Interesting Experience Today

[Mada_]

I was working really hard today and very busy, on the move. Unlike me as I usually surf daily which leaves me with “blue mind” and often detaches me from work.

(Background: I did a 1.2g mushroom trip a few days ago, and had a therapist help me integrate it.)

Whilst I was feeling ungrounded, I went and jumped in the ocean which brought me back to earth and out of my head, I had been ruminating on my social status, and scheming all day about how I was going to position myself to get more sexual partners (just thoughts haha).

I’ve been getting this urge lately to abandon my housemates and move in with only “conscious” people in a different house (I’m smiling writing this haha). I have a CBT therapist recently call me out on these thoughts gently, and I admitted that I believe I was superior to others in my social circle because I’m “more ambitious”. I was thinking “who most emulates who I want to be?”, and it’s probably this sexy, hippie musician from my local area, my next question was “what is he thinking right this second?”;

I think this question allowed me to let go of something, because existentially I don’t know this person. It takes the hype out of fame for me which I get swept away by, not that it’s all bad but sometimes I get desperate. Also people shit on talk therapy a bit but I find it really grounding, that famous person insight is sometimes hard for me to remember, I recall conversations I have in therapy and follow their trail to grounding. 

[Elton]

I've totally slided back into unconsciousness @Mada_