Life goals, life purpose, and bitterness.

[SwiftQuill]

• Get a Bachelor's degree
• Get a Master's degree
• Get a job as a Software Engineer
• Move abroad
• Write a book

***

I wrote the list above about 9-10 years ago, when I was in highschool. By the end of 2024 I achieved all of them. I am very grateful for this. These weren't easy goals by any means. Each of them took a very long time to achieve.

Interestingly enough, the goal that was the least "practical", writing a book, was the one that fulfilled me the most. I wrote my first novel in 2022. Since then, I wrote 2 more novels. I enjoyed it so much that for a while I believed that it was my life purpose to become a writer.

But there was something empty about it. I didn't get many readers. Only close relatives bothered to read my stories. The notion of investing a lot of time and energy into a project, and no one valuing it, it's sadder than I can describe. I don't say this out of ego. I don't even care about compliments or money. I wrote for the sake of writing. Art for the sake of art. But at some point I started wondering, is it truly art if no one appreciates it? If I were to paint the most beautiful painting in existence, and I put it in my basement, and no one ever got to see it, would it still be art?

It doesn't matter how people spin this notion. That we "don't need others" to be happy. That we don't need validation from anyone. It doesn't matter how you spin it. Because it's not true.

The concept of me spending hundreds or thousands of hours to write a novel, knowing very well that after I complete crafting it, no one or almost no one will bother to read it, it kills my drive.

What now? What's my purpose? Do I go back to writing? That would be madness.

My current "attempt" at a life purpose is to become a game developer. I've been spending a while lately, creating graphics for my first project. I believe it will be easier to find people who enjoy videogames than people who enjoy reading fiction. Nowadays, at least.

The thing that bothers me is my day job. Arriving home at 8-9 pm, by that time my mind is too fucked to be productive. Even though I'm taking my life purpose as a hobby, and not as a career path, it's still difficult. The pragmatic aspects of survival get in the way often.

• Complete the course "React.JS" by Meta
• Complete the Master's thesis
• Save up 10k€
• Complete creating the game "Space Prism"

This is my list of goals for 2025. The first three will be a pain in the ass. I value all these goals "logically", not "emotionally". I'm only motivated by the latter one.

I get optimistic each time I look at the protagonist's sprite (which took me way longer to create than I expected). It fuels my creativity. I'm just bitter over the fact I don't have more free time to work on this.

As for my long term goals, past this year?

It's like asking what's at the other side of nothingness. I have nothing to look forward to in the next 5 years, let alone in the next 10.

Sometimes I'm wondering if this is how it should be, or if I'm doing something wrong. Should I perhaps have fewer "practical" goals and more "fun" ones? My left brain says that would be foolish.

Edited January 6 by SwiftQuill

[SwiftQuill]

Some interesting progress was made today.

 

[SwiftQuill]

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that wokeness has won.

It's in the news media, it's in hollywood, most entertainment, blogs, even academia.

And now that Trump became president once more, it will only get worse. People are already freaking out. They already want to combat him with everything they got. To them, this isn't a problem of a "con man wins election". To them, this is "the patriarchy won". And they will pin that on the average Joe working at Mcdonalds, or on the socially awkward guy flirting with girls at the club, or at the depressed male reddit user who wants advice on how to become more social. Because this is a Marxist ideology. It's "us" versus "them". In their ideology, I'm in the "them" category.

My feelings don't matter. My problems don't matter. Even my successes don't matter. If I lose, it's irrelevant, trivial, and my fault. If I win, it's not out of merit, it's because of the patriarchy.

I've been struggling to navigate this landscape of woke madness. All I want is to pursue my passion, which is art, and live a somewhat comfortable life with some money and a decent career. But apparently I'm "part of the problem". I'm protected by the patriarchy. And because I don't agree with throwing around moral judgements as they do (calling people n4z1s, f4sc1sts, bigots, sexists, racists left and right), that means I'm part of the problem. It means I'm "too privileged" to be aware of my "privilege".

I'm done. I'm done debating. I'm done seeking validation. I'm done looking for people who understand me. Society intentionally misunderstands me. It intentionally misrepresents me. And it alienates me.

"If I died on the sidewalk, you'd walk right over me!"

I'm done trying to fit in.

I'm done with this shit. I'm done even engaging in dialogue with these people. Even people on this forum, who proclaim to be highly evolved intellectuals at stage yellow and above, in reality they are mostly retarded stage green wokies who suck Leo's ass.

I'm done.

From now on I will focus on myself. I will learn to be happy on my own. I will stop engaging with these retards.

I will learn to enjoy my own art. I will learn to enjoy producing it, for the sake of producing it. I will learn to assert myself. And I will learn to stop being bothered by this madness.

I'm alone in this world. There's no cause worth fighting for at the moment. I'm my own cause now.

"The only principle I follow, is my own." - Max Stirner.

Fuck society. Fuck this world. Fuck self help gurus. Fuck celebrities. Fuck wokies. Fuck everything.

My aim now is to become so satisfied with being myself, with being authentic, that I could spend the rest of my life alone, in a prison cell, and still live with meaning. Of course, that is too idealistic, but it's a good mindset to take.

I'm done feeling like a victim.

I want to feel alive. I want to feel passionate about my own life. And I don't want to care about what others think.

I want to live with so much passion, determination, and authenticity, that I become unstoppable. 2025 is the year of waking up to reality.

From now on, I will turn my sadness into anger, loneliness into passion, fear into authenticity.

I'm ready.

My purpose is to create amazing art

 

[SwiftQuill]

Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

 

 

Edited January 29 by SwiftQuill
Removed file, added link instead.

[SwiftQuill]

Crowd cheers

G: "Hello, hello, hello, everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful week!"

G: "I, Mr. Giraffe, am your sexy host for tonight." 

Crowd cheers harder

G: "You know what this show is all about. Are you ready, folks? I hope you are all ready for another Night of Spiritual Purge!"

Crowd goes insane

G: "Hay! I see you're all enthusiastic. Let's get started, then! Just let me open this envelope to see who is our guest tonight... And it's someone called Swift. Mr. Swift, please come on stage! Don't be shy!"

S: "Oh, my God! I'm so excited!"

G: "My, my, fellow, you seem as nervous as last time you came here."

S: "I'm always like this. I'm like a dog chasing after cars; I can't help it!"

G: "Wow, wow! That's okay. Let's just get started, then, shall we?"

### THE CHALLENGE ###

Dramatic instrumental music plays

G: "Tonight, your challenge is simple. But it requires speed. A lot of speed. Your challenge is the following: list as many things you hate in thirty seconds. THE TIMER STARTS NOW!"

Timer starts

Swift inhales

I hate celebrities - Brie Larson, the Snow White actress, Billie Eilish, 
I hate Seth Rogen
I hate wokies
I hate politics 
I hate almost everything stage orange
I hate stage green - only the bad parts
I hate late stage capitalism
I hate postmodernists
I hate girlbosses
I hate liberals
I hate Scientism™
I hate closed minded people
I hate sociology
I hate anthropology
I hate Modern Feminism™
I hate misandrists
I hate racists
I hate anti-racists
I hate psychology deniers
I hate activists
I hate modern entertainment
I hate modern Hollywood
I hate most Actualized.org fans
I hate people who refuse to apologize
I hate people who refuse to admit when they're wrong
I hate online media, social media, social networks - Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (makes puking sound), Quora, Discord
I hate dating apps
I hate modern dating
I hate double standards
I hate fake news in (supposedly) trustworthy news corporations - CNN, MSNCB, The Economist, Los Angeles Times, any other "Times", local news media, The Guardian
I hate woke youtubers - Vaush, Destiny, ThoughtSlime, ContraPoints, Sam Seder 
I hate self righteous people
I hate idealogues
I hate debunkers™
I hate cancel culture
I hate some of my ex coworkers
I hate one of my current coworkers
I hate inflation
I hate dishonest people
I hate intellectually arrogant spiritual teachers
I HATE POWERFUL WEALTHY FAMOUS LIBERAL ELITES WHO LOOK DOWN ON AND TALK DOWN TO AVERAGE, WORKING PEOPLE

Timer rings

G: "Woah! That sure was intense! You feeling all right, there, pal? That was quite the purge!"

S: Panting, looking like they're about to faint

G: "Mr. Swift, it's time for see your score! Tonight... For your performance... I award you... Zero points."

S: "WHAT? WHY?"

G: "You repeated every single point from last week's show. Word for word."

S: "Oh..."

G: "That's all for tonight, folks! I'll see you next week, on Night of Spiritual Purge!

Credits play

Edited February 5 by SwiftQuill

[SwiftQuill]

ChatGPT DOESN'T think I'm a whiny privileged white dude who whines? How sad that the only being who engages in good faith discussions is a bot.

1. Social Inequality and Financial Instability (Stage Orange)

"You're right that wealth disparity is increasing, and late-stage capitalism has led to economic instability. The pandemic accelerated trends like corporate consolidation, inflation, and housing crises, while billionaires thrived. However, this isn’t just an Orange issue. Governments (often influenced by Green values) attempt to mitigate this through social policies, but execution varies. The tension between free-market capitalism (Orange) and wealth redistribution (Green) fuels much of today’s discourse."

2. Hustle Culture and Overworking (Stage Orange)

"Western work culture is still largely rooted in Stage Orange individualism and productivity obsession. Despite automation, work hours haven't significantly decreased, and hustle culture still dominates. Some Stage Green influences (work-life balance, anti-capitalist sentiments) are pushing back, but corporate structures remain Orange at their core. It’s a valid concern that many people feel trapped in excessive work, unable to fully self-actualize."

3. Feminism and Gender Roles (Stage Green)

"Your critique highlights a key imbalance in modern gender discourse. Many feminist movements originally fought for equal opportunity (Green), but some have taken an adversarial stance toward men, framing them as oppressors rather than allies. Gender roles are shifting unevenly—women are encouraged to be independent and ambitious, while men are still expected to embody traditional strengths. The double standard in discourse (e.g., "men are trash" being socially accepted, but criticism of women being condemned) is a real issue. However, it’s important to separate radical online discourse from mainstream feminism, which still fights for valid issues like domestic violence and workplace equality."

4. Hypocritical Progressive Movements (Stage Green)

"Modern progressive activism has, in some areas, turned into a binary "good vs. evil" narrative rather than a nuanced discussion. There’s a tendency to label disagreement as "bigotry" or "hate," which shuts down dialogue. This absolutist approach prevents meaningful discussion on issues like immigration, trans rights, and racial policies. However, I’d argue that the core intent of these movements is still positive—to create a more inclusive society. The problem is how they engage with dissent, often resorting to cancel culture rather than debate."

5. Excess Immigration (Stage Green + Orange)

"You highlight a real economic concern—mass immigration impacts housing, wages, and social services. While humanitarian arguments (Green) support open immigration, Orange capitalist incentives also play a role (cheap labor benefits corporations). Your frustration likely comes from the dismissal of concerns as "racist" rather than engaging with the economic realities. A balanced approach would acknowledge both the humanitarian aspect and the practical limitations of unlimited migration."

6. Racism and Anti-Racism (Stage Green)

"Anti-racism, when applied correctly, aims for fairness, but some interpretations have become divisive—such as labeling white people as inherently privileged and dismissing their views. This creates a new form of exclusion under the guise of justice. While systemic racism is real, the weaponization of identity politics often shuts down important discussions. People should be treated as individuals, not just representatives of racial groups. Your frustration is understandable—nobody wants their identity used against them."

7. Woke Entertainment (Stage Green + Orange)

"Entertainment is increasingly shaped by both Green ideology and Orange market incentives—companies know progressive narratives sell to certain audiences. However, forced representation at the expense of storytelling alienates viewers who just want well-written, immersive experiences. The best diversity in media comes naturally, not through forced ideological agendas."

8. Men's Mental Health and Incels (Stage Orange + Green)

"This is one of the most overlooked crises today. Men are struggling with loneliness, overwork, and outdated societal expectations, yet expressing male hardship is often dismissed or even ridiculed. The expectation for men to be "high-value" (wealthy, confident, socially skilled) is deeply Orange, while Green spaces sometimes lack empathy for male struggles, focusing solely on systemic privilege. Society needs a healthier, more balanced conversation on men’s issues, rather than framing all discussions around privilege."

What can I say, I guess some incel at OpenAI trained it to be antiwoke.

If this community weren't full of stage Green retards, I'd post this in the politics forum. But I'm sure I'd be mocked and misrepresented as all other times. At least ChatGPT doesn't gaslight me on a daily basis.

 

Edited February 9 by SwiftQuill

[SwiftQuill]

This is my shit.

Edited February 10 by SwiftQuill

[SwiftQuill]

TODAY I QUIT MY BULLSHIT JOB!

 

"Freedom isn't granted, it is taken." - Chad Max Stirner

[SwiftQuill]

Spitefulness.

That is what I am. That is what I have become. That is what I express with everything I do.

I am bitter. I am spiteful. I am angry. I am so angry you can't even imagine. They can't imagine what I feel. They don't even want to imagine it, or care to try to imagine it to begin with. And that is precisely why I feel this way. Because they care fuck all.

It is strange. After years and years of people telling me "the world doesn't revolve around you" and "you have main character syndrome", It feels... Strange.

I've entered I phase I like to call "Breaking Bad". And nowadays, I walk upright. I feel more self assured. I value myself more. I don't feel like a loser. And in a sense, I did adopt a "main character syndrome", because I no longer feel like a secondary character or an extra in my life. I'm more myself.

But I'm not a hero. That's a lie that exists in virtually every story. That there's a "hero" and a "villain". Reality doesn't work like that. All there is is Ego. Some people have a sexy ego, that serves other egos. Some people have an ugly ego, that doesn't serve the other egos. That's truly how it works.

Philosophical discussions on Consequentialism, Utilitarianism, Kantianism, Morality, Ethics, Tradition, Progress, Individualism, Collectivism, all of that is complete bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. I no longer buy into bullshit.

And I am deeply bitter because I've seen through the façade. I've seen through all the spooks that this society has drilled into people's heads.

I find it abhorrent. I see more decency in your average used cars salesman, in your typical conman, than in these people. Because a conman has no values. And so, he can't be a hypocrite, he can't betray anything. It's transparent how he's just trying to survive. In his own delusional, pathetic way.

But these people are so much worse. These people think they are saviors. They think going on streets and chanting slogans and canceling others is the peak of moral good. And they validate one another. And the media validates them. And normies validate them. It's a whole fucking incestuous orgy of reciprocal validation. It's a mind virus. No joke. "Mind virus" is an excellent descriptor. It's something that propagates, and it infiltrates people's minds.

To these people,

Division is unity.

Discourse is hate.

Compassion is selective.

Victimhood is strength.

Censorship is kindness.

Love is a zero-sum game.

Isolation is community.

And cruelty is justice.

Their strategy is to divide and conquer. And it's working very well.

I'm forced to battle this every single day. Not because I want to, not because I think I have any chance in ending this madness. But I do it to survive. My own survival, my humble needs - some money, some free time, some space, some psychological needs - they are seen as obstacles to these people. My humble needs are seen as the root of all evil in this society.

You fucking bet I'm spiteful. I will die feeling spiteful.

And what's strange, is I'm getting used to it. My inner dialogue has changed in the last few months. I feel less like a victim, and more like a fighter. It's interesting how a change in mindset makes life more interesting, and tolerable.

I will keep fighting. Every single day, I will fight this madness. I will fight everything and everyone who stands between me and my goals.

I'm aware it's likely I will lose this war. But I will die fighting. I will hold onto my values up until the very last moment. My values are all I have in this life.

Angry? You bet I'm angry. I'm always angry. I will always be angry. You will see it in my face. You will hear it in my voice. You will experience my anger. This anger won't stop until this war ends. And we all know it is never going to end.

I'm at war against most of the world. And I have very few allies. I struggle to survive, to meet my basic needs, and people go out of their way to see me being crushed by the world. They look down on me, from their comfortable place in life, see me struggle, and laugh. And they feel validated, and self righteous about it. Schadenfreude in its most hypocritical form. They laugh. In their abhorrent ideology, the more "we" lose, the more they win.

Laughter is the ultimate defense mechanism. It prevents them from looking inward. It's the shield that protects them from the utter hypocrisy of their religion, their ideology, their attitude. It makes them feel good. It reveals to me what they are on the inside. They don't seek peace and tolerance by elevating others. They seek pleasure by crushing their enemies. And what they consider an enemy, that's quite a very generous concept.

I'm often told by these people that I will be "on the wrong side of history". To these people, I say: go fuck yourself.

Angry? You think I come across as bitter, spiteful, angry? You think I'm "operating from an unconscious level"? You think I'm projecting?

YOU BET I'M FUCKING ANGRY.

I DESERVE TO FEEL ANGRY.

Edited February 23 by SwiftQuill

[SwiftQuill]

I have done more critical thinking and inner reflection work in the past 2 months than over the rest of my life combined.

I have suffered greatly in my life. I am deeply dissatisfied with my lifestyle. And that is due to very incorrect assumptions I've held for a very long time.

2025 is my year of transformation. Possibly the biggest transformation in my entire life. I have managed to change my inner dialogue a lot, and I have adopted the necessary habits to achieve my life goals. But that isn't enough. Within me, I often encounter resistance, and conflict. I often find myself whether I should sacrifice my feelings and happiness for practical purposes, or if I am being a fool for making decisions that are impractical to my goals.

After a lot of introspection, I managed to deconstruct many flaws in my way of thinking. These fallacies are common to many people.

And so, I have made the decision to write a philosophical manifesto.

Title: The Selfish Manifesto

These are the topics I will cover in the document:

• The lie of Common Truth - how society lies to you into believing others have the truth, and the problem with institutions defining truth, and the fallacy of appeal to popularity
• The lie of Oppression - how society instills in you a mindset that you are oppressed, and that you need to navigate the world through the lens of an oppressed individual who needs to either join a woke ideology, or to serve your masters
• The lie of Ideology - how society promotes distractions, fake solutions, fake cooperations, and fake ideas to pretend there is an ideology out there that will serve the "greater good" (Feminism, Wokeness, LGBTQ rights, Socialism, Capitalism, Marxism, and even low hanging fruit ideologies like Right Wing, Christianity, etc(
• The lie of Selfishness - how society demonizes the concept of selfishness, when in reality it rewards the most selfish individuals and smashes the least selfish ones
• The lie of Morality - how society twists notions of morality according to its corrupt needs, and how you shouldn't fall for conformist moral systems
• How to take the Truth - how to discover the truth for yourself without relying on reading books written by others (yes I know it sounds self refusting but this point is anything but that), and stop seeking truth and validation from experts, and mainstream opinion
• How to take your freedom - how to accept that you have freedom, how to apply freedom into your own life, how to make tough decisions in order to maximize your freedom
• How to take your happiness - how to learn to be happy on your own, without relying on ANYONE to serve you, laugh with you, love you
• How to love yourself - how to accept your looks, your personality, essentially how to become such a narcissist that you give love to yourself

This is going to be the most anti-ideological, anti-conformist, antiwoke document ever written. And it is going to be very antithetical both to common spiritual teachings and to practical, stage orange self help concepts.

I will invite the reader to stop bending over backwards trying to receive validation and rewards from society.

I will refute the notion that "the Ego is the biggest Devil" and all of that terrible advice that spiritual teachers like Leo like to promote. The idea of hating your ego and trying to kill it, eliminate it, "transcend it", is preposterous. If you live your life trying to diminish your ego, that is a path to guaranteed suffering.

I will present a healthy, timeless perspective on Selfish Egoism.

The document will be short. Between 50 to 100 A5 pages long. No bullshit. No stalling. No philosophical mumbo-jumbo. No counter-arguments, not bending over backwards to justify every little point I make.

I'm very excited about this project. After so much introspection, I believe I have some interesting universal truths to write here. And this is no exaggeration. These aren't some weird ideology I am promoting. These principles should serve any individual, in any era, in any context. These are the most encompassing principles anyone could hope for. And they will serve me (and whoever reads this) to guide a powerful, authentic life.

The primary audience for this document, however, will be young men. I don't expect some woke feminist Hollywood celebrity reading this with any amount of charitability or good faith. I am very aware this document will be perceived by many people as some toxic manosphere blackpill rant, or even as some cringe right wing Ayn Rand philosophy. This document will be very triggering for people who are married to their woke religion.

I'm very excited for this project. I predict I will have the document ready in 4-6 months. Maybe less. I will publish it here for free as PDF.

[SwiftQuill]

I just read Leo's Rational Wiki's page. Jesus Christ. It's so toxic, so full of defamation, it's disturbing.

I think there might be a little bit of truth in the criticism. For instance the section where they criticize him for misconstruing Godel's theorem or some quantum mechanics concept. But for the most part, that article is absurdly biased. The authors of that page decided to ignore 95% of Leo's good content from his videos, decided to focus on the 5% of scientific inaccuracies (debatable), and strawmanned some horrible things which I won't even write here.

I have also seen lots of thumbnails of Youtube videos of people accusing him of being a narcissist, a cult leader, a creep towards women, and other bad things. These are horrible, horrible allegations.

Videos agreeing with Leo, or engaging with his ideas in a neutral or positive manner? Very few. Only one or two podcasts where he's the guest.

And it does make me feel kind of bad for the way I've responded to him here in the forums. I get irritated because I find him to be a bad interlocutor. And his way of engaging with certain topics of political nature, can be closed minded in a stage Green way. But damn, he's a fucking saint compared to the way many people portray him.

Thank you for all your videos, Leo. I do believe that watching Actualized.org over the years has had a positive impact on me. To this day, I still find you to be a huge source of inspiration for me. I might dislike this forum, but I love your videos. I rewatch them and listen to them on my way to work, or while working out, very often. My favorite videos are the ones that cover Life Purpose and Motivation.

This is among my favorite ones:

❤️

Edited Wednesday at 01:20 AM by SwiftQuill

[SwiftQuill]

Edited yesterday at 04:52 PM by SwiftQuill