Why love wont make you happy?

[ShardMare]

I definitely made a post about this question earlier but i still dont understand this. It came back.

Im thinking about what is actually loneliness and why does it happen? It doesnt seem logical to me why do we always want social connections. Its like another form of stimulation or addiction. We always want more, you know we are together and hanging out, socializing with other people but hours later its gone. Sometimes we feel so great and also just emotionally connect well to each other but next time there is nothing. 

If i get in a relationship and i really love that person and connect with her emotionally deep then breakup happens then simply neurotransmitters drop down because there isnt enough stimulation. What is the difference between relationships and achieving goals, working towards something, hobbies etc.?

But also there is the longest research on what makes people happy and by far relationships are the most important thats what they say. 

Relationships, love seems like a distraction. What actually is it?

[Hojo]

You are God and were with all your emotions forever and you wanted to share your emotions with people so you want to be born. You are in a human now you can take all your emotions and give them to things and feel what it is like to live without them. You have a black hole inside of you that will never be filled until you give every emotion in you away and sit in loneliness, and be alone, because that is an emotion you want to give away too but cant. Its a first person emotion not one that can be shared or perceived to be shared.

The only reason we do anything is because we are terrified of God. The feeling that makes you want to go find someone is the fear of God, God is the black hole within you that can never be filled. Everything is a distraction from this realization. Its a realization that will never go away until you surrender to the void forever.

Edited January 7 by Hojo

[ShardMare]

@Hojo Do you mean God gives emotions to things in this way: for example a persons significant other dies. And God gives this thing sadness, to this particular situation because thats what he wants.

 

 

And also another question what do you mean by the void never will be filled until you give away all emotions? If God gives away all emotions then hes empty. Not lonely. Loneliness is a bad thing.

I dont get this giving away or sharing thing u say

 

 

I get this but what is the void? And why do we run away from it, why do we fear it?

[Hojo]

@ShardMare God will have you meet other parts of itself. These things and people will make you feel and emotion. The emotion is already inside of you but you use this thing as a way to let yourself feel the emotion. The emotion is not coming from the outside its being generated and created by you you always had it. Since people dont know this they pretend that the thing they saw or experienced created the emotion and they assign that emotion or feeling to that object. When the object leaves they cant feel it cause they made up that something exterior was creating it.

Loneliness isnt bad its a feeling. Its the last one you want to feel. Thats why you are trying to make fake connections with people instead of seeing you are making up what everybody feels like.

[Buck Edwards]

People grow through relationships. There's massive growth. People who complain about relationships are generally those who never had one to begin with or their relationships have consistently failed. 

[Emerald]

The reason why we're oriented towards social connection is because it's a inextricable need and instinct... not an addiction.

And loneliness comes up if we lack human-to-human connection in the same way that thirst comes up when we're thirsty and hunger comes up when we're hungry.

There's never been any time in the entirety human history (up until the past 100 years) that we haven't relied on a community of people to survive. So, it's wired right into our physiology.

And the logic behind it is this... a human being alone in the wild is a dead human.

So, it's wired right into you to seek connection with other human beings. Your entire biology is involved in the matter because community has always been how we meet the vast majority of our physiological, safety, and connection needs. And that's the 3 bottom levels of Maslow's Hierarchy.

[Ero]

8 hours ago, ShardMare said:

What is the difference between relationships and achieving goals, working towards something, hobbies etc.?

Relationships and connection with people is another domain entirely. You will never truly grow as a human being unless you interact with others. Loneliness is something you can transcend when you understand it stems from fear. That doesn't mean you won't enjoy human connection, just that when it is not genuine or it is superficial, you will have no qualms of letting go. This way, only the real people will stick around you.

[Buck Edwards]

1 hour ago, Ero said:

You will never truly grow as a human being unless you interact with others.

Golden. 

[ShardMare]

@Hojo

yes i understand the first paragraph you wrote but what are you really trying to say? 

Why is loneliness the last feeling i want to feel? 

@Buck Edwards yeah but im thinking about is it necessary for happiness? thats the question

@Emerald ok yeah its important to have more than 1 person on earth because of reproduction. 
but why are we talking about maslows hierarchy? thats not a rule of the World, just maslow created by it.
Is happiness dependant on love and connection really?
@Ero From what fear it stems?

[Sugarcoat]

Love can definitely make you happy. So it is for most as we are wired that way. It's just that that happiness isn't permanent, but that applies to pretty much all sources of happiness. 

[Schizophonia]

It can make you happy, yes.

The pleasure comes from having the permission to express your persona to the fullest with a girl who shares it.

For example you play the "prince" archetype (like me  jk), you will naturally be excited and pair up with a girl who plays the "princess" archetype, which is actually the opposite polarity of the same persona.

Beyond the game of gender division i mean.

[Javfly33]

@ShardMare

Is very simple. If you could feel those "neurotransmitters" just by yourself, just by Existing, breathing, etc... Would you become a slave of this social transactions of love/stimulation? 

No right? So basically as you can see, you do not have the chemistry panel of control of your own system, so you are using other people to activate externally this happy/love feelings. 

This is what 99.99% of humanity is doing, and why 99.99% of humans are slaves of the outside and they are not free.

Freedom from this slavery of transaction only comes through complete self-realization, where just you sitting with your close eyes you are able to breath and feel much better than any relationship transaction on the outside.

When you arrive to this level, then all interactions you will do in the world will be for the first time to the development of the world, to truly help, (not to collaborate to the entanglement of Karma) because you will be 100% "done" on the inside, you won´t get into the relationships to get something out of it, but for the joy of it, or to help. 

When you arrive there, you will be called a Saint or a Guru, but actually you will be just a Human that has realized completely his potential and possibilities.

Edited January 10 by Javfly33

[ShardMare]

@Javfly33 thank you. but what is collaborate to the entanglement of Karma? 

and also getting something out of it means getting it because of the joy.   i think what is right is getting into it because why not, or to help.

[Inception]

On 7.1.2025 at 7:25 PM, ShardMare said:

Im thinking about what is actually loneliness and why does it happen? It doesnt seem logical to me why do we always want social connections. Its like another form of stimulation or addiction. We always want more, you know we are together and hanging out, socializing with other people but hours later its gone. Sometimes we feel so great and also just emotionally connect well to each other but next time there is nothing. 

As long as there's separation between self and other you'll be lonely, because you'd be disconnected, that simple. In other words, loneliness is an unavoidable part of the unrealized life. What you really want is not to unite with a single person, instead you (yang) want to unite with other (yin) itself  

On 7.1.2025 at 7:25 PM, ShardMare said:

If i get in a relationship and i really love that person and connect with her emotionally deep then breakup happens then simply neurotransmitters drop down because there isnt enough stimulation. What is the difference between relationships and achieving goals, working towards something, hobbies etc.?

Love is more than neurotransmitters.

On 7.1.2025 at 7:25 PM, ShardMare said:

But also there is the longest research on what makes people happy and by far relationships are the most important thats what they say. 

Relationships, love seems like a distraction. What actually is it?

Human relationships and love, if done right, is not a distraction. It's a fundamental human need and essential for health and wellbeing.

Edited January 10 by Inception

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhWx9lHPjik

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8    
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, ShardMare said:

@Javfly33 thank you. but what is collaborate to the entanglement of Karma? 

To put it simply, when you do an action expecting to get something out of it for your internal benefit, that is Karma.

Is not that is good or bad, most people live like that. Is just that is slavement because is a transaction.

And with transaction you can never always win. Sometimes you have to lose.

That´s why no one is all the time happy with that attitude towards life. In fact most of the time they are losing. They are 90% not happy and 10% of the time actually happy. 

 

[Candle]

On 1/7/2025 at 11:55 PM, ShardMare said:

Relationships, love seems like a distraction.

Rel are important or not?

Depends.

✓ It's important for most people. Especially for those who need emotional support from someone; those who wanna understand the "relationships" aspect of reality; those who want self growth from it (unity is strength).

 

✓ It's okay to be single if this is the scenario : You have too many projects and don't have time. You are committed to a big purpose. You already have so many commitments that you don't want extra ones. You are very strong in yourself. You don't need any emotional support.

 

✓ It's better to be single than to be in a relationship that's draining you or has a negative impact on your life.

✓ It's worth going into a positive, meaningful relationship. It's a must, in fact, if you want good things for your life. 

✓ Things are not inherently meaningful, it's our choice and biases that we give meanings to things. We can make anything meaningful or meaningless.

 

On 1/7/2025 at 11:55 PM, ShardMare said:

happy

✓ On happiness : don't chase happiness beyond a certain limit, some depression/sadness is needed to feel happiness. Happiness is temporary. Happiness doesn't matter. Fulfilment/purpose matters.

Happiness is a petty and shallow goal of a relationship. Go for something deeper and more meaningful.

Edited January 13 by Candle

[Lyubov]

I’ve done easily 100+ hours of self inquiry on this topic. Basically the question or issue is “I need other people to be complete, valuable, lovable.” First off let’s be clear that love cannot be given like a commodity. What I’ve found is we see reflections of love within us by how a person may treat us, but we create the love, this wholeness is always here always now but we sort of skew it and are under a number of misconception where we believe this love and validation is outside of us when in reality we are whole and enough as we are. I think we make the mistake of sort of conflating a sort of instinctual process and natural desires with our own sense of self value and worth. We don’t need relationships in order to be valuable and whole in a sense from a meta or spiritual perspective where what we are is enough. As we go through life participating in society and fulfilling various desires this sometimes require having relationships with various other people, whether it be at work or with a family member if you so choose to participate in these relationships. So to live in a balanced way, realizing relationships don’t complete us is very important because we sort of free ourselves from limitations on experiencing our oneness and true love from within, however this realization filters through the practical aspects of life so our relationships improve, we may value what we have more and build stronger relationships and still do everything expected of us when it comes to relating but there won’t be this holding on, and there will be a letting go when people , especially loved ones, come in and out of our lives, which they all eventually will. 

Edited January 13 by Lyubov

[gettoefl]

Happy is, my life has meaning because I am doing what I came to do and I am doing it the best I can. Love is the only thing that will make you happy. See everything as an act of love or an ask for love. Be glad and be kind in each case respectively. You will sleep happily every night. Anything else ends in tears. On your death bed you leave happily knowing you completed the assignment.

[integration journey]

22 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I’ve done easily 100+ hours of self inquiry on this topic. Basically the question or issue is “I need other people to be complete, valuable, lovable.” First off let’s be clear that love cannot be given like a commodity. What I’ve found is we see reflections of love within us by how a person may treat us, but we create the love, this wholeness is always here always now but we sort of skew it and are under a number of misconception where we believe this love and validation is outside of us when in reality we are whole and enough as we are. I think we make the mistake of sort of conflating a sort of instinctual process and natural desires with our own sense of self value and worth. We don’t need relationships in order to be valuable and whole in a sense from a meta or spiritual perspective where what we are is enough. As we go through life participating in society and fulfilling various desires this sometimes require having relationships with various other people, whether it be at work or with a family member if you so choose to participate in these relationships. So to live in a balanced way, realizing relationships don’t complete us is very important because we sort of free ourselves from limitations on experiencing our oneness and true love from within, however this realization filters through the practical aspects of life so our relationships improve, we may value what we have more and build stronger relationships and still do everything expected of us when it comes to relating but there won’t be this holding on, and there will be a letting go when people , especially loved ones, come in and out of our lives, which they all eventually will. 

Very well said🤍🤍