Should Love Be Reciprocal?

[Basman]

There is no such thing as unconditional love when it comes to a relationship because of your individual needs and desires. You didn't feel loved by your ex because she wasn't reciprocating in a way that you wanted.

relationships, and by extension love, should be compatible in terms of wants and needs. In your case, your partner should be someone that loves to receive gifts and which in turn gives you the praise that you desire.

I think the description "love is an economy" perfectly encapsulates how human relationships work and just how conditional they are by nature. Being in a relationship is basically a trade deal. I give you X, you give me Y.

[Hojo]

@Blood is Life When you constantly give, it shows you are insecure a woman want a man doing his own thing they will test you. You automatically start showering them with gifts you are saying I really need you. That is scary because it results in dangerous attachments later on that woman look for immediately in men.

Too say you are in love after being with someone for 2 months shows massive desperation. The identity loves, you are taking your identity and swallowing the woman instantly. 

It's different if you are a king cause they know a king has infinite wealth. A woman don't expect you do treat her like a queen immediately. We are all commoners.

This strategy is like a woman fucking on the first date. The games over before it started. Nothing to base a relationship around.

All of this can be fixed by just chilling out and not trying to impress anyone and being yourself. Let time pass between events. It sounds like its happening really fast 2 months is the blink of an eye for a relationship. And you already went honeymoon to resentment to break up. That should take years or decades.

Ask why do I need to move so fast.

Woman put men through test the man is her survival and they need to make sure he is chill and not threatening you are giving threatening warning signs by doing this.

Edited Sunday at 10:51 PM by Hojo

[Sugarcoat]

10 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

What does that means ?

Why don't you date a fat, ugly and stupid guy ? Because you want to enjoy his beauty, among other things.

What he really means is that he spent a lot of time with her because he needed her as a social demonstration, but as a result he didn't receive that much proof of female love (not enough of everything i listed) since it's not the tacit contract of their couple. However, since it's not natural, it sounds like work, something exhausting, hence the feeling of "not getting enough in return".

No, he got what he wanted: A demonstration of his social power.

Otherwise he would have said to himself "Oh, damn, I'm not enjoying myself" and would have left her himself.

I don’t know what you mean by a demonstration of his social power

[Princess Arabia]

She didn't feel the same way. She felt loved when you were giving and she was there indirectly giving back. It's call about how one feels. You probably tainted your masculinity from some information you consumed and that made you started feeling used or that she needed to do or give more. A masculine man usually feels good when giving and when it's received with joy, love and appreciation, not by expecting anything else materially as much. She left because she felt you didn't love her anymore. The giving was a form of communication on your part and when it stopped a little, she didn't feel loved anymore. You said 80/20, so she was physically giving somewhat. But the majority of her giving was indirect because giving is receiving and as long as she was loving you back internally and appreciated you with all her heart, that should have been enough for you to feel her love and received her too. It goes both ways. 

P.S. I'm not saying the only way for a man to love is by giving a woman material things, it's just another way that women can feel loved and since men aren't usually verbal and emotional with these things, a woman can feel it in these ways, if given from the heart. Giving from the heart changed somewhere along the line with you and it broke that communication bond.

 

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

3 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

She didn't feel the same way. She felt loved when you were giving and she was there indirectly giving back. It's call about how one feels. You probably tainted your masculinity from some information you consumed and that made you started feeling used or that she needed to do or give more. A masculine man usually feels good when giving and when it's received with joy, love and appreciation, not by expecting anything else materially as much. She left because she felt you didn't love her anymore. The giving was a form of communication on your part and when it stopped a little, she didn't feel loved anymore. You said 80/20, so she was physically giving somewhat. But the majority of her giving was indirect because giving is receiving and as long as she was loving you back internally and appreciated you with all her heart, that should have been enough for you to feel her love and received her too. It goes both ways. 

P.S. I'm not saying the only way for a man to love is by giving a woman material things, it's just another way that women can feel loved and since men aren't usually verbal and emotional with these things, a woman can feel it in these ways, if given from the heart. Giving from the heart changed somewhere along the line with you and it broke that communication bond.

 

 

 

This shows why love is conditional and falling in love is a foolish idea.Falling in love is for women by recieving things.Yeah transactional doesnt mean material,it can be for example spenting time,that's why its called spenting time,giving attention its all a currency.

Edited yesterday at 09:49 AM by NoSelfSelf

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I don’t know what you mean by a demonstration of his social power

That he and his ex are able to tacitly demonstrate to their family and others in general that they can have a partner, and of course demonstrate it at themselves for some reason; Love (pleasure) was not the basis of the relationship, they did not energetically calibrate themselves for that.

For survival reasons, most of the time men are more distant from their emotions and can stay longer in stupid arrangements based on limiting beliefs, which is why it is mainly women who leave and that is what happened here.

 

[Schizophonia]

27 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

This shows why love is conditional and falling in love is a foolish idea.Falling in love is for women by recieving things.Yeah transactional doesnt mean material,it can be for example spenting time,that's why its called spenting time,giving attention its all a currency.

Men seek proof that they have power (receive proof of domination), the phallus as Freud and Lacan would say, and women seek to have a substitute (receive proof of submission).

But everyone is looking to receive, or i misunderstood something.

It is a mistake to believe that something cannot be given to two people at the same time, because a phenomenon is always polarized. It's about working out how to receive the polarity that triggers a positive affect for us according to gender.

When I give a teddy bear to a girl, i lose power (money) but i receive a feeling of suzerainty, vice versa for the girl.

Men fall in love with women, but they fall in love with them like a precious stone, a nice car or something like that.

Edited yesterday at 10:20 AM by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

18 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

That he and his ex are able to tacitly demonstrate to their family and others in general that they can have a partner, and of course demonstrate it at themselves for some reason; Love (pleasure) was not the basis of the relationship, they did not energetically calibrate themselves for that.

I feel that’s a bit of an assumption from your side. From his side it seems love and pleasure was a basis hence this post, but it wasn’t reciprocated. Either he is too needy, or she genuinely didn’t love him back or she has a different style of loving and attaching herself which wasn’t matching his. That she broke up could be a sign that all that time she didn’t love him explaining the lack of giving love, or she broke up when he started to pull back which would be weird because why would she expect receiving when she didn’t give. We only know one side of the story so hard to tell.

18 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

For survival reasons, most of the time men are more distant from their emotions and can stay longer in stupid arrangements based on limiting beliefs, which is why it is mainly women who leave and that is what happened here.

 

Limiting beliefs as in not believing they are capable of getting something better thus settling for less meanwhile women don’t tend to have these you mean?

I wonder why he dint break up with her. Maybe he had it in the back of his mind but hadn’t taken action on it yet. 

 

Edited yesterday at 10:27 AM by Sugarcoat

[Schizophonia]

59 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I think this is a bit of an assumption on your part. On his side, it seems that love and pleasure were a basis, hence this post,

No, because otherwise he wouldn't have felt like he wasn't receiving.
I don't agree at all with the idea that "men like to give", i think it's incomplete.

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but it was not reciprocal.

Indeed.

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either he is too needy

Of course he was needy.

Men are less needy because being needy (I certainly am myself lol, it's a spectrum) tacitly means that i need the other for my survival.
There are men who are not very androgenous who are sincerely needy but most of the time it's social conditioning since men are submissive all their youth for their survival (to their parents, to teachers). It is also instilled that one must have a partner in order to be like everyone else and start a family, which therefore teleports women further into the "necessary for survival" box and therefore pushes them to be needy.

The real need of men, where they must be globally needy, is the proof that they have power.

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, or she genuinely didn’t love him back or she has a different style of loving and attaching herself which wasn’t matching his.

It's still an illusion because of the bias of where we look, but from a holistic point of view there is no imbalance.

The reason that pushes me to tell Willy-based nonsense and you to accept it is the same.
Op and his ex were in a relationship for the same reasons, in mirrors.

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That she broke up could be a sign that all that time she didn’t love him explaining the lack of giving love, or she broke up when he started to pull back which would be weird because why would she expect receiving when she didn’t give.

She gives him the reason why he stays with her "despite not receiving", that is to say not being alone for some reason.
There are also limiting beliefs that prevent people from loving, i could go into detail.

Usually it is always the confrontation between the atavistic need for pleasure and love, and the ideal of the self.

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We only know one side of the story so hard to tell

It's time to use your clairvoyance eheh.

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Limiting beliefs as in not believing they are capable of getting something better thus settling for less

No that's for his belief here.

His belief is more like "my power comes from my ability to struggle" or something like that.

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meanwhile women don’t tend to have these you mean?

Women are more impulsive.

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I wonder why he dint break up with her. Maybe he had it in the back of his mind but hadn’t taken action on it yet. 

Because he needed her.

Not for pleasure, but for other more or less unconscious imperatives.

[NoSelfSelf]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Men seek proof that they have power (receive proof of domination), the phallus as Freud and Lacan would say, and women seek to have a substitute (receive proof of submission).

But everyone is looking to receive, or i misunderstood something.

It is a mistake to believe that something cannot be given to two people at the same time, because a phenomenon is always polarized. It's about working out how to receive the polarity that triggers a positive affect for us according to gender.

When I give a teddy bear to a girl, i lose power (money) but i receive a feeling of suzerainty, vice versa for the girl.

Men fall in love with women, but they fall in love with them like a precious stone, a nice car or something like that.

All im saying dont look to fall in love and dont look for a woman to fall in love with you,other than that its on you to seek what you want to get and state it,but making sure you are of value.I hate when regular guy demands things from women while being nowhere of value.Power shifts when value exchange is higher ,so who gives more value can demand more.

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

No, because otherwise he wouldn't have felt like he wasn't receiving.
I don't agree at all with the idea that "men like to give", i think it's incomplete.

Well that’s why i said it was a basis from HIS side. But he felt it wasn’t reciprocated. Nobody unless they have low self esteem or something would like to give in relationship without getting something in return. 
 

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Of course he was needy.

Men are less needy because being needy (I certainly am myself lol, it's a spectrum) tacitly means that i need the other for my survival.
There are men who are not very androgenous who are sincerely needy but most of the time it's social conditioning since men are submissive all their youth for their survival (to their parents, to teachers). It is also instilled that one must have a partner in order to be like everyone else and start a family, which therefore teleports women further into the "necessary for survival" box and therefore pushes them to be needy.

The real need of men, where they must be globally needy, is the proof that they have power.

The resentment he felt for her tells me he was needy yes. But it’s nonetheless reasonable to expect something back from someone. He could’ve left her if she didn’t meet his standards.

Both men and women are conditioned to value romantic relationships and seek partner. How much of that is a biological  is hard to say. 

So power is a more basic need for a man than a woman in his life? Can she be that proof that he has power? 

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

 

It's still an illusion because of the bias of where we look, but from a holistic point of view there is no imbalance.

The reason that pushes me to tell Willy-based nonsense and you to accept it is the same.
Op and his ex were in a relationship for the same reasons, in mirrors.

You mean they were mirroring each other like he was the insecure needy guy so his mirror would be a more distant cold girl ? As in they’re the same level? Or am I just off the tracks here with guessing what you mean😹😹😹😹

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

She gives him the reason why he stays with her "despite not receiving", that is to say not being alone for some reason.
There are also limiting beliefs that prevent people from loving, i could go into detail.

Usually it is always the confrontation between the atavistic need for pleasure and love, and the ideal of the self.

 

Could be, but we don’t know. Maybe he thought of leaving her but just hadn’t taken action yet. It’s slightly weird though he felt need to analyze why she left if she was so supposedly “cold” and he pulled back isn’t it obvious then.

 

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

 

Because he needed her.

Not for pleasure, but for other more or less unconscious imperatives.

He said he didn’t miss her so maybe he surprised himself on how well he’d do without her

Ill stop analyzing his situation it feels a bit odd to do despite him writing a post about it lol I’ll end it here😹

Edited yesterday at 02:22 PM by Sugarcoat

[Salvijus]

Love is not interested in pampering other people's egos. Love is interested in the redemption of your brother's and sister's soul. To surrender yourself in service to that goal is to align yourself with the will of love. It is to become love itself. That book you were reading may not have been of the best quality. 

Edited yesterday at 04:34 PM by Salvijus

[Emerald]

I wouldn't get too caught up in complex philosophies about what love is. That will just take you away from your inner compass, which is the only compass you need.

You have to figure out what feels good to you in a relationship and what doesn't. And your feelings were indicating to you that you were going over your own boundaries and you weren't getting what you need to feel good in a relationship.

And being aware of this enables you to communicate these things to her. And you communicating those personal truths helps you and her get on the same page so that the relationship feels good to both of you.

Also, a little bit of pushback and conflict is good for deepening intimacy. 

And it's quite possible that she may have decided to end the relationship because you weren't really engaging her emotionally in the relationship because you were hiding your feelings of resentment. And you were negating yourself in the process of suppressing your feelings.

If you were to express yourself authentically and show up fully as yourself, you'd say, "Hey. I feel like this relationship is really imbalanced and I feel resentful about it."

And without that, it probably felt to her like she wasn't even connected to you at all because she could sense you weren't really letting yourself show.

I know that I really need a guy to be expressive about how he's thinking and feeling to feel a sense of closeness and intimacy or I feel lonely. And conflict and communication of incongruences is necessary to work through emotional rifts.

So, what was probably happening is that an emotional rift was growing. And that rift grew and grew because you didn't acknowledge and communicate your own boundaries. Then, she probably felt lonely and decided to end it because of that emotional rift.

[Schizophonia]

 

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

 

Both men and women are conditioned to value romantic relationships and seek partner. How much of that is a biological  is hard to say. 

It's 100% biological.

If you don't believe it, just come and see me. 

Prepare his 2cb bag*

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

So power is a more basic need for a man than a woman in his life? Can she be that proof that he has power? 

No actually everyone wants power, women have a greater inclination to gain power by submitting to someone who has it, while men tend not to be as keen on submission and prefer to grant themselves power.
Having responsibilities is more distressing for a woman.

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

You mean they were mirroring each other like he was the insecure needy guy so his mirror would be a more distant cold girl ?

Both are needy, they said that the man is needy because it is more visible, because it is the man who initiates the relational dynamic, but in reality they are in mirrors and in a couple for the same reasons.

She was distant because she wanted to follow rather than be followed.

but in both cases it is the same thing of "I cannot receive what I desire"

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

As in they’re the same level? Or am I just off the tracks here with guessing what you mean😹😹😹😹

You are that mean distant cold girl ☹️

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Could be, but we don’t know. Maybe he thought of leaving her but just hadn’t taken action yet. It’s slightly weird though he felt need to analyze why she left if she was so supposedly “cold” and he pulled back isn’t it obvious then.

Again he needed this relation for some reasons.

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

He said he didn’t miss her so maybe he surprised himself on how well he’d do without her

Spot on

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Ill stop analyzing his situation it feels a bit odd to do despite him writing a post about it lol I’ll end it here😹

it's a mission for Dr Willy.

[Yimpa]

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

How much of that is a biological  is hard to say. 

I’ve been on HRT for almost a year and it has definitely played a major role. 

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

I’ve been on HRT for almost a year and it has definitely played a major role. 

What has it helped you see? 

[Yimpa]

4 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

What has it helped you see? 

It has helped me realize how complex the interaction between hormones, emotions, and social experiences really is. I've noticed changes in how I experience things like romantic intimacy and the relationship with myself. It's fascinating to experience firsthand how biological changes can influence these aspects of life that we tend to take for granted or oversimplify as being purely social or purely biological. This is a mistake. There’s a ton of nuances that we are only starting to understand. And I am in it for the long run. 

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Yimpa said:

It has helped me realize how complex the interaction between hormones, emotions, and social experiences really is. I've noticed changes in how I experience things like romantic intimacy and the relationship with myself. It's fascinating to experience firsthand how biological changes can influence these aspects of life that we tend to take for granted or oversimplify as being purely social or purely biological. This is a mistake. There’s a ton of nuances that we are only starting to understand. And I am in it for the long run. 

That’s cool you’ve been able to make observations from it. Sometimes we underestimate the role biology plays in psychology 

Maybe this is a sensitive question you don’t have to answer this but are you switching genders is that what the hrt is for?

[Beans]

9 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Maybe this is a sensitive question you don’t have to answer this but are you switching genders is that what the hrt is for?

From what Yimpa has told me personally they as of now don’t see themselves switching gender, but rather being both fluid in gender and choosing nonbinary when feeling for it.   
Yimpa for the most part is nonbinary from what I understand. 

[Beans]

19 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

I’ve been on HRT for almost a year and it has definitely played a major role. 

Yimpa has definitely came a long way. 
Spiritually, Physically, and Mentally.

doesn’t mean our work is done, but it’s important not over look how much work they’ve put in. And often times they forget to acknowledge it. Though that’s why I believe we’re together to remind each other to celebrate these little victories.