Boys Don't Cry. Girls Do.

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, AION said:

There is a reason why gossip is not a thing that happens within male dominated groups.

Are you kidding me? 

[AION]

1 minute ago, Buck Edwards said:

Are you kidding me? 

In India it might be different. I know some Indian guys.

[Buck Edwards]

3 minutes ago, AION said:

It is only feminine guys that hold grudges and vendetta's. There is a reason why gossip is not a thing that happens within male dominated groups.

Have you heard of Trump having locker room gossip? 

[Kairos]

12 minutes ago, AION said:

Huh? We weren't talking about exploitation of emotions. We were talking about vulnerability and how that relates in male/female dynamics. Please don't straw man me.

It is only feminine guys that hold grudges and vendetta's. There is a reason why gossip is not a thing that happens within male dominated groups.

In earlier post you said "biggest punishers will be women ".

What did you mean by that? , I thought it implied women will exploit them .

Edited Thursday at 10:37 AM by Kairos

[AION]

27 minutes ago, Kairos said:

In earlier post you said "biggest punishers will be women ".

What did you mean by that? , I thought it implied women will exploit them .

No matter what I say you won't understand. Just find it out for yourself. Go date a girl and then in the middle of the date, start crying over your life problems and start acting emotionally attached to her.

And then see what happens. 😂

Edited Thursday at 10:56 AM by AION

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, AION said:

No matter what I say you won't understand. Just find it out for yourself. Go date a girl and then in the middle of the date, start crying.

Your statements don't make any sense. Why would anyone cry in the middle of a date? Any adult who cries constantly doesn't have issues? 

[Davino]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

When my friends and I go out to the club to talk to girls, we tell each other: "Don't be a fa*****. Approach!"

It's surprisingly effective.

But a woman will not understand such things.

No @Leo Gura!!! Don't reveal men's secrets

After much contemplation: I've realized that as men don't undertand women, in the same way, women don't understand men. Moreover, women don't understand themselves nor do men understand what being a man is.

[RickyFitts]

All this talk of male strength, but what really takes strength, in my experience, is to acknowledge all the pain, grief, sorrow, loneliness, fear, etc. in you, to be open and vulnerable to those feelings, and to really enter into the visceral experience of them rather than constantly distracting yourself and employing one dysfunctional coping strategy after another so you don't have to ever feel them. It's important to be open an vulnerable with others at times, too, but it really starts with yourself - are you really willing and capable of being truly alone with yourself? Because if you can't be open and vulnerable with yourself, you sure as hell aren't going to be able to be open and vulnerable with others, and you aren't ever going to be able to experience the joy of connection that you truly crave, deep down.

And this is the greatest challenge that most men face, because our default mode tends to be emotional repression. It's why men tend to be much more prone to heart-related illnesses than women, and it's damaging not just to men but also to society as a whole.

[Kairos]

28 minutes ago, AION said:

No matter what I say you won't understand. Just find it out for yourself. Go date a girl and then in the middle of the date, start crying over your life problems and start acting emotionally attached to her.

And then see what happens. 😂

I am actually AGREEING with you bro, you didn't read my reply .

I just said men and women both equally punish vulnerable men .

+I'm not advocating for being vulnerable, actually the opposite.

 

Edited Thursday at 11:22 AM by Kairos

[Buck Edwards]

1 minute ago, Kairos said:

I am AGREEING with you bro you didn't read my reply .

I just said men and women both equally punish vulnerable men .

+I'm not advocating for being vulnerable, actually the opposite.

 

This is actually true in my experience. It's gender irrelevant. 

[AION]

1 minute ago, Buck Edwards said:

This is actually true in my experience. It's gender irrelevant. 

In India there is the caste system so things might be different over there.

Just now, Kairos said:

I am AGREEING with you bro you didn't read my reply .

I just said men and women both equally punish vulnerable men .

+I'm not advocating for being vulnerable, actually the opposite.

 

Hm, not from my experience though. If you ever met a really powerful man, you will see how nice and compassionate he is.

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, AION said:

In India there is the caste system so things might be different over there.

Hm, not from my experience though. If you ever met a really powerful man, you will see how nice and compassionate he is.

Maybe you should stop stereotyping other countries, especially countries you have never visited. All of your statements are totally illogical. Stop making everything cultural. I have lived in other countries as well and my experience everywhere has been same. This is nothing to do with culture. Maybe you shouldn't say things that you have no direct experience of. 

[gettoefl]

There are two cryings, performative and personal. Performative is what people do in public to signal pain. Personal is healing. Don't mix them up. You don't heal crying with your partner or others. You are merely telling them how you feel. Personal crying is private and important and a sign of a balanced person.

You won't see me cry because I do my healing work before facing people. If bad shit happens like someone dies, I will save my tears til later and do what needs doing rather than melting down. Tears are saying, this is too much for me. No, this is not too much for me. My tear time can wait until I am ready to deal.

Edited Thursday at 11:52 AM by gettoefl

[Davino]

A mature man is tough outside and tender inside

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

If you cry in general (man or a woman) then something in your life is suboptimal, or inferior compared to a version of life you could be living. Of course the double standard is bullshit which is obvious. And it's good to realize that your life is basically shit, but the mistake is to do nothing about it and stay in the dumps. In life you should want to reduce the ammount of time you genuinely cry because then that is a signifier that you have achieved the maximum ammount if happiness you could have possibly achieved

[AION]

32 minutes ago, Davino said:

A mature man is tough outside and tender inside

That is what I tell the waiter when she asks me how I want my steak

[Schizophonia]

13 hours ago, Emerald said:

I've seen a lot of men cry.

I've been a life-coach for 6.5 years and worked with 600+ clients, and about 60% of my clients are male. And tears are not uncommon with either gender.

So, I genuinely don't know if there's much of a biological discrepancy when it comes to crying... or if that's just one of those societal mores.

Men can cry of course but they will do it less naturally, that's what i meant; It will require a greater psychological shock (loss of a loved one, confrontation with the shadows/traumas...) and generally a context that does not require fighting or fleeing.

 

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Men can cry of course but they will do it less naturally, that's what i meant; It will require a greater psychological shock (loss of a loved one, confrontation with the shadows/traumas...) and generally a context that does not require fighting or fleeing.

The thing is, I genuinely am not entirely sure that women cry more easily than men because of my personal experiences.

To see a man crying or a woman crying is something I've experienced frequently because of my job and because I'm a safe person for that sort of thing. And I don't have a really stark sense of distinction between the genders when it comes to crying and emoting.

I saw a study that there is more of a biological tendency for internal emotional regulation and self-soothing for women and a more external retaliatory self-soothing for men. The study said, women will cry to feel better and men will yell or punch something to feel better. 

But to my memory, I'm pretty sure I've seen men cry more often than women in my life. Yet again, that could be because I have more interactions with men in general.

[Emerald]

11 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

But how will men be able to cry if most women dislike it? It has to be a valid objection on men's side. 

Now, when I say the following, I don't mean men who are constantly crying and relying on others for support and constantly expecting others to be his therapist. That's emotionally draining for anyone to do that, regardless of gender.

But let's say that a guy is crying here and there the way that most people do when the stress of life gets overwhelming. That's a very human thing.

And if a woman dislikes it when a man cries in these circumstances, then she's just not very mature and doesn't really see him as a full human.

And certainly there are a lot of immature people out there.

But my recommendation to the men is to get a bit more selective and to sort women from consideration who aren't emotionally mature enough to hold space for the full spectrum of their personality.

If a woman can't hold space for a man's tears, the relationship can't really go that deep to begin with. 

[Jirh]

How about we contemplate the questions:

1. What is crying?
2. Why do we feel to cry?
3. What purposes does it serve?
4. What is the suggested stigma around male tears?
5. Are crying and weakness closely related? If so, how?