocating their love?

How would you expect a person to reciprocate your gifts as loving expressions besides thank you?

These all matter if you just start dating for 2 months and you have bought them 20 gifts and you are pissed they are not doing enough to reflect your gifts back then you are doing way too much and just need to slow down.

If you spoil a woman then tell them you are angry that they are not reciprocating they will assume you are trying to pay them to fuck them and they won't do it anymore.

If you give stuff with hope of getting something in return you will fail because you are trying to control reality. The act of giving is corrupt before you give it away.

Edited Sunday at 10:29 PM by Hojo

[Blood is Life]

4 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Blood is Life No one can answer because you are keeping key information away from what you are asking.

How long was the relationship?

Define how the person wasn't reciprocating their love?

How would you expect a person to reciprocate your gifts as loving expressions besides thank you?

These all matter if you just start dating for 2 months and you have bought them 20 gifts and you are pissed they are not doing enough to reflect your gifts back then you are doing way too much and just need to slow down.

If you spoil a woman then tell them you are angry that they are not reciprocating they will assume you are trying to pay them to fuck them and they won't do it anymore.

You’re right that context matters, so to clarify, the relationship lasted a few months. It wasn’t about material gifts though, and I wasn’t spoiling her or trying to “pay” for anything. I didn’t expect grand gestures or anything like that, just small things, effort, care, or even simple emotional support. Over time, it felt like I was putting in more energy than I was receiving back, which made things feel unbalanced. I wasn’t angry, but I started to notice the imbalance, and it affected how I felt about the relationship. Maybe I was overgiving or maybe we just weren’t on the same page, but that’s what I’m trying to understand. It was more about emotional connection, not material or transactional expectations.

 

[LastThursday]

Relationships are complicated. There's definitely unconditional love: giving each other time, care and attention freely. Just the fact that you're both in a relationship is love itself. But there's also conditional love - showing love in the right way to each other, keeping an account of how much each person does for each other, and how much each act is worth - i.e. reciprocation. And there's also nearly always an underlying expectation about who your partner should be, how they should be acting and whether they fit the archetype in your head - and they're constantly being assessed against this template.

True unconditional love is hard, and probably unreasonable.