My name is Whitney

[Buck Edwards]

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

 

Woke up. Woke up a bit late though. Because last night I slept a bit late than usual. I was busy preparing my future timetable. 

Now what do I do? It's cold outside. 

I canceled some of my subscriptions that I don't use anymore. 

I have to pay bills. 

I have to check my balance. I recharged my phone yesterday. 

Let's see what I can do today. I want a free day. Sunday is a fun day, a lazy day for me. So I'm gonna just relax as much as possible and not stress myself in any way. 

 

Edited Sunday at 04:26 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

 

                            

 

Right now I'm going for a morning walk. It's bright morning outside full of sunshine. I want to soak all the sunshine. I want my day to start like this. 

I want to be a winner. 

                        

https://i.imgflip.com/9gbwqo.gif

Came back from morning walk. I guess I walked for a brief 30 minutes. It was good. My mood is already getting better. My mood is uplifted. 

So good start for the day after many months. 

                  

 

 

Edited Sunday at 05:12 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

Noon/evening 

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

 

https://i.imgflip.com/9gf8mp.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

Almost evening. 

Woke up again from a nap. Today I ate a lot. I have to promise myself to eat less next week onwards. It will be easier next week but I wanted my brunch today. 

I need to drink coffee. Kudos to my family for helping me on my schedule. 

I feel a slight pressure right below my chest. 

 

Edited Sunday at 12:28 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

Evening 

 

Noon 5 P.M.

 

Evening 5 P.M.

 

I have made some significant savings financially. I don't know if any major expenses might be on the way. I am not sure. A little anxious about that. I have gained some weight that I need to lose. 

 

Edited Sunday at 11:42 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

Evening 

 

I'm still a bit anxious. Tomorrow I have some important work. 

I feel uncomfortable. I feel exhausted and tired even if I went for a morning walk today. 

I was sick two days ago and I was constantly sneezing and I suffered nose and throat irritation. I couldn't sleep because of that. 

 

 

 

Edited Sunday at 01:14 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

Evening 

 

I had breathing issues a few days ago because I slept on a hard cold floor to keep my back straight. 

My back has been bent or somewhat not completely straight especially because of sleeping on a soft bed. My old bed was very fluffy and huge. And my back lost shape because of that. 

Nowadays I sleep on the floor to keep my back straight. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 12, Sunday. 2025.

My husband loves funny faces. We both laughed at this face that leo posted 

I can't believe Tate wants to be uk PM lol. 

I'll sleep soon. My day was good. It was a good accountability routine. Although I ate a bit too much today. But I exercised a bit which was great given my low levels of motivation. 

My forum participation was bare minimum today, only posts or threads that I found thoughtful or interesting. I gave my insights and I'm glad someone found them useful. Everyday there's an interesting thread on the forum which is good because it increases my knowledge database about the world although I don't want to get lost in it. 

Today was a good day. Hats off to me!!! 

 

Edited Sunday at 03:57 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 13, Sunday. 2025.

 

I woke up really early. I actually woke up at 4 am. But fell asleep again. 

Today got some important stuff to do. 

 

 

Edited Monday at 12:41 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

I had ordered a few items. Right now I need to take a hot shower.. And be ready. 

I took a cold shower yesterday. 

I'm up and fully awake and ready for the day. 

I'll do some meditation before I go to work. 

It will take long before I come back.. 

I bought a beautiful pen. A smooth writing one. This is the first time I spent something on a pen in my entire life lol. 

My brain is hyper alert for some reason. 

        

 

My mom is still asleep. 

 

Edited Monday at 01:06 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

Now I'm having breakfast. Nice warm idlis. Dosa. And a hot cup of tea.

I just finished my hot shower. 

Breakfast is delicious today. 

I packed all my documents. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

 

I'm a bit anxious right now. I need to get ready. My heart is racing right now. Just motivating myself becomes a hard task. I don't want to feel super tensed. 

I just want to relax for the day. 

Hope everything is fine. 

I need to wear my jewelry and put some makeup on. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 13, Monday. 2025.

Timestamp. 

11. 49 A.M.

Came home from work.

Now I'm free for the rest of the day. Work completed successfully. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 13, Monday. 2025.

Timestamp. 

Ordered food from outside. Junk food. I'm very hungry right now and I couldn't cook because I had work today. 

Some days can be cheat days. Today I'm extremely exhausted from work. 

So thought it was a good idea to order takeaway food. 

I indulge in junk food a bit here and there. Today is celebration and reward day because I completed a lot of work. So feels good. Rewarding myself with some junk food. 

I promise I'll eat cleaner from tomorrow. 

Today I just needed a break. 

 

Edited Monday at 07:31 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 13, Monday, 2025.

Ate  a boatful. Now I'm ready for a nap. Today is a blessed day. Everything was so wonderful and fine despite my anxiety. 

[Buck Edwards]

January 13 2025 

I think it's best for me to not interact on the forum. What's the point anyway? What do I get out of it? It's been lame. Any contribution I make is always taken for granted or met with some negativity. Shouldn't you feel better when helping someone. You help someone because they're in need and then you get smacked by someone else on the same thread. One person will say "hey good advice" and another person will say "this is shitty advice"... I'm beginning to lose my patience with this forum. It's like people are never congratulated or told good job or encouraged even on the bare minimum effort they put in to help others. Instead those who try to help are actually discouraged from helping. Why will I take out time from my busy routine and help someone only to be smacked in return with a discouraging blow. What the fuck. Why will I do that. I'm done with social games where people are competing for who is better. You are better or I am better. Enough with these stupid games. Who is it profiting anyway? Not me. 

[Buck Edwards]

January 13, Monday 2025. 

Do what's best for you, not what others like or don't like. 

I feel a heavy presence on this forum. Like constantly being watched. Like someone is always policing every word. This is not good for the brain.. 

The brain needs freedom, peace, growth, respect and dignity. Not being micro controlled all the time even over petty nonsense. Or something that raises your blood pressure. Fuck that. People communicate with each other to have a good time not for being patrolled or policed or put down. I'm slowly discouraging my own interaction on the forum and encouraging my own solitude. 

My husband was right that I shouldn't interact much. 

That was pretty much my last interaction. I have had enough of this forum. It's always some drama being riled up. In fact I'm most peaceful when I'm away from it. 

I have to be honest about why I interact on the forum. It gives me a dopamine hit. That is all. 

 

Edited Monday at 10:00 AM by Buck Edwards

[Candle]

48 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Like constantly being watched. Like someone is always policing every word. This is not good for the brain.. 

Exactly the same I feel !!!!! Omg 😱.

We should focus on ourselves only.

You are so self judgemental : I remember once I had written in my signature about ignored members (...those who irritate me). Then you had asked me you were on that list or not. Such a self-doubt of yours !! 

I'm also very self judgemental and have self doubt. 

48 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

gives me a dopamine hit

My email notifications about the forum give me dopamine hit.... a lot. 

54 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

met with some negativity.....

One person will say "hey good advice" and another person will say "this is shitty advice".

Lol 😂 you realised this now. 

I have hit my posting limits. So ...won't be able to reply. I hope it's okay me commenting in ur journal. You can ask me to clear it if it's cluttered. 

Edited Monday at 10:46 AM by Candle

[Buck Edwards]

1 hour ago, Candle said:

Exactly the same I feel !!!!! Omg 😱.

We should focus on ourselves only.

You are so self judgemental : I remember once I had written in my signature about ignored members (...those who irritate me). Then you had asked me you were on that list or not. Such a self-doubt of yours !! 

Yea I begin to doubt myself a lot. 

1 hour ago, Candle said:

I'm also very self judgemental and have self doubt. 

My email notifications about the forum give me dopamine hit.... a lot. 

 

1 hour ago, Candle said:

Lol 😂 you realised this now. 

1 hour ago, Candle said:

 

I have hit my posting limits. So ...won't be able to reply. I hope it's okay me commenting in ur journal. You can ask me to clear it if it's cluttered. 

Yea it's ok. Hope you are feeling fine. 

[Buck Edwards]

January 13 2025  midnight.. 

I'm very happy today that I finished a lot of work. I am exhausted. And I ate some. But it's okay. I wish I could get some makeup stuff.

I just drank some coconut water. It made me feel colder than usual. I'm trying to keep myself warm in these cold months. 

Just want another sip of coconut water... 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Tomorrow I need to look for medication for my mom.