Intense attraction

[Buck Edwards]

This is about my past experience because currently I'm married. I'll keep it short for an easier read. 

I used to get intensely attracted to men who did not give me any attention or deliberately withheld any validation or attention to me. I used to look up to these guys as though they were "hot" or "prized men."

The moment if any of these men gave me some validation, admiration, praise or attention, it would make me bored and I would lose attraction for them instantly. It's a genuine phenomenon I experienced with my mind and how it reacted to male behavior to me. 

Why does this happen that I'm more attracted to men who don't validate me and bored of those who do? 

In short - the more a man distances himself the more he is attractive. 

 

Edited Thursday at 04:30 AM by Buck Edwards

[trenton]

@Buck Edwards that is interesting. I seem to be on the other side of this situation. I had a lot of girls trying to hit on me even though I was quiet, didn't give then any attention, and deliberately ignored them. I gave them no validation whatsoever, yet they were all over me. I don't know why those girls were attracted to me. I honestly found them annoying because I had too much drama in my life to start getting a girlfriend.

Maybe you see them as the no nonsense type. They don't play social games like telling you you're pretty because they want to sleep with you. You're not interested in guys trying to play these games with you. You might also feel like you are not worthy of praise from these men because they are so great. They give you something build up to.

I would like to understand this phenomenon too. Any idea why those annoying girls won't leave me alone and they keep inviting me to a massive orgy? Sometimes it is sexual harassment and assault as if the goal is to manipulate me. I don't understand how I became the target.

[Basman]

I've had somewhat similar experiences but primarily with guys I want to be friends with, but also with girls a bit.

It think its just validation seeking. Especially considering that you aren't genuinely interested in a relationship as soon you get attention.

[Buck Edwards]

56 minutes ago, trenton said:

You might also feel like you are not worthy of praise from these men because they are so great. They give you something build up to.

Yep yep yep yep yep. That's it. It's like a leader follower dynamic. And some girls crazily crave the leadership trait in men. 

At least I do. 

[Raze]

So what makes you still attracted to a guy if the distance and mystery is gone? 

[Princess Arabia]

Sometimes it's because the woman is emotionally unavailable. She really doesn't want a relationship or to be with a man who's seems available on the outskirts, so she tends to fall for the guys who don't seem that interested. The minute he shows interest, she's turned off because of the probability of hooking up with him permanently and she subconsciously isn't ready for that. Some women are attracted to married men for this reason or men that she knows has a gf. Let that same man become single and she loses interest.

Edited Thursday at 11:26 PM by Princess Arabia

[M A J I]

On 1/3/2025 at 10:25 AM, Princess Arabia said:

Sometimes it's because the woman is emotionally unavailable. She really doesn't want a relationship or to be with a man who's seems available on the outskirts, so she tends to fall for the guys who don't seem that interested. The minute he shows interest, she's turned off because of the probability of hooking up with him permanently and she subconsciously isn't ready for that. Some women are attracted to married men for this reason or men that she knows has a gf. Let that same man become single and she loses interest.

Hmm well said there, I experienced this a lot, ever since I had my first awakening, I would observe and feel intense attraction coming from women, probably because I was more celibate at the time and not generating any sort of sexual need or energy, and yet at times when there was a potential union or mate, most would flee soon after, almost as if they were afraid of something so deep and intense. They rather continue to play with boys who aren't going to expose a lot of their shadows and darkness. They want the truth but only to a certain extent.

I noticed this in spiritual circles a lot, everyone wants the perfect Christ-like man, yet they themselves are not christ-like.

[Buck Edwards]

On 03/01/2025 at 4:55 AM, Princess Arabia said:

Sometimes it's because the woman is emotionally unavailable. She really doesn't want a relationship or to be with a man who's seems available on the outskirts, so she tends to fall for the guys who don't seem that interested. The minute he shows interest, she's turned off because of the probability of hooking up with him permanently and she subconsciously isn't ready for that. Some women are attracted to married men for this reason or men that she knows has a gf. Let that same man become single and she loses interest.

I think it's just an attraction thing. Because I remember back then when I was attracted to that man I really wanted a relationship with him very badly. So I was actually ready for it. But this was only one example. You're right though. Maybe I felt temporary attraction to a lot of unavailable men or that unavailability made them more desirable, probably an adrenaline rush that I would need to impress them in some way. I think it's a childish thing (not a mature trait) combined with low self esteem where if someone ignores you, you become more curious to know why. 

As time went by and I became more confident with men and dating, this started to disappear you know. I noticed if a man ignored me and it didn't bother me that much, I wasn't keen on impressing him. I was like it's alright, I need to recalibrate the attention to myself, I felt more self assured. 

[Buck Edwards]

3 hours ago, M A J I said:

Hmm well said there, I experienced this a lot, ever since I had my first awakening, I would observe and feel intense attraction coming from women, probably because I was more celibate at the time and not generating any sort of sexual need or energy, and yet at times when there was a potential union or mate, most would flee soon after, almost as if they were afraid of something so deep and intense. They rather continue to play with boys who aren't going to expose a lot of their shadows and darkness. They want the truth but only to a certain extent.

I noticed this in spiritual circles a lot, everyone wants the perfect Christ-like man, yet they themselves are not christ-like.

Good point. 

[Buck Edwards]

On 02/01/2025 at 0:09 PM, Raze said:

So what makes you still attracted to a guy if the distance and mystery is gone? 

Great question. I think it's the character and commitment. I believe there are some  phases in a relationship, although I don't know to what extent this is true. An attraction phase, a honeymoon phase and a relationship phase. I think the attraction phase and honeymoon phase can overlap each other. During this phase there's intense romantic attraction experienced and the mystery and unavailability and cat and mouse games adds to the chemistry and volatility and this generates excitement. This then dissipates gradually once the mystery is gone and the honeymoon phase of adoring each other's uniqueness is over. It slowly transitions into relationship phase. Where each get tested for their commitment and loyalty. And their mutual relationship goals. This is where the relationship gets really tested for its strength and stability and both have to work towards mutual growth and commitment. I mean this is also probably where they decide to marry each other and work on settling together. The chemistry never dies, it just gets channeled into a deeper soul based connection. This is just something from my personal perspective and experience, might be true for some, not all. 

[Princess Arabia]

18 hours ago, M A J I said:

Hmm well said there, I experienced this a lot, ever since I had my first awakening, I would observe and feel intense attraction coming from women, probably because I was more celibate at the time and not generating any sort of sexual need or energy, and yet at times when there was a potential union or mate, most would flee soon after, almost as if they were afraid of something so deep and intense. They rather continue to play with boys who aren't going to expose a lot of their shadows and darkness. They want the truth but only to a certain extent.

I noticed this in spiritual circles a lot, everyone wants the perfect Christ-like man, yet they themselves are not christ-like.

Yeah, it's quite common, actually.

[PsychedelicEagle]

On 1/2/2025 at 1:27 AM, Buck Edwards said:

In short - the more a man distances himself the more he is attractive. 

As Corey Wayne says, "women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear".

If you wanna dig the rabbit hole, I could recommend his book "How to be a 3% man". It will likely provide you with many insights into what makes women attracted to men (especially the first parts of the book, where he focuses on the attraction phase).

Plus he's got a funny newsletter if you can tolerate his stage orange biases:

 

On 1/2/2025 at 1:27 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Why does this happen that I'm more attracted to men who don't validate me and bored of those who do? 

I interpret it as related to status and neediness. The more a guy validates a girl and the less mysterious he is, the more it shows that he is more into her than she is into him, that he has no other options, etc. Validation and mystery are ways to convey status (status = the relative standing between two people; how someone is perceived within a particular setting), and by displaying these behaviors a guy communicates he has low status (whether that is true or not is another discussion), i.e., he conveys he's likely not successful (or at least this is how people perceive it), and the less value he can provide to the woman.

Edited Sunday at 12:34 AM by PsychedelicEagle

[Buck Edwards]

3 hours ago, PsychedelicEagle said:

I interpret it as related to status and neediness. The more a guy validates a girl and the less mysterious he is, the more it shows that he is more into her than she is into him, that he has no other options, etc. Validation and mystery are ways to convey status (status = the relative standing between two people; how someone is perceived within a particular setting), and by displaying these behaviors a guy communicates he has low status (whether that is true or not is another discussion), i.e., he conveys he's likely not successful (or at least this is how people perceive it), and the less value he can provide to the woman.

Can there be no other reason? 

[PsychedelicEagle]

15 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

Can there be no other reason? 

Yes, of course you also look from different angles, such as the sheer mysteriousness. It also applies to other areas of social interaction, and even for marketing and sales. The less we know about something, the more we tend to project and imagine it with rose-colored glasses. But I believe that, when it comes to men-to-women interactions, displaying too much validation and too much needy behavior conveys what we can associate with "low value" characteristics, from the man's side. I am still inclined to believe this is what is at the core of this dynamic. Notice I'm not in favor of these mechanisms, but simply stating them.

Another concept related to this is the idea of a challenge. Inexperienced men throw themselves at a girl's lap, making it extremely clear and too easy for them. (Younger) girls are often accostumed to this and as soon as they realize they're dealing with 'just another' guy like this, they get turned off.

So by not giving approval and by keep a distance, a guy positions himself differently, which can create attraction. Of course, this is not about faking not having interest, but rather to display interest in a very direct and unashamed way. Another book discussing this idea is 'Models' from Mark Manson - another great one.

Edited Sunday at 06:38 PM by PsychedelicEagle

[Miguel1]

Sounds like daddy issues.