Boys Don't Cry. Girls Do.

[Emerald]

17 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Yes. I've seen this, experienced this and even noticed the opposite happened when I gave too much. Young and naive. If I want to repel a guy, I just act super interested and show him a lot and shower him with love, he'll run so fast. Just kidding.....but yes, this is how men typically are even if they say otherwise. 

I think it's a pretty universal female experience to make the mistake of going into the giver mode with men and over-functioning and screwing up a good thing. 

I definitely shot myself in the foot with this kind of thing many times.

It can be difficult to just lean back and create space for him to pursue if the feelings are intense.

It's also hard to keep from into Masucline mind-mode and creating all sorts of tactics for winning a man's affection. 

That's why it tends to lead to better relationship outcomes if the man is at least a bit more emotionally invested in the relationship compared to the woman. If it's the other way around, the relationship won't really gel together into something stable.

[Buck Edwards]

25 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Yes. I've seen this, experienced this and even noticed the opposite happened when I gave too much. Young and naive. If I want to repel a guy, I just act super interested and show him a lot and shower him with love, he'll run so fast. Just kidding.....but yes, this is how men typically are even if they say otherwise. 

Hahaha. I relate to this as well. 

[Thought Art]

@Buck Edwards Yeah. 
 

I threw it in there because of all this talk of tactics.

Yes, some tactics are useful like approaching, socializing, hygiene, etc… 

But, falling in love is not as easy as “she did this that and this”…. No, a lot of it is implicit. I think anyway. I am exploring this in my mind. I don’t know the exact ins and outs of love or why people fall in love.
 

Obviously there are components of a healthy relationship. I think for a lot of guys her being physically attractive, healthy, sexy, fun to be around is a good start. Though, accessibility may be more of a consideration for other guys. 
 

Usually, love is something you know it when it got it. But, then again it’s likely infatuation, and love contains degrees, variations, etc. 
 

Not all relationships are built on love either. Some are utilitarian. 

Edited Sunday at 06:54 AM by Thought Art

[Leo Gura]

It's interesting that women worry about men falling in love with them. Because as I man I have not once worried about whether a woman will fall in love with me. Literally never thought about it. It just always happens if she is sleeping with me regularly.

But women worry about it because they need to get the man to commit. It's an insecurity that stems from man's promiscuity.

Edited Sunday at 06:55 AM by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

1 minute ago, Thought Art said:

I think for a lot of guys her being physically attractive, healthy, sexy, fun to be around is a good start. 

Aaaaand, for a lot of girls? What kind of a guy would be a good start? 

[Buck Edwards]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

It's interesting that women worry about men falling in love with them. Because as I man I have not once worried about whether a woman will fall in love with me. Literally never thought about it. It just always happens if she is sleeping with me regularly.

But women worry about it because they need to get the man to commit.

Any problem with that? Yea women want commitment and? 

[Thought Art]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's interesting that women worry about men falling in love with them. Because as I man I have not once worried about whether a woman will fall in love with me. Literally never thought about it. It just always happens if she is sleeping with me regularly.

But women worry about it because they need to get the man to commit.

This is true. I find the more I sleep with a girl the more she opens up. By opening up I mean sexually, energetically, “falling in love”.  She usually gets more sexually open, playful, etc. Sex improves, conversations improve. Etc
 

Sex is a big component to deepening a relationship. 
 

Energetically through the sex, hanging out, eating and laughing together. 
 

Especially if you lead sexually, lead playfully, she opens up because you are feeding her by leading her. 

Edited Sunday at 07:00 AM by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

2 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Aaaaand, for a lot of girls? What kind of a guy would be a good start? 

I don’t know I am not a girl. 

[Leo Gura]

Just now, Buck Edwards said:

Any problem with that? Yea women want commitment and? 

The problem is that where such a powerful survival need is at work, perception will of reality will be warped.

Needing commitment isn't the problem, the problem is how that distorts one's view of men.

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

That's why it tends to lead to better relationship outcomes if the man is at least a bit more emotionally invested in the relationship compared to the woman. If it's the other way around, the relationship won't really gel together into something stable.

Leo teaches the opposite here. When I see him telling them to let her invest more, I cringe. Then I hear repeatedly on the forum how she needs to work for it or prove she's worthy. Oh boy, this might work for young dudes trying to get laid, but not in the real world of relationships and a compatible happy one at that. A woman shouldn't have to prove or work for anything with a man that chose her to begin with. This might sound entitled or whatever negative word you chose, but it's just not how the feminine/masculine dynamic works. 

[Emerald]

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not the same thing.

Getting laid is much more manipulable, and women in general are much more manipulable since they are followers.

But hey, if you wanna believe you can make men fall in love with you, go for it. Let us know how that goes.

Yes, that's true. Male "getting laid" tactics are much more about earning and winning and manipulating.

If women go into earning and winning mode, it will just push the man away.

So, like I said... one of the most powerful things you can learn about men as a woman is that you cannot win a man's love.

You cannot DO anything to earn a man's love... you can only sort the wrong ones and simply BE... and the right ones will want to commit and invest if you're in the receptive state for it.

But you can certainly fuck up a good thing by going into giving mode... as you will get in the way of a man's ability to invest and deepen the love.

Think of a man's love like a seed. (no innuendo intended)

If he has no seed for you, nothing will EVER grow. So, sort him out as he's a waste of time. He may stay around for easy female companionship and sex or to stave off loneliness, but he'll really drain you.

But if he does have a seed for you, you can either be receptive and let him plant it... or you can unconsciously push it away. And women can absolutely repel a man that would have otherwise been willing to invest.

[Thought Art]

This conversation makes me want to study and contemplate this subject more. I need more experience. Though I have some recent experience to draw on I suspect more is needed.

[Princess Arabia]

7 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Yes, that's true. Male "getting laid" tactics are much more about earning and winning and manipulating.

If women go into earning and winning mode, it will just push the man away.

So, like I said... one of the most powerful things you can learn about men as a woman is that you cannot win a man's love.

You cannot DO anything to earn a man's love... you can only sort the wrong ones and simply BE... and the right ones will want to commit and invest if you're in the receptive state for it.

But you can certainly fuck up a good thing by going into giving mode... as you will get in the way of a man's ability to invest and deepen the love.

Think of a man's love like a seed. (no innuendo intended)

If he has no seed for you, nothing will EVER grow. So, sort him out as he's a waste of time. He may stay around for easy female companionship and sex or to stave off loneliness, but he'll really drain you.

But if he does have a seed for you, you can either be receptive and let him plant it... or you can unconsciously push it away. And women can absolutely repel a man that would have otherwise been willing to invest.

All he heard was you giving women tactics on how to make a man fall in love, which is not what you're saying, but quite the opposite, as in a woman cannot make a man fall in love but what makes him fall in love, quite a difference. 

Edited Sunday at 07:07 AM by Princess Arabia

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's interesting that women worry about men falling in love with them. Because as I man I have not once worried about whether a woman will fall in love with me. Literally never thought about it. It just always happens if she is sleeping with me regularly.

But women worry about it because they need to get the man to commit. It's an insecurity that stems from man's promiscuity.

Women tend to want committed relationship more often than men do. And that's because a committed relationship meets a lot of needs... one of which is to feel safe and secure in the connection.

Without that, it will be a dysfunctional setting for child-rearing and family building, which is what the entire biological set-up is wired up for... strengthening bonds between people and creating new people.

But you're actually making the point I was making before.

Men aren't focused on it committed relationship as much, so they won't tell you what they need to invest and commit... because they're not focused on that. And they haven't thought that much about that themselves.

They're just thinking about sex. And men don't fall in love through sex.

But having sex doesn't preclude the possibility of a man falling in love. It's only if a woman is thinking "I'm going to have sex for him so that he invests more in me" instead of focusing on her own self-focused reasons for the sex.

[Thought Art]

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

They're just thinking about sex. And men don't fall in love through sex.

It’s a large part. Not simply the act of sex, but sex in a larger way. I think anyway. 
 

This sexuality runs through all the interactions… it’s not easy to quantify. 

Edited Sunday at 07:11 AM by Thought Art

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Princess Arabia said:

All he heard was you giving women tactics on how to make a man fall in love, which is not what you're saying, but quite the opposite, as in a woman cannot make a man fall in love but what makes him fall in love, quite a difference. 

He just likes to cherry pick, straw man, and move goalposts to win arguments.

It's annoying. I sometimes wonder if he knows he's doing it or if it's just a reaction.

[Princess Arabia]

13 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Sex is a big component to deepening a relationship. 

It's not through the sex as much why she opened up more (maybe, as were all different), but it could also be because you didn't jet after the first or second times and now she feels like you really like her, so she's opening up more. Lots of men would not be interested after "hitting it", the first time and to her you're not that type. Since you stuck around, she let her guard down some.

[Thought Art]

@Princess Arabia I didn’t jet because she is fucking awesome. She rose above the others. Say I had sex with 4 or 5 girls this month but with her is stuck out and I can’t stop thinking about her. Idk. This has happened in my experience. 
 

You can say it’s not sex, but maybe it just ain’t sex with most girls. 

But, also there’s so many variables here. Like, her liking me back. Partly because that provides more opportunity to deepen the relationship.

Edited Sunday at 07:16 AM by Thought Art

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Thought Art said:

@Princess Arabia I didn’t jet because she is fucking awesome. She rose above the others. Say I had sex with 4 or 5 girls this month but with her is stuck out and I can’t stop thinking about her. Idk. 
 

You can say it’s not sex, but maybe it just ain’t sex with most girls. 

Nice. Happy for you. Hope it turns out long-term (if that's what you want, anyway) and I hope you both have fun and good laughs.

[Thought Art]

4 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

It's not through the sex as much why she opened up more (maybe, as were all different), but it could also be because you didn't jet after the first or second times and now she feels like you really like her, so she's opening up more. Lots of men would not be interested after "hitting it", the first time and to her you're not that type. Since you stuck around, she let her guard down some.

I also don’t think this is true. I think we overplay how much guys are players. But, again girls and guys can sleep around too. 
 

This to me seems natural. Finding the right partner, which is a sexual endeavour requires experience. It’s often a natural and organic thing when the right conditions apply as the sexual dynamics of man and women play out. Our mental models often fail when put to the test because we can’t see how I own minds work.. but in the field of life our minds will work as they actually do.