Is it wrong to leave a girl for someone better?

[Actualising]

Trying to figure out of I should go for this girl I like or not as I had met a girl who was "better" in my eyes then her and feel I will meet her again. Is it better to wait for a really compatible girl or date while I wait?

 

Basically should I be selfish or selfless. Which I know what I should do but need further guidance 

Edited Wednesday at 06:23 AM by Actualising

[Yimpa]

Is your goal short-term or long-term relationship?

[Actualising]

@Yimpa short term with her. Long-term if I don't find anyone else

Edited Wednesday at 06:27 AM by Actualising

[Leo Gura]

How can we tell you how selfish you ought to be?

[Actualising]

@Leo Gura um...

 

Idk

I feel I should be selfless in this situation. I wish I knew if she would be ok knowing j would leave her for someone better.

[Actualising]

I guess, is it ok to leave someone for someone better? But then is that Infinite?

[Actualising]

If I was max selfless and enlightened wouldn't I take each day as it comes, be without plans and see what happens?

[Leo Gura]

18 minutes ago, Actualising said:

@Leo Gura um...

Idk

I feel I should be selfless in this situation. I wish I knew if she would be ok knowing j would leave her for someone better.

Of course she's not okay with it.

The issue is whether you are mature enough to admit to yourself that you are using her.

Edited Wednesday at 06:49 AM by Leo Gura

[Actualising]

@Leo Gura oh shit.... Okay, my bad...

I won't go for her then. 

 

Thanks Leo

[AION]

Girls do this all the time. So to a certain extent you need to integrate it and find a good balance of selfishness. You don’t owe her anything. 

[NoSelfSelf]

Tell them what you wrote here,that you are seeing other women and that she wont be the only one.But you wont because you cant sacrefice women and believe you are not of the value to have multiple women ,so you manipulate with relationship potential.Its not that complicated.

Its all about being transparently selfish and test if she wants it or not.

You already messed up the situation for yourself.

Edited Wednesday at 07:53 AM by NoSelfSelf

[Schizophonia]

@Actualising There's no problem, if you're ready to leave your girlfriend for another one like that then it wasn't really worth it and it's a gift that you're giving to both of you.

[Schizophonia]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

How can we tell you how selfish you ought to be?

You're in the anima. 

[Something Funny]

5 hours ago, Actualising said:

@Leo Gura oh shit.... Okay, my bad...

I won't go for her then. 

 

Thanks Leo

If I were your girlfriend, I would rather prefer you dumping me as soon as you started having those thoughts.

Staying with her now is cruel and is doing her a disservice.

[Consept]

Whoever you choose theres always gonna be someone 'better', and better could just be because they're new and they dont have baggage that your current partner has or it could be that they are genuinely a better fit. But the point is if you want to be in a long term committed relationship that is the sacrifice you have to make. If you get with this new girl there maybe another one that comes along thats even 'better'. So the question is, is the person youre with someone you're willing to make that sacrifice for and that you love despite all other potential partners?

It could also it probably is more likely that youre not ready for a committed relationship at this time so in that case its up to you if you want to be authentic and just tell potential partners what you actually want at the moment. 

[Buck Edwards]

I think that you should already choose right from the onset your ideal compatible girlfriend. Now having a relationship with her will create massive dissonance in you since you are with a person you don't necessarily believe to be the best for you. Compatibility is difficult — often we end up breaking off even the most compatible ones. 

Relationships are like a gamble. You can't really plan too early because you never know how things are gonna pan out. 

[vibv]

@Actualising Be honest. That's all.

[nerdspeak]

@Actualising I don’t know what your personality is like. 

However, in dating (in the West) it’s assumed that you’re together because you’re the best available option for each other. If you find someone better and leave, she can’t get mad at you for that, unless you were cheating. You can soften the blow by telling her in advance of the breakup that you doubt it will work out long term for xyz reason, and then she gets to create some distance while still getting the support from the relationship. 

Unfortunately, for my personality, I need to go a bit further and find it’s better to start replacing people before I move on from them. Otherwise, when I break things off with someone who is not a good long-term partner, in the following weeks I freak out and end up taking them back. 

Edited Wednesday at 03:57 PM by nerdspeak

[Emerald]

23 hours ago, Actualising said:

@Leo Gura um...

Idk

I feel I should be selfless in this situation. I wish I knew if she would be ok knowing j would leave her for someone better.

Of course she wouldn't be okay with knowing that. It would naturally create a feeling of insecurity with the relationship, and for good reason.

Women's sexual instincts are very much wrapped up in creating a stable context to raise a child in, even if the woman isn't interested in having children. So, being with a guy who's not committed will create an intense anxiety once she is attached to that guy.

The best thing to do is probably to break it off with her as soon as possible since you're not that into her, as it will free her up to find someone who genuinely wants to be with her instead of leading her on and wasting her time.

Also, if you actually have real feelings for a woman (not just surface level attraction), you won't want to leave her for someone who's theoretically better. The main issue here is that you may not have actually had real feelings for a woman before. So, you may not know what that feels like yet.

So, you're approaching women as fungible and something to level up with. And this will create a really anxiety-provoking relationship dynamic for the woman because she will see you as non-fungible but you will see her as fungible and as something to trade out for a better model.

And if she's attached to you and hasn't learned to differentiate between men that are really into her and men who are sleeping with her and spending time with her, she may waste a lot of time anxiously trying to keep you and convince you to care about her.

So, my recommendation is to break up with her.

[Bobby_2021]

I have been in exactly this situation. Sometimes it's okay to admit that you are the villian and leave before it gets worse and it certainly will.

This lack of commitment from your part messes up the relationship dynamic and she will in turn show dysfunctional behaviours and you will focus on them without understanding what caused it in the first place. That's what happened to me. 

My commitment was for he things that I was passionate about and enthusiastic building, not to some other girl. I got no time for her baby while I was busy raising my own baby, figuratively of course. 

Edited yesterday at 06:21 AM by Bobby_2021