When Love Meets Schizophrenia: A Personal Story of Hope and Heartbreak

[ryandesreu]

I once strongly supported the use of cannabis, particularly for managing chronic conditions. But a deeply personal experience changed my perspective forever.

My girlfriend began using cannabis to manage debilitating migraines. At first, it seemed to help. But over time, she started showing signs of schizophrenia. Her reality began to shift—she believed I was conspiring with neighbors to murder her, bribing police, and even sleeping with investigators and DCF. These delusions escalated until she was contacting authorities multiple times a day and night, to the point where I was nearly arrested.

It felt like the woman I loved had been taken from me. Loving someone with schizophrenia is heartbreaking. You must separate the illness from the person, but that’s hard when the illness causes such painful accusations and abuse.

I stayed with her as long as I could, trying to help, but the stress and chaos were overwhelming. Worst of all, our young son was witnessing everything. I realized I had to make the hardest decision of my life—I left her to protect him and myself.

Since then, she has started treatment. Her progress is up and down, but I still hold out hope for her healing. This experience forever changed how I view cannabis and mental health. I’ve learned that loving someone through illness takes incredible strength, but sometimes, love also means knowing when to let go.

[decentralized]

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s kind of weird that nobody has commented on this before. 

I can relate to what you said about cannabis. I had a psychotic break which lasted for months after heavy ketamine use. Now I am afraid to even take a “soft” drug like cannabis and possibly I never will use any drug again. The fear of psychosis recurrence is just so strong within me. For your girlfriend, it’s important for her to stay sober. She should forget that cannabis even exists, alcohol wouldn’t be good for her either because it’s also not as innocent as it seems. She and your son are so lucky to have such a wonderful man like you in their lives. 

[ryandesreu]

Thank you for your advice, kind words,  and for sharing your experience. It's understandable to have that fear after what you've been through. You're right about alcohol too. Be safe, be happy, be healthy, in harmony with the world. @decentralized

Edited Monday at 12:42 AM by ryandesreu

[Talinn]

Schizophrenia is awful, I grew up for years with people putting their shit on the sink or on the bathroom door-handle, or walking naked out on the street at 3am and the police coming to your front door while you're supposed to be sleeping, telling you that you gotta shepherd them to their room.

So you have my deepest sympathies. I hope you will live your best life outside of this horrible disease. But also, your son might want to see his mother, and you should educate him and yourself on the way this disease works, when you have a little extra mental energy for the day.

Best wishes. 

[ryandesreu]

We all still see each other regularly and he video chats her daily. Are you from Talinn? @Talinn

Edited 12 hours ago by ryandesreu

[kavaris]

@ryandesreu
I'm diagnosed w/ schizophrenia, but its due to living in a very chaotic environment with  family who have all the mental health issues, bipolar, schizophrenic, psychotic, psychosis, anxiety, substance abuse, overall dysfunctional household of crazy mother dating crazy neighbor type of situation... so much so, that people who didnt even live on our block (or have any relationship/connection to us) had to start seeking mental health treatment, due to hearing the literal gun shots going off so many times at/by my house (as the neighbor was shooting at things during the last years) this lasted for eight years of torment/ torture, and continues to be, as we moved away, running from a house that we had paid for in full... and so, we are paying more to live in an apartment that we dont own, and it not only cost more, but we are also on disability and only have so much left for rent and food and such (mother and i, both have crohns and mental health issues, long story)

And so, thats a long winded way to express a kind of schizophrenia, but from anothers perspective that was very much like, a growing up with (now just turned 35 myself) w/ a family who was the catalyst for... I wouldve liked to try talking to people and starting my own relationship, however it was very difficult to try bring anyone near me due to this, as it was like Conflict Desert Storm at my house for years. And, it wasnt just me, because i am a quiet person, and use to be very quiet and shy and such, but i had experiences with girls who really were very much like, reflections of this all out war, or trying to be, even though they were very much not apart of anything i was experiencing at home... Rather, they were just very young, and continue on to act this way... Even my mom who has now overcome the chaotic-ness, and continues to heal internally (physically and mentally) is still very much immature in many ways, even at 60 years old (my dad included. he's actually worse)... So my point to all this is, is that, alot of people are just like this, from the get go, even before drugs, and drugs just simply amplify this trait. Alot of people are just destined to have schizophrenia. You can only do your best, and try to point them in the right direction, as theres nothing wrong with seeking a mental health place (i myself go to my nearest mental health appointments once every two weeks) and there, it gives the person a chance to try talking through these kinds of internal things.

Edited 12 hours ago by kavaris

[ryandesreu]

It's still much of a mystery to science. I had no idea how to react to it when she first started showing symptoms. Then she started hearing my voice when I wasn't speaking. She heard "me" say some horrible things and she was acting on it. I tried everything to prove that I wasn't saying anything. I duct taped my mouth, filmed myself.  But nothing worked. It actually seemed to make it worse. The more I tried to prove myself, the more delusional she seemed to get. So I got out.

Good luck to you and your family. This is nobody's fault. I hope you can heal and manage. @kavaris

Edited 8 hours ago by ryandesreu

[kavaris]

@ryandesreui feel ya. i told my neighbor that i would go outside and try confronting or wacking the figures he was seeing outside, seeing as they were apparently just hangin' out, and could easily be confronted, but as you said, it doesnt help... and it just feeds deeper into their delusion. the only thing that did help was getting away, moving away. Of course, i wanted to get away before it  had even escalated suddenly like it did.. i had been waitin 8 years to get away. Its been like 5+ years since we ran, so im over it. my mom is better.. kindve?.. iuno, its like... its hard to say, i just dont feed into anything, therefore no problems exist because of it, besides my deteriorating self, but thats why im here, to feed back into the neverending internal eternal self, the source n, and to find that primal self (sorry im babbling now)

Edited 5 hours ago by kavaris