How do you reconcile being open-minded and staying firm in your opinions?

[Tristan12]

I've struggled for a while to be overly open-minded. I've been aware of that and I've tried to be more considerate of other opinions and perspectives whenever they are presented to me. Because of that, whenever someone challenges my opinions or perspectives, I put in a lot of effort to consider what they are saying, and I don't assert my own perspectives very much, because I'm trying to be open to new perspectives.

However, I feel like I am always the one trying to consider the other person's perspective, and never the other way around. I find that there are a lot of things I feel strongly about, things that feel very true to me, and when I don't assert my own opinions and perspectives, It hurts me and feels like a boundary violation. I feel like I don't stand up for myself and what I feel is true or right, because I'm trying to be open-minded. Why do I always have to be the one who is wrong, who should be considering other people's perspectives? Why shouldn't other people listen to and consider mine?

I'd appreciate if anyone could give me some advice on how to reconcile this, because I'm tired of people constantly challenging my perspectives and beliefs, and me never upholding or enforcing them that strongly, just because I don't want to be close-minded to what they're suggesting to me.

Edited January 8 by Tristan12

[Ero]

Think of it in "Bayesian terms", i.e you should never be "100%" certain in anything, because then no new information would change your opinion. However, different "priors"/ hypotheses do not stand to equal scrutiny - for example, the idea that God made the universe in 7 days or that the world is 6000 years - there has been consistent evidence of varying origins (biology, geology, history, physics, etc.) as to make these ideas go to 0 in probability. There are of course more complex cases when there is multiple-hypothesis testing for example. Then, it is a question of which one remains after sufficient new information and is simple enough (Occam's razor weighting). 

[Aaron p]

well...you should know this skill is very rare and you will largely be alone with it. most cannot entertain the idea that an opposing party could be correct without subconsciously harbouring underlying motivations that they simply still want to destroy your argument. you possess the rare ability to entertain the possibility that you are wrong. however you should also be open minded to the possibility that some (or many) people around you are just wrong. This is a very real possibility, one that i am discovering for myself. while i know that i deceive myself on a regular basis and that i cannot even tell when it happens, i am also [at a more simplistic, realistic and pragmatic level] aware that a lot of the people that exist around me are just complete dumbasses. and this isint a judgemental statement, its an objective observation of the state of reality for me. It should also be noted that "masters" and great teachers knowers of wisdom must (by logical deduction) have eventually met the same realisation at some point in their journey to being someone who a certain demographic of seekers recognise as someone who possess particular skill in obtaining truth. It perhaps points more to the increased intelligence of the master as opposed to the decreased intelligence of the general population. also, your not going to get very far being a pushover. the reality is that hard headed people with strong dumbass opinions exist in HIGH numbers all around you and notice...you are the only one who can authentically entertain the possibility that they might be right and you might be wrong...but it is this very skill you possess, that makes you 100x more likely to in fact be correct. look at leo...is he being unassertive of what he knows is true in spite of an ocean of morons telling him hes deluded? Study his style, study the style of assertive empaths and skilful epistemologists. the short answer is; people like you have to learn how to anticipate the dumbassery of dunces and love them regardless. (kind of like how you treat children)    

Edited January 8 by Aaron p

[Basman]

You can with certainty defend something you feel certain about while still being open-minded to different views. Being open-minded doesn't mean you have to assume the view of the last person you spoke with. Its more like a sense of curiosity than an obligation in my opinion. An examination of potential truth when presented with new information.

Open-mindedness would be something like agreeing with Andrew Tate on a thing or two while dismissing the rest of his world view as obviously misogynistic. Close-mindedness would be to dismiss anything he says regardless of validity due to a preconceived notion. You can often intuit when something is very biased or lacking in depth of understanding in my experience. Usually I don't give such opinions much weight unless they can present something actually insightful, like the aforementioned example with Andrew Tate.

 

[Hojo]

When you live by others people you deny yourself. Make your opinions stronger than theirs and call them dumb. It dosent matter what you say to anyone. People will respect you more for being an asshole than a pushover. This isn't the realm to worry about others its the realm to assert yourself. I spent 25 years being this way and it will not get you anywhere. You are secretly victiminzing yourself in a hellish realm you cant do that.

Edited January 9 by Hojo

[Jacob Morres]

if people are challenging you too much this is probably more-so an exercise with setting boundaries. it's definitely okay not to be open-minded all the time especially if they're making you feel violated 

being open-minded is supposed to be for growth. if you feel people are attacking you more than you're comfortable with i dont think that's a time to be open-minded. it could be a people pleasing tendency i suspect

Edited January 9 by Jacob Morres

[Basman]

To add what I previously wrote, being critical of information is adjacent to being open-minded. Being open-minded doesn't mean you assume presented information to be true but that you examine it critically. That doesn't mean you can't know when something is true or false with a degree of certainty. Being close-minded would be to not even engage with information in the first place.

Of course if people are being belligerent then you need to set a boundary for yourself and not engage with them. Your not obligated to entertain morons.

[Princess Arabia]

Go to the blog and read #107.

[Sugarcoat]

Openmindedness could potentially become a close minded mental position where you think being open to different perspectives and not having a firm opinion is automatically superior to having a firm opinion, so watch out for that tendency if you happen to have it. Openmindedness is a great quality, but you wanna be flexible with it, so it includes you having some firm opinions and being closed to certain perspectives (if you have a reason to ofc). Also if you have fears around expressing yourself socially it can hinder your free expression so you want to work to undo that fear, speak despite being afraid of judgement or something, challenge yourself through action by being firm in opinion, express yourself despite fear, and see how you feel. Start somewhere

Edited January 9 by Sugarcoat

[Tristan12]

21 hours ago, Aaron p said:

well...you should know this skill is very rare and you will largely be alone with it. most cannot entertain the idea that an opposing party could be correct without subconsciously harbouring underlying motivations that they simply still want to destroy your argument. you possess the rare ability to entertain the possibility that you are wrong. however you should also be open minded to the possibility that some (or many) people around you are just wrong. This is a very real possibility, one that i am discovering for myself. while i know that i deceive myself on a regular basis and that i cannot even tell when it happens, i am also [at a more simplistic, realistic and pragmatic level] aware that a lot of the people that exist around me are just complete dumbasses. and this isint a judgemental statement, its an objective observation of the state of reality for me. It should also be noted that "masters" and great teachers knowers of wisdom must (by logical deduction) have eventually met the same realisation at some point in their journey to being someone who a certain demographic of seekers recognise as someone who possess particular skill in obtaining truth. It perhaps points more to the increased intelligence of the master as opposed to the decreased intelligence of the general population. also, your not going to get very far being a pushover. the reality is that hard headed people with strong dumbass opinions exist in HIGH numbers all around you and notice...you are the only one who can authentically entertain the possibility that they might be right and you might be wrong...but it is this very skill you possess, that makes you 100x more likely to in fact be correct. look at leo...is he being unassertive of what he knows is true in spite of an ocean of morons telling him hes deluded? Study his style, study the style of assertive empaths and skilful epistemologists. the short answer is; people like you have to learn how to anticipate the dumbassery of dunces and love them regardless. (kind of like how you treat children)    

That's true. The challenge for me is that it's hard to enforce my opinions when I haven't spent hours deeply contemplating and deconstructing them, making sure I'm very very certain of everything I'm saying. Even if I did, I can't do that with every single opinion I have. 

Previously I would almost discard my own opinion for the sake of considering another person's opinion. I would still believe my own opinion for myself, but I wouldn't really enforce it, I would put it aside and fully try to consider and take on the perspective of the other person to see how I felt about it. I think putting my own opinion aside so strongly is what's hurting me. I think I should still stick with my own perspective, but be willing to discuss other potential perspectives, and only change my opinion and fully discard my own perspective once I see that another perspective is actually superior.

[Tristan12]

Thank you for your responses guys. I read through them all and they were helpful.

[Jwayne]

By not bothering to have opinions on everything.

Strive to learn when you can about what's important.

Have the attitude of a student when possible.

[PurpleTree]

Who has the opinion?

 

 

 

 

(generic non dual speaker)

[Schizophonia]

Your opinions shoud le flexible. 

[Jwayne]

36 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Your opinions shoud le flexible. 

People overinvest in opinions without realizing it. They feel a need to keep up with everything and constantly stake out clever opinions on this and that. And it causes them a lot of stress unknowingly.

Edited Friday at 02:59 PM by Jwayne

[Inception]

“Be open-minded, but not so much so that your brains fall out.”  - Groucho Marx

[Buck Edwards]

(chatgpt) 

Mostly self respect and healthy communication. 

Address the Core Issue: Healthy Assertiveness
 It sounds like you're caught in a difficult balance between being open-minded and standing up for yourself.Open-mindedness is a valuable trait, but it shouldn't come at the expense of your own self-worth and the right to express your beliefs.True openness involves a two-way street – listening to others while also being heard and respected.

 Practical Strategies

"I" Statements: Encourage yourself  to express your views using "I" statements. For example, instead of "You always ignore my opinion," try "I feel unheard when my perspective isn't considered."

 Active Listening: Remind yourself that active listening is a two-way street. You should be actively listening to others while also expecting others to actively listen to you. 
 Boundaries:  identify and communicate your boundaries. For example, "I'm happy to discuss this with you, but I need you to acknowledge my perspective as well."

Finding Common Ground:  focus on finding common ground and areas of agreement, even when there are disagreements.

Emphasize Self-Respect
Remember that your opinions and beliefs are valid. You have a right to express them respectfully.
 It's okay to disagree with others, and it's okay to stand up for what you believe in.
 Prioritize your own well-being and self-respect in your interactions with others.
Encourage Further Exploration
This is a complex issue, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Perhaps exploring communication styles or assertiveness training could be helpful.

Side note - In my personal experience if someone is going way beyond my perspective and I hit paradigm lock, that's when I get assertive and shut down the communication. You don't have to take in something that doesn't truly embody your inner values. Develop a strong framework of what you believe, your worldview, your traits and value system, your integrity and principles and follow your core beliefs. Be open to new things but only if they slightly improve your present perspective. Be pragmatic about this. 
 

[Leo Gura]

It's a serious existential-level problem.

But to simplify it, you need filters against fools and bullshitters who just want to exploit your openmindedness.

Be infinitely openminded in private within your own mind when you do serious inquiry work, but in public when dealing with humans you need filters and boundaries. For example, stop listening to anyone who demonstrates they have low intellectual integrity or no genuine interest in inquiry or openmindedness. If someone is being closedminded you cut them off. You also use the list of criteria I gave you in this week's episode to screen out all the epistemic perverts.

Being openminded does not mean that you endlessly indulge fools in their epistemic errors.

Edited Friday at 11:52 PM by Leo Gura

[puporing]

You should know where you stand, eg, if your perspective is higher or not, if it is, you know you're the teacher even if the others don't respond to you that way or cannot see. So whether or not you "assert them" depends on someone's receptivity and it's not necessarily wise to speak. 

And when you encounter people/minds you cannot fully understand, they are your teacher(s) most likely, until you can fully understand them.

Another way to perceive where you are is to gauge "how healed someone is", a more healed mind generally will give you more (provided the distance is not too great or you will not notice), whereas if you are the more healed mind you will be giving more. 

My guess is if you're more empathic (which is generally a higher state of consciousness) you've probably lived a life where people try make you doubt yourself because you don't speak their language or mirror them.

And well, it's up to you whether or not you want to "go along with" someone's current orientation, like I have to pretend all the time to people I encounter (or just not speak) and try to mirror where they are at and that's just part of life if you keep awakening. It's kind of like being a "parent".. you know it's not the best method to overdose a child with too much information.. though oftentimes they still eventually come out one way or another.. coz people will usually try to change me/run my life as though they're my teacher, but it's a fool's game coz they're trying to get me down to a much lower state.. so I have learned to be okay with mostly being a solitary being.

Edited Saturday at 12:14 AM by puporing

[Carl-Richard]

A big part of being openminded is just being able to understand and reconcile somebody's point of view within your own point of view, which increases as your point of view becomes larger and more complex (cognitive complexity).

"Oh you hate immigrants? That makes sense based on your background and cultural influences and psychological dispositions, etc.". "Oh you got a parking fine and you think it's somehow my fault? That makes sense because we were in a hurry and I said "oh nooo, we don't have time... ☹️" and you had to pull up the parking app where you didn't expect to have to register the car that you're not used to driving, and you also thought "it's the day before Christmas so who are out giving parking tickets anyway?", so you took the chance without telling me, and now you're drunk and I'm the one driving home and you're misrepresenting what I said earlier which was "oh nooo, we don't have time... ☹️" as "NO, we don't have time to buy the ticket! 😡" and you have a lot of pent up aggression from the conversation you had earlier and you barely even ate anything and almost only had drinks" (true story).

It's not that you actually "consider" their point of view as if it's potentially "the only true point of view" (although this too can be openmindedness). It's that you "understand" their point of view, and of course that you're willing to listen (another big one). It's actually the opposite of being pushover and not saying your point of view. It's actually exactly saying your point of view. I did not say "maybe you're right, maybe I should pay the parking fine". I said (after thinking for a while) "I understand why you think that".

Edited Saturday at 01:11 AM by Carl-Richard