My name is Whitney

[Buck Edwards]

January 14 2025. Tuesday. 

Just woke up. Woke up late today. 

Thats okay because I was up late. Today is a great day. Sunshine awaits me. 

 

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 01:55 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 14 2025. Tuesday. 

 

Was just relaxing and watching TV. Animal planet mostly. 

 

Now I need to go for a morning walk. Took my morning meds.. 

 

Edited Tuesday at 04:39 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 14 2025. Tuesday. 

Today was an eventful morning. I went for a morning walk and I almost walked for about an hour which is a great improvement. Cheers to myself. 

Then I decided to reward myself a bit for yesterday's work and for conquering a little bit of my social anxiety. I went to the store to get a chocolate pastry/cake. During the morning walk, a white cat rejected my petting. And I felt a bit upset lol. Cats generally don't reject me but every time on the morning walk some cat rejects me. I swear cat rejection hurts a lot. I'm a long time cat lover and I can't resist petting a cat as soon as I see it. 

So when I went to the store I saw this cat and surprisingly it allowed me to pet it lol. I petted it so much. It took my petting quite graciously. That made my day. Little things make me happy. 

The cat's fur was so soft omg. I even tried to pick it up gently but it ran under a chair. Nice cute cat. Uploaded picture and video. 

 

At the store I did not feel any social anxiety. I was in a good mood today and maybe that helped reduce some of the anxiety that I otherwise experience in most social situations and outside settings. Also the cat calmed me a bit as I played with it while talking to the store clerk. So even if I felt anxious (a tiny bit) playing with the cat diverted and distracted some of my nervousness. 

So cheers to myself on this baby step towards conquering social anxiety. 

 

 

 

 

That is definitely the goodest cat. 

 

Edited Tuesday at 05:52 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 14 2025. Tuesday. 

I suffered a lot. Woke up from nightmare (right now). Not feeling good. Feels like something anxiety provoking was going through my mind. 

 

Edited Wednesday at 12:29 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

Life is so much about so many things. Why make it about things that aren't necessarily helpful to it. 

Stay in my dreams. Live in my hope. Grow in my days. 

                       

I wish I could just live in my dreams. Life is so beautiful, so final, so momentous. 

Edited Tuesday at 01:10 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

January 15 2025. Wednesday 

Just woke up. It's early morning here. 

I still had nightmares. Last night I spent looking at affordable chat gpt. Let's see.. I'm still looking at really good chatgpt options that gives me highly polished non generic intuitive answers.. 

Edited Wednesday at 12:30 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 15 2025. Wednesday 

 

Just came back from pharmacy for my psychiatric meds and they declined it because my prescription was old. 

I will need to visit my psychiatrist some time this week or next week to get a fresh new prescription. 

 

Edited Wednesday at 12:43 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 15 2025. Wednesday 

I'm just trying to rest. I need to go tomorrow and submit my documents to the office. I need originals as well as a copy. I need to wake up early and make everything ready. Hopefully I won't need to pay money. I have less cash and I won't have much time to go to the ATM. 

I'm trying not to be anxious and I'll sleep early today. 

I also need to get a prescription this week or next week. 

I need to pay a bill tomorrow. 

My urine was completely clear today. I need to drink a lot of water. 

I need to look deeper into the problem of my nightmares and the reason behind them. The exact reasons. I'm planning to use ChatGPT and various versions of it a little more. Today made 1 thread and a journal for it. Strictly use ChatGPT. I want something free and something I can consistently rely on.. Also I'll need better strategic prompts to get better personalized output. More intuitive output. 

Also learn by observing why I get nightmares at specific sleep times. 

 

Edited Wednesday at 02:37 PM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

January 16, Thursday, 2025 

Just woke up. Woke up late today. I'm not sure if I slept late. But I woke up at 4 am and then went back to bed once again.. 

Just paid the bill. 

I have another bill to pay. 

I need to go to office today. Between 8 am - 10.30 am. 

I need to have breakfast now.. 

Later I'll try to use ChatGPT if I ever get time.

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 16, Thursday, 2025 

I ordered breakfast just now from a nearby restaurant. 

[Buck Edwards]

January 16, Thursday, 2025 

Work completed at the police station. 

Now I'm on my way home. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

 

Ordered 5 coconuts and they delivered it to my door. 

 

 

 

(Reached home finally. Omg so exhausted.) 

On the way there was too much traffic that I had to drive through. 

Coconuts are my lifesaver. I'm so dehydrated right now. I need to eat something before I go to bed. 

Today's work and goal is completed. 

Phew. Enjoys a reward. Tomorrow I have Zumba class, hope I won't forget. I haven't paid the bill yet. Reminds myself to pay it later. 

I also need to book my  doctor's appointment. I'll be getting my passport next week.

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 16, Thursday, 2025 

 

 

Won in Tokyo. After a long time. 

 

Edited yesterday at 11:53 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

Memory loss must feel painful. Sometimes I wonder if my mother will develop dementia. She forgets a lot these days. 

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

 

January 16, Thursday, 2025 

It's too late right now and my goals for today were achieved. I'm happy. Today I vented a lot to my husband and I'm glad he was a patient listener. He understands me. He is my gift. I'm happy to have him. 

I'll sleep now. Because it's too late. I stayed up a bit late. I also wrote a lot of insights in my journal that will hopefully help in my recovery and in understanding myself better. I dealt with some of the issues that were discussed in the mental health section and I am extremely glad that I opened up about it and did psychoanalysis on my own self. That is brilliant. I need to psychoanalyse myself like that everyday and become my own therapist. That will be my next goal. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

My journal is my only non-judgmental space I get to enjoy. 

[Buck Edwards]

Hopefully I don't wake up tomorrow to some horror show. 

[Buck Edwards]

I ate healthy today. Right now I have the craving to drink coconut water. But I might not. I'll wait till tomorrow. But I still got cravings. 

[Buck Edwards]

(Last night I ate cake) 

 

I woke up a few minutes ago. Like 20 minutes. I didn't get enough sleep. And I need to attend my Zumba class. My husband is still asleep. 

 

 

Edited 21 hours ago by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

Just returned back home from Zumba class. Feels better. 

I might nap because I'm exhausted from the dance routine.