DPT: my deepest Awakening yet

[LambdaDelta]

Lately I've been feeling quite stagnant in life and spiritual pursuits, so to shake things up I decided to begin a series of radical trips, holding nothing back, with the end goal of updating and deepening my understanding of reality, rewiring my entire attitude towards life, egoic structure, and perception. The plan is to hit several facets of God separately but completely, and then synthesize everything in the end. Well, ask and you shall receive. 

Substance of choice this time was DPT, which is new to me, although I tried it previously orally, rectally, and smoked, with zero or awful results. Another novelty was that the ROA I chose is intramuscular injection. How silly of me to have been sleeping on it this whole time, literally a qualitatively different experience from anything else by orders of magnitude. From now on nearly all of my trips will be done with IM or IV, the rest I don't consider serious anymore. 

First on the list was Love, though I decided to first ease into it by contemplating life purpose. Not much to speak about there, it's all things I already knew, however useful and inspiring anyway. This was with 35mg.

Then 2 hours later the main event, I injected 70mg, which is a very large dose. Effects set in even faster, within 5 minutes the first cracks in the matrix appeared. Heart racing, I'm being taken for a ride at lightspeed while staying still. I buried my face in the pillow, because I couldn't bear to look around at first, the whole weight of Infinity began crashing down on me. The rest is hazy, concepts such as time or ordering don't apply to it.

All of my fantasies were deconstructed.
Every bias I held had to be let go of.
I felt every emotion one can feel.
My identity has been wiped clean multiple times over.
The entirety of my being, the I AM flashed before me.
I saw things that, had I not surrendered and loved them, would eat me alive in every sense of the word. Horrors that cannot be spoken of.
My face morphed into the most ugly and beautiful forms imaginable.
I cognized virtually impossible things, such that trying to do it with a non-infinite consciousness would cause a segmentation fault. Paradoxes beyond paradox. 
I was writhing, torn apart in an impossible spinning motion, flickering between bitterness and ecstasy. The bitterness was from having to stomach ever deeper levels of "evil", and each part of the cycle finalized with the joy of loving it. 
At some point there was a kernel panic in my perception, a standard ego death is a joke compared to that, reality was breaking at every level, massive alarm bells ringing. Insanity and Chaos. Had it not stopped, my consciousness would have probably merged back into the infinite, leaving the body to die. 

And then I knew... how Love is Truth, deeper than ever before. Trouble is, there is no way to express it, any explanation would be metaphors and images. 

One might things a lot of those things don't really relate to Love, but they very much do, it's just that Love is all-encompassing, and for the first time I've experienced it from every angle. But the crazy thing is, even though God is Love, and I speak as though I've experienced its entirety, that's not actually the case. There was an absolute experience of the facet of Love, but the other facets just fleetingly. Every part is the whole, and the whole can be split into parts. 
As such, other facets still remain, next I'm going to explore Will. Not only that, but part of this awakening was a painful awareness of how much work there's still to be done. I will inevitably forget, already have a good chunk, so I'll need to come back over and over to have more and more bits permanently stick, so that I can embody God's will in this life at my full potential as the avatar that I am. 

Now, my descriptions leave a lot to be desired, I'm aware, but I articulated it as well as my current limited consciousness allows. Just wanted to leave a record somewhere. 

[Leo Gura]

Nice job.

Just be careful please. You are headed in a dangerous direction.

[OBEler]

31 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Nice job.

Just be careful please. You are headed in a dangerous direction.

Can you elaborate? 

Is he close to harm his body in some way if he would go further?

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, OBEler said:

Can you elaborate? 

Is he close to harm his body in some way if he would go further?

All the above.

[gengar]

Holy fuck.

Thats heavy as fuck man.

Thanks for sharing your report.

It corroborates with some of the fears i've been having about evil lately, going ever deeper, wondering where is the end and if or when God can put a stop to it all.

 

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, gengar said:

when God can put a stop to it all

God doesn't need nor want to put a stop to it. That's your desire.

Stop asking God to suit your desires and needs. God has a higher agenda.

Edited Friday at 11:49 PM by Leo Gura

[LambdaDelta]

59 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Nice job.

Just be careful please. You are headed in a dangerous direction.

Thank you ❤️
My procedures are pretty solid, of course something could always go sideways + unknown impacts on health in the future, but I'm okay with uncertainty. Inaction to me is the greater danger, I might already be dead if I hadn't started this work. 

[LambdaDelta]

7 minutes ago, gengar said:

Holy fuck.

Thats heavy as fuck man.

Thanks for sharing your report.

It corroborates with some of the fears i've been having about evil lately, going ever deeper, wondering where is the end and if or when God can put a stop to it all.

 

Yeah, there's no end to it, that's how it must be. Even if God wanted to put a stop to it, that would be impossible, because it's an inseparable part of Being. The one thing God can't do is not be God. As we speak new infinities of evil and chaos are being spawned into existence. But also infinities of beauty and bliss, if you want to make that distinction. Your fears have validity, in the human context, but eventually, if you're called to it, that paralyzing fear will have to be faced, and beyond it will be Love. 

[gengar]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

God doesn't need nor want to put a stop to it. That's your desire.

Stop asking God to suit your desires and needs. God has a higher agenda.

I will ask God whatever I want, since I am the subject suffering all of his constructions. There is nothing but desire in the end. All I can do is try to follow my desires, whether selfish or selfless. But God is the one who decides to create selfish creatures and whom suffer and have desires. So my concerns are valid. I never asked to be a limited creature with desires and fears, yet here I am. And now you're blaming me for wondering how to not suffer? Get off that high horse. If I throw you into hell you'll have the same concerns as me. 

It's as if you're saying to the victims of the LA fires, "God has a higher agenda with this". You're no different than some crazy Christian that you despise.

Laughable that you're blaming limited souls for struggling with Gods infinite creation and ordeal.

Edited Friday at 11:57 PM by gengar

[gengar]

Just now, LambdaDelta said:

Yeah, there's no end to it, that's how it must be. Even if God wanted to put a stop to it, that would be impossible, because it's an inseparable part of Being. The one thing God can't do is not be God. As we speak new infinities of evil and chaos are being spawned into existence. But also infinities of beauty and bliss, if you want to make that distinction. Your fears have validity, in the human context, but eventually, if you're called to it, that paralyzing fear will have to be faced, and beyond it will be Love. 

Beautifully said brother.

[Yimpa]

Bravo for facing your fears 

Edited Saturday at 12:14 AM by Yimpa

[Leo Gura]

40 minutes ago, gengar said:

I will ask God whatever I want

Don't overlook the possibility that you might be talking to and tormenting yourself.

Edited Saturday at 12:37 AM by Leo Gura

[The Crocodile]

47 minutes ago, gengar said:

There is nothing but desire in the end.

No, there is nothing but joy in the end.