Magic Mushroom Door Now Closed?

[El Rio]

I had a 3.75 g trip on a stronger strain (Ecuador) about a year ago. With eyes closed I saw these forms that were similar to preying mantis' made from oblique triangles of glass or plastic in pastel colors. The parts (triangles) would fly apart and then reform in a slightly different shape. I watched this for several minutes until I got the idea, "I think these forms have consciousness!" and I decided to merge with them. Instantly a fear occurred, "NO, bad idea. These may be evil or harmful entities." And the next thought was, "Yeah, I've thought this same thing every time I seen something weird." 

So I went for it and merged and instantly the triangle shapes were gone and I found myself before a being of some sort, made of light. It too was constantly coming apart and reforming and it was literally nauseating to "look at" because of the confusion of the never-ending movement. But suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of love. The next hour or so was spent in very deep feelings of love for everyone and everything. Beautiful!

But ever since that experience of 3 gram+ dosages everything has appeared in black and white. It's like I'm being denied the beautiful colors of the mushroom experience. At first I thought it was the shrooms themselves, but this has repeated with other strains. And the trips have not been great. Black and white.

On  my last experience (3.3 g Ec.), my intent was on my true nature and it started out great. I found myself suspended in the cosmos looking at far and near galaxies and stars and some understanding was revealed to me. But I could not remember it later. I just knew I had an understanding.  And then I sort of blanked out and found myself in the chair coming down a bit and the trip went south from there. I started hearing the "chittering and chattering" that has appeared before on bad trips. At this point the black and white images returned. Luckily I was about 3 hours in so I didn't have to endure the "bitching" by Mother Mycelium for very long.

I don't know what to make of this, but I wonder if this doorway is no longer open to me? Or did I break some sort of rule with the merging and now I'm on a leash...so to speak? Mushroom experiences are weird, but also beautiful and I've learned much from past trials. But at this point, I'm hesitant to try again. 

 

Any input or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

[LambdaDelta]

Consider that all these entities, "Mother Ayahuasca", rules, etc. is mostly New Age fantasies. These are ultimately naught but projections of your own consciousness. It's a convenient story to tell yourself, basically grounding and self-deception done in the spiritual dimension.  You could do a hundred trips and never meet a single entity, because they're unnecessary. These limitations may serve a purpose, if you intuit that you're not ready for Truth yet, the God-self could manifest some entity that blocks or misdirects you. It's all a mind game, at a very high level. Deconstruct it and go beyond, take a direct approach. Question why these limits are in place, what are you avoiding, etc.  
It's a tricky field, requires faith, but also radical honesty.  

[LifeEnjoyer]

1 hour ago, LambdaDelta said:

but also radical honesty.  

Hey I have that book!

[ExploringReality]

@LifeEnjoyer it's a great book with tons of humor about being radically honest to the point where you endure and embrace humility and see how everyone is full of shit and liars.

[El Rio]

Quote

Consider that all these entities, "Mother Ayahuasca", rules, etc. is mostly New Age fantasies. These are ultimately naught but projections of your own consciousness. It's a convenient story to tell yourself, basically grounding and self-deception done in the spiritual dimension.  You could do a hundred trips and never meet a single entity, because they're unnecessary. These limitations may serve a purpose, if you intuit that you're not ready for Truth yet, the God-self could manifest some entity that blocks or misdirects you. It's all a mind game, at a very high level. Deconstruct it and go beyond, take a direct approach. Question why these limits are in place, what are you avoiding, etc.  
It's a tricky field, requires faith, but also radical honesty.  

LambdaDelta, I don't disagree that this may only be a concept in the mind. But what do you make of the black and white issue? Shrooms usually provide the most brilliant colors. To me, it's not worth it in B & W. 

[halfknots]

The colors are for enticement. There's more to it than that.

Once to accept that, and humble yourself, and be open to the experience as it is, more will be revealed.

[LambdaDelta]

21 hours ago, El Rio said:

LambdaDelta, I don't disagree that this may only be a concept in the mind. But what do you make of the black and white issue? Shrooms usually provide the most brilliant colors. To me, it's not worth it in B & W. 

Yeah, colors are a sideshow. I can't say for sure what's causing your issue, could be a mental block of some kind. Do deep contemplating into the matter. You can arrive at some answer about the symbolic meaning of this. Also consider that there's some things that can only be seen in a particular spectrum. There's certain details that are better visible in black and white, that could be a pointer for you. One of the best substances I use takes me to a pure black void, where no sensory information of any kind is necessary, concepts arise directly in the mind, it's so much more powerful. I also get no visuals on trips anymore, it's all been traded for more consciousness, which's what truly matters.

Don't know if you'll be able to solve this, but you absolutely can work around it, potentially find something even better.